by Joy Wodhams
He shrugged. “What else would I do? She's family now.”
She looked at him. “And I?” she asked, feeling a sudden wistfulness. “Am I family too?”
He stared back at her, a strange expression darkening his eyes, before his mouth twitched in that familiar half-amused smile. “Rest assured, Gabriella. If you ever found yourself in a similar situation I would do exactly the same!”
He was mocking her. Was he also making it known that he regarded her as of no greater or lesser importance to him than their housekeeper? She turned stiffly away. “I think I'll dash home and see her before she goes, and check if there's anything Mum needs. May I take your car?”
“Of course. In the meantime,” he said briskly, “I'll get the flight organised.”
****
Mrs Priddy stayed in Switzerland for a week, during which her daughter recovered consciousness and the doctors pronounced her well enough to travel. Rod urged her to bring the girl back to England where she could look after her at White Gables, and this she did.
It was soon clear that Alison had fallen under Rod's spell. Had she been mobile she would no doubt have followed him about. As it was, her eyes followed him whenever he came within her range. At his suggestion Mrs Priddy had temporarily converted one of the ground floor rooms to a bedroom and he had hired some sort of reclining wheelchair which allowed her to transport her daughter between rooms and into the garden when the sun shone.
His kindness and generosity to Mrs Priddy and Alison confused Gabriella. She found it hard to reconcile these and other aspects of his character with her knowledge of his careless affairs with women. She thought of his affection and consideration for her own mother, his responsible and caring attitude towards the staff at Englands. And then there were Jamie's revelations about his marriage to Caroline.
But none of these excused his behaviour with Sue. Sue and all the others who had gone before and would come after.
Yet she found herself drawn to him more and more. She could love him so easily, she thought, if she allowed herself.
At night they were apart again. She had come to realise that he would not approach her in her room. Did he expect her to make the first move, she wondered? If so he would have to wait forever, for although the memory of the night she had spent in his arms tormented and tantalised her, she was ashamed that he had so misinterpreted her action in going to his room. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction again of knowing that she still wanted him.
Nevertheless, during the day, almost unwillingly, she began to relax and even to enjoy his company.
One day they were sorting through Ben Englands' private papers and business files, several cases of which had been collected together and stored in an empty boxroom when they moved into the house. “I still don't understand why he wanted us to marry,” said Gabriella. “Surely he could have safeguarded the company without going to such extremes?”
“He never talked to me about it,” said Rod. “But you know how he felt about Englands. He didn't want it ever to become a big public concern. I think he trusted us to look after it and not to sell out.”
“But the marriage?”
“Ben had no relatives. Did you know he was a Barnardo Boy, by the way?”
“No, I didn't,” said Gabriella slowly. Poor Ben, always such a solitary man. Not even any real friends that she had known about.
“He was fond of us both. I think we were the closest to a family that he ever had and he wanted to keep it like that when he was gone.” Rod snapped the string on a bundle of yellowed papers and fanned them out on the floor. “These should be interesting. 1955. That's the year he started the business.”
He set them to one side and sat back on his heels, pushing up his sleeves with dusty hands. He glanced at her. “Did Ben know you had problems?”
She flushed. “What do you mean, problems?” Then answered herself. “No, of course he didn't. At least, I never told him.”
“But he could have known. He cared about you, that was obvious. Like a father, almost. After all, he'd known you since you were sixteen, hadn't he? I think he wanted to fix things so that I took over and looked after you when he died.”
She sprang to her feet. “My God, you're conceited! Ben couldn't possibly – he had only to look at all the broken hearts around the office -”
Rod rose swiftly and gripped her by the wrists. Unable to escape she kicked his shin but he only tightened his grip and glared down at her through eyes narrowed with anger.
“Ben didn't share your opinion, Gabriella, and I'm damned if I'm going to let him down, so no matter what you think of me and however much you might dislike having me around, I am going to take care of you. I shan't run out on you like your father did
All fight leaving her she stared up at him, lips parted in astonishment. “For – for five years?” she asked at last, stupidly. She watched the anger disappear from his eyes, to be replaced by amusement. The corner of his mouth twitched in that mocking way of his.
“Certainly for five years,” he said lightly. “After that – who knows?” He released her wrists. “Now run along and play, there's a good girl, and let me clear up this mess.”
In the days that followed his words returned to her mind frequently and she puzzled on the reason behind them. Was it just that he intended to take his responsibility to Ben's last wishes seriously@ Or could it be that he cared something for her? Could it be that there was yet another side to Rod for her to discover?
She watched, seeking to know him, to understand this man that she had started by hating and was now in serious danger of loving. At home she noticed that he did not flirt with Alison, although the girl, now hobbling about on crutches, clearly regarded him as her romantic benefactor. At the office he was absorbed with further expansion plans, and whilst he found time to be friendly with all the staff it was plain that his new secretary, a well groomed married woman of forty, had been chosen for her considerable secretarial skills and that the relationship they enjoyed was no threat to Gabriella.
But there was Sue. Although Rod never mentioned her there were still evenings when he stayed on at Englands after hours and Gabriella couldn't help wondering if he was really there until eight or nine o'clock or if he had gone to visit his former secretary. She longed to ask him but couldn't. Instead, feeling more than a little ashamed of herself but desperate to find out more, she brought the subject up with Jenny.
They were lunching at the Exchange one Friday, following a week when both had managed with a snatched sandwich at their desks as they worked on the Company's quarterly figures.
“This is fantastic,” said Jenny, taking in the busy scene with lively appreciation. “I love the waiters in their pinstripes Do we ask for a bill at the end or a statement?”
Gabriella laughed. “Rod and I brought Karl Werner here when he was threatening to disown us. Do you remember?”
“Could I forget! He's not exactly forthcoming at any time but that day he was positively icy. Even the chocolate biscuits didn't melt him. But that seems a long time ago. A lot has happened since, hasn't it? To you anyway.” She sighed. “Nothing ever happens to me. Althought,” she added, brightening, “I do have a new boyfriend.”
“Oh yes? What's he like?”
“Mr Macho himself. Weightlifting, jogging, skiing, surfing, hang gliding – all terribly boring!”
“He doesn't sound your style.”
“Oh, he isn't but at the moment I'm quite happy just to gaze at him. He's very beautiful.” She grinned impishly. “It's his birthday next week, I'm giving him a book.”
“A book?”
“I'll give him a couple of weeks and then catechise him on it. If he hasn't read, digested and understood, I'll probably finish with him.”
Gabriella laughed again. “Poor man. You're cruel, Jenny.”
“Well, I expect I'll be bored with looking at him by then. Easy come, easy go, as they say.” She dipped a fork into a plate of devilled kidneys. “Mmm. Delicious.”
/>
“Talking about people going,” said Gabriella, still smiling, “D'you ever see anything of Sue Langdon now?”
“Oh yes, I saw her two weeks ago. I thought she'd recovered from the miscarriage really well.”
Gabriella took a sip from her glass of Perrier and forced it down her throat. “I'm glad to hear it,” she said and marvelled at how natural her voice sounded.
“Well, having the baby would have made life difficult for her, especially not having any parents of her own, so it must have been a relief in a way.”
“Yes, of course.”
Popping another kidney into her mouth, Jenny spoke round it. “She's starting a new job in Slough soon, a company we've just started dealing with, actually. She's looking forward to it.”
“Well, I'm glad it's all worked out for her,” said Gabriella. She stared at the table, Jenny's words as impossible to swallow as the veal escalope on her plate, and wished she had never mentioned Sue. Wished that she had never had to find out. “I don't think I'm going to eat this, it's rather tasteless. Would you like a pudding?”
“Yes, please!” said Jenny, forking the last kidney into her mouth with obvious relish.
Gabriella wondered if she would ever be able to eat again.
She went straight to Rod's office after lunch. She found Marion Birch, Rod's new secretary, seated at his desk entering appointments into his diary.
She looked up in surprise as Gabriella burst into the room. “Mr Nicholson's gone to Wolverhampton,” she said.
“Did he say when he would be back?”
“Just that he would go straight home, Mrs Nicholson.”
Now she would have to wait, and waiting was unbearable. “Which company is he visiting?”
“I don't think he's calling at any of the regulars. He said something about making some 'spec' calls.”
I bet! In other words he's taking the opportunity to see Sue. “I need to speak to him urgently, Marion. If he calls in would you transfer him?”
“Of course. Is there any way I can help?”
“Thanks, but I'm afraid not.” Nor anyone else, Gabriella thought bleakly. Rod had gone too far. Nothing could heal the breach between them now.
At four thirty he called her. Marion said you wanted me. Something wrong?”
Her heart was pounding so loudly that it seemed to drown the sound of her own voice. “Something is very much wrong.”
A surge of crackling distorted his next words.
“What did you say?”
“I said, can we talk about it on the phone?”
“Hardly.”
“Well, I'm about to leave. Shall I come back to the office or would you rather meet at home?”
“Neither. We need some privacy. What about your apartment?”
“I don't think that's a good idea,” he said after a short pause.
She gripped the phone, knowing the reason even as he spoke. “Sue's there, isn't she?”
“As a matter of fact, yes. Just for a few weeks.”
“How soon can you be back?”
“An hour?”
“All right. I'll meet you at the Tapps Hill roundabout. We can drive somewhere.”
“This is all very mysterious, Gabriella. Can't you give me a hint?” he asked lightly.
“No,” she said, and replaced the phone. She felt dreadful. Her mouth was dry, her palms were wet, her heart kept jolting in a way that made her catch her breath. She concentrated on these physical symptoms, trying to suppress the pain that caused them and that threatened at any moment to overwhelm her.”
At five fifteen she collected her car and drove the short distance to Tapps Hill roundabout. Rod's car was already there, parked in the lay-by. She pulled up behind him and got out.
He leaned across to open his passenger door. “What is it, Gabriella? Something wrong at Englands?”
“I don't want to talk here. Can't you drive somewhere quiet?”
He stared at her, trying to read her face, then nodded. “All right.” He drove to Hanbury Woods and stopped the car in a quiet clearing. “This do?”
She said yes, but suddenly tears threatened her again and she couldn't go on. She wound down her window, listening half consciously to the chatter of birds in the trees, to the faint clop of horses' hooves on one of the rides, as she fought to overcome her feelings. This was not a time for weeping.
“So, are you going to tell me what's wrong?” Rod asked with more than a hint of impatience.
“I think you know what's wrong.” She tried to speak calmly but her voice wobbled treacherously.
“Do I? All I know is that something's upset you. Now, why don't we clear it up quickly and then we can go home and have dinner?” He put his hand on her shoulder.
“Don't touch me!” she choked, flinging herself as far from him as the door would allow. “Don't ever touch me again!”
“Gabriella! For Heaven's sake, what is it?”
“I was beginning to think that perhaps you had some decency after all, but I was wrong! You're the most despicable man I've ever known, Rod Nicholson, and I can't bear even to look at you. You – you sicken me!”
He sighed heavily. “All right. Tell me what I've done now.”
“You must have been so relieved when Sue had a miscarriage. It let you off the hook, didn't it? No need to play the reluctant father any more!”
She waited, with an impossible hope deep inside her that he would, could, deny it, but he said nothing. The silence grew and she saw he was watching a squirrel darting about the clearing in search of fallen nuts.
He spoke at last. “Who told you about it??”
“Jenny. She seemed to assume I already knew. I expect she thought that as a married couple we wouldn't have any secrets from each other. How wrong some people can be!”
“Yes indeed,” he said coldly.
“She must have been pregnant before our wedding. How could you do it?” she asked, her voice cracking with revulsion. “How could you go ahead and marry me when she was expecting your baby? Just to get your hands on the Company. My God, you're a monster!”
Something leapt in his eyes and for a moment she thought he was going to strike her, but now she had started she couldn't stop. “I knew what sort of man you were, Rod. My instincts told me, right at the beginning, but you're even worse than I imagined. As for Sue – I used to dislike her but now I feel sorry for her. You've treated her even more badly than you've treated me.”
“She might not agree with you. And as for my treatment of you – we agreed a contract. I don't believe I've broken it.”
“Don't you? You've made it impossible for me to go on living with you!”
“Then you would be breaking the contract, not I.” He turned to her, his face dark. “What are you going to do, Gabriella? Tell your mother why we married? Make her feel guilty because that's how you got the money for her operation? Tell Brewster to put Englands on the market – and tell the staff that they had better start looking for jobs elsewhere? No, Gabriella, you're stuck with this marriage. And God help me, so am I!” He wrenched open the car door and leaned out, breathing deeply. The squirrel, its black beady eyes flashing him a startled glance, abandoned a half nibbled acorn and was gone.
When at last he turned to her his face held a weariness that brought harsh lines to the corners of his eyes and mouth.
“I thought we had a chance.” he said. “Just a remote one. I thought we might be able to build a relationship that would be agreeable to both of us. At the very least that we could learn to live together in a civilised manner. But you make that impossible, Gabriella.”
I could have loved you, she cried silently, and pain twisted inside her like a knife. “You let me find out all these dreadful things,” she burst out. “You never tell me – you never explain -”
“Is there any point?”
She wanted him to say something, anything in his own defence. To argue, to deny, even to shout and rage against her. Anything that would relieve this a
wful pain that was worse then anything in her experience.
A cloud crossed the sun and a sudden light breeze set the trees to rustling. They could have been the only two people on earth. She had never felt lonelier.
“I can't bear this,” she said in a small tight voice. “What am I going to do?”
He didn't look at her. “I have no idea, Gabriella, but I would advise you to think very carefully before you do anything foolish. Believe it or not, there are worse things than being married to me.” His voice hardened. “I suggest you bury my latest misdemeanour in a shallow grave with all the other nasties you've discovered about me and we go on as before. You might have to work a little harder to build up the facade of the ever-loving couple, but then so will I.”
“I don't think I can do that.”
“What's the alternative? Divorce? You know what would happen to Englands. Or we could separate, but even that would leave a lot of people feeling hurt and let down. Your mother, my family, friends.”
She looked at him bitterly. “Why should that matter to you?”
His mouth twisted. Not bothering to answer, he leaned forward and started the car.
CHAPTER TWELVE
As day followed day Gabriella found it was possible to go through the motions of living. Getting up in the morning, cleaning her teeth, discussing the weather and the day's activities: it was as if another person calmly performed all those tasks for her. Inside, hope was dead and she felt so alone that she doubted if anyone could ever reach her again. The pain never left her.
At times she thought that if she and Rod could only talk she would feel better. But Rod was absorbed in plans for further expansion of the Company and if his thoughts ever dwelt on the bleak emptiness of their relationship he never showed it.
It seemed to Gabriella that everyone else had a purpose to their life. Jenny's new boyfriend had apparently passed the test she had set him and she came to work each day with a sparkle that Gabriella couldn't help but envy. At home her mother and Mrs Priddy had developed a firm liking for each other and a wealth of shared interests that seemed to leave little room for anyone else. Even Alison, well on the way to full recovery, was busily planning her future and had happily transferred her affections from Rod to the son of a neighbour.