Iris nodded. ‘Who’s Ted?’
‘Ted?’ Gina was puzzled. She couldn’t think of anyone called Ted off the top of her head.
‘Yes.’ Iris said robustly. ‘I have a Ted here saying you need to remember who supported you when you were studying. I believe he may be on your father’s side?’
Oh dear lord. Ted! Gina’s dad’s uncle Ted suddenly jumped into her head. He’d passed away just before Gina had started university and she remembered complaining that she had to go to his funeral because she hardly even knew him.
‘Yes, I know Ted,’ Gina said in a small voice. She had worked part-time waitressing through university, but thinking about it now, her parents had always helped out with her rent and often gave her spending money when her student loan had run out. How had she forgotten that? Gina asked herself, guiltily. They didn’t have two pennies to rub together and yet they had saved money so Gina could follow her dreams of becoming a lawyer. Had she even thanked them for it?
‘Well Ted is here,’ Iris said confidently.
Gina looked around feeling a bit spooked out. ‘What, right now?’ She whispered. If this lady isn’t a lunatic and Ted really is here, he’s going to hate me for moaning about going to his funeral, Gina suddenly panicked. She cursed herself. What am I thinking? There is no such thing as a spirit world, she’s making it all up!
‘He wants you to know he forgives you,’ Iris said, writing it all down. ‘Do you understand what that means?’ Iris brushed a few grey strands of hair away from her face.
Gina sighed in relief not knowing if she was coming or going and gave a little nod. If Iris was making this up, she sure as hell was doing a good job of it. She refused to say anything. She didn’t want to give anything away. Ted was a fairly common name, wasn’t it? Iris could have just said that to anyone. Surely everyone knew at least one Ted? How many other Teds did she know? Gina thought long and hard. Did Super Ted count?
‘I have another lady here now,’ Iris said, closing her eyes momentarily as if she was lost in another world, ‘she’s knitting. She was always knitting. I feel like she passed from stomach or liver cancer. Her name begins with an R.’
Gina didn’t have any idea about this person and shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly, shaking her head.
‘She used to work in a clothing factory. Very hard worker she was. She wanted to be a singer, but her dad wouldn’t allow it and forced her to work in the factory to earn a wage. Her dad was very strict. Beautiful voice though,’ Iris said, as though she could hear her singing.
‘Mmm,’ Gina said, uninterested. She didn’t know who this woman was, so couldn’t Iris just move on to the next person?
‘You’re married, aren’t you?’ Iris asked, playing with the pen as she spoke.
She’s seen my ring, Gina realised, wishing she’d taken it off before she’d arrived.
‘Yes,’ Gina replied with a nod.
‘Did you meet at school? I have an image of you both meeting surrounded by other people your own age a long time ago.’
‘We met at university,’ Gina said, shooting Iris a quick smile. It seemed like a lifetime ago.
Iris smiled back warmly. ‘It was pretty much love at first sight, wasn’t it?’
Gina nodded, unable to stop the reminiscent grin spreading across her face. She hadn’t thought back to when she’d first met Neil for ages. Gina was suddenly overcome by a warm, fuzzy feeling as the memories came flooding back. It had been Gina’s best friend, Lara’s birthday and Gina had insisted that they threw a party in their flat. Gina remembered how they went out to buy lots of cheap alcohol and snacks in the afternoon and then they’d spent hours getting ready. Gina had opted for a tiny little black dress, which clung to her body like a second skin and made her feel like a film star. She had really made an effort that night, spending ages perfecting her make-up and accessories. Her hair had been down, she remembered suddenly; she always wore her hair loose when she had been at university. Nowadays it was an extremely rare occurrence to see Gina with anything other than her hair up. She liked it out of the way at work and didn’t bother with it at weekends either, so it was easier to just tie it back. Gina and Lara had so much fun preparing for the party that night, she remembered fondly. It didn’t matter that there wasn’t enough room to swing a cat, so long as they had enough wine and beer and people turned up, the night would be one to remember, and it certainly was. Gina had been chatting to a few girls on her netball team when one of their boyfriends came over with Neil by his side.
‘Who is that?’ Gina had hissed to a friend, Ella, as the boys walked away. Neil had literally taken her breath away. He was around six foot and looked like a rugby player with his huge shoulders and muscly arms. He had gentle features though; with warm brown eyes and a kind smile showing a beautiful set of white teeth. His dark hair was thick and shiny and Gina couldn’t help but imagine running her fingers through it or wonder what it would feel like to be held in those great big arms of his.
‘Neil Price,’ Ella whispered back. ‘Gorgeous isn’t he?’
Gina nodded, unable to take her eyes off him. ‘Is he single?’ she asked hopefully.
‘Yes, I think he is,’ Ella had grinned with a suggestive glint in her eye. ‘Go talk to him.’
‘No way!’ Gina gasped. Gina never approached men when she’d been at university. She completely lacked confidence in that department back then. In fact, looking back, she had actually been rather shy.
After a few glasses of wine everyone had started to dance. Gina had been desperate for Neil to talk to her, but he hadn’t. She’d caught his eye a couple of times, but had turned away, blushing profusely. Gradually the party had thinned out and before Gina knew it, the music had been switched off, the television turned on as Lara put two frozen pizzas in the oven. There had been about eight people left, Ella, her boyfriend and Neil included.
Gina remembered how Neil had sat beside her on the sofa. Her heart had been beating so hard and fast that Gina was sure Neil must have been able to hear it. Everyone had been chatting, but Gina had sat in silence, too nervous to discuss anything with Neil sitting so close to her.
‘Do you want some more wine?’ Neil had asked her, noticing her empty glass and picking up the bottle from the table.
‘Thank you,’ Gina had managed to say, feeling a mixture of excitement and nerves. She gave him a friendly smile.
They then started to chat and at the end of the night he’d asked for Gina’s phone number. Gina had been at the beginning of her second year of university and the next two years she’d spent happy with Neil. It had been so much fun back then. They’d had so much free time and used to spend days and nights out together with no cares in the world. Of course they had studying, coursework and exams, but Gina could honestly say that those days at university, were probably the happiest of her life.
Iris’s voice brought Gina back to reality. ‘At what point did you change?’ She enquired, her forehead creased into a frown.
‘What do you mean?’ Gina asked defensively.
‘I get the feeling, especially when you first met your husband, that you used to be such a laid-back, fun and down to earth girl,’ Iris explained, cocking her head to the side.
‘I am still that girl,’ Gina snapped. She exhaled slowly, taking deep breaths to calm herself down. She looked at Iris feeling guilty for being so abrupt. Had she always been this short-tempered? When she thought about it, Iris was right. She had changed. Her life had changed too though. ‘Sorry,’ Gina said weakly, hunching her shoulders gloomily.
‘You didn’t get the results at university you hoped you would, did you?’
Gina shook her head thoughtfully, staring into space. ‘No,’ she whispered, as she pictured waking up at six in the morning when she was on holiday with Neil and rushing to the business centre in their hotel to use the computer. She had been so excited and full of hope; she was confident that she’d secured a first class degree. Neil had been ecstatic with his 2.2 degree, but w
hen Gina had realised she’d only got a 2.1 her heart had sank and the disappointment was etched on her face. She’d only been a few marks away from getting a first and Gina had been livid with herself.
‘Oh honey, don’t be sad,’ Neil had tried to comfort her. ‘A 2.1 is fantastic. You should be so proud of yourself. I am,’ he said, kissing her affectionately on her cheek.
Gina had brushed him off, devastated. If only she hadn’t gone out as much. If only she’d woken up earlier to study every day. Why had she been so casual about her final exams, just assuming she would get a first? Instead she’d been too busy with Neil or going out with friends. She was so angry that she hadn’t achieved first class honours, like she knew she was capable of. To Gina, a 2.1 was a fail. Lara had texted her shortly afterwards with the good news that she’d got a first, which only rubbed salt into the wound. Gina remembered wiping away her tears and promising herself that she would work harder at law school; she never wanted to feel like a failure again.
Gina‘s eyes flew to Iris’s gaze. ‘I think I changed when I went to law school,’ she admitted for the first time. ‘I wanted to be the best. I needed to get the best grades, so I worked harder than anyone, never allowing myself to have a social life. I did see Neil, but not as much as he wanted to, and when we did see each other, it would only ever be for a few hours. I didn’t want any distractions,’ she explained as Iris nodded and wrote on the notepad. ‘Neil works for a recruitment firm in London. He started the year we left university. So I suppose he was fairly busy the year I was in law school anyway. He always seemed to be meeting clients or going out with friends from work.’
‘He wanted to be with you more,’ Iris told her. ‘He felt as though you were pushing him away.’
Gina swallowed hard. ‘I suppose I can understand that. I don’t know how he even put up with me, looking back. He used to make all the effort, coming to see me or calling me. He never got anything back,’ Gina realised suddenly, looking very forlorn.
‘Love,’ Iris said, smiling sweetly. ‘It’s a strange old thing and I do know that your husband loves you very much. There is only so much a person can take though, do you understand?’ Iris asked with a concerned look on her face.
‘What do you mean?’ Gina asked, suddenly feeling afraid. She wasn’t so sure that Iris was such a fraud anymore; apart from a few things, she seemed pretty spot on the majority of the time. Maybe she could see that Neil was going to leave her in the future, she fretted.
‘Please don’t take this the wrong way,’ Iris said carefully, ‘but, I get the impression that you try to control him and make him who you want him to be. I believe he is the same caring, genuine, thoughtful man you met at university, whereas you on the other hand have changed.’
Gina couldn’t argue and simply nodded. Iris was right, she decided, as she thought of the previous weekend when she’d informed Neil about their dinner reservations at Club Gascon in London.
‘You’re not going to wear that?’ Gina had fumed with a grimace when Neil had walked into the room. He was wearing an old shirt, jeans and black shoes. To most people he would look smart, but Gina knew the kind of people that dined in Club Gascon and she would be mortified to be seen with Neil looking the way he did.
‘What’s wrong with my outfit?’ Neil had asked, perplexed. He hadn’t even wanted to go to Club Gascon in the first place. He wasn’t keen on French food and had told Gina he’d be much more comfortable just going to a local Indian.
Gina closed her eyes in agitation. ‘The shirt looks about ten years old for starters. You need to be wearing trousers, not jeans and please, for heaven’s sake, polish those shoes!’
Gina never once thought about how he felt when she spoke to him like this. Neil had just shrugged his shoulders and changed his clothes obediently. He was the kind of man that just wanted a simple life. He did anything to make Gina happy, she thought ruefully.
‘What argument did you have about a room in your home?’ Iris asked, interested.
Gina immediately knew what Iris was referring to. When they had first moved into their spacious three bedroom home in Surrey, Neil had begged Gina if they could make one of the spare rooms a gym. Gina hadn’t wanted a gym though; she doubted it would ever be used and she thought an office was far more practical and sophisticated.
‘A gym will never be used. It will be a complete waste of perfectly good space,’ Gina had argued in her usual peremptory tones when Neil told her his idea. She went to the gym near her work, so she knew for sure that she wouldn’t be using it.
‘I would use it,’ Neil protested. ‘I could buy some weights and a running machine. You’re never home to use an office and I wouldn’t need one either.’
Gina had huffed. ‘Oh Neil, let’s not argue about this. A gym will never be used. I’ll need an office on days when I work from home. It’s far more important, okay?’
Once again Gina had managed to get her own way, she thought guiltily. The office had been decorated, exactly to her taste like the rest of their house and Gina could only think of one time she’d actually used it. Neil had never complained though like she would have done had it been turned into a gym that he had only used once.
Gina explained the story to Iris, feeling every bit like the control freak Iris was suggesting she was.
Iris’s mouth pressed into a hard line. ‘This is exactly the kind of thing I was worried about. Like I said, he’ll only be able to take so much, dear.’
Gina nodded feeling sick. She’d honestly never really thought about how she treated Neil before. She had changed from easy-going and fun to a short-tempered, stress head. How on earth did he put up with her? It was all because of her job and the fact that she wanted to be the best. She strived to be at the top of her game and she had always promised herself, that one day, she would make partner at her law firm.
‘Neil is a good, decent man,’ Iris told her sagely. ‘They don’t come around too often, I can promise you that. I get the feeling that he has always encouraged you to do well and follow your dreams. Never once has he felt threatened that you earn more money than him. He’s there to support you in everything.’
How on earth does she know that? Gina thought in wonderment. Gina had never told a soul that her salary was practically double Neil’s. She had always felt slightly embarrassed for him, though he had never seemed fazed by it in the slightest. Neil even made her dinner every night and cleaned the house because he knew she liked everything perfect when she got home. She was really lucky to have him, she realised, for the first time in a long while. Why didn’t she make more effort to sit and talk to him rather than just constantly bark orders in his direction? Iris was right. Gina had heard about these placid men, willing to take anything from their wives suddenly reaching boiling point and exploding. If she wasn’t careful, he may leave her one day and Gina couldn’t bear the thought of it. Could she really blame him if he did? She did try to control him. She took all her stresses and strains from work out on him and it wasn’t fair. It had only been a short while ago that Neil had suggested they go away on holiday.
‘Oh come on, Gina. Live a little. Why don’t we go away for a short break just the two of us? We could go somewhere warm and not too far away like Italy or Malta. It would be nice to spend some quality time together,’ he’d said one evening when she’d walked in from work.
She’d sat down to eat the chicken, sweet potato and vegetables he’d made her for dinner and exhaled sharply, incredulous that he was suggesting such a thing.
‘I can’t just get up and leave work, Neil, for goodness sake. I have so much on at the moment. I don’t have a job like you do where I can just get up and go when I fancy it,’ she’d said without thinking.
Gina remembered dismissing the hurt look in his eyes as he nodded and walked out of the room. Before she had the chance to apologise something had distracted her. Probably a work email on my phone, Gina thought feeling terrible.
‘He is a good man,’ Gina expressed with a rue
ful smile as she looked at Iris.
‘There is another big issue between you both too,’ Iris pressed. ‘Is it to do with children?’
She’s got this wrong, Gina thought, shaking her head. ‘No. We’ve both agreed that we don’t want children. I’m not very maternal,’ she explained.
‘Are you quite sure it’s not just you that doesn’t want children?’ Iris asked, her eyebrow arched.
‘No. We both agreed before we got married. It just wasn’t for us,’ Gina answered confidently. ‘I’ve always been career-minded and work has always come first. Neil is the same.’ Gina thought for a moment. She pictured Neil playing with his niece and nephew and how happy they seemed to make him. He adored those children and Gina knew he would make such a good dad. He had brought the subject up about children a couple of times since they’d been married, but thinking back, she had just brushed him off and changed the subject. They’d agreed it was just going to be the two of them and Gina supposed she had been worried he was going to change his mind. She just couldn’t picture herself as a mum changing nappies and wiping tears away. She’d worked so hard to get where she was and her goal was to be made partner; there was no room for babies. Gina had known and accepted that. She’d never been one of these girls that cooed over children’s chubby cheeks and had that urge to procreate. Gina had never once felt broody in all her life. To her, children were nothing but an inconvenience and she felt far too selfish to give up her precious time to look after another person. Gina didn’t have the patience to deal with mess, noise and sleepless nights and she knew if she had a baby, her life would never be the same again.
‘Have you spoken about this with Neil since you’ve been married?’ Iris asked.
‘No,’ Gina said sulkily, unable to hide her discomposure. Why was Iris making her reassess her life and the people in it?
‘I think you should speak to him about it,’ Iris advised, writing something down.
The Perfect Escape Page 19