The Quest for Gillian’s Heart

by The Quest for Gillian’s Heart (lit)

  She squeezed her eyes closed as tight as she could, repulsed at the violent thoughts which coursed through her daily. It was wrong to feel such hate inside, it sickened both mind and body, she told herself. Perhaps once this Thing was over with and Leif punished for Gwynneth’s death, she would feel more herself - if that were possible.

  She looked at Andor riding guard alongside the wagon as they traveled to the Thing. It was the first she’d seen of him in a week. His face was cold and hard, no smile danced in his eyes, no playful smirk teased his lips - he had changed too. During the time he and Rollo had been gone, they had visited the farm of every freeman attending the Thing. Although she had not heard, Leif had probably done the same thing. According to Freyda it was important to have as many men on your side as possible. It helped when it came time for the trial at the assembly - if they made it to the assembly.

  It was law that every freeman must attend the Thing or face a penalty. Each of Andor’s men rode in a protective circle around the wagon where Freyda and Gillian sat with the supplies needed for the time they’d be gone. Because of the danger, Erik stayed behind with one of the farm’s families. It was not uncommon to be attacked and killed by the person charged with criminal behavior. If Leif did so, he would win the case by default, so waylaying them would be to his advantage. Andor took no chances. They stopped only when the women needed to relieve themselves, taking a meal of bread, cheese, and wine as they traveled.

  It was late afternoon by the time they arrived. When Andor first announced this, Gillian wondered if he could have been mistaken, for there was no sign of another soul save themselves. Then they rounded a hillock and came into full view of a small valley below covered with tents and people.

  Gillian would never forget that sight for the rest of her life. Men milled about a corral of horses on the outskirts of the campsite. Women stirred kettles of delicious smelling foods while they gossiped and laughed with neighbors they had not seen since the previous year. Children ran about in mock competition of games the men would begin the next day. A few traders had set up tables to display their wares. There had to be between one and two hundred people attending. If they did not have such serious business to attend to, Gillian might have enjoyed herself.

  Shouts of greeting reached their ears. Men beckoned them forward to a campsite already chosen for Andor and his group.

  "Take them on, Rollo," Andor said. "I will be along directly." He slipped from his horse into a group of men. The last thing Gillian saw before he disappeared was hands clasping his in welcome.

  Freyda squeezed her arm. "He will be all right. They are friends. Andor still has business to tend to."

  Gillian nodded. "Is that where it will be held?" She pointed to the center of the field. Poles had been set in a circle with a rope stretched between them.

  "Yes," Freyda replied.

  She nodded again. By the time they had the evening meal ready to eat, Andor would have information on when the trial would be held. Hopefully, it could be taken care of tomorrow. As far as Gillian was concerned, they had waited long enough.

  Andor hacked away at the piece of wood in his hand. He was supposed to be whittling something useful, but in his anger he had mutilated the wood beyond hope of further use. He had expected Leif to show up, only a fool would not. He knew it was also probable that Leif would have his own band of supporters. What he found reprehensible was the way in which he obtained his supporters - by making accusations of his own.

  So far Leif had not announced his charges formally, that would hold some weight with the court. But the level of his charges needn’t be made officially to cause harm. Andor tossed the wood into the fire before him then leaned elbows on knees to work on his strategy. A bowl of stew lay cold and uneaten on the ground beside him.

  Freyda picked out the wood shavings that had fallen upon it. "I could have saved myself the trouble of cooking so much if I had known you and Gillian were not going to eat."

  "I have much on my mind."

  "Hmm. And Gillian claims weariness from our trip... What troubles you?"

  "Leif is here."

  "As you expected," Freyda said.

  "He has accused Gillian of witchcraft."

  Freyda sighed and knelt beside him. "He did so at the river, too."

  Andor’s head jerked up. "Why did you not tell me?"

  "I thought it of little consequence coming from a man like Leif."

  "There are those here who put a lot of faith in any accusation of witchcraft. There are rumblings...even among those who had supported me. You should have told me, Freyda."

  She stared down at her hands. "Gillian is no witch."

  "Prove that to a crowd of frightened people." He snapped to his feet and marched to the tent he shared with Gillian.

  The soft light of an oil lamp filtered through the covering. He whipped open the flap and surprised her as she undressed for the night. She quickly covered herself from view.

  Andor felt the dam, which held his emotions in check, burst. It was enough that he had murder and witchcraft to deal with, he didn’t need a wife who shrank from him each time he came near her.

  He’d done nothing to deserve this from her. No hand had been raised to her in anger, no threats had been thrown her way. He’d given her only his heart and his love, and now when he needed that in return she shoved him aside. No more.

  With one stride he was before her. While she stared up at him in blue-eyed fear, he grabbed the neckline of her shift and ripped it down the front. Gillian gasped and tried to cover herself. Andor grabbed her wrists and yanked her arms to her side.

  "Why do you hide yourself from me?"

  Gillian looked away. He grabbed her chin and forced her to look back. He could feel her quivering, but was determined to end her sudden bout of shyness.

  "Are you ashamed of yourself? Is there something you do not wish for me to see?"

  Gillian shook her head. "N...no."

  "Maybe the bite of the devil? Or a warlock?"

  Her eyes widened in shock. "No!"

  "Let me have a closer look." He tore away her clothing until she was naked before him. "Do not cover yourself from me, wife. If I am to defend you tomorrow against witchcraft, I want to be able to speak in all honesty that you bear no such mark."

  "Andor, please, you know it does not exist," she said, trying to keep the tremor from her voice.

  "Then why do you hide yourself from me? Why does my touch appall you? Why do you turn from me...when I need you so?"

  There was so much apathy in his last words, Gillian felt her heart wrench in pain. She tossed her arms around his neck and cried.

  Andor closed his eyes and inhaled her scent as he folded his arms around her. Her tears tore at his soul, so much so that he felt his eyes responding with tears of their own.

  "I cannot bear the pain," she told him.

  "The pain of what? Of being with me?" he asked, praying that was not so.

  "I loved her so much. I cannot bear the thought of losing another child."

  "Hush now. Shh." He combed his fingers through her hair as he tried to soothe her. "It does not have to be so. There are ways a man and woman can be together without begetting children. I have...I have done so before."

  "How?" She pulled back to look at him, and Andor found himself falling into the depths of her deep blue eyes.

  "I would withdraw before my moment came."

  "You can do that?"

  "Let me show you." When she hesitated, he added in a whisper, "I need you, Gillian. I need to hold you...to be close to you. Please."

  It was wrong the moment they began to make love. Andor could feel her reluctance despite his efforts to arouse her. Still, they continued. In the end, his promised withdrawal also failed. Afterward they lay side by side, not touching, her back to his. Gillian’s occasional sniffle cut their strained silence.

  "Forgive me," he finally said. "If you no longer wish for us to lay together as husband and wife...so be it. It pains me
, but causing you grief hurts me more." He got up and started to dress. "The trial is tomorrow. There are a few other cases to be heard before ours and a couple to be betrothed."

  "Where are you going?" she asked without rolling over.

  "I must speak with Rollo. Rest."

  "Andor?"

  "Yes?"

  "I still want the comfort of having you by my side in the night."

  It was the most he could hope for now. Perhaps, with time, she would remember the joy of being with him and be willing to take the chance of having another child. He loved her enough to give her the time she needed, no matter how long a wait that might be.

  "Rest. I will not be long."

  He stepped back into the night. Rollo had replaced him by the fire, Freyda was by his side, their heads bent toward each other in conversation. The couple jumped when he walked up behind them.

  "I did not mean to startle you," Andor said.

  "We...we thought you had gone to sleep," Rollo said.

  "As I told Freyda earlier, I have much on my mind. I need a favor of you, my friend."

  "All you need do is ask," Rollo said.

  "Get Seamus and ride home. Bring back two of our slaves and two of Leif’s if you can convince them to come. I need men who would be willing to tell of Gillian’s life before she wed Evan and how she came to be his wife. Judging by how freely they spoke on the ship, you should have no problem. I may need them at the hearing. And bring Aud also from Leif’s farm. I wish her to speak of the birth of Thora’s twins."

  "You can count on me to have them here in time," Rollo said.

  Andor clapped him on the back then sat down to pass the remainder of the night staring into the fire and whittling away another block of wood.

  There was not a person at the Thing who was not present at the hearing that afternoon. Gillian stood with Andor ready to speak if called upon, while Leif stood with his people on the other side of the circle. Theirs would be the last suit heard that day. She clenched her hands on her lap while the cases before them were dealt with.

  There was a husband who accused his wife of adultery. Her lover was named and the man stepped forward freely admitting the act. The wife, in turn, requested divorce to marry her lover. The judges’ decision was quick - the request was granted.

  A boundary dispute was settled by an equitable payment between the parties. A thief was flogged; another repeat offender was taken away to have his hand cut off. Minutes later Gillian shuddered with revulsion when his screams carried out over the crowd. Andor’s reassuring hand on her shoulder helped keep her from being ill.

  "We have now the case of Andor against Leif," the chief judge announced. Gillian knew his name to be Egil, an old friend of Andor’s father. "Will those men step forward?"

  Like the stallions Gillian had seen fighting earlier that day, Andor and Leif faced each other.

  "State the problem," Egil said.

  Before Andor could speak, Leif blurted out, "The woman known as Gillian is a witch!"

  There was a gasp and a murmur among the crowd.

  "Silence!" Egil said. "By what right do you call her so?"

  His chest puffed out as he addressed the people in a shrill voice. "She bewitched this man, causing him to wed her when his first wife had not been dead for a fortnight. When her own husband, whose child she claimed to carry, was not even cold in death. A man she also bewitched into marriage. She seeks to sweeten her lot in life by blessing the land on which she now lives and cursing mine. I saw her leap into an icy river for her babe, then when she brought it ashore, she need only touch it and it came back to life."

  The murmuring grew to a dull roar. Egil again demanded silence.

  "Andor, what is your response to these charges?"

  Andor stepped to the highest part of the circle so that everyone would have no trouble seeing or hearing him. In a voice loud, calm, and clear, he began.

  "I am not a man bewitched. I am a man grieving for the loss of a child. ‘Tis true I married Gillian when I had only recently lost my first wife and child. But I did so to protect her from the brutal advances of Leif. She was heavy with child. He wished to claim her as a slave. I could not allow that, not when I have had to watch in silence as he beat and abused his own wife. ‘Twas Rollo, a fine blacksmith, who brought Gillian to my family. On a raid, he had killed her husband. Now Rollo is a man kind of heart. He could not leave an expectant mother to starve, so he took her in.

  "I am not sorry to have married her. In the months since we were wed, we have grown close in heart and mind. It pleases me to give her a better life than she had known before. And she is a hard worker. A good wife. The man, Evan, her first husband, was a drunkard. While he drank, he left his expectant wife to do chores and plow fields. What good man would do that? I do not call that bewitched. If he had been bewitched, ‘twould have been Gillian lazing around the house while he toiled night and day for a living."

  "She was old to be wed for the first time," Leif interrupted. "Her reputation as a witch was well known in her village. No man would have her."

  As much as it pained Andor, he called the Irishmen forward. "Tell these people the story you told on the ship of how Gillian came to wed Evan."

  One man scratched his face to hide a smirk. "Well, she weren’t a witch, to be sure, but she were sure a wench. A sharp-tongued one at that." He went on with his tale.

  Andor saw the hurt in Gillian’s eyes. When she let her head drop to hide her tears, it was all he could do to keep from going to her. He was glad when the man was done.

  "My wife is no witch," Andor told the crowd. "I took her in to protect her. I accepted the babe as my own for the same reason. I cared for them both."

  "What about the river? Explain that," Leif said.

  "Yes, explain that," a man in back called out.

  Freyda stepped forward. "All in my family know how to swim. Andor taught her. The river was cold and swift, but what mother would not jump in to save her child?"

  The women in the crowd nodded their agreement.

  "She almost did not make it. ‘Twas me who pulled her out. I tied dirty clothes together to make a rope. Gwynneth coughed up water the instant Gillian laid her on the bank, but she never woke up."

  "How did the infant come to fall in the river?" one of the judges asked.

  "Leif kicked her in," Freyda replied. "He was in a rage because we were speaking with his wife, Thora. He ordered us off his land, but he never gave us the chance to leave. He never tried to help Gillian save the baby, and when I pulled them out, he grabbed Gillian by the hair and tried to drown her."

  "Because she was a witch!" he shouted.

  "Not true," Andor calmly replied. "This man has become a brutal man over the last year. A man who even saw fit to deny his stillborn twin sons a proper burial."

  Leif shook a finger in Thora’s direction. "They were bastards spawned by her and you!"

  "Not true again." Andor brought Aud out to testify about the birth.

  Leif’s face was mottled with rage. Andor ignored it.

  "He sought to assault a woman heavy with child, then was angered when I gave her sanctuary. He has deluded himself with his wife’s infidelity and abused her horribly. Unfortunately, that can be no concern of mine. His own incompetence has caused his fields to remain fallow and his home to be unbuilt. ‘Tis also no concern of mine. What is my concern is that he callously and knowingly kicked the basket of my baby daughter, causing her to roll into the river. He caused her to hit her little head on a jagged rock. He caused her to fall into a river so frigid the strongest of men would falter within seconds. He did nothing to right this wrong. Instead, he tried to kill my wife - out of jealousy, not because of witchcraft. And when my sister tried to stop him, he struck her unconscious. You can still see the bruise upon her face. And when all this was done, this man did not even have the decency to admit to the murder of my daughter.

  "Many of you have lost a child to death. ‘Tis a painful thing to deal with. But
imagine the pain of having your child’s murderer before you, and your only hope is that those in judgment will see him for the liar and killer he is. If this man is set free, how are we... how are you to know that your child will not be the next victim when he decides to lash out in anger? He has denied his own children. You know the death of yours will mean nothing to him. The death of my daughter is insignificant to him. You can see that on his face."

  All eyes fastened on Leif. He squirmed under the perusal.

  Andor faced the judges. "That is all I have to say."

  "We would speak with the physician who attended the child," Egil said.

  The man came forward.

  "In your opinion, what caused the child to die?"

  "There was a large bump on her head which grew as I watched. Even if she had not fallen in the river, I do not believe she would have lived."

  "Thank you." The twelve judges spoke in tones only they could hear. After several minutes had passed, they faced the crowd once more.

  "We find the charge of witchcraft to be false," Egil announced. "We find the charge of murder to be true and the murderer to be Leif. You are hereby banished from this country and are to seek the first available ship away from here. You are to leave this assembly immediately. Andor and his kinsmen will stay behind for the duration of the Thing. At any time thereafter, if Andor or his kinsmen should find you, they are free to kill you. Andor, ‘tis your right to ask for other atonement. Do you wish to do so?"

  "I do."

  "What is it you wish?"

  "That all lands Leif now holds be forfeited to me."

  "So done."

  "And...that a divorce be granted in the name of Thora from Leif."

  Gillian’s heart leaped forward. She saw Thora’s head whip up and the light of hope in her sad brown eyes.

  "Are you prepared to care for this woman? To take her into your home if necessary?" Egil asked.

  "Yes, I shall."

  Even from a distance Gillian could see the tears shimmering in Thora’s eyes. It was as clear to her as it was to Thora - Andor was finally fulfilling his dream of making Thora his wife.