Fading to Light

by Sarah Cole

  “Charlie Adams, get your ass down here.” He says staring and pointing directly at me as the spotlight swivels and lands on our table. I. Want. To. Die.

  I stand slowly and say to Andrew, loud enough for Laney to hear, “If I die of embarrassment tonight, donate all my organs to needy candidates- except my middle finger. That you can give to Laney for letting this happen.”

  He throws his head back and howls with laughter. Laney just gives me a double set of middle fingers.

  I head down the staircase and make my way through the parting crowd. The place is packed wall to wall with bodies. It smells like sweat and beer, and it feels familiar, like home. A shiver of excitement runs down my spine, and I know for certain this is going to be awesome. It has been so long, and I need this, like I need my next breath.

  Andrew:

  “There she is!” Jay says, wrapping my girl in his arms, and I can’t help the jealousy that stabs me when she embraces him tightly and kisses his cheek and he does the same in return. The other guys come up to give her a hug or a fist bump, and I have to smile at the way she carries herself, because she’s so pretty but she really can be a bro sometimes.

  “So here’s how we’re going to do this. Our Charlie-bug here is killer on drums, vocals and guitar so we’re going to do a variety show if you will. We’re doing a mix of old favorite covers, old originals and new tracks from our upcoming album tonight. Cool with you guys?” he asks the audience, and they scream their approval.

  A heavily tattooed guy with huge ear gauges passes what I assume is a set list to Charlie, and she smiles nodding and pointing to a couple things. A stage hand brings out a guitar and helps her adjust the strap. Jay nods to her and she walks up to the mic.

  “Hey guys. I know you aren’t here for me, but I was set up. Be nice to me it’s been a while.” She says in that sexy, raspy voice of hers.

  “Baby I’d be nice to you all night!” some guy yells from the crowd, and all I want to do is let my fist make friends with his face.

  Charlie just shakes her head with a smile and replies into the mic “Sorry pal, not gonna happen. My guy’s up there.”

  She says pointing in our direction and I just want to beat my chest with pride. One of the guys in the band yells… OWNED! And the crowd laughs which makes me feel a bit better. Then he continues, “Just because she’s a little thing, don’t underestimate her. I’m willing to bet she’d kick your ass!” and the crowd laughs once more.

  “Looks like we’re going to start with a cover of Love is Like War, then move onto some original stuff from the old days, then we’ll mix it up for ya.” Charlie says, seeming completely comfortable on stage, and the crowd screams their approval, louder this time.

  “OK, then let’s get this shit started! Count me off Chase!” she yells.

  What happens next floors me. Charlie leads with the guitar, fingers flying up and down the frets with ease. She’s dancing and head banging. When she starts singing my eyes bug out. She has ahold of the mic stand with one hand belting the chorus with her eyes closed, and I’m shocked. I knew she could sing and play instruments, but this is a whole other level. She’s really fucking good; like this should be her job good. The next song comes up and Jay explains that Charlie actually wrote this song when they were in high school. Once they begin playing, I actually recognize the song and I can’t believe that my Charlie wrote it. Holy shit. What stuns me even more is when she takes the mic off the stand and starts screaming the lyrics into the mic, and she can do it better than most of the men in this genre. She’s a beast.

  “You have got to be kidding me, right?” I ask Laney, and she just smiles a crazed smile.

  “Afraid not beefcake. That’s your girl in her element. Isn’t she amazing?” she says

  “Damn fucking right she is. She’s incredible. I’ve never seen anything like it!” I say really getting into it, and singing along to the songs I know. I’m so insanely proud of her.

  The song ends and the crowd is going crazy for Charlie. Hell I’m going crazy for Charlie.

  “We’re gonna switch it up and give our girl a crack at the drums here. What do ya think?” Jay interacts with the audience. They erupt with shouts of approval.

  Charlie makes her way back to the drum kit that Chase is readjusting for her, as she points where to move stuff. She sits on the stool and beats out a quick sequence on the set. Jay give her a look and she nods back with a huge grin on her face. She’s like a kid in a candy store, and it makes me happy to see her so excited over something. This is the first time I have seen her light up from the inside.

  One of the guys starts strumming a base line and Jay shouts. “This is Bones Exposed by Of Mice & Men.” Charlie twirls, actually fucking twirls the drumsticks in her fingers before tossing it in the air, and begins to drum. She’s absolutely shredding those things, and I swear I fall even harder for her. There’s my classy, smart, beautiful girl up there and she’s rocking it so damn hard.

  Kate apparently wakes up from her little nap, where she’s been face planted on the table, and starts screaming for her sister like a lunatic. Her husband Alec just shaking his head. Poor guy.

  “Go Charlie!! Wooooo!!!! Thumper!!!! Go Thumper!!!!” she screams giggling.

  I still as it feels like ice water has been injected into my veins. Thumper. The girl in the picture – her eyes. Accident. It all begins clicking, like rapid fire, everything is being put together at warp speed. That girl in the picture with Charlie was Abigail Mason. I knew she looked familiar, but her face was so unrecognizable I had no idea. Well if that is Abigail and she’s Thumper, then shit… she- my girl- was in that accident. Oh my God. The things she must have seen, and the shit she must have gone through. I knew the other victim was critically injured and ended up pulling through eventually, but I had no other information than that.

  “You ok Andrew? You look a little sick bud.” Laney says.

  “Thumper?” I manage to croak out.

  She laughs, “Yeah. I guess our best friend Abby gave that nickname to her in like junior high… something about her drumming. Guess it just kinda stuck, but she hates it.” She laughs.

  And there it is, my conclusion confirmed. I know I have to tell her that I was there that night, and that I did everything I could. How do you tell the woman, who is your whole world, that you were there the night she lost hers. I don’t know a lot about the situation from her side, but I know it’s a pain that cuts like a knife. The fact that she doesn’t talk about it, and she hasn’t even mentioned Abby’s name tells me so much. That kind of pain is so familiar to me.

  I always intended to tell Charlie my story, my whole story, but after this revelation I know that if I want any sort of solid future with her I have to come clean and get it off my chest. I may not be ready, but it isn’t about me this time. I want her to know everything about my past before she commits to our future. It would kill me if she chose a different future that didn’t have me in it, but I refuse to have one with her that isn’t based on truth and honesty. She is too important.

  Chapter 8

  Charlie:

  What a rush! I had forgotten what it feels like to be on a stage in front of a crowd, and to feel the music as sure as I feel my heart beating. My body feels like a live wire, and I know I am too excited to sit just yet, so I make my way back stage to wait for the guys to finish the set. I receive pats on the back and compliments from bands and technicians backstage, and I’m so giddy I don’t see the giant extension cord on the floor. I feel a sharp pain in my ankle and I fall. Hard. Absolutely mortified, I pop back up faster than a kangaroo on crack and hobble the few steps over to an empty amp case and sit. Thankfully, it seems everyone is too preoccupied with the band’s last number to have noticed my little incident. Except for that guy with the beard and clipboard …. Yeah. He definitely saw everything. Crap.

  The guys finish up and run off stage, fans still screaming, wanting more. “That was fucking awesome, Thumper!” Jay shouts excitedly, picking
me up off the case and swinging me in a circle. I wince at the stabbing, hot pain in my ankle.

  “What’s the matter with you?” He asks, brows furrowed in concern.

  “I tripped over the extension cord, and I twisted my ankle.” I say trying to push myself away from his sweaty body. Yuck.

  “Can’t leave you alone for five minutes. Some things never change. Still accident prone, I see.” He says with humor in his eyes.

  “True enough.” I say. “Thank you so much for that. You know how long it’s been. I’d almost forgotten what it was like.”

  “Charlie…” he starts, but then stops himself because I give him the eye before he can continue. I know what he’s going to say because in the past three years, we have rehashed this exact conversation more times than I can remember.

  “Jay, I know… ok? I know I don’t want to spend my life behind a desk. I know I love music and performing, but you and I both know that if I want a family and kids, this isn’t going to work. Time for me to grow up…”

  “Bullshit Charlie. You and I both know if it wasn’t for Abby and her plans, you’d still be on this stage with us. You still can you know? I know some bands that are looking for members. They love you out there! You have the fucking talent. I don’t know why you’re wasting it.” he says throwing his arm in the direction of the stage, clearly pissed at me.

  “Jay! Stop. Please just drop it. Its behind me now. I’ve already started at Harper & Logan, I’m seeing someone that I can actually see a future with, and this…” I say, spreading my arms wide looking around me. “This is not something I can build a future on. You know I love you guys, love this, but we don’t always get what we want. You guys are going places. Big places, but I… shit… I dunno…”

  He looks at me with a mixture of pity, anger, and compassion, and I hate it, but I know he understands how I feel.

  “So new guy, yeah?” he says, changing the subject. There’s my playful friend coming back. His mood taking a one eighty.

  “Yeah, his name’s Andrew. He’s amazing. Actually, he’s upstairs with Laney, Kate, and Alec. I want you guys to meet him.”

  “Holy shit! You love the dude!” He practically shouts.

  “What?! It’s only been a few weeks!” I try to sound shocked to cover my true feelings, because in reality I know I love Andrew. I just know people will think that it’s absolutely ridiculous that I feel that way.

  “Oh shut up, Charlie! I can see it all over your face. You are a terrible liar, and besides usually you hide your boyfriends from us because you’re scared we will eat them for breakfast.”

  I feel the blush creeping up my neck. Goddamn it… he’s got me. “Ok yes, but please don’t say anything. He probably already thinks I’m crazy enough, and he doesn’t really know about Abby or the accident or anything, so please just don’t bring that shit up. It’s too soon.”

  “Not my story to tell, Thumper. I’ll be good. Promise.” He says giving me a boy scout hand salute.

  “You’re such a dipshit. Now help me get off this box. And so help me, call me Thumper one more time and I’m gonna thump you.” I laugh.

  “Aye, aye, captain.”

  Jay ends up having to give me a piggy back ride to the table because I can’t really put any weight on my ankle. It’s what I get for these damn overpriced boots. They look hot, but they about as comfortable as a pelvic exam, and about as practical as a mesh umbrella. But they look good, right?

  As soon as my eyes lock onto Andrew’s he is bolting out of his seat, almost running to get to us. Jay slides me off his back and I wince as I put pressure on my ankle.

  “Charlie! Babe, you ok?” Andrew asks.

  “Sir trips a lot here, tripped over an extension cord. So naturally her whiny ass begged for a piggy back ride.” Jay says, messing up my hair. “Hey man, I’m Jay. You must be Andrew.” He says holding out his hand, giving me an incredulous look.

  “Yeah, nice to meet you. You guys were great. I’ve heard your stuff but never seen you live. I honestly had no idea Charlie could play like that until tonight.” Andrew says shaking Jay’s hand.

  “Oh yeah! Our girl here co-wrote most of our music. She is honestly a musical genius. She’s a seriously talented musician and lyricist.” Jay says giving me a pointed look and I roll my eyes. He’s laying it on thick.

  “Yeah, I was a freshman in high school and I was walking by the music room after school one day and I heard this wicked guitar solo blasting from inside so I decided to take a look. I definitely didn’t expect to find a scrawny junior high girl shredding like that.” He shakes his head at the memory, and I remember that day so well. He asked me that day if I wanted to ‘jam’ with him and his friends. We were instant friends and he never made me feel like I was inferior because I was a girl hanging out with the boys.

  After chatting a bit, the rest of the band eventually joins us, and introductions are made between Andrew and the rest of my friends. I am so happy that he is getting along with them so well. Even Ethan and Parker mesh well with them. Although Andrew is laughing and getting along with my friends, which I am thankful for, I can tell there is something bothering him. I know others don’t notice, but I do. He keeps staring at me, almost like he is somewhere else, and I can see the sadness behind his eyes, conflict even. I need to figure out what is going on because it is making me extremely apprehensive that it is something I did.

  “Hey, you about ready to go?” I ask him, leaning into his ear.

  “Yeah. That’s probably not a bad idea. I have a twelve-hour shift tomorrow, so I have to be at the hospital by seven.” He says patting my thigh, but not meeting my eyes. There is definitely something bothering him.

  We say our good-byes to our friends, and I promise Jay and the guys I will be available for our Fight Night tradition, and also promise Jay that I will respond to him now when he tries to talk to me. Before I can protest, Andrew scoops me up off the stool and into his arms.

  “Andrew, I don’t…” I start.

  “Shh.” He cuts me off. “Let me take care of my girl. I got you.” he says into my ear.

  And I know he does, so I let my hands circle his shoulders and I bury my face into his warm neck, letting his clean manly scent calm me.

  “Too drunk to walk Charlotte? That was quite an impressive cry for attention.” a voice says, immediately making me cringe because I’d know that voice anywhere. Andrew’s grip on me tightens, and I can feel his muscles tense against my body. Shit.

  I lift my head from Andrew’s shoulder to meet the eyes of the pretentious douche standing beside us, wearing dress slacks and a pink button down. He’s wearing a smirk that makes me want to throat punch him. I mean, seriously. Who wears that to this kind of thing? I try to get down from Andrew’s hold, but he just holds me tighter. Ok then.

  “Tyler.” I say.

  “Well I can see now why you haven’t been returning my calls.” He says looking Andrew up and down with obvious distaste, like he’s some sort of lower class being.

  “Who the fuck are you?” Andrew grinds out through clenched teeth.

  “Oh, and he has a temper to go with those tattoos. Way to pick ‘em Charlotte. Let’s see how long you last with this thug, before you come back.” He says with a fake smile. “Tyler Ashford.” he says extending is hand, as if Andrew would actually take it after the venom he just spewed.

  My blood is absolutely boiling with anger coursing through my veins, and I’m like two seconds away from going full MMA on his ass. I finally get Andrew to relinquish his hold and set me down. I think he can sense my rage, and wants to be out of range before I self-detonate.

  “Shut the fuck up Tyler!” I practically shout, having reached my limit. The anger I keep inside me, boiling over.

  “You have absolutely no idea who Andrew is, and you certainly don’t know anything about our relationship or what I want in life. You never cared about anything I wanted the entire time we were together. You treated me like the filth on the bottom of your shoe
. As far as I know, the only thing you were concerned about was where you were going to stick your dick the next time. So please stop apologizing to me, stop calling me, just stop. Your apologies don’t mean shit when you stand here judging and insulting me and someone I love. So kindly just fuck off.” I say, my body shaking with anger and adrenaline.

  I have never actually told someone off before, but it feels amazing. It feels so good to just let it out. Especially with Tyler when I had bitten my tongue and not said everything I wanted to say when I broke up with him.

  “You’re in love with this asshole? Jesus Charlotte, listen to yourself.” He throws his hands in the air in exasperation.

  “He’s got you talking like a truck driver. You’re wearing leather pants for Christ sake. He’s clearly a bad influence. What would your parents think? You’re a corporate attorney, have a little self-respect.” He says flippantly like he didn’t just verbally sucker punch me.

  Andrew moves so quickly I’m left off balance in his wake. Grabbing Tyler by the front of his shirt, he practically has his toes lifted off the ground. I can see the calm mask of fury on his face, which in this situation, replaces his normally easy going demeanor.

  “Listen here Tyler Ashford.” He says mockingly, and I can’t help but snort back a laugh. “Not only are you insulting me when you have absolutely no idea who I am, but you are insulting the beautiful, talented and intelligent woman that means everything to me.” he says giving me a meaningful glance, and I feel heat rush through me.

  “If you ever so much as breathe in her direction again, you undeserving prick, you will know exactly who I am because my face will be the last fucking thing you’ll see for a week. Do you understand?” He says in a scary calm tone.

  Tyler shakes out of his grip with a cocky smirk and of course in true Tyler Ashford fashion, he can’t keep his mouth shut. “Good riddance Charlotte. The only reason I started hanging around in the first place was to get into Abby’s pants. I’m sure she would have been a much better fuck.”