Hilda - Snow White revisited

by Paul Kater

  The king was on the loose in the castle garden. He had just told someone to send a letter back to the neighbouring king about the visit and stuff. "Regrettably blah blah death of my daughter blah blah and such blah blah. Sincerely, Walt. King."

  Walt the king felt really crappy. Not about being short and snappy with the letter, but with the knowledge that his daughter was dead and gone and nobody could or would tell him a friggin' thing about it. Humbert the huntsman was no more than blabbering sorry heap when asked, none of the servants had seen anything of Snow-White on the last day she'd been around. And his wife, his dear little wife... she had been out all day, probably trying to find the little darling, and she had come back all wet and dirty He felt sorry for cracking his little joke on her and thought that a new flowerbed, a large gem and a box of chocolates would be in order to make up to her. At least that thought made him feel somewhat... less bad.

  The queen was in her special room again, skimming over her potions, poisons, aphrodisiacs- oh, she would not need them for a while.

  She slapped herself on the head a few times, trying to remember what Snow-White's favourite food was. If only she had been paying better attention to the girl when the wench had still been in the castle.

  "Apples," she decided, "it has to be apples", as she recalled finding apple cores in Snow-White's room very often. "So an apple it will be." A mean and sly smile shadowed over her face as she reached for a few specific potions and poisons...

  The dwarfs, except Doc, were coming home. A song came from their house, and they all looked at each other in surprise. As they came in, they saw Snow-White in the kitchen, singing out loud as she was preparing an incredible amount of food.

  "Hello, boys," Snow-White chimed, "I hope you have a hunger like a bear, there is so much food!"

  "What's up, Doc?", asked Happy as he found Doc sitting on his chair, his glasses on the table in front of him and clothes quite crumpled.

  "Eh, what? Oh, nothing. Everything's fine, just fine," Doc said, as a smile came on his face. "I gave Snow-White a hand with some things. A hand, and... ehm.. we did well."

  "Hah," Grumpy said, "and guess who got stuck with the dirty work." He marched off to the bathroom. Just before he reached the door, he turned and asked: "It's okay that I go clean up, right?"

  "Yeah, yeah," Doc said, waving his hand, "just go. All of you."

  Happy grabbed Sleepy by the sleeve, and they all followed Grumpy into the bathroom. Sleepy looked a bit sad as he was pulled along. Snow-White saw that and she grinned at one of the pots on the stove.

  As the group of six was in the bathroom for quite a while, Snow-White got a bit worried as well as curious as to what was going on in there. "Doc, shouldn't we go and check on them?"

  "Oh, no, they're big boys," Doc said, wiggling his eyebrows, "they'll be out soon. Just bang on the door when dinner's almost ready. And bang the door really loud."

  "Oh, right. I think I can handle that," Snow-White said as she reached for a large spoon. She walked over to the bathroom door, much to Doc's pleasure as he was a lover of great vista's, and then Snow-White unleashed a few good bangs on the door. "Come and get it!", she yelled. "Dinner's almost ready, boys," she added in a sweet and gentle voice.

  If things in the bathroom had not been quiet, they would have been after that. Seconds elapsed. Then Grumpy commented that one heart-attack a day would suffice, which probably meant that they had gotten the message.

  In a large field were many gnomes, happy with their houses in place again. Quirrin was less happy. The gnomes had handed him a restraining order, as his size was a threat to the gnomish proportionally correct neighbourhood.

  So, as everyone was more or less actively considering their feelings, the day packed its bags over the small kingdom, moved on as usual and turned off the lights. That way the darkness would feel at home again during the night.

  10. A difficult morning

  "Coloris ordinaris." This spell came from under the blankets in Hilda's bedroom. During the chat with Baba Yaga, about their recent activities and plans for the witches meeting, it had suddenly occurred to her that she still hadn't taken the yellow watercolour spell off the young witch in the village, and somehow she had not gotten round to it. Now she had.

  The day did not feel good to Hilda. Somehow she felt kind of old, although she'd never admit that to anyone of course. The wicked witch hauled herself out of the bed and shoved her feet into her bunny-slippers. Then she opened the curtains and looked out the window. "Urgh..."

  "With some paint the world would look much nicer. As would I," the house said.

  "Oh. Shut. Up." Hilda had slight startup problems this morning. She left her bedroom and headed for the kitchen to make some tea. Halfway conscious she grabbed this and that, and when the water was boiling she poured the steaming water on the mix in her cup.

  A whiff of it reached her nose. "Urgh. Why did I put laurel in it..." Hilda rested her head in her hand for a few moments. "Why do I always want to do this the regular way..." Then she waved a finger and the cup contained what she recognised as tea. "Better." She picked up the cup and had a sip. "Life," she mumbled.

  The wicked witch dragged herself to the door and peeked at the wooden wall outside. There was no arrow. "No mail. Good." Door closed, she sat herself down at the large black table, playing with the cup. "If someone ever saw this...", she sighed, poking the eye of one of the goldfish on the cup, the one over the text that read "Cutest witch in town".

  Luckily there was hardly a visitor coming to the house, and if there was someone, they had no business in the kitchen.

  "I should get back to bed," Hilda grumbled. The house kept quiet.

  "I should check on the bitch queen," Hilda then grumbled. "And the rest of the lot. Sometimes I get so fed up with the whole bunch. I should get me a hut in a forest. On chicken legs, like Babs has. That's so cool."

  Hilda had seen the hut of Baba Yaga several times and was severely impressed by its ingenuity. A simple round hut on the outside, on four chicken legs, so it could move itself, and the door and windows would always be facing the spot were problems might arise from first. It was splendid in its simplicity.

  Hilda moved her chair a bit and waved at the new mirror which came to life directly. "Show me the twat's chambers".

  The mirror had gotten to know Hilda's ways to express herself. It displayed the chambers of the queen. The queen was still in bed, Hilda saw with slight envy. The queen was not alone in bed, either.

  "Way to go, Walt," Hilda grinned, but as the view changed she saw it was not the face of the king that rested on the queen's bosom. "Figures. With an attitude like that," Hilda snorted.

  She kind of liked the king. He'd always been a good guy, decent to the people, not too heavy on the taxes and stuff like that. Hilda wrote up one more dislike for the queen. "If she keeps this up I'm running out of slate."

  Hilda changed the view to the house of the dwarfs, to make sure that Snow-White was still okay.

  The dwarfs, busy buggers, were already up and running. Except Sleepy of course. Bashful, Hilda saw, came sneaking up to Sleepy and splashed a cup of water over the snoring dwarf's face. The only reaction it triggered was Sleepy licking his lips and turning around.

  Well, Hilda thought, they'll get him out eventually. But where's the kid? Oh, there. Her own bed. That's good.

  The girl had a smile on her face, which pleased Hilda. The dwarfs were certainly treating her right.

  Grumpy, she saw, dragged Sleepy out of bed, stuck a lunch package in his hands and they left the house, as Doc said: "Quiet, boys, she's been real busy, she needs her sleep."

  "Awhhh, so cute," Hilda smiled. She turned the two goldfish on her cup towards the mirror. "Did you hear that?" The goldfish refrained from comments.

  "Right then. Onwards and upwards," Hilda said to herself. She got up, put the cup away and went to change.

  A voice in the kitchen said: "Sometimes she is so dense..."

  The other gold
fish nodded. "No man for far too long."

  The queen, having gotten rid of her night-time entertainment, headed out to have breakfast. She was up early as she wanted to avoid her husband. Again. As usual. And as long as he did not make any remarks about that, she'd be fine.

  As she was eating, and it was a lot after the strains of the last night- ehm the long walk home from the day before, she demanded one of the servants to bring her four apples. The apples had to be specific in shape and colouring. The man nodded and hurried off. Being near the queen was not his favourite passtime, and most of all it wasn't if she was in such a commanding mood.

  Quickly he returned with the four apples. The queen checked them, muttered over them and then ignored the man. Obviously he had done something right.

  After breakfast, the queen got up, apples in hand, and left for her chambers again. On the stairs that led up, the king was coming down for breakfast.

  "Good morning, dear wife," Walt said, "I hope you slept well after the dreadful experiences of yesterday?"

  "I hardly slept, if you really want to know," the mean queen said.

  "Oh, poor dear," the king said, ready to hold her in a comforting hug for a while.

  The queen backed away from him, though. "I am sorry, dear, being close and sweet is something I just can't bear at the moment..." Quickly she fled up the stairs, leaving Walt with his arms wide open staring after her.

  "Oh, oh, oh," he then sighed, shaking his head. As he walked down to the breakfast room, he worried about the queen. She was so sensitive, he thought, and now that Snow-White had disappeared it seemed to become even worse.

  As he sat down at the table, the servant smiled. "Regular, my king?"

  Walt shook his head. "No, Bart, I'm not very hungry. Just sausages, hash browns, macaroni and cheese and a beer."

  Bart worried. "Are you sure you are alright, Sire? Should I warn the royal physician perhaps?"

  "No, that's quite alright, Bart, I may have a light snack later on."

  The servant nodded and rushed off to arrange for the king's food.

  Snow-White woke up to find the seven other beds empty and the boys gone. She stretched out, purring like a kitten. Slowly she got up and walked to the kitchen, humming her favourite song as she made some breakfast and a cup of cocoa. She knew that things would be fine today. After a night that was good, the following day could not be anything else.

  Snow-White frowned as she noticed that the watercontainer in the kitchen was nearly empty. That meant she'd have to go out a few times with a bucket to refill it. She shrugged. It would be fine.

  After finishing and getting dressed, Snow-White located the bucket and armed with that she looked out the window. Nobody in sight. Not even fake neighbours. Fully empowered she opened the door and walked down the small road to the well where she filled the bucket and hauled it back to the kitchen.

  "That's one," she said, happy. As the result of the big splash was barely noticeable it dawned on her that it would take more than just 'a few' buckets of water to fill the container. "Bummer." But then, she had most of the day for that, and she could find some change of mind in making the beds and getting dinner going for the boys.

  In the secret room of the queen there were many things going on. She had candles burning under jars with spluttering contents, there were small bottles with liquids in unhealthy colours. On the far end of the table there was a bowl with a large amount of yellow fog in it. And there were four apples.

  The apples were the most dangerous things in the castle. Probably in the entire vicinity until you reached Hilda's house. The queen was delighted at how well this all had worked. The fruit had come out of the treatment perfect. Now they just needed to cool down for a day and a night, and then they were ready to fullfill their purpose. Okay, one would be enough, but you could never tell.

  Humming a tune she left the room, locked the door and hung the key from a fine gold chain. The key itself ended up between her breasts, which was perhaps the safest place for something to be stored in the entire vicinity. Until you reached Hilda's house.

  Hilda decided it was time to go and do the rounds. In her casual outfit, broom in hand, she stepped outside. As she heard a woman call out: "Lady! Lady!", Hilda turned her head. "Yes?"

  "No. Not you. I am looking for my dog, Lady."

  "You are looking for your dog. Right. And for that you come down MY street, yelling as if a Banshee is behind you? Just to find your mutt?" Hilda started to feel that she should indeed have stayed in bed.

  "Lady is not a mutt," the woman said, feeling very insulted. "It is a nice little dog from a good breed and she is very dear to me and my family. Lady!"

  Hilda let go of her broom, which remained floating in the air. "Hey. Lady. Cut it out. Please. I am not having a good hairday, and your yelling is pissing me off like terrible."

  "Why don't you help me find my dog, you... person," the woman snapped at Hilda. "La-" The next sound that came from her throat sounded like "gag".

  Hilda waved her wand around a bit. "I like it when it's quiet," she said to her broom. She walked to the woman. "You know... have you ever heard the saying that it takes one to know one?"

  The woman, her mouth open and unable to say something, nodded.

  "Nice. Let's see if that is real, shall we?" Hilda smiled broadly. It was her 'this does not bring something good'-smile. She waved her wand again. "Okay. Now you tell me."

  The woman had changed into a rather large, grey schnautzer kind of dog. It wagged its tail and looked at Hilda with high hopes.

  "Get lost, you tramp!", Hilda yelled, stomping her foot. The dog took off. In silence.

  The wicked witch returned to her broom and got on it. "I like it so much when it's quiet..." She made the broom rise and flew off.

  Snow-White had no idea of what her stepmother was doing. Nor what Hilda was doing. Instead, she walked to the well for the next time. The container was now visibly filling up, which was good. Her back was starting to kill her, which was not good.

  She threw down the bucket and rubbed her palms. Her hands were hurting from all the walking up and down with the heavy bucket.

  "Why, hello," a gentle voice behind her said, "and what is a pretty woman like you doing, carrying water?"

  Snow-White flushed as she saw a handsome young man on a white horse looking at her. From the expression on his face it was apparent that he liked what he saw. Quickly she messed with her hair, to try and get that in shape and form a abit. "Hello yourself, why is a handsome man like you peeking at girls that carry water?"

  "Well, hello, I was just passing by, on the road to new adventures and undiscovered horizons, and I was thirsty. And here is this well, so I thought, oh well..."

  "And you are going to show me how you drink water from the well, sitting on your horse?"

  The young man smiled and with a move that showed experience he jumped off the horse. As he touched the ground, he immediately folded himself into a bow. "My name is Jordan, and I put myself at your service."

  Snow-White grinned. "I like that idea..."

  Jordan grinned also.

  A few hours later Jordan was sweating all over and rubbing his sore hands. The watercontainer in the kitchen of the dwarf's house was full.

  Snow-White carefully kissed the young man on the cheek, as he was quite smelly and sticky. "Thank you so much, dear Jordan. You may have saved my life!", she said. "I must go now, and start work on the house. Maybe we will meet again!" Snow-White skipped off, but as she reached the bend in the path she stopped and looked back at the pretty boy who had so unselfishly offered his help. She smiled and waved at him. Her heart jumped when he waved back at her.

  Snow-White turned and went on towards the house. The young man, prince Jordan of the neighbouring kingdom, shook his head, looked at his sore hands and finally had the time to drink something. "What an extraordinary woman," he said to himself.

  11. The black queen

  The day ended.

  The dwarfs
had been very excited, finding the watercontainer all filled up. Snow-White had confessed that she had enlisted the aid of the handsome young man, but did emphasised that she had not touched the man except for the quick kiss on the cheek.

  "That is good," Doc agreed. "If someone is useful, that is good. As long as they don't try to sell you something, because that's bad. You never know what junk they have. Or, in your case, in what way they will try to kill you."

  Snow-White had trembled a bit after hearing that, knowing Doc was right, but as the dwarf had hugged and patted her in that special way, she felt better.

  Dinner was a very cheerful affair, and to celebrate the fact that the watercontainer was full again, the dwarfs broke out their special brew of beer, and that was when the party really started.

  The night came. It worried about the noise in the house of the dwarfs and the things that were going on in there. It was for sure a good thing that the seven dwarfs had no neighbours.

  The night left, after a successful session around the rest of the kingdom, and then the sun came back to do the day-shift.

  Sleepy had competition that morning. Nobody in the small house of the seven dwarfs was eager to get up, and once they'd achieved the upright state, there were only slow movements and whispers going around. The brothers got ready to spend another day at the mine, whispered their goodbye's to Snow-White and then trotted off. Instead of their usual song of 'hi-ho, hi-ho', only Happy was able to hum the tune for a few yards. A slap over the painful head later he also continued walking in silence.

  Snow-White waved at them until they were out of sight. Then she held her head. "What did I do...", she asked herself. The girl dragged herself back to her bed and carefully lay down. Then she smiled. "And what did they do..."

  King Walt was up early and enjoying his usual breakfast when the mean queen came into the breakfast room.

  "Oh. You're here," was her cold comment.

  "Yes, I'm here. Come, sit down, plenty of space," Walt offered from behind his plate of chicken. His face glistened from the fat.