Secret Desire

by Gwynne Forster

  “Well? You’re so quiet. What…what’s the matter?”

  She pulled herself out of her mental vacuum. This was what she’d prayed for. “Uh…maybe Randy would like to spend a weekend with Amy. That way, I’ll be able to afford my phone bill.”

  “Jokes aside, sweetheart. Do you want us to have a weekend together?”

  “Yes, I do.”

  “All right. I’ll phone Amanda and ask if they can keep Randy this weekend. Whatever experiences you’ve had in the past, forget them now, sweetheart. They never happened. I’ll do the same.”

  “I’ll try my best.”

  “I can’t ask for more.”

  She’d hardly been able to release the words. At last she would know who she was; she’d be a different woman at the end of their idyll.

  At around three-thirty that afternoon, Randy raced into her office, bursting with excitement. “Mom, Captain Luke said you’re going to let me spend the weekend with Amy.”

  “Yes, if you want to.”

  “Hot dog! You da man, Mom.”

  He grabbed the phone and dialed, and she couldn’t believe it when he said, “Amy! Amy, guess what? My mom’s letting me stay with you for the whole entire weekend. Get Robert’s mother to let him go fishing with us.”

  A long silence ensued. “He does? All the time?” His ebullience subsided somewhat. “Then ask your mom to tell your dad to take us fishing.” He listened for so long that she decided Amy had to be quite a talker.

  “Okay, I’ll ask your uncle to bring his violin. He can really play that thing, Amy. I heard him last weekend. Yeah. Okay. Bye.” He hung up. “Mom, Amy is my very best friend in the whole entire world.”

  She hugged him. “I’m glad you’re happy. Where’s Captain Luke?”

  “Right here. Hi.”

  She turned around slowly, embarrassed to face him after what she’d all but promised. When she looked at him, he tortured her with the hot gleam in his eyes. She swallowed hard, and her shaking fingers knocked over a container of pens and pencils. She closed the desk drawer on her hand, and he needed only two long strides to get to her.

  As though oblivious to Randy’s gaze darting from one to the other, Luke leaned over her and slung his right arm around her shoulders.

  “Easy, sweetheart,” he whispered, “I’m feeling this, too. We need this as much as we need air.”

  He kissed the top of her head, and she moved it to rest against his arm. “If you’re as shook up as I am, you don’t look it.”

  He grinned, but it wasn’t one of his practiced grins. “I’ve been a wreck ever since I first looked at you.”

  Maybe, she thought, but he’s not knocking over everything he touches the way I am. “A wreck, eh? In that case, I want to see you when you’re put together.”

  Sparks flashed in his gray eyes, firing the gaze that bored into her, promising her that he’d fulfill that wish. She looked away from him, aware that with her careless words she’d whetted his appetite.

  “How about a lasagna supper?” he asked her.

  “Please, Mom. Mom, please? He makes the best lasagna. Crazy stuff, Mom. Honest!”

  She settled her gaze on the man she loved and let her smile tell him that she thought him wonderful. “I love it, too,” she said as passion leaped out from him, drawing her to him, and her heart bloomed, a rose unfolding its petals, preparing itself for love.

  He handed her a package. “Honey, I want you to take this everywhere you go, including your walk-in closet.”

  She opened the package. A cell phone! “I don’t know how to thank you. I—”

  “I don’t want any thanks. If you’d had it this past weekend, I wouldn’t have gone out of my mind. It works anywhere in this country.”

  She read the writing on the box and remembered a strategic question. “Don’t get upset now, but is it registered in my name?”

  From his facial expression, you’d have thought she’d shot at him. “Of course it’s in your name. And you pay the monthly bills. Did you think I had the gall to put it in my name? I understand you well, Kate.”

  “Let’s go cook the lasagna, Captain Luke.”

  She looked at her watch. “I can close early. Mondays are usually so slow that I often wonder if it’s worth opening at all.”

  Kate let her gaze sweep the living room of Luke’s town house. Modern paintings graced one sand-colored wall; oversize sofa and chairs in soft beige colors provided seating; a glass-top coffee table and end tables rested in strategic places. Scattered Bokhara carpets revealed a highly polished wood floor that complemented the curtainless windows. The cathedral ceiling and the windows that matched it were fitting reflections of the man who lived there.

  “Let’s eat in the kitchen,” Randy said. “I hate dining rooms, ’cause you have to sit up straight and not drop stuff on the tablecloth.”

  He put place mats on the kitchen table and arranged the glasses and flatware perfectly, dancing around the table as he did so. Was this her Randy? He had changed so drastically in such a short time. The past weekend with Luke had given her child a polish she’d been unable to impart. She’d have to give that serious thought.

  Luke put the lasagna in the oven to bake, and she watched her son look up at the big man with adoring eyes. Kate lowered her own eyelids and shook her head, praying that those moments of peace and the love that vibrated between the three of them now wouldn’t cost too much in days to come.

  Kate noticed that Luke said grace before the meal and told herself she had to do the same when Randy closed his eyes and waited for Luke to finish before diving into the food as he usually did.

  “What do you say we take Randy to Caution Point and drive straight on to Biddle?”

  She nodded. “Then could we leave at noon?”

  His gaze sent streaks of heat plowing through her. “Barring something I don’t anticipate, I can’t see why not. We could be in Biddle by dark.”

  He’d almost lost his breath during that minute when he’d waited for her decision to go alone with him to Biddle. He leaned against the doorjamb of his balcony, seeing in his mind’s eye the wheels of his life finally rolling into place. He didn’t regret his first marriage; in it, he’d grown as a man and as a human being. It was its ending that stripped him of his sense of accomplishment, and his pride in his life’s work. He had to trust that it wouldn’t happen again, because he could no longer shove aside his need of Kate—a need that dogged him every waking minute of his life. He’d left his cell phone in his briefcase, and when the telephone rang, he raced to the dining room to answer it.

  He would have expected just about anything but a telephone call from Jessye Patterson. “To what do I owe this call?” he asked, rejecting her sweet, Southern come-on.

  “I do declare, Captain Hickson, you’re plain murder on a girl’s morale.”

  “Sorry about that. Why are you calling?”

  “Well, I want us to be friends, and instead of sitting around moping about it, I just said to myself, Jessye, call that sweet man and invite him to a good home-cooked meal.”

  “Thank you, Miss Patterson, but I’m sorry I can’t accept.”

  “Why not, for goodness’ sake? It’s just a meal.”

  Might as well give it to her straight. “I don’t cross my wires, and that’s what you’re asking me to do. Furthermore, you know it. I wish you well. Good night.”

  He didn’t wait for her to respond. Getting caught between Jessye Patterson and Kate wasn’t his idea of a smart move. Besides, he didn’t like scheming women, or men.

  He phoned his brother. “Kate and I won’t stop long enough for a meal, Marcus. We want to be in Biddle before dark.”

  “Sorry you won’t stay awhile, but we can visit another time. I hope this goes well for you, brother. Amy has flipped over Randy. I don’t know whether she sees him as a big brother, a buddy or a future husband. Would you believe she told Amanda she didn’t want to wear braids when Randy is here? ‘I want my hair to hang down long and loose
like yours, Lady,’ were her exact words. And no jeans. She wants some new caftans. I caught myself as I was about to ask her for the wedding date.”

  Luke shook with laughter. “At least it’s mutual. Randy nearly sprouted wings when I told him he was spending the weekend with her. He called her as soon as he got to a phone.”

  He hung up and telephoned Kate. “Hello, girl of my dreams.”

  “What number are you calling?”

  He laughed. Somehow, he had accumulated a belly full of mirth, and he let it roll out. When he got himself under control, he said, “Sorry, wrong number.”

  Her laughter, a pure joyous release, flew to him through the wires, and he could feel her sweetness wrap around him.

  “I’m expecting a call from my…er, S O. So, whoever you are with the seductive voice, please say goodbye.”

  “Hang Mr. S O, baby. I’ll make waves while that brother’s still treading water.”

  “Oh, my. You’re not serious, are you? Can you do that?”

  “Sweetheart, do eagles fly?”

  “Last I heard, those devils soared. But I can’t be talking to you like this, ’cause my guy won’t tolerate hanky-panky.”

  “That so? I had something quite different in mind. How about racing to the moon with me this weekend? While we’re at it, I’ll pluck a few twinkling stars for you, wrap you in the softest cloud and let you drink heavenly champagne from the Big Dipper. You want to fly with me?”

  “Sounds like a lover’s offering to the gods. But what can I do? I already have a date with a guy who’s bought me a ticket to paradise. Anyway, you be sweet.”

  “Do my best, baby. And I know it’s difficult, but try to stay out of mischief.”

  “I’ll try. Here’s a kiss.”

  He heard her blow it through the wire. “Good night, sweetheart.”

  He stepped out on his balcony and looked across the horizon. He loved the night, always had, for it was more peaceful, quiet and conducive to meditation and self-examination. Clouds covered the moon, and his thoughts went to Kate. He counselled himself to let her take the lead during their weekend, and he’d do that, difficult though he knew that would be. Only great pain in a relationship could sour a young, healthy, feminine woman on love. She’d become willing to accept him because she cared for him, but she wouldn’t allow him many mistakes. And he didn’t intend to make any.

  Sitting at the desk in her office at the rear of the store, Kate felt her patience dwindling. She wrapped the gingersnaps, one package for Luke and one for Amy, who would share with Randy. Then she divided the gingerbread squares into similar packages.

  She let out a deep sigh. If only Axel would go away.

  “Why can’t you have lunch with me?” he asked her for the nth time.

  “Because I have a date with Captain Hickson,” she replied in exasperation, immediately sorry she’d identified Luke and exacerbated Axel’s jealousy.

  “I should have known. Are those gingersnaps for him? Sure they are, and that gingerbread, too,” he said, answering his own question.

  She wished he’d leave. Luke would be there in fifteen minutes with Randy to begin their weekend, and he had asked her not to spend time with Axel.

  “Lieutenant,” she said, swinging around in her chair to look him in the eye, “I am not required to explain my behavior to you, and I wish you’d stop acting as if you’re entitled to get personal with me.”

  “Hickson. The man’s a stud, a womanizer, and you’re like all the rest of the women around here.”

  She’d known that he’d eventually make her mad. “I want you to leave. You may come in the store, but be sure you don’t say one word to me. My patience with you has just about expired.”

  His eyes widened. “You’re evicting me?”

  She threw up her hands. “For goodness’ sake, don’t be so melodramatic. I’m telling you to get out of here, and stay out, unless you want to buy a book or see Jessye.”

  She’d never seen such ugliness in a man, but in a flash his charming mask reappeared. “Kate, how could you? We’re friends. I’m sorry if I stepped over the line, but I’m intoxicated with you. I…Sometimes it nearly bends me double. Have pity, and at least let me come in here and look at you.”

  “Well, I’ll…be…damned!”

  Her head snapped up, and Axel whirled around at the sound of Luke’s voice. But Randy charged into the office and saved the moment.

  “You ready to go, Mom? I told Amy we’d be there by one-thirty, and she’ll be expecting me.”

  “In a minute, hon.”

  None of them could vent their ire in Randy’s presence, so she put an arm around him and effectively imprisoned him. Axel’s long stare at Luke sent chills down her back. She glanced at Luke, who stared back at Axel, cool and challenging. Tension radiated from him. His left fist hung at his side, but she knew it signaled his readiness if Axel made a foolish move. She hadn’t known that Axel disliked Luke so intensely. They stood that way for a long minute. Then, as if by mutual agreement, Luke stepped away from the doorjamb, and Axel walked out. She gave silent thanks that nothing untoward had happened, and that Axel hadn’t created a scene.

  Luke parked in front of his brother’s house at one-thirty that afternoon. During that hour and a half drive, he must have told Randy the correct time on at least fifty occasions. She’d marveled at his patience and understanding. Randy jumped out of the car and ran up the walk to where Amy waited at the door. They grinned at each other, then hugged excitedly and ran into the house.

  Luke shook his head. “Be careful how you deal with her. I’ll take bets she’s your future daughter-in-law.”

  Now that was a thought. As if her own love interest hadn’t turned her brain into quivering blubber, she had to worry about Randy’s puppy love. Luke took her hand as they started up the walk, and when she looked at him, his stern expression told her that he was making a statement.

  Amanda and Marcus greeted them at the door. “Sorry you won’t stay a while,” Amanda said, “but at least come get some coffee or iced tea. I packed a lunch for you.”

  “Thank you,” Kate said, though she knew Luke was anxious to leave. “Some iced tea would be wonderful.” She gave Amanda the package of cookies and gingerbread. “These are for Amy. She can share them with Randy.”

  “She said you promised to bring her some gingerbread, so I know she’ll be delighted.”

  “Since you’re here, Luke, how about checking this violin?” Marcus said. “I’m not often asked to repair a left-handed fiddle.”

  “Sure thing,” Luke said.

  With the two men out of earshot, Amanda said to Kate, “I was hoping we could have a minute to ourselves.”

  With three young children, how could the woman exude such serenity? But she knew the answer: Amanda was deeply in love, and her husband reciprocated that love. “Of course,” she said, “I want us to be friends, and I’m glad to have a chance to talk.”

  “I sense a change in the way you and Luke feel about each other. Am I right?”

  Kate nodded. “I’m in love with Luke. Totally and irrevocably.”

  Amanda’s smile lit her brown face. “I thought so, and this weekend is it for you. Kate, Luke is strong and he’s tough. But inside, he’s tender and a little raw. He needs you. Don’t hold back on him, don’t think of yourself and what you’ll receive. Think about how much you can give him. If he knows you love him and need him, he’ll try to give you the world.”

  Kate stared at her. She’d been wondering, hoping that Luke would show her what she’d missed, hadn’t thought of what she would give him, and that would have been a gargantuan mistake.

  “Keep talking, friend. Something tells me you’re my guardian angel.”

  Amanda draped her long tresses over her shoulder to avoid sitting on them and sat down. “Honey, forget the disappointments of your first marriage. This is a new life, a second chance. A friend once told me to pull out the stops, to bamboozle my man, and not to let anything happen by
chance. You get my message?”

  “Do I ever!” Kate said, enveloping Amanda in a loving hug. She looked at her watch. “I’d better put a fire under Luke. I think he’s forgotten he wanted us to be in Biddle before dark.” Strains of Suk’s Meditation reached her ears, and she gaped at Amanda.

  “Is that Marcus playing like that?”

  Amanda shook her head, and a smile played around her lips. “That’s Luke, and you’d better break it up right now, because once he and Marcus get started, he’ll play for hours and won’t know a minute’s passed.”

  Amy and Randy met her in the hallway as she went to find Luke.

  “Shh,” Amy said. “Uncle Luke is playing the violin.”

  Kate looked at the two children holding hands. Happy. Free to express their feelings for each other.

  “Yeah,” Randy said. “He’s cool. Real cool. My mom plays the piano.”

  “My daddy does, too, and my daddy’s taking us and Robert fishing tomorrow.”

  Kate hugged them both and followed the strains of Luke’s violin until she found the two men, Marcus watching enraptured as his brother played.

  “You’re wonderful,” she told him when he finished.

  “Thanks. I…thanks.” A slight frown marred his handsome face as he put the violin in its case. His modesty surprised her.

  A few minutes later, they stood at the front door, ready to leave. Luke cautioned Randy, “I want you to obey Amy’s parents, and take good care of Amy when you’re playing together.”

  “Yes, sir. I know she’s not like a guy,” Randy replied, still holding Amy’s hand.

  “He’s never had a friend, a boy or a girl,” Kate said in an aside to Luke. “He needed a friend. A playmate.”

  She wanted to kiss Randy goodbye, but figured that would embarrass him, so she hugged first Amy and then her son, waved to them from the car and headed for the unknown.

  They reached Biddle at sunset. “What the—?” Luke said after inserting the key in the lock on Kate’s front door. He turned and looked at her. “You sure this is the right key?” She nodded. “It doesn’t work.”