Secret Desire

by Gwynne Forster

  “Now this is a surprise. Makes me think gray-eyed lover boy is busy doing whatever he…er…does.”

  She was through playing games with Jessye. “He took Randy’s PAL group on an all-day excursion. How about brunch?”

  “Honey, I haven’t had my bubble bath. This is my day for pampering myself. A real woman keeps herself fresh and sweet. I don’t mean to insult you, but—”

  “Come down to earth where the rest of us are, Jessye. Brunch or not?”

  “All right. What time and where?”

  “Eleven o’clock at River Café. And, Jessye, please be on time. If you’re not there, I’ll start eating.”

  “Oh, all right. I’ll be there. I’ve never seen the point in keeping a woman waiting. A man? Now, that’s another thing.”

  Jessye arrived on time, dazzling in a burnt-orange linen suit, white linen blouse, white shoes, gloves and broad-brimmed hat. Guaranteed to get attention.

  They served themselves from the buffet and returned to their own table. Kate decided to get to the point.

  “Jessye, I wanted to have a really personal talk with you and, for once, I want you to pay attention to what I say.”

  Jessye shrugged. “Methinks this has something to do with his majesty the captain.”

  “Only indirectly. Since we were kids, you’ve always behaved as if the boys—and later the men—who liked you were stupid for being attracted to you. You went after the ones who ignored you, and on at least one occasion that I know about the man was married. You get these men to want you while you play hide-and-seek with them. Then you forget them. Too bad for them, because pretty soon you’ve found another good-looking man who doesn’t want you, one you just have to have. Look back over your life, and see if I’ve misrepresented you. Don’t you like yourself, Jessye?”

  “How can you…” Jessye’s voice thickened, and she shook her head from side to side, denying the indictment. “I need love just like you do.”

  Kate reached across the table for Jessye’s hand. “You need to conquer, honey. That’s why you always go after the men who don’t pay attention to you.”

  The waiter came to take their drink order and Jessye treated him to her most seductive smile.

  “See what I mean?” Kate said after the waiter left. “You couldn’t resist flirting with that twenty-or twenty-two-year-old boy, even though you know this is the place we eat most often, and he may be expecting you to follow through the next time you come here.”

  “You can talk. Nobody ever loved me. You were the apple of Uncle Jethro’s eye. Nothing was good enough for you.”

  “You always look for love where you’re least likely to find it. Honey, you look in the wrong places. You’ve gone after Luke, because you can’t bear his disinterest, though you know from what you’ve seen of him that he isn’t going to change. And you’ll pursue him and open yourself to pain and rejection.”

  Jessye’s shoulders sagged, and she closed her eyes as though fighting for dignity. “You’re hitting me where it hurts, Kate. It’s like I can’t stop myself.”

  Kate leaned forward, hoping to convey her compassion along with her words. “Why don’t you stop and have a good look at Axel? He’s not a bad person, just wants to get the better of Luke. Axel cares for you, Jessye, and he’s been attracted to you since you met. You saw that, but you turned your attention to Luke, who isn’t attracted to you. Luke wants children, a family of his own, and you don’t act as if you’d hold still for that.”

  “And you would?”

  “Yes, Jessye, I would. I’m not saying you should give Axel a chance to keep you away from Luke, because no matter what you or I do, Luke will want the one to whom he is attracted. Axel’s not attracted to me. Whenever he thinks I don’t hear him, he lets you know how he feels. But you know he cares, and you exploit him. When he’s had enough, you’ll start chasing him, and it’ll be too late. That’s not a healthy sign, Jessye. Stop, and let him love you. You’ll never be the same.”

  Jessye stared at her. “So it’s progressed that far, has it? I guess I ought to thank you for warning me. I just don’t know what to look for.”

  “Look for sincerity. The little things—gentleness, tenderness, examples of caring—and a need that goes beyond desire. That’s why you ought to give Axel a chance. He’s a gentleman, handsome, educated and has an excellent family background. But I think he’s wounded, just as you are. He needs love, too. Give him a chance.”

  “Suppose the chemistry’s not there?”

  “If you let yourself get to know him and let him see who you are deep inside, know you as I do, you’ll see him as a different man.”

  The waiter served their drinks, and Jessye didn’t even glance at him. Hallelujah! Hope prevailed.

  Jessye took a lace handkerchief from her purse and pretended to blow her nose, but Kate knew the woman was afraid she’d cry. “I always thought I was more attractive than you and I could get any man I wanted, including yours. I didn’t really care. Like you said, I just wanted to see them crawl. I never dreamed it was because my papa ignored me from the day I was born. He sent Mama money to take care of us, so we didn’t want for anything, but he never showed up except at Christmas and Fourth of July, when all the townspeople would see him. I’m gonna try. If not Axel, then someone else. I expect I’ve loused up things with him.”

  They left the restaurant arm in arm. “Look at that!” Jessye exclaimed. “My Lord, that’s smoke coming out of that window.”

  Kate slowed the car and looked in the direction toward which Jessye pointed. “My goodness, Jessye, that’s Miss Fanny’s house.”

  She curbed the car, parked and unfastened her seat belt. “Where’re you going?” Jessye asked her, alarm robbing her of her Southern drawl.

  “In that house, if I can get in. Who knows? Miss Fanny could be sick.”

  “Wait. I’m going with you.”

  As Kate expected, the door was locked. Seeing that the smoke had thickened, Kate picked up a flowerpot, stepped back and threw it against the window. Fortunately, she realized, she had exposed the tab that locked the window. She pulled it back, opened the window and climbed in.

  “You can’t go in there. The place is full of smoke.”

  “Look in my pocketbook in the car, get my cell phone and call 9-1-1. Hurry!”

  Kate ran to the living room, where she found Miss Fanny in front of the television. Her heart was beating, but Kate couldn’t detect a sign of consciousness. She began to cough, grabbed a doily that decorated the back of a chair and tied it across her nose and mouth. Then she dragged Miss Fanny to the front door, unlocked it, and pulled the frail woman through it. She tried to breathe, couldn’t and collapsed.

  “Kate, for goodness’ sake, get up!” Jessye pleaded. “Girl, I won’t let you do this. I won’t have it.”

  Somewhere in the vague recesses of her mind, Kate heard her cousin’s voice, then a man’s words. “I’ll give her some oxygen. She’ll be fine in a second.”

  She sat up and looked around. “Where’s Miss Fanny?”

  “We sent her to the hospital in an ambulance. Poor woman passed out with a high fever, probably from pneumonia. They’ll take good care of her.”

  Poor woman, indeed! Pneumonia could take a heavy toll on an octogenarian. Kate looked at the window and the splinters of glass on the porch. “What about that window?”

  “We’ll board it up. Stop worrying, miss. You’re a hero.”

  Kate jumped to her feet, reeled forward and then got her bearings. “Not one word of this goes any further. I’m not a hero. I was scared to death. Thanks for helping.”

  The EMS driver winked at her. “My pleasure.”

  Kate remembered the fire. “How’d it start?”

  The man shrugged, almost reluctantly, she thought. “When she passed out, her cigar fell on that broadloom carpet. That’s all you need to get a fire started.”

  Kate looked steadily at the man. “Cigar? Well, I’ll be.”

  “You sure fooled
me,” Jessye said as Kate drove her home. “I wouldn’ve thought you’d have the guts to run into a house that was on fire.”

  “It was mostly smoke, because it began in the carpet.”

  “All the same. My nerves have shrunk to nothing just thinking about it.”

  “Forget about that, and call Axel when you get home.”

  “Honey, I just might. If I don’t get settled down, you’ll probably have to send an airplane for me. I tell you, child, seeing you jump through that window into that place full of smoke just about did me in.”

  “I’m fine,” Kate said as she brought the car to a stop in front of the apartment building in which Jessye lived. “Now go home and start straightening out your life.”

  And she’d better do the same for her own. With the apartment to herself, she wrote a letter to her father and sat down to practice the piano. Her father had loved to hear her play. She’d wanted to learn how to play so much that he’d bought an old upright piano for her at a time when money had been tight. She’d proved an apt pupil and quickly learned the rudiments well enough to play hymns and popular songs. He’d sat quietly and listened for as long as she played. She told herself not to dwell on the past—a time that could never return—but to build on what she had right then.

  Several days later, she closed the store at the usual time and, with Randy in the backseat, headed for her apartment. She didn’t much care for the constant protection of the police department. On a whim, she turned off Elm Avenue onto Highland, testing Officer Cowan’s attentiveness. Seconds after she completed the turn, her car swerved into the wooden fence that bordered someone’s well-kept lawn. Thank God for good brakes. She looked back at Randy. Anxious.

  “I’m okay, Mom. What happened?”

  As her hand reached for the door, it occurred to her that she’d better not get out of the car, that she might be in danger.

  “Randy, hand me the cell phone out of my pocketbook, please.”

  He did, but at that instant Officer Cowan’s police car pulled up beside her. Assured that neither she nor Randy had sustained an injury, he checked the car.

  “But how could my rear wheel come off?”

  “That’s what we’ll find out. I suspect some tampering, but if that’s the case, I want to know when anybody got a chance to do it.”

  A tow truck took her car to a mechanic, and Cowan drove her and Randy home.

  “Mom, I sure am glad nothing happened, because my group is going on the excursion Sunday.”

  Nothing happened? She’d love to know what he considered a happening. She answered the phone in her bedroom. “Yes, Luke. We’re fine. Well, I admit I was naughty when I made a sudden turn into Highland, but at least we know Officer Cowan is on his mark.”

  “It’s nothing to make light of. If that wheel had come off when you were making that left turn, the car would probably have turned over. Will you wait for Cowan to pick you up tomorrow morning? I’d do that myself, but I’m in Richmond right now. I got here in response to an emergency call a couple of hours ago. Did Jessye tell you?”

  “She may have left a note somewhere, but she was waiting at the door to leave when I returned from lunch.”

  “I’ll see you tomorrow. Remember to wait for Cowan in the morning. Good night, sweetheart.”

  She blew him a kiss. “’Night, hon.”

  Sunday arrived, and she luxuriated in the peace she found in being alone. Randy, Jessye and her customers had their place in her life but, as much as she cared for them, she needed time away from them. She practiced the piano until her doorbell rang. Her watch told her it was seven-thirty, and that she had played all afternoon. She planned to apply for a teaching job in another six months, provided she passed the summer school courses.

  Randy bounded into the apartment, bringing with him the smell of ocean air and Luke. “Mom, this was the best day of my life. Mom, it was just awesome. Captain Luke took us to the museums, the naval base, and we saw some baby sharks and a lot of fish and things under the water, a lot of stuff. And, Mom, I’m not hungry. I gotta call Amy.”

  “Would you like some coffee or something cold?” she asked Luke, not wanting him to leave.

  “I’ll take a glass of water. Do they talk to each other every day?”

  “You got it. Seven times a week.”

  “No, I won’t sit down,” he said when she suggested it. “I’ve done some thinking today, and I want you and Randy to go with me to Honolulu to see Randy’s grandparents.”

  She nearly choked. “You’re not serious.”

  “Deadly serious. What can happen to either one of you when you’re with me?”

  “I…I’ll have to give it a lot of thought.”

  “I have to eliminate false possibilities, sweetheart, and the most obvious red herring is that your in-laws are behind this. It’s well after midnight there. I’ll be at the store early tomorrow morning, and we may call them. All right? I’ll be with you all the way. Remember that.” His lips warm and velvety against hers only whetted her desire, but he quickly moved away. “See you in the morning.”

  Luke walked into Kate’s store minutes after she opened it. Her approaching talk with her in-laws and the range of its possible consequences weighed so heavily on him that he’d hardly slept the night before. From what Kate had told him of Nathan Middleton, he’d sized the man up as selfish, self-centered and possibly untruthful, and he was betting that if the Middletons didn’t like Kate, it was because they didn’t know her. Nathan had misrepresented either Kate or his parents. He greeted Jessye in passing and went directly to Kate’s office.

  “Don’t worry about this, Kate. The worst that can happen is that we’ll know for sure that what your husband said of their estimation of you is true, and we’ll take it from there.” He dialed the number and handed her the phone.

  At her questioning look, he said, “Kate, I’m a detective. It’s my business to know everything about a possible suspect.”

  She nodded and took the phone. “Mrs. Middleton? This is Kate Middleton. What? Oh. Randy’s fine. Me, too. We’re getting along fine. I, uh…I thought it was time Randy got to know his grandparents, so I…Are you all right, Mrs. Middleton? Uh, just a minute.”

  She turned to Luke. “I don’t know what to make of this. She’s crying. Said they’re dying to see us.”

  “Tell her you’d like to visit her.”

  “School’s out now, and I was wondering if we could visit you. Randy, a friend—Luke Hickson—and myself.”

  “Next weekend?” When she looked at him for confirmation, he nodded in agreement, and she continued. “Randy helps a group of senior citizens, but if he can get someone to substitute for him, I guess we could come next weekend. I’ll call you tomorrow morning after I talk with Randy. I’m looking forward to this, too. Goodbye.”

  “Well? What do you think?”

  “I…I don’t know. Unless she rivals Cicely Tyson as an actress, she was touched by the call, and especially by the prospect of seeing us.”

  “What did she say when you told her I would be coming?”

  “She said, ‘No problem. Just come. We have plenty of room.’”

  “Then we’ll go? Jenkins will see that Randy’s clients—as he calls them—will be taken care of.”

  “I would have thought I’d be miserable at the thought of visiting them, but I’m not.”

  She looked at him for a long time—silent, her countenance unreadable. Then the fire of desire suddenly blazed in her eyes, and her stare promised him all that a man could want in a woman. The scent of her perfume mingled with her own feminine scent, and he had to fight the temptation to take her into his arms. With all the strength he could muster, he did the only thing that he could safely do. He slung an arm around her and gave her the barest of hugs.

  “Communication is a powerful thing. I’ll be glad when we get this straightened out.”

  “So will I,” she said in a voice thick with desire. “Oh, Luke, so will I.”

  Chap
ter 12

  Luke parked the rented Chrysler in front of the rambling yellow villa and looked at the white, wrought iron fence that loomed before them, its height such that the average man needn’t dream of scaling it. Blooming bougainvillea and an assortment of tropical plants softened the fence’s forbidding presence. Palms swayed in gentle rhythm around the house that they adorned, and several birds battled the breeze to flit from one tree to another.

  He got out, walked around and opened the doors for Kate and Randy. “Just be your normal self, son,” he said. “Your grandparents will love you.”

  Still, Randy took his hand, as if for reassurance. The boy hadn’t wanted to come. First, he gave his elderly clients as an excuse, and once that was settled, he claimed his father said his grandparents didn’t like him and his mom. It had taken Luke nearly half an hour to calm the boy’s fears. Kate hadn’t been able to reason with him.

  She stepped out of the car, regal and poised as usual, and he wouldn’t have expected less of her, though she had to be aware that the next hour could challenge all of them.

  After receiving permission to enter, he opened the gate and walked with them along the winding brick path until they reached the house. He stopped, as did Randy and Kate, and stared at the petite woman whose outspread arms welcomed them. Tears gushed down her face, though her smile sought to make a lie of them. They started toward her, and she ran to meet them. A small woman, she clasped Kate to her, seemingly unmindful of her body’s trembling. She stepped back and gazed at Kate as though searching for some truth, something fundamental to hold on to. Then she looked at Randy, whose young face mirrored his confusion.

  “Randy. How handsome you are! I’ve wanted to see you for so long. So long.” She wiped the moisture from her eyes, and he gave her credit for not embracing Randy, much as she might want to hold him.

  “I hope you’ll forgive these tears,” she said to her grandson, “but I just can’t help it.” Her gaze turned skyward. “Thank you, God, for answering my prayers.”