ADDICTED TO HIM

by Linette King

  Candy: Just making sure you’re good boss man

  Dre: aye bruh everybody straight

  Tiffany: I’m sorry plz call me back

  I read my messages shaking my head at Tiffany and Chardae. Tiffany seriously bugging and Chardae got to know I ain’t dumb enough to get her nothing ass pregnant. I’m really careful out here in these streets.

  Rashard: I’m good Candy.

  Rashard: Iight bet Bruh. Practice @ 3

  I ignored Tiffany and Chardae because them hoes ain’t talking about nothing. I know Chardae wants a relationship but she need to work on getting herself together first. Like I said before, I don’t have time to fix her when I’m not right myself. As far as Tiffany goes, that crazy bitch is cut off. She’s not the only bitch with a good head on her shoulders.

  Tamia

  After that awkward exchange between Armani, her sponsor, and myself, I went in my room to jump start my day. By the time I finished getting dressed, Armani and her dude were gone. I checked my phone and I had a voicemail. Calling my voice message, I began to listen to my messages.

  “Good morning, this is Nicole Jackson calling for Tamia Anderson. This is in reference to both your paper exam and skills test. I normally do not discuss grades over the phone but since you did so well, I didn’t think you would mind. Your score for your paper exam is 110 because you got the bonus question correct. You scored a 97 on your nursing skills test. This give you an overall average test score of 103.5! You should be proud of yourself. Do not return to class. For the remainder of the year, you will shadow different nurses at The Detroit Medical Center. After your total 200 hours are complete, you will meet the state board qualifications to become a registered nurse as well health administrator. Nurse Jennifer is expecting you today at 3. Good luck!”

  By the end of the voicemail, I was in tears. I did it! I can’t believe I actually did it! One thing for certain and two things for sure; I wouldn’t be here without God, and I give all thanks and glory to the big man upstairs! I could have given up a long time ago but he didn’t let me. I could have fallen victim to the streets like so many girls my age, but he wouldn’t let me. I could be dead but he saw a purpose for me to still be here, and I promise I won’t stop! “Thank you Jesus for all you have done and for everything you are about to do,” I say out loud.

  I thought I had class at 9 but since I don’t have any more classes at all, I’m so glad! I now get to try some hands on stuff at the hospital. I really hope Nurse Jennifer is nice, simply because it will make my job that much easier.

  I head down to campus anyway because I don’t have anything to do around the house. I would normally be content with the couch and Netflix, but I’m far too excited to sit still.

  Once I get to campus, I head straight for the field house. I’m walking and singing, looking up at the sky.

  Never would have made it

  Never could have made it without you

  I would have lost it all

  But now I see how you were there for me

  And I can say

  Never would have made it

  Never could have made it without you

  I would have lost it all

  But now I see

  How you were there for me

  And I can say

  I’m stronger, I’m wiser

  I’m better, much better

  When I look back

  over all you brought me through

  I can see that you were the one I held on to

  And I never, never would have made it

  Oh, I never could have made

  Oh, I would have lost it all

  Oh, but now I see

  How you were there for me

  I never would have made it

  No, never

  Never could have made it without you

  I would’ve lost my mind

  A long time ago!

  If it had not been you

  I am stronger

  I am wiser

  And now I am better

  So much better

  I made it

  Through my storm and my test

  Because you were there

  To carry me through my mess

  I am stronger

  I am wiser

  I can stand here and tell you

  I made it

  Anybody out there that can say that you made it?

  I’m stronger

  I’m wiser

  I’m better

  Much better

  I made it

  I made it

  never would have made it

  never could have made it

  I would have lost my mind

  I would have gave up

  But you were right there

  you were right there

  I never would have made it

  Oh I never could have made it without you

  Somebody just need to testify this tonight

  Next to them tell them

  I am stronger, I am wiser

  I am better, much better

  When I look back

  Over what he brought me through

  I realize that I made it

  Because I had you to hold on to

  Now I am stronger, now I am wiser

  I am better, so much better

  I’ve made it

  Is there anybody in this house other than me

  That could declare you made it

  Tell your neighbor

  never would have made it

  Tell ‘em never could have made it

  Oh, I wish I had some help here

  I wish I had just two or three people

  That would just declare it

  Never would have made it

  never could have made it without you

  I just, I just love to encourage myself

  Sometime I look in the mirror and say

  I’m stronger, I’m wiser

  I am better, so much better

  When I look back over what he brought me through

  I realize that I made it

  because I had you to hold on to

  But I never would have made it

  I never could have made it without you

  When I look back over

  What He brought me through

  I realize that I made it

  Because I had You to hold on to

  I didn’t realize I had stopped walking. I was standing in the middle of campus with my eyes closed singing and crying. Marvin Sapp know he touched me with that song! When I opened them up, there was a crowd of people surrounding me clapping. I was so embarrassed. I could only imagine how stupid I looked, standing in one spot singing and crying loud enough for people to gather around. They are probably only clapping because I stopped singing.

  I was stuck probably looking dumber with my mouth wide open. I could feel my tears falling freely.

  “Excuse me, Miss Lady.” I heard someone say from behind me. When I turned around, it was Rashard. My breath got caught in my throat and my panties got wet.

  “Yes?” I answered.

  “You sound beautiful,” he said, handing me some tissue. I grabbed them and wiped my face.

  “Thanks Rashard,” I replied while walking away.

  I wanted to run like hell away from this man that gave me butterflies. It’s been years since I felt this way. Well I take that back, I’ve never felt like this without actually knowing a person first. The scary part about dating now is I actually have time now that I don’t have any more classes. The more time I invest in a person, the more feelings I’m able to invest.

  I think it was so easy leaving Amere the way I did because I never truly invested my all into him because I was putting my all in the books. So, when he went out and made a baby with another woman, it was the best thing that could have happened to me. I would have been going to Community College on the coast and stuck cooking meals for a man who didn’t appreciate me had he not done that. Not saying anything is bad about Community Co
llege because it isn’t. All I’m saying is sometimes you have to get away from certain people to grow. Especially, when you’re on different paths.

  I glanced back and the crowd had dispersed but Rashard was still standing there watching me. I smiled and waved him over. He started jogging in my direction. I got so nervous all of a sudden and my hands started to clam up.

  “How are you doing, Miss Lady?” he asked, once he caught up with me.

  “I’m great actually,” I responded with a smile.

  “That’s what’s up. What was that about, if you don’t mind me asking?” he asked.

  “I’ve had an extremely tough life. Nobody knows what I really went through growing up because I haven’t told anyone, not even my best friend. I’ve worked so hard to get this far and I only have three more months left before I graduate. I got a call this morning from the health advisory directory telling me I didn’t have to return to class because I scored so high on my exams. I’ll be doing clinicals until graduation!” I told him excitedly.

  I was smiling so big and trying to contain myself from jumping up and down. Then I noticed he hadn’t responded. He was just staring at me and I couldn’t read that expression. My smile slowly faded. I realized I just boasted to someone that could be going through it. I didn’t mean to brag but I’m extremely proud of what I’ve accomplished.

  “I’m sorry,” I said taking a step away from him. I was about to haul ass I was so embarrassed and I think he knew it. He grabbed my hand and turned me back around.

  “For what?” he asked, looking in my eyes. His gaze was so intense, I looked away. He grabbed my chin and turned my head, forcing me to look back up at him. I felt a tingling feeling go through my whole body before I shied away from his gaze again.

  “Look at me, Tamia,” he said sternly. The way my name rolled off of his tongue did something to me. I slowly looked him in his eyes. “What are you sorry for?” he asked again.

  “For blabbering on about my accomplishments,” I responded.

  “No, you were telling me how you beat all odds and you’re still doing it. I wouldn’t have asked you if I didn’t want to know,” he said shutting my little ass right on up. I love for a nigga to take control and that’s exactly what he was doing. I don’t even know why I became so shy all of a sudden when you normally can’t pay me not to speak my mind.

  “Why haven’t you used my number?” he asked, frowning just a little bit. It caught me completely off guard because I forgot I had his number. I’ve thought about him from time to time this week but shit, it's only been a few days since he gave me his number.

  “I don’t know. I haven’t really thought-”

  “You haven’t thought about me?” he cut me off, clearly offended.

  “Yes.”

  “Well, why did you lie?” he asked still frowning.

  “Listen Rashard, I didn’t lie! If you would have allowed me to finish what I was saying, you would have heard the rest of it. I haven’t use your number because I haven’t thought about it. It being your number! Did you forget that right after you gave it to me, I got my ass handed to me?” I asked now pissed.

  I looked up at him watching his frown turn into a smirk. “Well, give me yours,” he demanded, handing me his phone. Without thinking about it, I entered my number and saved it as T. “Who the fuck is T, Miss Lady?” he asked smiling. I didn’t respond. I just looked at him trying to find the humor in it. “You’re not a fucking nigga. Your name is Tamia, not T,” he said playing with his phone.

  “What are you doing?” I asked.

  “Changing your name to your name,” he replied, matter of factly.

  “C’mon and walk me to the field house, so I can do a few laps,” I said shocking myself.

  We walked to the track together getting to know each other. It wasn’t much to tell about myself since I had already told him everything briefly. I did tell him about Armani. Well, not about her sponsors or anything like that, but I mentioned we lived together. He didn’t seem too pleased with the fact that I have a roommate.

  I learned he is the youngest of four. His mother raised them alone, and he has two nieces and a nephew. I already knew he played football.

  He ran alongside me as I ran around the track giving me pointers since he saw my last race. I almost told him he’s the reason I lost. Well, his dick print is. I was in the lead and had I not slowed down when I did, Alexus wouldn’t have caught me. I didn’t though. I just kept that tidbit of information to myself. I wasn’t going to be running track much longer anyway. First thing Monday morning, I was going to the administration building to see if I could stop without losing my scholarship so close to the end of the year.

  Rashard and I sat on the bleachers talking until 2. He told me I caused him to miss two of his classes, but he’s the one that should be more focused because I would not have missed a class for conversation. It doesn’t matter how good it is. He’s lucky I don’t live far from campus or the hospital, since I have to be there at 3.

  He walked me to my car and wished me luck on my first day of work. After I got in my car, he still hadn’t walked away so I rolled the window down. I smiled because he didn’t say anything. “I gotta go,” I said to him. He smiled and leaned in the car kissing my forehead. It felt so good to allow someone to give me attention. I hope he’s ready because I am and I only want him!

  I got home in record speed but Armani still wasn’t there. I could tell she hadn’t been there at all because it was still clean. I hopped in the shower and headed to the hospital. After I got there, I had to go get a badge made, then swipe it on the volunteer time clock. I approached the nurses and introduced myself. Everyone was pretty nice and welcoming. I told them I was there to shadow a nurse named Jennifer. A CNA tech name Lola told she was in room 2101, and that I should go on in and start shadowing.

  What they didn’t know is I’ve been a CNA since I was 12. My mom got really sick and couldn’t take care of herself, let alone me! That’s why I was emancipated so early. I had to prove to my mom that I was responsible enough to take care of us both. After six months of her not getting any better, I told her if she passed before the paperwork was complete that I’d be stuck in the system until I was 18. After I told her that, we had the paperwork drawn up, went before a judge and right after my 13th birthday, I was legally an adult. Not long after that, she passed away. All I had to do so the state wouldn’t reverse it was maintain our apartment. I kept it clean and stocked with everything I needed. I still went to school and every time my case worker came to see me, she would cry. I didn’t know why then but I know now that she was proud of me.

  Lola wanted to give me a walk-through of the hospital but they had signs everywhere, so I didn’t need her to walk me around pointing. She seemed a bit offended but I’m here to work, not make friends.

  I walked in the room with confidence in every stride. I introduced myself to Mrs. Jennifer and the patient, completely ignoring the other woman because she was staring at me like I slapped her mama or some shit. After checking the patient’s vitals, I excused myself to go and check vitals on the other patients to save Mrs. Jennifer some work, since Lola was sitting on her ass. I was on a roll zooming in and out of the rooms and charting everything into the system. When I came out of the second room, I saw ole girl from my first patient’s room storming out.

  She looked so dumb storming off in the wrong direction. She got to the end of the hall, which was a dead end and damn near slipped turning around with all of that attitude. “How the fuck do I get outta here?” she asked storming past me. I took a second to weigh my options before I responded because I wanted to pop this bitch, but I needed these hours to graduate. “Do you know or are you dumb?” she said, interrupting my thoughts.

  “Can you read?” I asked pointing at the sign right above where we were standing, which was pointing in the direction of the elevators. She looked up and stormed off again.

  When I turned around, Mrs. Jennifer was standing at the door watch
ing the interaction. “I’m sorry Mrs. Jennifer-,”

  “Don’t worry about it baby. I don’t think she liked you from the moment you walked in her cousin’s room,” Mrs. Jennifer said interrupting me. I smiled because I couldn’t tell her what I was thinking, which is had we been anywhere else, she’d be on the floor!

  The rest of the day was a pretty good day. I was beyond tired when I got home. The apartment was still clean so that meant Armani still hadn’t been home. I walked to her room to be sure and she had dirty clothes everywhere, but I didn’t see what she wore this morning. I called her three times but she didn’t answer. Her ass probably staying with one of her sponsors tonight.

  Tamia: Hey Mani. Haven't seen or talked to you all day. Call or text me when you get this

  We don’t call or text each other because we live together and we come home every night. I’m a little worried because she usually drops in a few times throughout the day. Normally, I’ll go to class and come home for lunch, and there is something to clean, whether it be dishes or clothes from one of her many rendezvous.

  I walk back into the kitchen so I can cook dinner and put me a plate in the refrigerator for lunch tomorrow.

  Rashard: How are you, miss lady?

  I glanced at my phone seeing the text message from Rashard and my heart skipped a beat! I started pacing because I didn’t know what to say. After thinking about how dumb I looked walking back and forth, I decided to respond. My problem is I haven’t dated anyone seriously since Amere. Then, I don’t know what Rashard wants out of this.