Healing Grace (9781621362982)

by Shriver, Beth

  On the way home she felt like a schoolgirl going to see her beau. She acknowledged that it was a crazy notion, but that was how he made her feel. As she turned into the driveway by their home, she noticed the house was dark, with the exception of the kitchen, where a dim light let off a faint glow. She had done her best to avoid Jim, and it seemed he had done the same. He hadn’t gone near Ginger or anywhere else around the farm, which meant not tending to the chores either.

  “Jim?”

  There was no answer, only the sound of snoring, but it didn’t come from his bedroom. As she peered around the door, she saw he was sitting in a chair with his head down on the table. Her first thought was his health. She took quick steps to his side.

  When she tapped him on the shoulder, he didn’t respond, but the snoring stopped. Abby shook his arm, and he slowly lifted his head. He turned to her with eyes squinted and hair askew.

  “Twenty-five years today,” he mumbled through the alcohol fumes.

  Puzzled, Abby drew her eyebrows together for a moment, and then she understood. “It’s your wedding anniversary.”

  He swore at Abby and pushed her away. “Leave me be.”

  Anger flared up in her for only a moment. Abby couldn’t ever imagine her mother treating her this way. If the roles were reversed and her mother was still here, she would never be so harsh. How could two people be together who had nothing in common but their daughter? A fleeting thought wrestled its way up into her mind.

  Why couldn’t it have been him and not her?

  Her instant guilt created surprising compassion for him. She reached for him again, trying to comfort him, but he sat up, his eyes wild as he glared at her.

  “Go away,” he slurred, his head bobbing.

  “Let me help you,” Abby pleaded with both disdain and heartache. This man was so hard to love, but he was her father, faults and all. She had to forgive.

  “I’m fine.” The heavy breathing meant he may lash out again. This time he would be angrier. She remembered seeing her mother trying to deal with him, and it had never gone well for her.

  “You don’t have to go through this alone.” She waited for an answer, but none came, so she took his arm to lift him up. He roused but wasn’t fully aware until he clutched his stomach and grunted with pain. His face twisted and turned red.

  “What is it?” She first thought if might be his heart, but when she saw spots of blood on his sleeve, she didn’t know what it was. She panicked, grabbing the phone instinctually.

  “No!” He yelped and let go of his abdomen, catching his breath, and wiped his mouth. “No doctors.”

  Abby kept dialing, but her fingers shook, and she had to start again. The next thing she knew, she was on the ground. She landed on her back, feeling unbelievable pain shooting across her face. The phone slid to the other side of the room, but she couldn’t stabilize her thoughts enough to get to it.

  Abby heard the chair screech back and watched his feet coming toward her. Pushing herself up with both hands, she lifted her head to see him come closer. Abby knew she should run, that he had hurt her and might again. But what her brain told her, her body couldn’t do. So she did the only thing she could do—pray.

  He stood above her with hands balled into fists, breathing heavily. She didn’t dare look him in the eye. She knew every movement that would set him off. Speaking would bring on the worst retaliation. She waited silently, holding on as long as she could, until he finally left. The sound of his boots drifting away brought back her sanity one step at a time. He paused once, causing her breath to stop, but she let it out when she heard the front door open and then shut.

  She collapsed onto the linoleum floor and sobbed, letting the tears flow freely that she hadn’t let go since her mother’s funeral. The memories haunted her of how her mother had made this house a home, and how different it was now. It was no longer safe.

  Garnering her strength, she forced herself to her feet, letting the throb on her cheek drive each step forward. There was no telling what he might do in his condition, and Abby didn’t want to find out. She made her way to the front door. All lights were turned off, so she could see far into the pasture and to the road. His truck wasn’t there, creating conflicting emotions. She wanted him gone so she could leave, but he probably shouldn’t be driving.

  He wouldn’t listen, anyway, and I’d get slapped again for telling him.

  The creak of the screen door pierced the night and made her wince as she stepped out and slowly let the door shut. There was no turning back. She knew Jim well enough to know this was unforgiveable. She couldn’t leave and expect to be accepted back. But guilt plagued her. He was ill. There was something very wrong, and she was leaving.

  Once in her car she was so anxious Abby froze when she turned the key. The engine of Abby’s car groaned but wouldn’t start. She sat back, listening for every car that went by, hoping each time it wasn’t Jim. She tried the engine a couple more times, and it finally sputtered into action. But her confidence wavered as to how much longer it would continue to keep running.

  Abby watched the sun descend as she slowly drove away and wondered what could ever bring her back to this place. There were no good memories left, and Jim had crossed a line. The only thing she cared about was Ginger, but she didn’t have the vehicle to take her. At the moment she could only think of herself.

  Headlights in the distance danced between the oak trees. Her stomach dropped as she strained to see the pickup drawing near. With great relief she watched it turn away. When she got to the road, she stopped, not knowing which way to go. To the right was town, and to the left was Mose. She’d never felt so alone.

  Maybe that was why it had taken her so long to leave. Jim was all she had, and whether he cared or not, Abby was all he had.

  She turned left. Just seeing Mose and having him to talk to was enough for her to lower her pride. She might later regret it, but she didn’t have another choice, and maybe he could help her save Ginger.

  The drive helped settle her nerves, but the throb in her cheek grew worse and her neck was sore. The pounding intensified in her head like the beating of a drum. When she pulled in, she saw stacks of lumber on the land where the school was to be built. It was the only good feeling she’d had all day, seeing their work about to be done.

  Dim lighting shone through the windows of the farms she passed. Some had candles shining in the front glass panes. Abby was used to the quiet of the country, but here it wasn’t somber; it was peaceful.

  When she got to Mose’s place, she was surprised to see more lumber by the blacksmith shop. A lot went on in this little community. As soon as she turned down the lane, someone came out the front door and stood on the porch. Abby couldn’t see the man’s face, but due to his height and build, she thought it might be Mose.

  He stuck his hands on his hips and walked to her car to greet her. As soon as she turned off the engine, a loud popping noise burst from under the hood. She stepped out and took a couple steps away in case there was another explosion. Mose grabbed her hand and pulled her away.

  “Are you all right?” When he looked at her cheek, his demeanor changed from question to concern as his brows drew together. “What happened?”

  Abby realized by his reaction that it must look worse than she thought, and she instinctively touched the area that hurt. She shook her head, not wanting to explain such a horrid thing to such a gentle man. She fixed her gaze on Mose’s fists as they tightened and released.

  “You don’t have to explain. I think I understand.” He turned his head away, obviously wrestling with what to say, so she said it for him.

  “My dad.” Abby didn’t know why she called him that. He was Jim to her. She never called him dad to his face. For so long she’d felt nothing but disdain for him until that strange moment of compassion that filled her heart…right before he hit her. The anger on Mose’s face brought out long buried emotions of her own. It was hard enough to admit you’d been abused, but admitting it was
by your own parent made it even harder.

  “I’m sorry.” Mose stepped back from her, his gaze probing hers. Then he reached up and slowly took Abby’s hand away from her face and held on to her. “What can I do to help?”

  His empathy broke the barrier she’d created to keep her emotions tucked away, and she let a tear fall and then struggled to regain control. “I just needed to get away for a while. But the animals…I’m worried. I need to make sure they’re safe.”

  He nodded. “You’re welcome to stay as long as you need to, Abby.”

  Abby didn’t know what she was doing there, but it felt safe, and she didn’t want to leave—at least not tonight. “Can we just sit down for a minute?”

  “We can sit on the porch.”

  When she didn’t reply right away, he offered another idea. “Or we can go into my shop.”

  Abby glanced at the shop and then nodded. She didn’t care where they went, as long as she was with him.

  Chapter Fourteen

  HOW COULD ANYONE do such a thing, and to his own daughter? Mose’s first impulse would’ve gotten him arrested if he’d acted on it. He’d never felt such malicious thoughts toward another human being. But what he felt right now toward the man who’d wounded Abby needed to be reined in before he did something he would regret.

  He took a couple of deep breaths and let them out to hold back the words he wanted to say but that would only make Abby feel worse.

  Watching the clouds churning in the wind, he tried to settle his anger, but they created the opposite effect, identifying with how he felt.

  She looked over at him as they walked into the shop. “Are you okay?”

  “Nee, this is wrong.” He pulled up a bench for them to sit on.

  “I knew this would be upsetting, but I didn’t know where else to go.” She looked down at her hands where they lay in her lap. Her face was drawn and white except for the bruise that made Mose angrier each time he looked at her.

  “You knew you’d be welcome here.” He questioned how much to say. This was her daed, one told by God to respect. But how could someone respect a parent who hit them? “You can stay with us tonight if you’re comfortable with us males in the haus.”

  She looked at her car. “I wasn’t planning to, but I don’t have much of a choice.”

  “I can ask another family, if you’d be more comfortable.” He wanted her to stay with him. He didn’t know how far Jim would go, but he wanted to be there for her if he was so bold as to come to the community.

  She turned slowly to face him. “I came here to see you.”

  The feeling in his chest caused a sensation he wasn’t accustomed to. His attraction to her when she was bad-tempered was nothing compared to how he felt now that she was so vulnerable. “I’m glad you did.”

  She leaned forward and placed her chin in her palm. He wanted her to tell him what had happened, but worried he might say or want to do something he shouldn’t. “Do you want to talk about it?”

  Abby shook her head, and her body went limp.

  She must be exhausted. “Let’s get you settled in for the night.”

  She looked out the shop window, then to the dark house. “I don’t want to bother anyone.”

  “Everyone’s ready for bed. We get up early around here.” He forced a smile. “But you can sleep in.” He thought he’d offer that so she wouldn’t have to worry about anyone seeing her, more so her bruise.

  “Okay. Thanks, Mose.” She lifted herself up off the bench and followed him to the door. “Is it nice to have your own shop?”

  Her question surprised him. The shop was the last thing on his mind, which was strange because it was all he had let himself focus on when he’d spent time away from her. “It is. I’ll show you around tomorrow, if you like.”

  He’d tried to take his daed’s advice, and he’d done pretty well staying occupied, but there wasn’t a day that went by he didn’t think of her. And now Gott had brought her to him. There was a reason, and his daed couldn’t deny it.

  When they walked into the house, Mose hoped no one would be around, but his mamm greeted them as soon as they walked in. Abby turned her bruised side away, not wanting to look at his mamm straight on. “Mamm, this is Abby.”

  “Hallo, Abby. I’ve heard Mose talk about you.” Mamm was the same height as Abby, and when their eyes met, there seemed to be a connection. They took an extra second to study one another before Abby finally spoke.

  “He does?” She tilted her head, hiding the bruise, but Mamm ignored it.

  She turned to the kitchen. “Come with me, and I’ll make us something.”

  “Nee, Mamm. She’s tired.” Mose tried to swiftly divert her, but Abby followed and sat at the table.

  Mamm turned on the gas stove to heat up leftovers from supper. “I hear you’re a teacher.”

  Abby looked at Mose, who quickly defended himself. “My daed saw you at the ground breaking.” He didn’t want her to think he was telling everyone about her. They were nothing more than friends, and she just happened to be English.

  “I’m not a certified teacher, but I help children to speak and read English.” She inspected the plate of food Mamm gave her, and Mamm offered one to Mose. He took it but had no appetite.

  “She’s very gut,” he said without thinking. “Is the summer session over?”

  Abby nodded. “I was looking forward to having the last few weeks to work Ginger before school started again.”

  Mamm continued to busy herself in the kitchen, but he knew her too well. She made it seem as though she wasn’t nosey, but Mamm was getting a lot of information. “You’ve seen her teach?”

  “Jah.” That’s all he’d tell her. But then he worried about Abby. She seemed to be comfortable talking to Mamm, and he hadn’t told his family anything about her except what his meddlesome daed had figured out.

  “You should stay tomorrow while our school is being built.” Mamm put the pan away and scrubbed the already clean counters.

  Mose was about to protest and get Abby out of the awkward situation of saying no when she spoke up.

  “I’d like that.” She continued to pick at the food on her plate and politely refused when Mamm offered more. The dark rings under her eyes grew darker, and her eyes shut once quickly.

  “Let me show you to your room.” Mamm motioned for Abby to follow, which she did, with Mose close behind. They went to Jake’s old room and showed her around. “If you need anything, holler. The men in this haus don’t hear a thing, so don’t worry about being quiet.”

  When she was told she would need to go outside to use the bathroom, as they didn’t have plumbing, she paused. “I hadn’t given this much thought until right this moment,” she said, but she was too tired to think much about it.

  Mamm closed the door to her room, ushering Mose along with her. He regretted not having a chance to tell Abby good night. Maybe it was silly, but he wanted her to know that he was right across the hall.

  “She’s fine.” Mamm clasped his upper arm and walked him to his room. “You’re a gut man, Mose.” Then she slipped into her room without a sound.

  At times, he felt his daed had married an angel. She never passed judgment and always waited patiently for an explanation. She didn’t offer advice unless it was asked for. Her counsel was sound, and there was no condemnation.

  When Mose walked out of his bedroom the next morning, he wondered what the day would be like. There would be lots of looks and, later, questions—not only because she was an English woman, but also because her bruise would be obvious. To his surprise, when he walked into the kitchen, Abby, in plain clothes, was making cheese biscuits with his mamm.

  The dress was a bit large, but not so much that it looked bad. Abby’s long, golden hair was down, hiding her face. Having figured out what was going on, he walked in to say good morning. “What’s for breakfast?”

  They both turned to him at the same time, but Mamm spoke first. “Eggs, biscuits, and bacon. Your daed and bruder
just finished.”

  Mose looked out at the sun and realized he’d slept later than usual, which he never did, but he couldn’t sleep last night, thinking about Jim, trying to fight off the bitterness he felt toward the man. He imagined Abby had gone through the same sort of battle. “How are you this morning, Abby?”

  He meant that in many ways. She must be torn about what had happened to her. He’d heard victims of physical abuse have remorse after the incident and even blame themselves. He hoped she’d stay strong and not go back until Jim worked things out.

  “You slept in.” She brought over a plate with extra bacon and smiled when their eyes met. Her bruise had gotten larger and darker.

  She touched her cheek, so he quickly averted his eyes. He searched for words but found none that would reassure her.

  His mamm lifted her head toward them and pursed her lips in thought, then grinned, making Mose wonder what he could say that wouldn’t give her false assurance.

  Abby rubbed her cheek as if she could brush it away, then winced.

  “I’m sorry.” It was all he knew to say.

  “I’m fine.” She walked over and sat next to Mose, and they ate together as Mamm cleaned up the kitchen. “Let me help?”

  Mamm shook her head. “Nee, you finish your breakfast.

  Abby stood and took her plate to the sink. “I’d like to help.”

  Mose was glad to hear it. Helping with chores was the Amish way, and her upbringing was showing through. Watching them work together stirred something in his gut. He wasn’t sure where this would lead, but at the moment he knew they needed to get back to her farm and get Ginger as soon as possible. “Are you up to going to fetch Ginger?”

  “Her and Old Blackie if you don’t mind.” She tried to smile, but she flinched when it got to the bruise.