Healing Grace (9781621362982)

by Shriver, Beth

  Mose stuffed his hands in his pockets. “What have you and my mamm been talking about?”

  This wasn’t the conversation she wanted to have, but then she thought better of it. Maybe he would see the direction she had chosen and would share his plans.

  “She’s teaching me what’s involved in converting.” Abby looked straight ahead, not wanting to see his face. If his expression gave her any idea of what he thought about what she’d just said, she might be swayed, so she kept her eyes focused on the bright yellow sun climbing over the horizon.

  His walk slowed to a crawl, his boots crunching against the ground. “When did you decide to do this?”

  “It’s been a slow process ever since I came to the community. And then when the storm hit…and my daed’s passing, and I lost my home—”

  “You have one with us.” His voice was clear and his words concise.

  She finally looked at him, prepared for whatever she could read in his face. “That’s what your mamm told me. And that’s how I feel.” She looked around from one headstone to another, taking in the cool air.

  “So that’s what this is all about? You’re staying here with…us?” He hadn’t blinked, obviously shocked at the discovery.

  “I wasn’t going to say anything until I knew for sure.”

  “But now you are?”

  The hope in his voice made her catch her breath. “Jah, I’m sure.” She smiled until it hurt and watched him return the smile.

  “Well, that’s wunderbaar.” He put a hand to his chest and nodded his approval. “I know I’ve missed the mark somehow.” He paused. “But I’m not sure how to hit it.”

  She grinned at the way he worded his question. “You just did.” She took one step closer to him. “By telling me you care.”

  Confusion and satisfaction mixed together on his features. “If you tell me what I did, I’ll be sure to do it again.”

  “I needed to hear you say that you want me to stay.”

  He looked up at the sky, as the light took over the darkness. “Why would you think any differently? I’ve been with you every step of the way.”

  “By your actions, maybe, but not in your words. I don’t want to assume and expect something that won’t happen.”

  Mose scoffed as a sharp wind whipped between them. He pulled off his hat and tapped it against his knee. “I understand that I haven’t expressed myself enough, but can you honestly say that you don’t know how I feel?” He rubbed his forehead with frustration. “I might not do well when it comes to courting, but for me, I thought I was doing pretty gut.”

  She tried to explain what she needed and why, but when she started to speak, he cut her off. “Maybe you’re worried about not looking the fool. But I already know I am.”

  He turned away before she could respond. She didn’t know what to say after hearing what Mose said. It had happened so quickly. One minute they were beginning to understand one another, and the next he was upset. “I also needed to know if I’d be accepted here by the community and that I can live an Amish life.”

  “What do you mean? Of course you could.” His shoulders moved up and down nonchalantly.

  She stared at him in disbelief. “You don’t know how different it is here compared to what I come from.”

  “I know it’s a big change.”

  “Mose, there are people around all of the time. And not just relatives. These people were strangers to me when I first came. I used to buy my clothes. Now I make them. I’ve worn a long dress all summer, instead of shorts and sleeveless tops. My day went from nine-to-five to a sixteen-hour day, six days a week. No television or radio, books.” She took in a breath. “I used to make meals out of a box. You have no idea…but I wouldn’t take any one of those things back if it meant not living amongst the Amish.”

  “The sacrifice becomes real when it’s about you.” His entire body melted into relaxation, and he swiftly rubbed his eyes. “What you’ve done is more than I could have hoped for or dared ask for, and that makes it mean even more. I don’t know what to say.” He stopped and started again. Looking her in the eyes. “Danke.” It was only one word, but it was the one she needed to hear.

  She nodded. “I did it for a lot of reasons, Mose.” “I know, and I’m glad. I selfishly wish it was all about me, but a foundation like that wouldn’t be an honest reason for making such an important commitment. I suppose you need to like the community as much as you do me.”

  “I don’t know if I’d go that far.” Her insides fluttered as she took him all in. “There’s still more to do.” Her face tightened with worry.

  He drew close to her and hugged her lightly around the waist, placing his hands on the same spot she always did to protect herself when she felt vulnerable. It was if he wanted to fill that void with his support. “I’d like to help you through the process if you want me to.” He looked deeply into her eyes. “But you’re already there.”

  Chapter Forty

  MOSE WOKE IN the darkness, full of anxiety. This was an important day. If Abby was baptized, it gave Mose permission to ask for her hand. If not…he couldn’t think of that possibility. It had happened with Jake, reminding Mose of how much pain his last-minute recanting had caused. As much as Abby talked around it, there was never a definite commitment as to her faith. He hoped he wasn’t expecting too much, that what she’d said was enough, but deep down he worried. What if he’d finally found someone to spend his life with, but she didn’t commit herself to the community? The Amish didn’t take what they wanted and leave the rest. It was all or nothing.

  As the first sliver of sunlight showed through the stalks of corn, he got out of bed. Within a few short hours Abby would be baptized and made a member of the church. It was surreal to think that she would be a part of the community that had nursed her back to health. Minister Miller had been gentle with her questions but firm on how the Amish stood on every issue. Mose appreciated both his patience and conviction in explaining both to her.

  Mose felt she sensed his concern and didn’t want him to know how deep her uncertainty ran. But the minister had comforted Mose, telling him her situation was different and encouraging him to be patient.

  Mose ceased his thoughts. From this moment on throughout the day, he would pray every time he started to worry. His stomach would be tied in knots if he didn’t turn it over to the Lord.

  “This will be a glorious day,” Esther sang as she passed by his room. “A day the Lord has made.”

  Mose blew out a breath and walked out to do the milking. The chore kept him busy and his mind from wandering. When a heifer named Blondie kicked him on the thigh, it brought him out of his worries. He asked Gott to give him a less painful reminder in the future.

  When he walked through the kitchen, Esther looked at his feet. “Forget something?”

  He looked down to see his work boots covered with mud, milk, and he didn’t know what else. He shook his head. “Sorry, Mamm.”

  “Get something in your belly and clean yourself up.” She was already wiping the floor where his boots had tracked in muck. She patted his shoulder. “Why don’t you go pick her up?”

  “Jah, I think I will.”

  After a bath and his mamm’s blueberry pancakes, he felt much better, ready to face the day as his mamm had been trying to tell him all morning.

  When he pulled up to Becca’s, Abby was sitting on the stairs with Becca.

  “Morning,” he said to Becca, but his gaze was on Abby. She was prettier than he’d ever seen her. She wore a kapp and a new dress for the occasion.

  Abby held her hand up to block the sun that was directly behind Mose. “Are you my ride?”

  “Your chauffeur on a day like today.” He grinned, feeling better already. With only one look at Abby, all things were new. His focus was on her and this special day.

  “I can’t wait to see you after service as my sister in our community.” Abby knew Becca understood this was more than just a baptism for Abby. She had picked Becca’s brai
n about the teachings of Christ and her commitment to Gott—even more than the studies she had with Minister Miller after weeks of classes.

  “There’s room for you, Becca,” Abby suggested.

  Mose nodded his agreement, but he selfishly hoped it would just be the two of them.

  “Not this time. You two go on. I’ll be there shortly.” She waved them off and ran up the stairs. Her energy always made Mose tired.

  “You look nice.”

  “Danke.” She sniffed. “And you smell good.” She grinned.

  He shook his head, a bit embarrassed. “Are you ready for this?”

  “Jah. I’m looking forward to it, actually.” She turned to him. “Are you?”

  She had no idea how important this was. The first priority was the baptism, but there was also his proposal. Between the two, he was more worked up than she was. “This is a life-changing decision that will transform your life. I’m glad you’ve made this choice.”

  She stared out the window at the acres of crop and took in a long breath of fresh air. “I feel closer to the community when I’m close to the Lord.”

  Mose felt his heart tighten. “That’s as it should be.” He couldn’t help but look over at her. That observation alone told him she understood what this all meant.

  “When I heard Minister Miller’s sermon when I first came here, he talked about how baptism didn’t save you. It’s a symbol, a sanctification of one’s faith. And that we should do it because Gott commands it.”

  He had a dozen questions to ask her, but he bit his tongue. It was between her and God. And he was a bystander. “The bishop told me when I was baptized, it was an opportunity for Gott to live in me. He wasn’t part of me but all of me. That stuck in my mind.”

  She was quiet for a moment. “I hadn’t thought of it that way.”

  Again her comment tugged at his heart, and he shamed himself for being judgmental. He was silent the rest of the way to church.

  When they drove up to the Lapps’ house, Abby went up to the front with the others who were to be baptized. The music director led them in song, and Minister Miller delivered his message. Then it was time. Mose impatiently waited, praying one last time these baptisms would be blessed.

  Minister Miller asked them to leave with him, and they were asked one last time if they were ready for the commitment or felt they should wait. When all of them came back out, Mose sighed with relief. They kept their heads down as the minister began the ceremony.

  “This promise to Gott will be witnessed by those of us here today. This is a promise for life that they have all agreed to. And the young men know the possibility of becoming a minister may fall upon them.”

  They knelt, and each was asked four questions in response to the commitment to join the church. The bishop removed Abby’s prayer kapp and raised her head. An elder held a bucket for the bishop to cup some water in his hands and dripped it over her head three times. “In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, I baptize you.”

  Mose couldn’t see her face clearly, just a profile as a tear slipped down her cheek.

  “In the name of the church and Gott our Father, we offer you the hand of fellowship. Rise up and be a faithful member of our church.” The bishop raised his hands as if Gott Almighty was right there with them. Some clapped, and others were tearful. Mose was almost one of the latter, but he kept his feelings intact— until he saw Abby walking toward him.

  He instantly wrapped his arms around her as his eyes misted. “I’m happy for you. This is a gut day.” He pulled away before too many eyes were watching.

  “Jah, it is. But it could be better. I thought I should tell you that I’ll say yes to your proposal now.” She smiled brightly, enjoying his surprise.

  “I was planning on that.” But he wasn’t expecting her to be so quick to get them married, although it pleased him to know they would be included with the others who would be joined in marriage.

  “I promise I’ll let you take it from here. I just wanted to make sure that I was marrying material in the Amish world.” She was beaming, but her eyes never wavered, as she waited for what was next to come.

  Chapter Forty-One

  ABBY WALKED HAND in hand with Mose to their buggy after church. It was so nice to be able to show their affections to one another now that they were published as a couple to be wed. They had been announced in front of the church, and now a whirlwind of planning would begin.

  When they got to Mose’s home, Esther was already in the kitchen starting the noon meal. They met Eli as they were walking in. “Well, if it isn’t the happy couple.” He grinned. “So what day and time do you want the wedding?”

  “I’d like to go to one more singing before the wedding date is announced.” Mose looked over at Abby. “If that’s all right with you.”

  “Of course. Whatever you want.” Abby wasn’t completely familiar with all of the customs, so she’d agreed with everything Mose wanted, but she was beginning to wonder what she was getting into with each promise she made.

  “What happens after that?”

  “I help you make a dinner and plan the wedding.” Esther’s sing-song voice cut through the room. She appeared and took both of Abby’s hands. “It’s normally done with your mother, but I’m happy to have the honor.”

  “And you’ll be busy passing out invitations.” Eli tapped Mose’s shoulder.

  “Doesn’t everyone come?” Abby didn’t understand the purpose of the invitations. They never excluded anyone and were practical people when it came to spending.

  “It’s a verbal invitation, and it gets around by word of mouth more than my visits asking everyone to come,” Mose told her.

  “It’s just another custom, not a necessity,” Esther said patiently.

  Abby’s emotions must have been obvious, because they were all staring at her. “This is a lot different than what I’m used to.”

  “Does it bother you?” Mose’s brows drew together.

  “Nee, I just need to get used to it, is all.” Abby didn’t know for sure, but then she realized why she liked it better. It was Amish— simple in every sense, but that’s what she was, simple, hardworking, and frugal, all ways both her parents had taught her, and now she was glad for it.

  Mose led her upstairs to Jake’s room and made her close her eyes. “Okay, open.” In the corner of the room was a beautifully sculptured rocking chair.

  Abby lifted her hand to her chest. “For me?” She didn’t take her eyes off the chair as she walked over and sat down, rocking slowly.

  “It’s your wedding present.” He beamed, enjoying her surprise. She suddenly stopped rocking. “I wasn’t prepared for gifts.”

  He shook his head. “You don’t need to be.”

  Her eyes widened, and she went over to the closet, pulling out the disappearing hat.

  He grinned and plopped it on his head. “Just what I wanted.” Mose took off the hat and stared at it in his hand. “Wait here.” He dashed off and returned with an envelope. He handed it to her but didn’t say a word. Abby opened it, read through it, and then read it again.

  “Where did you get this?”

  “I bent a few ears. John Yoder helped quite a lot, and there’s an Amish database with genealogy records. I thought you’d want to know.” He shrugged, unsure of himself.

  “So it was my mother my dad was talking about who was Amish.” Abby read it again, “Kathy Yoder.”

  He nodded, more confident now. “She must have left the community after she was baptized.”

  Abby let it soak in—all the while God was guiding her here. It wasn’t because of a piece of paper. She’d known this life suited her soon after she came. But now there was no doubt in her mind, and Mose was kind enough to help her along. “My dad knew of my Amish heritage.”

  “He wanted you to know.” Mose’s gift of this information meant more to her than anything.

  “Maybe that’s where the hate Jim had of the Amish comes in, if my mom was shunned and
he knew that it hurt her. In his mind, that was enough reason to hate the Amish.”

  Mose grabbed her hand and tugged on her until they were out the door.

  “Where are we going?”

  “To where it all began.”

  “That’s mysterious.” Abby tried to think of what he was referring to, but she couldn’t come up with anything. They kept walking and talking for quite a while until they were at Ira’s place. Then she understood why they were there. “Ginger.”

  Mose tugged her hand as they went to her stall. Ginger bobbed her head and came closer to them. “She never did quite heal. But she’s a nice-looking horse.”

  Abby stroked the filly’s coat. “I’ve always loved horses. I started riding when I was thirteen and rode every day. I’d ride any horse my dad would let me, whether it was broke or not.” Abby was silent for a second, studying the strip of hair missing on Ginger’s leg. “Sometimes we need a reminder of what we’ve been through to appreciate where we are.”

  “It’s all in one’s perspective.” He hung his arms over the stall and let Ginger nuzzle his hand. “What do you miss the most about the life you’ve left?”

  She shook her head. “Nothing really. A lot of what we had didn’t make things better, just more complicated.”

  “So you really don’t miss your old way of living?”

  She realized he was making sure that she wouldn’t have second thoughts and was touched by his worry.

  She stood and placed her hand on his shoulder. “I told you.

  There isn’t anything out there that I want more than what is here.” She poked a finger at the left side of his chest, and then flattened her hand, feeling the beating of his heart. His handsome face glowed as he pulled her close. Abby had never felt so content and safe. It was at that moment she was absolutely sure of her choice to stay there and in him.

  Her faith had guided her, and now, she was finally home.