by K. J. Lewis
“I haven’t touched him. Reid handled it all.”
“Actually, Miller Donovan had it all handled before I was able to.” I fill the team in on what happened. I don’t think Elise would mind.
“We don’t think they would try to go after Elise, do we?” Fran asks.
“No. They are being watched, and even though Blake won’t admit it, I know he has someone on Elise.”
“I don’t, actually. Whoever she is staying with has their own team watching her,” Blake says before thanking Shawn for the meal he’s setting in front of us. “How did you find her?” Blake shifts the conversation to me.
“I have my ways.”
“Emme told you,” Blake says, not withholding his smile.
“Yep.”
“Emme hid Elise. I love her,” Gabby says peppering her fish. “She seems like a really fun person to hang with. I forget Elise helped her when Blaine Moore was being accused of stealing from his production team.”
“I think Elise also worked with her when Theo helped with the video.”
More pieces of the puzzle about Elise fall into place as I listen to them talk over dinner.
We touch down a little after two in the afternoon. Blake helps the girls load their suitcases into the back of the Tahoe while I attempt to call Elise again. Straight to voice mail and Blake still refuses to give me the number to the phone he gave her.
“You want to drive, boss?” Fran reigns in my attention.
“How far to the farm?” I look around. We are definitely in bum-fuck Indiana. I have no idea where we are going.
“About a 60-minute drive.”
“Nah. I’m going to do some work. One of you can drive.”
“Gabs, you’re shotgun,” Fran says, climbing behind the wheel.
“I’m going to nap,” Blake announces, sliding the last of the bags in place.
“I’ll take the third row. You can stretch out,” I offer. I want to have some distance between me and the girls, so I can think about what I want to say to Elsie. I wanted to email her from the plane, but knew I needed to participate in the conversation.
Cocooned into the last row, I prop my laptop on my knees and open my email. I have about a thousand from being out of pocket today, but those will have to wait.
I watch acre after acre of corn stream past the window as I write, delete, and rewrite the email.
“Grow some balls and just do it,” I mumble to myself. I decide to just say what I really want to tell her: “Dove, I love you. I’m sorry. Please call me. R.”
“We’re here.” Fran announces pulling me out of my reverie. One hour and I have eight words to show for it. I hit send.
We enter under an iron arch that announces we are on the farm. Fran drives another five or so miles before we pull up to a classic white farmhouse with a large wrap around porch and green shutters.
There are a few cars already here, and there appears to be at least a couple dozen people milling about. When I climb out of the car, I move over to Fran whose eyes are wet and brimming. I squeeze her shoulder in support and step to the back of the SUV. Theo greets me with a handshake and a one-armed hug.
“Thanks for coming, man. I know it will mean a lot to Ryan and the team.”
“When did you get here?”
“About an hour ago.”
“How is he?” Gabby asks, coming around the side.
“Struggling,” Theo says.
The girls head into the house.It’s strange. Men are the one’s designed to be tough, but the women are the ones going straight to Ryan while the rest of us hang back, not really sure what to say or how to offer comfort.
“Has he said anything?” Blake asks.
“Nothing,” Theo replies. “His mom told me he hasn’t eaten in days. He won’t say more than three words to anyone. He’s completely shut down. The only time he has something to say is when his mom makes him leave the room so Emily can FaceTime with Elise. He gets so angry about it that she insists he leave.”
“Everyone here family?” I ask, nodding a hello to someone greeting us.
“A couple of siblings on their parent’s side. Other than that I think it’s mostly people from church.”
“Let’s go,” Blake says softly. The three of us climb the steps to porch. Theo opens the screen door. The entryway and main room feel like a home, like love lives here.
Theo guides us to the back, through the dining room and into the kitchen. Ryan is pouring the girls a glass of lemonade. Every available counter space is covered in food. There must be enough food here to feed a hundred people.
“I’m Janice, Ryan’s mom.” A pretty brunette woman introduces herself to me.
“Nice to meet you. Reid Beckett. I hope I’m not intruding. I wish we were meeting under different circumstances.”
“You aren’t intruding at all. Emily wants Ryan to have his family around him and that is what you all are to him.” She hugs Fran and introduces us to her husband. Ryan bears his father’s name and they are spitting images of each other.
“Thanks for coming, boss,” Ryan says when he enters the kitchen. He shakes my hand and then Blake’s. He gives a half-hearted hug to the girls, but when Fran and Gabby both try to force him into a deeper one, he isn’t having it. It’s clear he doesn’t want to be consoled or comforted.
“Uncle Paul and Aunt Mary just went in,” he tells his mom.
“Why don’t you get some fresh air? Show your friends the farm. Then they can start setting up some tables to feed everyone.”
“We’re on it,” Gabby tells Fran. Both of the girls grab aprons. Before we’ve even stepped out onto the back porch, Gabby has four men moving picnic tables closer to the house.
The farm is large, I suppose. I have to admit I know nothing about farming. There’s corn as far as the eye can see. I can see the barns and the areas the animals are kept. I can’t help but to think of Elise. I imagine her stripping down and running into the kitchen only to be greeted by Ryan and his preacher. The image curls my lips slightly.
Ryan rattles off a bunch of facts about that farm that no one really seems interested in, when Blake interrupts him. “I wish I had words to make this better, Ryan.”
Ryan stops, looks through him, not at him, and turns to leave. Blake reaches out to stop him, placing a hold on his arm. Ryan doesn’t say anything, but his eyes move from his arm where Blake’s hand is up to Blake’s face.
“Fine,” Blake concedes and drops his hand. “What the fuck? How long has he been like this?” Blake asks after Ryan walks away.
“Since we brought her home.” The voice from behind startles us.
“Sorry about the language, sir,” Blake says to Ryan, Sr.
“Janice and I thought he might settle down once we were back on the farm, but nothing has seemed to work. We’re worried about him. He hasn’t slept in days. He won’t accept anyone’s touch other than to hold Emily’s hand. It’s like he wants to crawl out of his own skin. We should have insisted he call you all sooner. He needs you. My son is as stubborn as that mule I have in the barn.” He squeezes Blake’s shoulder.
“What can we do?” Theo asks.
“Just be here. Elise is taking the brunt of it. I trust her. She knows.”
“Knows what?” Blake asks.
Ryan, Sr. looks at us like he’s a little surprised we haven’t put the pieces together already. “Elise knows he would never forgive himself for being angry with Emily for not wanting to fight the last weeks of her life. She’s protecting him from himself.”
The girls have the tables draped in checkered cloths and wildflowers on the table.
“It looks like a shindig,” Blake says with furrowed brows.
“It’s a celebration of all Emily is,” Fran says. “Now, move the tables back under the overhang. It looks like rain.”
We run food to the tables, making sure everyone is fed. Ryan and his parents are back upstairs. Once everyone is situated and eating, the skies open up. The heavens seem to be
mourning with the family.
The rain and the late hour push some of the folks on home, and by the time we have everything cleaned up it’s close to seven.
We sit on the front porch, giving polite goodbyes to those leaving. The rain is steadily coming down in sheets, and I wonder how anyone can see to leave this place. I guess when you live here you know where you are going.
“My sister is with Emily right now, but I know Emily will want to see you girls,” Janice says to Fran and Gabby. Ryan steps out onto the porch and flinches when his mom touches his arm. I stand and offer her my seat. We all sit in silence and listen to the rain.
A large pickup truck pulls up, and Janice stands to greet more church people. My heart skips a beat when I see Elise standing in the pouring rain. Her hair is in short braids. She has on a raincoat and yellow rain boots that come up to her knees, and she’s more beautiful than I have ever seen her. I move away from the pole I was leaning against and take a step toward her, but Theo’s arm wraps around me holding me in place.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” Ryan takes three steps down. Elise stays frozen in her spot, not moving, not saying a word. The porch light is shining on her face. The rain pours over her as she steels herself against Ryan’s tirade. “I told you I don’t want you here.”
Janice starts to say something, but Ryan, Sr. stops her. Ryan takes more steps towards Elise. She takes four big ones without an ounce of hesitation at Ryan’s anger.
“This is your fault. I’ll never forgive you. She would still be fighting.”
Theo vibrates a little, and I realize he still has his arm wrapped around me. I’m not sure if he’s holding me in place or if I’m holding him.
“You aren’t welcomed here. Go the fuck home, Elise,” Ryan howls, moving his finger out of her face to grab her by her open raincoat, pulling her slightly off the ground to his eye-level. “Leave or I’ll make you leave.”
Janice’s soft gasp is enough to move me, and this time Theo doesn’t stop me. Elise wraps her arms around Ryan before I make it down the porch steps. As the rain pours over them, Ryan’s resolve breaks, and he wraps himself around Elise, falling to his knees. His sobs are audible even from the porch. Her hand rests at the back of his head, buried in her neck.
“I don’t know how to live in a world without my sister.”
“I know sweetheart.” She kisses his forehead, wrapping her arms tighter around him.
“I’m sorry for the things I said.”
“I know that, too.”
I close my eyes and release a breath I didn’t realize I was holding, praying Elise didn’t use all her forgiveness on Ryan.
“Walk with me,” Theo says, nodding to his left. “Let’s go,” he says when I don’t immediately follow.
We walk around the porch to the back of the house. The rain is now a light mist, and I follow Theo out to the barn. It’s lit and filled with a variety of farm animals. Theo picks up some pails and hands them to me.
“You know how to feed farm animals?” I ask.
“Yep. His parents taught us when we came out here to visit. Everyone pulls their weight.” He runs a bucket of corn down a feeding trough for the chickens, nodding for me to do the same for the goats. Afterward, we lay hay in the furrows for the cows.
“I was mad at Elise,” he says, leaning against the pitch fork handle.
“Why? I was mad at Ryan,” I admit.
“Not now. In college. The night Elise was raped, we were supposed to go out.” He clears his throat. It’s clear it’s still hard for him to talk about. “We had a fight. She said I was pushing Ross too hard and was going to lose him if I didn’t figure it out. I lost it. I let my anger get the best of me and didn’t show for our plans. Didn’t call her. Nothing. Just didn’t show. It was the only time in my life Elise and I weren’t on the same side of things. She texted me and called me. Tried to fix it. She came by Ross’ and I wouldn’t answer.” He fidgets. “She texted me several more times. Told me she was going out with Gabby and that she hoped I would meet them. I was still mad, so I didn’t go. Then she stopped texting me. For Elise that is unusual. She’s like a dog with a bone until she gets a response from you. Then I actually got mad that she gave up that easily. That she didn’t try to reach me again. That I didn’t hear from her for several hours. I was such an asshole. I wanted to make her sweat it out. To have to work for it. It wasn’t until I got a 911 text from Gabby that morning that I actually returned a call. When I got there,” a tear drops down his face, “and I saw what she had been through. What that bastard had done to her. And I knew. Knew I had fucked up and Elise had paid the price.
“I’m telling you this because you fucked up, Reid. You didn’t trust Elise to do what she does best, to run this team and this company. You didn’t trust her decisions when it came to her own safety. You didn’t trust her. You fucked up, and Elise paid the price.”
“Christ man. Don’t you think I know that? Every fucking day she’s been gone, I’ve known that.” I kick a pail and chickens scatter.
“Then fix it. Elise doesn’t need to be coddled or protected from doing what she does best. She needs someone who will take charge and fix things so she doesn’t have to always be that person. You’re that person for her, Reid. I saw it the first time she was upset and she went to you over me. I know you thought I was mad or upset by that, but I wasn’t. I was just waiting for you to understand. When all that happened with Elise, I was a mess. Ross never left me. He healed me from the inside out. Yes, Elise and I slept together. Yes, we will each have a part of each other’s heart, but she doesn’t look to me to fix things. Not like she does you. That’s a part of her I’ve never had. Not on this level. My point is, you’re fucking this up thinking it has to be all or nothing when it comes to Elise’s heart.”
We finish in the barn and head into the house. Most everyone is gone. We find Ryan’s parents and the girls talking softly.
“Finally he ate,” Janice says, placing a plate in the sink.
“Why don’t you all head to the hotel and get some rest. We’ll call you if anything changes. Emily’s resting. I know my daughter. She isn’t going anywhere tonight.”
“We’ll go around the porch,” Theo says pointing to our muddy feet.
As we all walk around the side of the house, my heart races at the thought that I’m finally going to get to wrap Elise in my arms. We turn the corner to see Ryan asleep on the swinging bed, his arms wrapped around Elise like she is an anchor holding him in place. And for once, I don’t feel envious about it, because even though she’s giving herself to Ryan, I know her heart is mine.
The rain begins to fall a little heavier again. The wind lends a soft sway to the swing. Janice hands me a quilt with a wink and continues saying her goodbyes. I lay the quilt over them and place a soft kiss to Elise’s temple. She doesn’t wake but her hand comes up to softly pat my cheek, and in that moment, I know this is the love of my life.
“I knew you’d come,” Emily says, with her eyes still closed, when I climb in bed next to her.
“Where else would I be.”
“You’re the one person Ryan depends on.”
“I’ll let you in on a little secret.”
“Do tell.” She pulls on me, and I help turn her on her side so that she’s facing me. She’s weak and has been in and out of it since I arrived a few hours ago. Janice had told me Ryan hadn’t been eating or sleeping. I knew it was time to come. As soon as he let go of his emotions, the exhaustion bore in and he finally slept. I’ve been sitting with Emily for the last hour or so, giving Janice time to rest, too.
“I’m not the person Ryan depends on.”
“Yes you are. He lets himself relax around you.”
“He’s not as serious around me, but he’s in love with Fran. She is the rock he depends on.”
“What?” her eyes shoot open. “How did I not know that and why are you just now telling me?”
“Wasn’t my story to tell.”
; “I’d promise you I’d take it to my grave, but I can’t pass up one last time to tease my brother.” She giggles, but I see the resolve in her face. She’s ready.
“Are you scared?” I ask her, a tear falling down my face. We’ve talked twice a day since she’s been home, but it’s been about thirteen-year-old girl things. Things to make her laugh or dream. Things to help her forget, even if just for a minute.
“I’m not scared for me. I was scared that Ryan wasn’t going to get where he needed to be before I left.”
“You know you are my little sister, and I have loved every conversation these last several years.”
“I know, Elise.” Her eyes close. “Thank you for giving me friends. Without you and Gabby and Fran I would never know what it was like to have a boyfriend or fall in love or have sleepovers in high school. You let me live through you guys.”
“Maybe that is how you are so wise. You’re beyond your years. I’m going to miss you so much. You may only be thirteen, but you have given me more than I could ever give you.” I kiss her forehead.
“So if he’s in love with Fran, why didn’t she make him better?”
“Well, love can be hard to explain. Ryan has known this was your decision and that it was the right decision since you made it. He just wasn’t ready. This wasn’t about him needing me and not Fran. It was about him protecting her from himself. He was too angry. And he is too protective of his love for Fran. He would never put this on her. He hasn’t even told her he loves her.”
“He is so lame. Has he kissed her?”
“Do not answer that question, Elise.” Ryan’s voice comes from the chair next to the bed. “And what do you know about kissing?” He lays on the other side of Emily.
“My brother is finally back.” Emily turns over on her back and looks at him. “Are you going to tell Fran you love her?”
“Thanks a lot, Elise.” Ryan sighs. Emily laughs knowing she has gotten me in trouble.
“Stop deflecting and answer her question,” I cajole.
“While you’re answering,” Emily adds, “are you going to tell us if you’ve kissed her?”