Sage grabbed one of her hands and said, “If you tell me the rest of what’s bothering you, my crazy good advice might awe you even further.”
It probably would. But how could Sara ask what she most wanted to know without sounding desperate?
With her eyes shut to avoid meeting her sister’s observant gaze, Sara tried unsuccessfully for nonchalance. “Any news from Jacob on where he might be?” Despite her attempt, despair filled her voice, and she gave up. “He has to know. Why isn’t he here? It’s been hours.” Even if he hadn’t understood her hints on the phone, someone should’ve notified him about what had happened. It’d occurred in one of his branches, for crying out loud.
Instead of answering, Sage reached for the remote. “Want to watch TV? There’s got to be a Real Housewives episode on somewhere.” She blew out a breath when Sara squeezed her hand. “Oh, all right! How the hell am I supposed to know where he is? Do I have some kind of jackass radar?”
No, but apparently Sara did. Her beacon seemed to keep calling Jacob back time and time again even though he refused to stay.
Grief threatened to overtake her panic.
“As much as I wish I could help with that particular issue, unless you want me to beat him up, I can’t.” Sage crawled into bed and snuggled beside Sara, much as their mom had done. “Why don’t you tell me the rest of what’s bothering you? And don’t even try denying there’s something else. Maybe we can figure things out.”
How? That possibility seemed unlikely.
Yet even though it did, words poured from Sara that she was ashamed to admit. “I can’t go back to BCF. Not after what happened. How can I? I’ll never stop seeing—” Uncontrollable sobs made it impossible for her to continue. They oppressed her, blocking out the air she needed to breathe.
Her sister remained silent by her side only until the tears dried. “All right. This, I can handle. Ready to be wowed?” Sage tilted Sara’s chin up so their gazes locked once more. “Isolated moments of terror can’t define you, but they do change you. You have to respect that. Not doing so only hurts you.” She shrugged. “Babe, the answer’s easy. Quit.”
What should’ve been easy was chalking that suggestion up to being ill-thought-out advice based on Sage’s crazy view of the world. Yet Sara couldn’t. Her heart had already recognized it as the only truth. “I—”
“You have another job. It’s not ideal, but it’s income. And your lease is up in a month. Stop being proud and ask for help. This doesn’t have to be as hard as you’re making it. Move in with me, or Bel, or anyone of us rent-free until you’re back on your feet. You can put the robbery behind you—and Jacob too, if he doesn’t get his head out of his ass.”
“But… what if I can’t, you know, go back to work again for a while? What if I don’t feel safe somewhere new? Even living rent-free, I’ll need more income than Ray’s giving me.”
“Why are my sisters so freaking stubborn?” Ever the dramatic, Sage hopped from the bed, her hands flung in the air. “The answer is staring you right in the face!” An angry finger jabbed in Sara’s direction. “Maddie has money, but she won’t take it. So you tell her you can’t help out unless she pays you to work overnights. You’ll have to do more of them, but you already know that’s stuff you can handle. Problem solved.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Ugh. Could you keep up?” Sage paced in front of the bed making Sara dizzy. “Ever since Christopher’s death, some of the women at my salon have saved a portion of their tips. Sara, it’s been months. Between that and customer donations, they offered Maddie close to thirty thousand dollars.”
“Shit, Sage. That’s incredible. Why won’t she—?”
Her sister returned to the bedside. “Because Maddie’s stubborn. Like someone else we both know.” Yet even with the accusation, as if a flip switched again, Sage’s voice evened out. “But everybody wins if you both do this. Most of all, Tessa. And the rest of us could cut back to one night apiece every other week. Think about it, sis. You’d get your dream, you’d feel safe, and it’d give us all a bit of a life again. At least for a year while we figured things out.”
It sounded too good to be true.
And it was.
Though Sage had handed her the answer to everything, it came at a steep price.
Maddie.
51
After Sage left, Abby and Riley stayed the night and the next morning, too, while hospital staff readied Sara for discharge.
Sara’s hands shook as she signed the forms. Every noise made her jump, and every new person caused alarm. She prayed that went away once she was safely ensconced in her own home.
But what if it didn’t? Jacob’s nights of tossing and turning haunted her. Would she wear that same terrified expression each time the lights shut off?
Since she’d had nothing to do but think the last few hours, she worried less about his absence. Her vulnerability would’ve been more than enough to send him running for the hills. But that didn’t mean he didn’t want her; it just meant he was scared.
Well, join the freaking club. He could be scared. She’d just have to be strong enough for the both of them. She’d chase him no matter how far he ran and prove to him that some things were worth the risk, but she’d have to find her own strength before she could carry them both.
For now, that meant she’d have to do them both a favor and give each of them time to breathe. Then she’d chase him.
Riley stepped back into Sara’s hospital room and slipped her phone into the pocket of her jeans. “Maddie’s a few minutes out. You okay, babe? Or do you want me to see if I can be late?”
“No. I’m fine. You know these things can take hours. You guys stayed way too long anyway.”
Riley chastised her with a look.
“All right. I’m not fine. Yet.” Sara squared her shoulders. “I will be, though. Go to work and take Abby with you. She needs sleep before the boys she looks after come home.”
Since their youngest sister currently fought a yawn, neither of them argued.
Sara’s brave face only lasted until the door clicked shut.
She jumped as if a gun went off.
Dammit!
Would she ever forget the way the gun had felt pressed into her back or the man’s sinister whisper? Would she ever forget the fear?
Maybe her family was right to worry. She wasn’t ready to be alone.
Minutes ticked by as slow as hours while Sara kept watch on the second hand of the clock on the wall. By the time her door opened five minutes later, she practically jumped into Maddie’s arms in relief before sagging back onto the bed.
“Oh, baby. I’m sorry I’m late.”
Sara must have looked as terrified as she felt because her sister gripped her in a fierce hug and they sank onto the bed.
Several minutes passed before either of them spoke. Maddie broke the silence by asking, “When do you start?”
Sara pulled back in confusion, searching Maddie’s face for her meaning.
“I told Tessa this morning, and she almost jumped out of her chair in excitement.”
“What? Maddie, I… don’t understand.”
“What’s there to understand? It all seems pretty easy, doesn’t it? Of course, we’ll have to discuss scheduling. How many hours you want to work. That kind of thing. Though I would expect those hours to be overnights. Are you okay with that?”
“You took the money?” Sara stared at her sister, incredulous. The proud woman, who struggled to accept help from anyone, had taken the money Sage offered.
Maddie’s support left Sara shaken. She’d be all right. Her family would never let it be otherwise.
“Is that a yes? No? Maybe?”
Had Sara’s answer ever been in question? “Yes! Yes, yes, yes, and hell yes!” She launched herself at her sister sending them both toppling over the side of the bed. When they climbed back on, the enormity of everything Maddie had just given her opened the floodgates. “Oh, hell.” Now Mad
die had done it, made Sara ugly cry. Sara swiped furiously at her tears and apologized. “Sorry I’m such a babbling mess right now. I hate being weak.”
“I think you’re allowed, sister dear.” Maddie rested her forehead against Sara’s as if drawing her own comfort from the contact. “Let me tell you a little secret I’ve learned. The true beauty of strength is knowing and accepting when you need to be weak.”
Huh.
Wisdom from a woman who knew all about strength.
Sara stopped wiping at her tears and let them come, leaning into her sister for support.
52
Sara twirled in front of Jacob, setting her skirt swirling around her ankles. Her outfit looked perfect against the backdrop of the Santa Barbara resort. Until the palm trees faded and she greeted him at the bank.
He ran toward her, yet the distance between them became greater instead of smaller.
When a man stepped behind her, a gun in his hand, Jacob’s legs pumped faster, harder. All for nothing. He couldn’t reach her. Helpless, he watched the gun on its rise to her head, watched the man’s trigger finger contract, watched her face become Private Moorhouse’s right before the impact of the bullet shattered her skull.
Jacob woke with a start, registering the hospital room in his fight from the tangle of cords and blankets. “Sara!” The bed railing didn’t budge despite his repeated banging, so he threw a leg over, prepared to jump ship.
He almost passed out.
Jesucristo.
Sara. Needed. Him.
He swallowed the vomit that threatened with each movement and tried again.
“Jacob, no.” His father rushed to his side from the open doorway.
“Sara.”
“She’s okay. Son, she’s okay.”
“You don’t understand. There’s a robbery in progress. I have to get to her.” Despite his father’s reassurance and his hand on Jacob’s arm, neither did anything to still his attempts. His father didn’t know what was happening. With satisfaction, Jacob sent one leg over where it almost touched the floor. He gritted his teeth and scooted closer to the edge.
“Listen to me before you hurt yourself. There was a robbery. It’s all over now. Sara’s okay.”
No, that couldn’t be right. If she was okay, she’d be there beside him. “Did she stop by? Is she outside? Dad, I have to lay eyes on her. I have to see for myself.” He swiped at his wet cheeks, uncaring that his father saw his weakness, and continued his fight to get out of bed.
“Son, she’s not here.”
That finally got through to him.
Jacob flopped back onto the bed. What wasn’t his father saying? “Why not?” Because you can’t even hold it together when she needs you. Why would she come? Jacob’s own response drowned out his father’s.
He remembered the car accident now. His flashback.
The truth caused him more pain than his physical injuries.
Jacob had failed Sara.
Because he’d refused to get help.
He should’ve been there, protecting her. If not for his flashback, he would’ve been.
The depth of his error slammed into him harder than the truck had. “Did I… the other driver?”
“A few cuts and bruises, but he’s otherwise fine.”
“Good… good.” Jacob looked at the man sitting by his bedside as if seeing him for the first time. “Why are you here?” He asked the question before he thought better of it.
Hurt deepened the lines around his father’s eyes. “Where else would I be?”
With Elise? With someone else plotting a way to destroy me?
Jacob didn’t speak his thoughts. As soon as they came into his mind, he dismissed them as impossibilities. His father had faults, about as many as Jacob did, but the old man wasn’t capable of the level of deception conspiring with Elise would have taken. He wouldn’t have ever agreed to a plan that involved forcing Jacob into something he didn’t want to do. He might have nudged Jacob in the direction he thought was best, but he hadn’t done anything more.
Jacob saw that just as clearly as he saw the path that he needed to take to make things better in his own life.
It took several attempts, but once his breath evened, Jacob swallowed his fear and squeezed his father’s outstretched hand. He needed help. Now. Before he hurt Sara again. Before he hurt anyone again. “I’ve made some terrible mistakes, Dad.”
To his father’s credit, the man listened without interrupting, his head lowered as if in prayer, and for the longest time afterwards, they sat in silence, as if the older man didn’t know what to do with such confidences. Jacob took the final plunge. “I think I need help.”
Brian Smithsfield’s gaze rose to meet his son’s, revealing all the pain and uncertainty Jacob felt himself. Yet the older man’s voice came out strong as he asked, “How would you feel if we accepted Sorenson’s offer?”
“You know about that?” Jacob couldn’t hide his surprise. He would’ve expected his father to be enraged by such an act instead of acting like they were discussing dinner plans.
A non-humorous chuckle accompanied his father’s reply. “He’s my only friend, Jacob. He called me five minutes after you turned him down flat.”
“But you told him no, right?” O’dette Smithsfield would roll over in her grave. The bank had been in their family for five generations. “Dad, BCF means everything to you.”
“BCF means…?” His father reached out to grab Jacob’s hand. The touch in and of itself was awkward, but it conveyed feelings Jacob hadn’t known existed. “Son, the bank doesn’t mean everything to me. You do.”
His father continued to speak, but his future plans were lost on Jacob. An unbelievable weight lifted from his shoulders as if he’d literally been shackled to his memories and to BCF.
Tears of gratitude filled his eyes at the release of his burdens.
Even if he wasn’t able to win Sara back, he’d just been granted an overwhelming gift.
“There’s a Ms. Morrow here to see you. Would you like me to send her back?”
Hijo de puta. Jacob had known this day would come sooner rather than later, but that hadn’t stopped him from hoping he’d have more time to get his shit together before it did. Six days wasn’t nearly long enough.
He stopped packing his bag and tried to prepare for a conversation he wasn’t ready to have. “Yeah. Send her in.” As soon as he issued the request, his legs gave out. Vulnerability sucked. If he’d had more strength, he would have kicked something. Instead, he hobbled to the chair and collapsed. He considered it a small victory that he hadn’t forced himself to stand through the pain. Not too long ago, he would’ve.
Pride in the little things.
That’s what the private counselor his father had hired said. With only two sessions under his belt, Jacob couldn’t say yet if she was full of it, though he leaned toward her being the real deal. Still, tomorrow’s group session freaked him out. He didn’t want to do that one. But he would. For Sara.
No. For himself.
Progress?
He didn’t have time to figure it out. When his door opened, the short, curvy woman wasn’t the Morrow he’d expected to see. For some reason, that fact made him even more nervous.
Kas stood inside the doorway, taking in the surroundings of the medical suite. “Wow. You really are rich, aren’t you?”
Her comment was so unexpected, so Sage-like, Jacob laughed, and then couldn’t stop laughing. His ribs throbbed with every shake.
“Sara’s right. That is your best feature.”
Her mention of the woman he loved quieted his storms. “How is she?”
“Why don’t you find out for yourself?”
Because she deserves better than who I am right now. “I can’t.” How could he explain something he didn’t understand himself? “Sara needs someone who can be there for her.”
“She’s stronger than you think.”
“It’s because of how strong she is that I can’t be with h
er. Not yet. She deserves to be with someone who can stand on his own.”
“Bullshit. You’re scared.”
Damn, now Kas channeled Maddie and Riley. These girls were their mother through and through.
“She wants you just as you are.”
“But she deserves me better.”
Kas crossed over to sit in the chair next to him. “You’re a better man than you give yourself credit for.” Before he could fully absorb that compliment, she took a breath and looked him squarely in the eye. “But you don’t prove it by running away, regardless of your reasons. Jacob, she had a gun held on her. She’s struggling too.”
“I—” That couldn’t be right. Sara held everyone else up. She blazed through tragedy, worrying more about how to help others than herself. Yet Kas’ look spoke of a truth he couldn’t deny. “I didn’t know.”
“Well, now you do. So show her there’s hope beyond fear. Please. You might be the only one who can.”
His counselor had said almost the same thing, that they could help each other. He hadn’t wanted to believe her, but how could he not believe Sara’s mother?
“Are you really willing to let her go through this alone?”
Not a chance. “Where is she?” Jacob struggled in his attempt to get out of his chair. Kas offered her hand. Though he hesitated, wanting to pull back, he leaned on the support she provided and allowed her to help him stand. He’d be leaning on a lot of people before his journey ended.
53
What was taking her mother so long? Sara had to be at BCF in thirty minutes.
Sara nervously chewed her fingernails, a habit she’d relinquished in childhood. Going alone wasn’t an option. She hyperventilated at just the thought of setting foot inside the branch. She wouldn’t even be going today if she didn’t have to hand in her keys and have her vault counted out in person.
But today would be the last time. Thankfully.
A knock on the door made her jump.
These days, everything seemed to scare her.
It will get better. It will. As soon as the hospital had discharged her, she’d taken all the appropriate steps and signed up with a support group at the community center. And two days ago, Mr. Gallo had brought her around some of his Navy buddies who were open about their PTSD. Whether Sara qualified for the diagnosis at this point or not, it encouraged her to see people who’d suffered far worse than her pull through, even if she couldn’t picture it for herself. Yet.
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