Secret Desire

by Gwynne Forster

  “You can’t prove one thing. It’s my word against hers.”

  Luke grinned at him. “Did you remember to wipe your fingerprints off those files that you’re not cleared to see?”

  Axel stopped himself just before he clutched his belly, realizing that he’d indict himself with such a gesture. “Uh…I—”

  Luke allowed himself a laugh. “See what I mean? So what’ll it be? Walking papers, or a transfer to the Third Precinct, where I won’t have to look at you but once a month?”

  “I’d rather transfer, but I don’t see why we can’t work this out.”

  “And along with your transfer, I’ll send your quarterly evaluations. Look, Strange, if your exalted social status places you above this kind of work, I suggest you go back to your family’s shoe factory and work there.”

  “We own a conglomerate, and we make a lot more than shoes.”

  Luke shrugged. “Good. So if you get fired from Third Precinct, you won’t have to look for a job. That’s all. You’re transferred as of now.”

  The door closed, and he’d only have to see Axel Strange at the monthly citywide law enforcement meetings of senior officers. The man wasn’t a bad detective. Indeed, if he’d concentrate on his work, he’d probably be a good one. Maybe in the long run, the transfer would drive Axel to prove himself.

  “Come in,” he said in response to a knock. Jenkins walked in and dropped himself in the chair nearest the door.

  “Strange said he’s moving to Third Precinct. Mind if I ask what happened?”

  He considered Jenkins closer to him than his other men, and he trusted him, but he’d rather not discuss Axel Strange. He sat back in his chair and made a pyramid of his ten fingers.

  Finally, he said, “Axel made a couple of wrong turns, bad ones, and I didn’t care to put up with his style any longer.”

  Jenkins didn’t bother to camouflage his glee. “Past time, man. Strange is too opaque for this job. The guy’s a walking secret. We used to wonder if he was somebody’s undercover agent.”

  Luke raised an eyebrow and half smiled. “Strange? No way. He just has a hard time loving the common man.”

  “Well, the common man sure didn’t fall in love with him. Did he do any damage?”

  He leaned forward, and—with his left elbow on his desk and his hand supporting his chin—he looked Jenkins in the eye. “Remains to be seen.” Jenkins knew that both he and Strange had an interest in Kate, and he hoped the man was smart enough to know that he’d never regarded Axel Strange as competition. Besides, anybody but Axel could see that Kate didn’t want him.

  That afternoon he tried not to think of Kate, but Randy stayed so close to him at the PAL session that he finally had to ask the boy if he had a problem.

  “My mom says I’m not going to see Amy and Robert this weekend. She said I’m not going back there.”

  He patted the boy’s frail shoulders. “Perk up. I’ll speak with her.”

  He wasn’t perked up himself, and he’d rather not have the sound of her voice remind him of what he’d lost, but after the boys left PAL, he called her.

  “Hello, Kate. This is Luke.”

  “I know. How are you?”

  “I’m making it. What about you?”

  “The same.”

  How could they talk to each other as if they’d never flown to paradise in each other’s arms? As if they didn’t love each other?

  “I assume you’re breaking our date for this weekend, but can’t you let Randy go to Caution Point along with Marcus Friday afternoon? He’d be back Monday morning.”

  “Luke, I’d…rather not.”

  “Please, Kate. Don’t do this. Will you let him go if I take him?”

  “If you…You mean, you’d change your plans and drive all the way to Caution Point because Randy has to see Amy?”

  He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “No. I’ll do it because we told him he’d go, and he and Amy are pumped up for it. I don’t want what happens between you and me to hurt the child. I…I care about him, and—”

  “You’re right. This isn’t his problem. He can go with either one of you.”

  “All right. He’ll go with my brother. I’ll pick him up at two-thirty and take him over to Marcus’s office.”

  He didn’t know how she’d take the news about Axel, whether she’d think he’d done it as an act of revenge. Well, she might as well hear it from him. “This morning, I transferred Lieutenant Strange to the Third Precinct, on the other side of the city.”

  “You’re kidding.” Pure merriment tinged each word. “What for?”

  “He broke a couple of the department’s strictest rules, and I was in no mood to overlook it.”

  “Too bad. I hope he learned a lesson, but what Axel Strange does and where he goes are immaterial to me. I don’t know about Jessye, though. They seemed to have become rather close recently.”

  She had to be kidding. “Jessye’s an opportunist. If she did fall for him, Lord help her, but I’d be surprised if she did. See you Friday.”

  “I might not be here when you come. I got roped into jury duty starting tomorrow.”

  “You might find it interesting. Be in touch.”

  Kate didn’t see how she could be so sure someone had committed a crime that she could vote for a guilty verdict. However, the woman who sat beside her waiting to be called had no such compunctions.

  “I love jury duty,” the woman said. “I’m a mystery writer, and this is my best source of material. Boy, I hope we get a drug-smuggling case with lots of murders. My editor loves those.” Kate eased away, opened her copy of Obsession, and concentrated on the romance novel. With luck, neither the prosecuting attorney nor the lawyer for the defendant would accept her.

  Luck wasn’t with her, and when the jury was seated, she took her place among them. She listened as the assistant state prosecutor accused the man of smuggling rubies and sapphires from Thailand into the country. Though the government’s records showed that the man had entered Thailand, halfway around the world from Portsmouth, Virginia, seven times in eight months, the man insisted that someone had planted the jewels on him. He’d had no idea what the packages contained.

  She struggled to keep her bearing, fighting the pain that settled around her heart—pain for her father, for Luke, and for herself. How could the man not have asked what the sealed packages contained?

  The arresting officer took the stand, and, to her surprise, gave only concise answers and didn’t volunteer any information. Her thoughts went to Luke. Had he also attempted to be fair, and treated her father’s case with the same honest dispassion?

  Luke. She recalled little things about him that set him apart and made him so special. The way he mixed gentleness with his strength, and used his power for good; his dependability—always there when she needed him. She could see him rubbing the back of his neck while he figured something out, loving and tutoring children, grinning that slow, seductive grin that could make her heart tumble backward, his unbelievable…

  “Are you all right, madame?” the judge asked, looking directly at her.

  A glance at her surroundings let her know that everyone in the courtroom was gazing at her. “I’m fine…as far as I know.”

  “But you’re crying,” the judge said.

  She wiped her eyes and looked at her wet hand. “I…uh…I didn’t know it. My eyes do that sometimes.”

  Corralling her thoughts, she concentrated on the proceedings. After listening to a dozen witnesses, she’d never been more uncertain about anything.

  Two weeks later, having listened to the defense and seen the mounting evidence against it, she had to vote.

  “If he wasn’t smuggling jewelry, how could he afford a round-trip, first-class ticket to Bangkok once a month?” one woman asked in the jury room.

  “Simple,” a man replied. “He could have had a rich Thai woman who wanted to see him.”

  In the end, Kate’s conscience forced her to vote guilty along with the eleve
n other jurors. She had no doubt as to the man’s guilt. Still, her voice shook when she said, “Guilty, Your Honor,” in response to the jury poll.

  As she was leaving the courthouse she thought about Luke. He’d said he only arrested her father and presented the charges, that the jury had rendered the verdict. Once more, her loyalties warred with each other—her faith in her father battling her confidence in Luke’s honesty and integrity.

  “Hello, Kate.”

  She whirled around. Her blood plowed through her veins like a runaway thoroughbred, but she did her best to hide her excitement at seeing him.

  “Hello, Luke,” she said. She looked up into the storm of passion that raged in his fierce gray eyes. “I…Why are you here?”

  “I attend trials whenever I can. It’s sort of like research. Is this your last week of jury duty?”

  “Unfortunately, I have to serve a total of four weeks, so I have one more.”

  He stepped closer. “Is it too much to ask whether you learned anything important from that trial?”

  She wanted to look him in the eye to reinforce the sincerity of her words, but a glance showed that his gaze had become personal. Intimate. She had to get away from him. In her haste to move away, she stepped back, and he grabbed her to him.

  “Luke! For heaven’s sake!”

  He stared down at her. “Would you rather have fallen backward down those concrete steps?”

  She glanced over her shoulder, and shuddered as fear streaked through her. “My Lord. I almost…” She couldn’t utter the words. “Thanks.”

  That captivating, seductive grin formed around his mouth. “I’m glad I was close enough to catch you.” He pressed his lips together, as though savoring fine wine. “Having you in my arms again wasn’t bad, either.”

  She wasn’t anxious to get out of his arms, but propriety dictated that she move. He released her slowly, as though to convey his reluctance.

  “Cowan’s waiting for you.” He nodded toward the unmarked blue Chevrolet that stood in front of the building. “Take care of yourself.”

  She greeted Cowan and got in the car, but she couldn’t enter into a conversation. All she could think of was how she’d felt in Luke’s arms, what she’d missed all those lonely days.

  As Luke watched Kate move down the steps, he was tempted to fantasize, to let himself believe she hadn’t wanted to move out of his arms. But what was the use? If she pined for him, she certainly didn’t show it. And unless she could understand why he’d had no choice but to arrest Jethro Raven and to file the charges, it didn’t matter what she felt.

  She’d voted guilty on the first round, and that meant she’d based her decision on the case, and hadn’t been persuaded by other jurors. He knew he shouldn’t hope, but he couldn’t help himself.

  The following Monday morning he stepped onto the witness stand, took the oath and looked toward the jurors. As he’d hoped and prayed, she was there, sitting on the far right. If things went as he wished, she wouldn’t disqualify herself, but would have faith in him and in her own ability to judge fairly. When he gave his evidence about a national ring of credit-card thieves, he didn’t look at her as he spoke. He hadn’t been that nervous even in his rookie days. He wanted her to be proud of him, whether she agreed with him or not. Perspiration beaded on his forehead and above his upper lip, but he ignored it and focused on the prosecutor’s questions and his own answers. To avoid the temptation to speak with her in violation of court rules, he left before the judge recessed court. But it wasn’t over. He testified the next day, and the next.

  “Your Honor, Cox and Reddaway have criminal records,” Luke said. “McClendon doesn’t. At least not so far as I’ve been able to determine.”

  His furtive glances at Kate let him know that she took copious notes throughout the testimony. A good sign? In his heart, he knew that if it proved otherwise, he could forget a future with her.

  He had a week during which to stew about it. A week to dig into himself and find his ultimate truth—that he wanted her for his wife and the mother of his children, and that he wanted Randy. And in what seemed the most important week of his life—six torture- and doubt-filled days—he’d once again had to deal with Axel Strange. The man lodged a written complaint, claiming that Luke had transferred him because of their contention over a woman. He wouldn’t have expected it if Jessye hadn’t warned him.

  “Luke, honey, I think you ought to know Axel’s filing charges against you. I don’t believe a word of it, and neither does he. I just thought I’d tell you.”

  As if he didn’t have enough on his mind. He sat on the corner of his desk. “What’s his gripe, Jessye?”

  “He’s claiming you transferred him so he won’t be near Kate and you’ll have a better chance with her, that both of you are dating her.”

  He almost laughed. “Portsmouth isn’t that big. If a few extra blocks would put him at a disadvantage, he didn’t have much of a chance to begin with.”

  “I’m not ratting on him, Luke. I’m telling you because he admitted he’d do anything to knock you off your pedestal, as he put it.”

  “The guy’s crazy. I’m not on any pedestal.”

  “Luke, he’s a friend, and he’s not a bad fellow. He just has this…this thing about you. I do declare, I never saw the beat of it. I told him he wastes too much of his life worrying about what you’re doing.”

  “Good advice. Is he going through with this…this charge?”

  “He’s already done it. Well, I hope you’re able to refute it. I’ll be glad to witness for you.”

  He shook his head. Never! But he said, “Thanks, Jessye. It’s a cinch. But why are you telling me this? I understood that things between you and Strange had…Well, tightened up.”

  “I got to know him better, Luke, and he’s showed me that inside he’s not a scoundrel, but a decent guy. He hurts like the rest of us.”

  “If you feel that way about him, why warn me when you know he’ll lose face?”

  “Don’t misunderstand me. There’s nothing between Axel and me, though I know he wants that. He’s not interested in Kate, and never was. He just doesn’t want you to have her. Kate knows that.”

  She’d made it reasonably clear, but he had to be sure. “Where does that leave you?”

  Her sigh, long and harsh as though she stared at the personification of futility, told him more than her words. “You know how it is with me.”

  He also knew better than to pursue it further.

  When the review board confronted him with the charges, he had Axel’s record ready for their examination. The complaint was thrown out. So much time and energy frittered away.

  The smuggling case went to the jury. He had expected that they’d reach a verdict in three days at the most. But two weeks passed, and he wondered if Kate was the one who wouldn’t yield. He hadn’t expected a hung jury, nor had his officers.

  Finally, he got the call and raced to the courthouse in time to hear the jury foreman read the verdict. Guilty on all counts. The clerk polled the jury, and when he addressed Kate, she answered in a voice that, to him, had the sound of a temple bell—clear and loud. “Guilty, Your Honor.” He dropped his face in his hands and said a prayer of thanks. The one barely audible voice belonged to a matronly woman whom he’d seen on juries a number of times. In his view, she had to have been the holdout.

  When the judge excused the jury, though, Kate almost ran from the courtroom. Had he been wrong?

  Chapter 14

  “Why did you run from me? You knew I was there and that I’d want to see you, talk with you. Why did you…Kate, talk to me.”

  Kate sat on the edge of her bed and looked at the telephone receiver that brought his voice to her. What could she say to him? That she couldn’t think? That pandemonium had broken out in her head like a herd of wild horses racing in different directions?

  “I didn’t run from you, Luke, but after that harrowing exercise in the jury room, I had to get somewhere and find some peace.�
��

  “And you couldn’t find it with me?”

  “Not on the level that we both need it. Some moments with you would be wonderful, but I’d only put a bandage on a wound that needs cleansing. Luke, I have to come to terms with…with this whole business of guilt and innocence.”

  “Then you did learn something? Let me in on what you’re saying.”

  “I learned a lot, and not all of it pleased me. I hope when I piece it together, if I can, that you’ll still want to talk with me.”

  “Kate, I’m here for you, and if you ever change your mind and your heart about my role in Jethro Raven’s incarceration, I’ll embrace you with all I have, all I’m holding inside of me. Holding for you.”

  “I can’t promise anything right now, Luke, but you have to know after what I’ve just been through, I’ll do all I can to get rid of…of this awful thing that stands between us.”

  “Everything is there for us, except your faith. We’re good together, whether playing, teasing, scrimmaging or—”

  She interrupted him because he could sway her with the mere sound of his voice. “Luke, give me a chance.”

  “You want a chance? If I walked into your bedroom, you’d be mine in five minutes. It doesn’t hurt to acknowledge the truth of your feelings. In fact, it’s damned liberating. You know where you stand in this matter, and I don’t doubt it for a second. There are no immovable forces between us. You only have to believe in me, Kate.”

  “You mean, you still question that?”

  She could imagine that her question surprised him, for he hadn’t mentioned the jury’s verdict. “I know the jury’s vote was unanimous. It had to be. But I don’t know which juror held out for fifteen days.”

  She sat forward, and her blood began to warm with the spurt of anger that curled up in her like smoke on a still morning. “Luke, if you need the answer to that, you only have to read the record. I wouldn’t expect you to make a hasty conclusion.”

  “And I haven’t made one. If you’re suggesting that you’re trying to deal with your father’s imprisonment, I’ll gladly give you the space you need. I want it cleared up. And, Kate, if you love us both, try to be fair to each of us. I know that learning about my role in this was a blow, but I hope you can see it now from a new perspective.”