Healing Grace (9781621362982)

by Shriver, Beth

  “And does it suit you?” Mose thought he knew what her answer would be, but he still found himself hoping she preferred this way of life that many Englishers thought was slow and boring.

  “Simple? Hmm, I’m not sure…” She lifted her face to the morning sun and took in the air, and then looked over to him. “Peaceful. That’s the word you used. Yes. Peace is what I’ve found here. That’s what I like.”

  As they walked back to their buggies, no one spoke. A respectful silence reigned as each person got into his or her buggy and went back to the Zooks’ for brunch. Mose and Abby stayed together as they ate, talked, and helped with the meal. Although they were not a couple, it felt as if they were, and others treated them that way also. When a question was asked, it was directed to both of them. His furniture business was implied as taking up a lot of their time, and her horse training had come to a temporary halt but was mentioned as something they both had the talent for. Mose wondered whether Abby picked up on it. He didn’t know how she could have missed it.

  “What did the minister mean about the beginning of a new life?”

  Mose was glad she asked. He’d wondered what she was thinking about the ceremony. “It’s a reference to what lies beyond, with a strong conviction he is taken by Gott.”

  Abby glanced around the room “Everyone seems surprisingly festive.”

  Mose watched people smiling and laughing. “We view death as a time of reflection when we celebrate the deceased’s life. The opportunity to commune and eat together is always a joyous occasion. Usually the meal is at the deceased’s home, but since there are no adults, Bishop Omar offered.”

  “Rachel and her brothers don’t have relatives around?”

  “Nee, they stayed in Virginia. Some of the older generation found it too hard an adjustment with the heat, and all. They’re living with friends and getting along.”

  Abby looked to the ground and then back to Mose. “I feel like I should be doing that with Jim.”

  “It’s harder in your case. It’s part of our culture.” Mose didn’t want her to feel worse than she already did, but he also couldn’t understand leaving your own flesh and blood to fend for them-selves once they were too old to be self-sufficient. He took her hands and looked her in the eyes. “We’ll go see your daed.”

  Her smile was all he needed to finish a full days’ work in half a day so he could keep his promise and take her to her daed. A very selfish part of him wanted to keep Abby where it was safe and bring her daed to him so he couldn’t hurt her. But he had no control over the situation, except for one thing. He would do whatever he needed to keep her out of harm’s way.

  The afternoon stretched on, and they spent time talking with Henry’s boys. They had a farm to run, and a couple were school age. Rachel was used to doing most of the indoor chores, but the boys would need to discipline themselves to take the initiative. They took the information well, and Mose encouraged them to keep busy.

  “I’m around too if you need me, as with everyone here.”

  Mose paused at hearing Abby’s voice, appreciating her talking with the boys who ranged from his first day in school to the oldest in his eighth grade.

  “But it comes down to you.” Mose peeked around the corner at them, referring to the older boys.

  The youngest one looked up at Abby. “Are we strays?”

  She tried not to furrow her brows, but the reaction came anyway. The boy couldn’t be more than five, but he was obviously a big thinker. “No, why do you ask?”

  “When we find kittens in the barn, we call ’em that ’cause they don’t have a mamm or daed.” He scrunched up his nose as he waited for an explanation.

  Abby bent down to look at him in the eyes. “It’s different with animals. You’re a special young man about to be running a farm. You’re no stray.” She looked around. “Every one of these people here is your family.” She seemed to want to say more, but he was a little guy, and she probably didn’t want to overwhelm him with more words. Mose noticed she’d said enough to make the boy’s eyes soften a little.

  Right on cue, Esther held out her hand to them. “Come with me and have a bite of my berry cobbler.”

  The boy smiled, but not as brightly as he probably could have. He silently took her hand. Abby winked at Mose, and then his daed walked up. He could already hear what his daed was going to say to them, so Mose shook the other three boys’ hands and then caught up to meet Abby at the barn.

  On their way he noticed Jake standing in the rear of the barn. He leaned back, watching as people ate and talked around him. For the first time in a long time Mose felt something other than disdain for his older brother. He’d always been a drifter at heart. Mose didn’t understand why. Maybe he didn’t have to.

  “Jake!”

  Jake looked for the voice and then spotted Mose. He gave him a half-smile, probably unsure of Mose’s intentions. Mose realized he’d been hard on him—it was difficult not to, with the choices he’d made—but they were just that—his. “It’s a fine day.”

  “I guess so. There are a lot of fine things to remember about old Henry. He was always good to me. Didn’t find the need to form an opinion or make me feel low.”

  Mose didn’t know whether he was trying to tell him something or was just being thoughtful. He saw the duffle bag at Jake’s feet. “You leaving?”

  Jake pushed away from the wall and reached down for his bag. Mose grabbed it a second before Jake did and handed it to him. “It was gut of you to come back.”

  Jake’s hesitation was understandable. He was usually scorned for whatever action he took. Knowing praise was unfamiliar to him here made Mose’s throat tighten.

  “Thank you, brother.” Jake grinned, then grunted, his way of pushing back the emotions. “It wasn’t a prodigal son reception, but I got to see my boy.” He slugged Mose’s arm. “Didn’t see much of you, though.”

  Mose was surprised that he’d care. Two very different people wanting to live a different way of life, they hadn’t spent much time together since they were boys. Much like Abby, stuck in a place she wasn’t meant to be in any longer. “Some people aren’t in the right place and have to figure out where home is for them.”

  “Didn’t expect to hear that from you.” Jake grinned. “It’s Abby.”

  “Maybe.” Mose chuckled, wishing it wasn’t so obvious. “Come back again.”

  He clasped Mose’s shoulder and then turned and walked away. His cocky swagger gave off the appearance he was independent of them, but Mose knew he’d needed this visit as much as they’d needed to see him.

  Mose went back into the house and then back outside, but not many gathered outside due to the muddy grounds. As he walked by the side of the house, he heard a slapping noise and what sounded like singing. When he turned the corner, he could see Abby’s head above the banister. A group of girls were sitting in chairs or on the porch watching Abby and Esta play a clapping game. They were sitting across from one another, slapping each other’s palms and thighs in planned-out moves to the rhythm of songs. The other girls were singing songs such as “Pop Goes the Weasel.” Mose remembered some of the games his mamm used to play with them when they were young, but it was much different with boys.

  He sat at the top of the stairs and leaned against the white wooden railing. When one girl missed a slap, she was replaced with another player. When the singing stopped, the girls spotted him and began to persuade him to play.

  “Nee, I’d never slap someone.” He teased, which only made them want him to play the game even more. They tugged on his arms, but they couldn’t budge him, until one little bright-eyed girl looked him straight in the eyes and said, “Abby is awful gut.”

  Although competitiveness was frowned upon, Mose had a bit in him, especially in this situation. Abby grinned when he stopped resisting and let the girls drag him over to the empty chair. “Are you ready?” She held up her hands, eager to start.

  “Hold on. I need a lesson.” The minute he asked, three g
irls came over and started explaining the rhythms to him. He waved them away. “I’ll pick the song.”

  “Fair enough.” Abby agreed.

  “You Are My Sunshine.” He grinned back at her and watched her melt a little. They played two games that ended horribly for him, but he enjoyed every minute of it.

  “Another game?” Abby was enticing, but he knew when he was beat.

  “Nee, the loser asks for the winner to take a break.” He rubbed his thigh in a bid for sympathy.

  Abby chuckled and then stood. “All right, we’ll let you heal a little before the next game.”

  The girls giggled, and soon two of them were playing the game with the others singing along.

  Mose and Abby walked slowly in the afternoon sun, trying to avoid the puddles and muddy areas in the yard. “I hope it’s okay to sing those songs. We do at school, and Esta never spoke against it.”

  “That would be up to the bishop. But on a day like today, it’s gut to celebrate life after a death.”

  “I doubt you and your brothers played that one.”

  “Nee, can’t say that we did, but I’ve heard the girls playing similar games at school. Sometimes I think the boys want to do it but wouldn’t admit it.”

  “So you won’t be playing it again anytime soon?” she asked playfully.

  “Depends on who I’d be playing with.”

  She laughed. “You’re a good sport.”

  “I guess that’s worth my thighs stinging.”

  Her grin grew wider throughout the conversation, and he liked to see her smile. “It was nice to do something to lift the mood.”

  “That’s the way Henry would have wanted it.” Mose looked up at the sky, thinking about his friend, Abby, and now her daed and the circle of life they were each in. “Should we give Ginger a visit?”

  She looked over at him in surprise. With the prognosis slim that she would ever completely heal, the best thing for her was to rest the leg, leaving her with little to do but go out to pasture. But no horse would mind that. “What a good idea.” They turned around and went to find Mose’s buggy, telling where they were going.

  Joe eyeballed Mose. “Is everything all right?” He looked from Abby to Mose. Joe was one of the few people who could see through him. Mose must have made a gesture or said something in a certain way to let his friend know he had something on his mind.

  “Jah, just going to check on Ginger.” He gave him a gentle handshake and then took Abby’s hand. It just seemed natural, even if he heard about it later.

  When they got to the Fishers’ farm, they made their way to the barn with care not to step into too much mud. Old Blackie made himself known, not wanting to be left out as Mose let Ginger out into the corral. Blackie followed close behind, as they watched Ginger toss her head and buck. “She’s got a lot of energy.”

  “I’ll let them out in the pasture. They need the space.” Mose went to open the gate and nodded to Abby that it would be best for the horse. She pampered Ginger like a sick child. Mose wanted to help her gain confidence that Ginger was healthy enough to do what any other horse on the property could do, but it just wasn’t true.

  As soon as the gate was opened, Ginger took off, but was partial to her bad leg. “I guess you were right. She can do pretty well with three good legs.” It was a beautiful thing to watch her go, and even better that Abby had seen it.

  They sat on an old wooden bench that looked out over the acres of crops and livestock. “Abby, what will you do with your daed in a bad way?”

  Abby’s face tightened, and she took a moment to answer. “I will do what I’m supposed to do.”

  “Which would be?” He knew what was coming, but he needed to hear it so he could prepare himself. No matter how much animosity was between her daed and her, he knew Abby would do whatever he needed her to.

  “It’s terrible to say, but I keep praying there’s a way I don’t have to be his caretaker. Not just because of the physical and emotional abuse. It’s just so hard to be with him.” She paused and took in a ragged breath. “The only thing holding us together was my mother.” She cleared her throat. “I’d be taking care of him for her.”

  Mose quietly watched her go through a flood of emotions. “That’s just as gut a reason as any.” He put his arm around her and pulled her close. “But if that’s the case, you can’t take care of him alone.”

  She moved away to see his face. “How would that work?”

  “I don’t have it all figured out, but you just can’t. Not after what you’ve been through.” He did have plans—big ones—but it wasn’t the right time or place to tell her. At that moment, all that mattered was that he got her to agree she couldn’t be alone with her daed. He didn’t think it would be difficult to get her to cooperate, but he had a plan for that too if it happened. He’d never thought so much through or felt so ready to make sacrifices for someone. But for the here and now he would support her with doing whatever they could for her daed, no matter how difficult it might be.

  Abby had been staring at him while his wheels had been churning. He didn’t want to give her any answers, so a change in conversation was necessary. “Are you ready for me to take you back to the hospital?

  Abby nodded, watching as the pink clouds were shaded with darkness as twilight drew near. “This is the best time of the day.”

  “It is peaceful.”

  She turned away from him and looked up. “But it’s not just the sky. It’s whenever I’m with you.”

  Chapter Thirty-One

  ALTHOUGH MOSE HADN’T wanted to leave Abby at the hospital, at her insistence he rode into town to pick up Becca and Joe at the furniture shop. Mose knew better than to think Becca would leave without seeing Abby, but he’d pass on the message, all the same.

  He tethered the horse and buggy, and then walked toward the shop. He didn’t miss working there. Having a shop right out his back door was convenient and flexible. When he walked in, Joe was showing Becca the furniture he’d made.

  Becca tapped Joe on the arm and walked over. “Did she see him?”

  “Jah, he’s in a bad way, so she hasn’t talked to him yet. But for right now, she’s just glad to know where he is.”

  Joe held out an envelope with Mose’s last paycheck. “They said they’d take ya back in a heartbeat.” Joe smiled.

  “Danke. I’ll be needing this for my own shop.”

  Mose didn’t quite know what to do. He wanted to give Abby time with her daed, but he didn’t like leaving her alone with him. Not because of her safety. Her daed obviously wasn’t in any condition to hurt her physically, but the verbal abuse could be worse. And there were decisions to be made that would be hard for her to make alone, though it may come down to that.

  “What’s wrong, Mose?” Becca was staring at him with concern in her eyes.

  “Her daed might not pull through, and that leaves Abby with decisions to make.”

  Joe looked down at his boots in thought. “She doesn’t have any other family?”

  “Nee, she was an only child, and her mamm passed away awhile ago.” Mose waited for Joe to look at him. Joe was a sensible man, and Mose needed some good common sense about now. He had seen the conflict in Abby’s eyes and knew she’d need a lot of help in making the right choices. The procedures the doctor was talking about doing would cost a lot and may not help. But if there was a chance they would make a difference, was it worth putting her daed through it? They were questions Mose wouldn’t want to answer, and it made him feel for Abby even more.

  “That’s tough that it was just the two of them.” Joe shook his head.

  “What does Abby need?” Becca placed her hand on Mose’s arm. “I’d like to see her, Mose.”

  “I’m sure she’d like that.”

  Mose led them to the buggy, but the drive was slow. It was around supper time, and people were probably driving home from work. By the time they got to the hospital, it was getting late. They didn’t like to drive buggies on the highway after da
rk. It would have to be a short visit.

  “Not much daylight.” Joe climbed out of the buggy and helped Becca down.

  “I won’t stay long. But I have to see Abby.” Becca didn’t wait for a response. She was walking up the stairs before Mose or Joe had a chance to respond.

  Anxious to see Abby, Mose led them to the room. He could tell her mood and how she would react just by reading her face. When she turned to see them at the door, he decided to caution Becca. “She’s tired and stressed, worried about having to make decisions.”

  “Jah, I know. I won’t talk long.” Becca walked to her and pulled over a stool to sit next to Abby, who was seated in a chair. “How are you?”

  “I don’t know what I’m doing here, Becca.” She slowly turned her head to see her dad.

  Mose could feel the tension but didn’t know how to help. At this point, no one could, except the doctors, and the prognosis didn’t sound good. They could only wait, the hardest thing to do.

  “You’re doing it.” Becca gave Abby a warm smile. The sound of the oxygen machine push and flow was calming and maddening at the same time. “Just being here is enough right now.”

  “The doctor told me how much the procedures would cost.” Abby’s face contorted, and she let out a long breath. “We don’t have insurance, Becca.”

  Mose’s heart thumped. He couldn’t let Abby have to make a decision like that alone. Not if it was a matter of money. “We can help with finances, Abby.”

  She turned around to see him. “I couldn’t take money from you.” He could see she was fighting back emotions that were right at the brink. Her nose flared and her chest moved quickly. “You’ve done too much for me already.”

  Joe stepped in and started to explain in a calm tone. “Don’t get worked up about it, Abby. That’s the way we do things. If someone needs money for something like this or anything else they can’t tackle on their own, we all chip in.”