Chaos (The Realmwalker Chronicles Book 1)

by C. M. Fenn

  I consider this. “Even from far away?”

  “It depends on how familiar I am with the individual. But yes, I know all of the Realmwalkers’ …” she makes quotes in the air, “‘frequencies’ by heart. I can access their moods at all times from anywhere on Earth or Chaos.”

  “Wow. That’s actually really comforting,” I say, feeling much better about the scouting mission tonight.

  “You’ll learn to do it too!” Angel says happily. “But first things first. Adelaide Shepherd, are you ready to begin your basic training as a full-blown Realmwalker?”

  Chapter 19

  “There are some standard essential abilities that everyone must learn to do right away,” Angel instructs. “The first necessary ability is to be able to put yourself to sleep and wake yourself up in an instant. Okay?”

  “Okay,” I say, rubbing my hands together. I’m both nervous and excited to be learning my very first trick. “What do I do?” I ask eagerly.

  “You might want to lie back on the couch. Get as comfortable as you can.” She jumps up and sits in a chair across from me. I lie back on the sofa. The ceiling of the library is the same rich wood as the shelves lining the walls. My eyes go to the chandelier and again the peaceful beauty of this room amazes me. I take deep, relaxing breaths and once I’m comfortable, I close my eyes.

  “Perfect,” Angel says quietly. “Now I’m going to walk you through this a few times before I actually let you do it. I want to be sure you completely understand how it’s done beforehand. That way you can bring yourself back to Chaos on your own.”

  “That makes sense.”

  I start to feel a soft, familiar presence in my mind. “Is that you?” I ask.

  Yes.

  “Wow,” I whisper. I can feel Angel’s amusement at my awe.

  You don’t need to speak anymore. Try thinking a direct thought at me.

  “At your body? Or at the ‘you’ that’s in my head?” I ask.

  At my presence in your mind.

  “Um, okay,” I say uneasily. “Here goes.” I try to direct my thoughts toward Angel’s gentle voice.

  HELLO?

  Not so loud!

  “Oh! Sorry!”

  I open my eyes and see Angel wincing with her head between her hands.

  “Try to be … softer. More subtle,” she says through gritted teeth.

  “I’m really sorry. Oh, I’m going to be bad at this aren’t I?”

  “No, Addy. You’re actually very good. Too good—that’s the problem. It took the others much longer to even grasp the concept of this, but you found me right away. The others had to put an immense amount of effort into it. For you, however, it comes so naturally that you need to concentrate on restraining yourself.”

  I try to see this as good news. I can do it. I can actually find Angel and talk to her with my mind. I only need to pull back a little.

  “How can I be gentler when I don’t even know how I’m doing it exactly?” I ask her.

  “You have a strong imagination. Use it.” She closes her eyes and I expect that’s the only help I’m going to get from her.

  Now let’s try again, I hear her think to me.

  I try to think of how to push my thoughts at her without screaming. She said to use my imagination. Okay … think, think.

  Then I realize I already have the answer! Before, I thought about “pushing” my thoughts, and that’s what I’d done. I’d shoved my thoughts toward her, and in doing so I overcompensated. But what if I slowed it down?

  Angel? I thought at her very slowly.

  Ah. That’s much better, Addy. It’s a bit slow but once you get the hang of it, you should be able to gauge the proper speed and volume. Congratulations! I can feel the pride radiating off her mental presence.

  Where are you now? I mean, in my mind? Can you hear what I’m thinking?

  I’m at a level of your consciousness where I can hear only the thoughts you directly send to me. You’ll eventually learn the different levels of the mind and how to access each of them. There’s a proper etiquette to all of this. You can’t go swimming around in people’s deepest darkest secrets.

  Oh! I wouldn’t dream of it! I impulsively think at her, horrified at the thought of knowing someone’s every thought.

  Quietly, remember?

  Sorry. This time I concentrate hard on restraining myself. I’ll do better. So, what now?

  Well, normally, and with any other Walker, I would show you how to sleep and wake by actually putting you to sleep and waking you up repeatedly until you learned how to do it yourself.

  Normally?

  Yes. But, since you’re a Mimic, I would like to have you learn how to do this in the way that Mimics learn all of their abilities. By observation. She pauses a moment while I consider this.

  So, I think slowly to her, instead of doing it for me, I watch you do it and then try to copy you?

  Yes. Only, don’t watch with your eyes. Watch with your mind.

  Watch WHAT with my mind? Your mind? How can I watch your mind when you’re in my head?

  You must project your consciousness out of yourself, the way I’m doing. You must push yourself into my mind.

  Trying not to get too worked up, I think, But I’m not ready for that. Even if I can figure out how it’s done, I wouldn’t know how deep and how shallow to stay. I could inadvertently read your most private thoughts! I don’t want to do that!

  Trust me, Adelaide. My mind is very strong, and I’ve learned ways of building walls around things I wish to keep to myself. You couldn’t break those walls even if you wanted to.

  Are … are you sure it will be okay? I think at her hesitantly.

  I’m certain. Now, to move your consciousness to mine is easier than it seems. Simply feel where I am in your mind. Try to get a sense of me. When you feel me start to move, follow me. I’ll guide you into my own mind.

  Whoa. This was all so incredible, so surreal. Will it be difficult? Leaving my own mind?

  It shouldn’t be too difficult for you. If you feel any resistance, give your thoughts a push. We both know your “pushes” are very strong, she teases.

  Okay. I’m ready to try.

  Follow me.

  Slowly, I feel her shift in my mind. The light, feathery sensation I’ve begun to associate with her travels upward, lifting higher and higher. I concentrate all of my thoughts on following her. I follow her until I feel as though she’s going to leave me completely. And then she’s gone.

  I hesitate, unsure of my next move.

  I feel the barrier at the edge of my own mind, and beyond it, a great emptiness. I imagine myself standing on the very edge of a cliff. The chasm below is vast and unknown. I still feel a little of Angel’s presence, in the air above me, just out of reach.

  I feel as vulnerable as a baby bird, its mother beckoning it to leap from the comfort of its nest. What will happen out there? Once I push my consciousness out into the open, will I lose control? What if I can’t find my way back? Will I literally lose my mind? I hear Angel’s comforting voice from the chair next to me.

  “Don’t be afraid, Addy. I know you can do this.” I nod in determination. I feel around the barrier in my mind. I find the place where I can sense Angel the strongest, just on the other side. And I push.

  Chapter 20

  I can see everything. I mean … EVERYTHING. Everywhere, almost at once. I see myself lying on the sofa. Angel’s resting with her eyes closed on the chair next to me. I can see every detail of the library. Given the time, I could count all of the books on the shelves. Across the room, a pretty book bound in deep blue catches my eye, and then it’s as if I’m in front of it, able to read its title, The American Civil War.

  I feel like a helium balloon bouncing around the room, instantly drawn to anything that piques my interest. The reason I don’t completely panic is that I still feel an attachment to my mind, like I’m tethered to it by a thin thread.

  I’m so distracted by this new freedom that it takes m
e a moment to remember what it is I’m supposed to be doing. I worry as I remember I’m supposed to be following Angel. I force myself to be calm. I remember how Angel’s energy feels to me. I put out imaginary feelers and search for that soft, feathery presence. I’m shocked when this actually works and I find her!

  I focus only on the feeling of her presence, blocking out all of the conflicting visual input from the library. By doing this, I’m able to sense her start to move again. I put all of my trust in this ability as I begin to follow her blindly.

  I follow. I feel another slight boundary but this time I don’t even hesitate. I push straight through.

  Once through, I’m contained again, and the comfort of it is a relief. Even though I realize I’m not in my own mind, my instincts tell me I’m in a safe place. The feeling of Angel’s mind is much like her personality: happy, bright, warm, and loving. It’s a comfortable place to be, like the feeling I get when I’m visiting Gram’s house.

  You did great, Addy!

  I sense her voice and realize she’s a bit higher than I am. I must be deeper down into her consciousness than she would prefer. Briefly, before rising up to find her, I can’t stop myself from wondering about her wall that she mentioned. And with that thought—that tiny little thought about her wall—I slam into it. It’s like before in the library when that blue book caught my eye, and before I knew it, I was close enough to read it. I need to learn to control my impulses better.

  Being here, against this wall in her mind, curiosity gets the better of me. I reach out tentatively and can definitely feel I’m being blocked from going any further. I feel the strength and enormity of the wall. I’m aware of every aspect of it. In fact, just being here, “viewing” it, I’m pretty sure I know how it was made and put up. I know that if I ever needed to, I could do the same thing in my own mind.

  In fact, I could do it better. I could make it stronger because I can see the weaknesses in this one. I’m also certain that, despite what Angel believes, I could get through this wall if I pushed hard enough. Not that I ever would of course. I respect Angel too much to violate her privacy that way. Still … I wonder what kind of secret such a sweet young girl would feel she has to hide.

  Never mind. It doesn’t matter. It’s none of my business. As quickly as I can, I rush up toward where I know Angel is.

  There you are. See! You’re a natural. I feel a little guilty as I realize she thinks I got lost on my way to her. Out of embarrassment and shame, I decide not to tell her about my detour, and I’m grateful she can’t read my thoughts unless I let her.

  Thanks, Angel. You’re a great teacher.

  Now, she thinks at me, I’m going to put myself to sleep and then wake myself back up again. Try to be aware of what my mind is doing during this process. If you can see how it’s done, you can make your own mind do the same thing.

  Okay. I’ll watch as you do it. I try to expand my consciousness to cover her entire mind. I don’t delve deeply; rather I float atop the surface looking down. I keep my feelers out, ready to sense any changes from her current state of mind.

  Briefly, I wonder in amazement how I already know what to do. It’s like being handed the keys to a car for the first time ever, and somehow, without ever being taught, I already know how to drive.

  I begin to notice activity in Angel’s mind, and I focus on it. I see exactly what she’s doing and how she’s doing it. She’s creating in her mind all the feelings that come with sleep: exhaustion, warmth, comfort, rest. Only, instead of letting it occur naturally, she’s manually triggering it. Like flipping a mental switch. The effect is instantaneous. Her mind goes quiet and I can tell her body is asleep now.

  Before she awakens, I have a moment to consider whether I’ll be able to do this with my own mind, and I know that I can. This sense of self-assuredness is new to me. Never have I felt so confident in myself or my abilities. It’s refreshing and exciting.

  I begin to sense more activity. This time it’s muffled, almost like a conversation you hear through a door. I realize I’m sensing what she’s doing to her mind over on Earth-side. The process is identical. She’s putting her mind to sleep over there. As she does this, she immediately wakes up here in Chaos.

  Were you able to understand what I did just now?

  I answer her excitedly, but manage to do so without shouting. Yes! This is so amazing. I know what you did and I’m sure I can do it too. I never thought this would be so easy!

  It isn’t easy for others. You have your ability to thank for that. Even so, I’m surprised at your rate of learning. I knew you’d be a fast learner but not THIS fast. At this rate, you could finish your training in a week. Way to go! Are you sure you don’t need me to repeat the process a few more times? I don’t mind.

  Sure. Once more would probably help. This time, I try to anticipate the steps she’ll go through. I run through it all seconds before she does and find that I’m spot-on the whole way through. In fact, I play with the idea of whether or not I could induce sleep in not only myself but in others.

  After she awakens the second time, I’m eager to return and try it myself. I find the return journey is the simplest part of all. It feels as easy as retracting an outstretched arm.

  Once I’m back, I open my eyes and sit up. “Is it okay for me to try now?” I ask the perfect little girl sitting across from me.

  Her face brightens and she smiles at my enthusiasm. “If you feel like you’re ready, then go ahead! If you succeed in waking up top-side but find you can’t get back, I’ll help you.”

  As I lie back down, I feel her in my mind again. This time I can tell she’s hovering at the highest levels of my mind so that she can observe. I close my eyes and, keen to prove myself, I immediately find the areas in my mind I need to activate. Without hesitation, I repeat the process of inducing sleep I witnessed in Angel’s mind. I fleetingly notice how my body begins to feel heavy as I slip into a deep sleep.

  A sleep I don’t get to enjoy as I instantly open my eyes to my darkened bedroom. I did it! I actually did something with my mind. Something that normal people can’t do. While I realize it’s nothing spectacular, it’s at least a start. I glance over and see Ember sleeping soundly. I notice her eyes are moving back and forth underneath her eyelids, and I wonder what she is seeing right now.

  I decide to put myself back to sleep before Angel can start to worry that I’m stuck here. I find the second time through to be even easier, and when I awaken, Angel’s clapping ecstatically and bouncing in her seat.

  “Bravo, Addy! Bravo! What a perfect Mimic you make!” Again, I notice how her eyes get a little misty at the mention of my ability.

  “Thanks Angel!” I say, genuinely grateful for her help and encouragement. “You made that so easy. I guess it’s helpful to learn these things from someone who thinks like me.”

  “I’ll teach you everything I can that the others can’t teach you. And if you don’t mind, I’d really like to make it a crash course. Things are going to be so hectic these next few weeks, and the faster we get you out into Chaos the better.”

  “Wow. Okay, sure. Whatever you think is best.”

  Angel looks pensive as she explains, “But you need to know, Addy, no one’s expecting you to take on this Greater Shade all on your own. I really hope you don’t carry the weight of that around with you. We’re a family and a team here and we all work together, okay?” She looks at me with concern.

  “Okay. Thanks, Harmony,” I say with relief.

  “Anyway, to be honest with you,” she sighs in a way that I’ve only seen adults do, “the Greater Shade is not behind my reasoning for wanting you to learn quickly.” A strange thing happens as I look at her. Suddenly she doesn’t look nine years old to me. It’s as if all the weariness, worry, and fatigue you would expect to see on an elderly war veteran is etched into her tender young face.

  “What is it, Angel?” Her eyes tear up and I realize she’s done a lot of crying tonight. “Why are you so upset?”

>   Her hands flutter to her eyes to wipe away tears before they can fall. She laughs and says, “Oh, I’m not upset at all! I’m sorry I’m so emotional. It’s just …” she looks me in the eyes, “you can’t realize what a relief this is for me! I’ve been so worried for so long now. I kept thinking, what if something happens to me? What if I get killed out there one night, or if Chaos decides it’s done with me and releases me? What will happen to the Walkers? Who will do the things that only I know how to do? It’s a lot of pressure and it’s been a constant sense of trepidation for me.”

  “But Angel, nothing’s going to happen to you. I’m sure you’ll be around for a long time. Ember says you’re one tough cookie and I believe her.”

  Angel smiles and nods her head. “I know. Trust me—I don’t plan on being Shade food. But all the same, you know, accidents happen.” She says this as she fidgets with some frill on her dress. “I’m very comforted to have you here, Addy. I’m eager to train you as quickly as I can to permanently relieve my worry. Can you understand that?”

  “Of course I can. I’ll do everything possible to learn quickly.” This seems to cheer her up. She bounds off her chair and grabs my hand and pulls me after her out of the library.

  “Wonderful! Let’s get started with an official tour!”

  Chapter 21

  “Our first stop should be Logistics. There’s a map on the wall there that will help you with memorizing the place.” I follow her through the halls of Major Calm. As we go, we pass rooms and halls, some I’m familiar with already and others that are new to me. We stop once we reach a room located in between the briefing room we met in last night and the hallway that leads to the garage.

  Inside, the room appears to be a large office-like space filled with computers, desks, and planning boards and charts along the walls. An image of the world map, along with corresponding digital clocks atop each time zone, takes up an entire wall. About a dozen little flag pins protrude from the map at different locations. On the North American continent there are five flags: two in California, one in Nebraska, one in New York, and one in Arizona.