Sunshine & Rain

by Dawn Desiree

  Sunshine & Rain:

  Triple Crown Collection

  Dawn Desiree

  www.urbanbooks.net

  All copyrighted material within is Attributor Protected.

  Table of Contents

  Title Page

  Dedication

  Acknowledgments

  ONE

  TWO

  THREE

  FOUR

  FIVE

  SIX

  SEVEN

  EIGHT

  NINE

  TEN

  ELEVEN

  TWELVE

  THIRTEEN

  FOURTEEN

  FIFTEEN

  SIXTEEN

  SEVENTEEN

  EIGHTEEN

  Copyright Page

  Dedication

  Dedicated to Aunt Pam -R.I.P.

  (Beautiful Queen)

  Acknowledgments

  Oh my God,

  I thank you first and foremost.

  To you I give the praise and all the utmost, for allowing me to pursue this dream I treasure most. To have my thoughts and feelings expressed in books from coast to coast.

  Thank you for answering my prayers and planting this gift.

  I thank you more for paving a way out of no way to go about this.

  * * *

  Thank you to my Triple Crown family for making a vision clear when it was only just a dream to me.

  And now . . .

  To Andre (Earthquake): Big, big love for all your support and dedication. You sure held me down. You’re a true soldier with the strength I need and I’m so glad I found you.

  And to you, Jacqué, my big li’l sis, for always having faith in me, even when I was without it.

  India (Peanut), thank you for being my angel and bringing out the softer side in me. May you rise to the top like I know you will and be all that God wants you to be.

  Dazia ( Day Day), thank you for “playing mommy” when I needed some “me time,” and for supporting me when light was dim. Now we gonna watch it shine.

  Keith (son-son), when I look in your eyes, you inspire me to rise, through the tears and the cries; it’s what makes me wise. Keep gaming, son, for soon you’ll be football faming.

  Malachi (baby boy), I told you that if you worked with me, this thing would happen. You had my back and I got yours. Now you can get ALL the wrestling men.

  Mommy, our road was bumpy. I got out; you kept driving. I came back, and now we riding.

  Mamma Rita, you’re “all up in it,” and this would not be without you. At a time I really needed you, you pulled through.

  Big luv, Tony. Wow! I can’t even express it ’cause it’s so deep. Thank you, thank you, thank you, for EVERYTHING! Did I say thank you?

  Tou Tou (Toutie), I always prayed for God to send me a true blue. In case you didn’t know, it’s you . . . it’s you.

  Mr. Walter Ficklin, thank you for helping make this thang legit. Your belief, faith, and encouragement helped me not to quit.

  Kevin Hinton (lil’ bro), thanks for the last minute help. You’re the BIZOMB! When things looked doubtful, you helped reverse the wrong. Keep your heart in S.W.O.W.L. sounds. Take to the sky what you built from the ground.

  To Mrs. Hall and the entire Big Mamma’s Crew, for upholding my family and keeping it true.

  To all my haters: I’m not trippin off you, cuz. We all have a gift that we can use it or lose it. Once you put your shit out there, it’ll be one to refuse it. You don’t get it twisted, and I won’t confuse it. I’ma keep coming, and you can’t diffuse it. Hate me if you will, love me when you won’t, I still and I will, even if you don’t.

  ONE

  “Listen, Sunshine, I need to talk to you.”

  Sunshine looked over at her mother. She could tell by the way her mother fiddled with her fingers that she felt uneasy. Ayanna always had a nervous habit of fidgeting.

  Sunshine moved closer to Ayanna’s bedside to comfort her fragile mother. Ayanna had been battling her disease for over two years; now she was fighting for her life. Her condition had seemed to worsen within the last two weeks since she caught pneumonia.

  Ayanna’s illness was a battle that Sunshine had been fighting with her mother every step of the way. In her heart, Sunshine willed her mother’s pain and suffering to end. This disease was much too evil for even the devil to endure.

  When her mother called and told her to come to the hospital, Sunshine knew something was seriously wrong. Ayanna remained in critical condition at Howard University Hospital for over a week, and this was the first time that she not only allowed Sunshine to visit her, but asked her to come.

  Sunshine missed her mother desperately during their time apart. They hadn’t been separated this long since the time Sunshine spent a weekend at a sleepover with some friends, way back when she was still in elementary school. That was the first and last time she spent time away from her mother. Sunshine missed Ayanna so much that weekend that she wet the bed. Her friends told everyone at school, and Sunshine was ridiculed for weeks.

  It pained Sunshine to see her mother this way. Ayanna looked nothing like her usual self. She had once been the most beautiful Hershey chocolate woman to walk the streets of Washington, D.C. In her prime, Ayanna had been advantageously blessed with the thickest pair of hips and deep-set curves that made her the envy of the town by all the women and the talk of all the men. Her smile was so big and bright that she could lighten the darkest midnight hour.

  Sunshine looked down at the woman lying in the hospital bed now, and she barely resembled the strong, sexy woman who had been singlehandedly raising her daughter for the past fifteen years. Now, this teenager stared at her dying mother with a heart that cried out at the reality of Ayanna’s rate and with eyes that told Ayanna to finally leave this miserable illness behind and find peace.

  Ayanna’s frail and deteriorating body was slowly surrendering to her disease. Without the same vibrant glow that masked her only one year ago, even her skin seemed to be two shades darker. Protruding cheekbones, the same ones that had always dominated and enhanced her facial structure, now made her look like a breathing corpse.

  Sunshine despised seeing her mother this sick. Who had done this to her? Why did she have to endure this torture? As Ayanna lay on her deathbed, Sunshine finally understood why her mother kept limiting her visits. She tried hard to stay composed while still continuing to support her ill mother.

  Ayanna took Sunshine by the hands and looked deep into her eyes. She the fought tears that were anxious to escape, in order to avoid making this conversation harder than it already had to be.

  “What is it, Mama? You know I’m strong enough to handle whatever it is you have to say to me,” Sunshine offered in an attempt to make the conversation easier.

  It was hard for Ayanna to continue to look into her baby girl’s big brown eyes. She’s too precious to have to go through this, Lord. Please be with her, Father, Ayanna prayed while focusing her sunken eyes on her busy fingers.

  “I know you’re strong, baby, ’cause you just like your mama. You got fight in you,” Ayanna replied. “It’s just that this is a little more difficult than I expected it to be. Sunshine, you know that I like to keep things real with you. In this life, you have to deal with a lot of fake people, and I want to be the one person you can always trust and believe in. When I tell you this, please know that I have looked into all of my options. I have prayed, and there is not much else I can do,” Ayanna confessed with a heavy heart.

  Sunshine squeezed her mother’s hand to let her know that whatever it was she had to say, Sunshine already understood.

  Ayanna spoke slowly and deliberately. “Sunshine, you have always been my motivation. I’ve done a whole lot of bad things in my life. I don’t cl
aim to be perfect, but I provided the best way that I could for you. I raised you, even though it was hard for me. I kept you in school even when we were homeless with nowhere to go. I made sure you learned how to read, because I know how important it is to get ahead in this world and because I didn’t want you to end up like me. I’m not a bad person, but I lost my chance at life a long time ago. I could never get the kind of job I wanted to get us out this ghetto because of my illiteracy. Without the skills, you can’t pay the bills. So, I did what I had to do. I stripped at those nasty clubs to feed us, and I sold my body at the after parties to pay the rent.”

  Sunshine felt overwhelmed with emotion as she sat and listened to her mother express herself. She had always respected her mother for taking care of her the best way she could. At the same time, Sunshine had always secretly blamed herself for her mother’s ways, because if it weren’t for Sunshine, Ayanna wouldn’t have to trick and lick to pay the bills.

  “Sunshine, I don’t want you to blame yourself for any of this. These are my mistakes, and it’s not your fault.” It was as if Ayanna read Sunshine’s mind.

  “I made my own decisions in life. I chose this road, and I’m only sorry that you have to suffer with me,” Ayanna confessed.

  “Sunshine . . .” Ayanna paused, inhaled, and finally said, “I’m dying.” Her eyes began welling up as she spoke. “The doctors urged me to contact my family and to say my good-byes now. You are my only family, Sunshine. You are all I’ve got, and I want you to know that I love you with all my heart. I put my all into raising you to be a good girl, even though I was bad.” Ayanna couldn’t fight back her tears any longer.

  “A social worker will be coming to get you in the morning to take you to a foster home, where you’ll be taken care of until you turn eighteen. No matter what, baby girl, I want you to remember to always keep your face to the sunshine so you don’t see the shadows.”

  Sunshine held onto her mother’s frail, shaking body. “It’s okay, Mama. Everything will be okay, Mama. I’m going to be okay.”

  The two ladies rocked each other in a seesaw motion until Ayanna fell asleep. Sunshine stayed the entire night at the hospital with her mother, determined to be by her side until the very end.

  The next morning, Sunshine was abruptly awakened by a loud, non-stop beeping noise that sounded almost like an alarm clock. Realizing that the long beep wasn’t a wakeup call but the devastating sound of death, Sunshine trembled with panic and sorrow. Doctors and nurses swarmed the stark hospital room. Their attempts to revive Ayanna were hopeless. She was now gone to rest in peace.

  Sunshine waited patiently for the commotion to calm down, and then she asked the doctors for a moment alone with her mother. She wanted to say a proper good-bye. The doctors obliged her request and left the room.

  Sunshine walked over to her mother, grabbed her hands, closed her eyes, and prayed.

  “Heavenly Father, you have called for your angel, my mother, to come home. She was everything to me, Father. She was my mother, my father, my best friend, my provider, and I don’t know how I will go on without her, Father. However, I trust and believe that your will has been done. My mother’s life was a struggle, and because of her, I can come to you this day and pray that you allow her now to rest in peace.”

  Sunshine stood up and allowed the presence of God to fill her with peace. As she turned to leave, Sunshine promised herself that she would always remember her mother as the beautiful woman she was.

  * * *

  “Rain, come here for a minute, puh-leez!” Jody screamed. Rain ran downstairs to see what all the yelling was about this time.

  “What do you want now, Jody?” Rain screamed back.

  “Could you please tell Daddy that it’s Jerome’s turn to do the dishes and not my turn?”

  Rain looked at Jody with an expression that said Are you for real?

  “Listen to me, Jody,” Rain began. “You’ve got to stop calling me down here for stupid stuff, and stop worrying Daddy. Just do the damn dishes! Jerome can’t clean all that well anyway. He always leaves stains on the dishes,” Rain added.

  Jerome sat smiling, satisfied as Jody stormed into the kitchen to wash the dinner dishes.

  Jim, Rain’s father, stood to go into his bedroom. “Thank you for handling your brothers,” Jim said to Rain before retreating into his daily hideout.

  Rain stared at her father with shame as his bedroom door closed. What went on behind those doors was no mystery to Rain. She knew that her father was getting ready to inhale all the crack his money could afford for the evening.

  Rain had grown accustomed to her father’s crack habit since the death of her mother, Evelyn, three years ago. Days like this were all too familiar to Rain. She could hear the constant clicking of Jim’s lighter as he lit his crack pipe, and she could smell the sickening, perfumed aroma of incense that he used in an attempt to conceal the drug’s pungent scent. This predictable scenario made Rain ache with a deep anger. It hurt her heart to watch her father go downhill this way.

  Rain knew her mother would have never condoned her father’s behavior, but in a strange sense, Rain understood her father’s habit. It was as if he was slowly killing himself to be with her mother again.

  Jim blamed himself for his wife’s death. She had a nervous breakdown and had never recovered after learning about her husband’s affairs with several different women. Secretly, Rain also blamed Jim for her mother’s death, but she would never let him know it.

  Rain ran upstairs to her bedroom to finish reading the book she had started before Jody had rudely interrupted her.

  * * *

  Downstairs, Jim sat on his bed and placed huge amounts of crack on his pipe, trying to maintain the surreal rush that he got from the first hit. He inhaled the narcotic, swallowing deep breaths, exhaling only when he felt his heart pounding heavier and his head getting lighter. He relished the trip. Jim no longer had worries in his heart or burden in his soul; only the anxious feeling of wanting a stronger, more crucial rush. He wanted to keep the guilt and shame gone forever.

  Jim was on his fourth hit. He had to light more incense so that his children wouldn’t smell the smoke. Usually, Jim would take his time and indulge, but tonight he had a large supply, a result of finding a stash outside of his dealer’s home.

  How lucky, he thought. Since he had such a great amount, he could smoke as much as he wanted, as soon as the urge hit him. The urge seemed to hit him every couple of minutes. Jim knew he should slow down. He’d seen so many movies where people overdosed on drugs. But as quickly as the thought entered his mind, it left.

  Jim decided to turn on some music to enjoy his moment a little more. He turned to the slow jams and listened while they played one of his favorites, “Love and Happiness” by Al Green.

  Briefly, Jim was transported back to many years earlier, during the good times when Evelyn was still alive. Jim stood up to dance with an imaginary silhouette, pretending his lost love, Evelyn, was right there with him. He swirled around and around on his bedroom dance floor, until he began to feel nauseated. He sat down and let tears fall down his face.

  “I’m so sorry, Evelyn. I did love you with all of my heart. I just had so much temptation, baby.” He said this aloud as if Evelyn sat right beside him.

  Jim turned, in search of the pipe he’d placed on his nightstand. Ready to be rid of the tears and hurt that had managed to resurface, he loaded the pipe with a huge rock and struck the lighter to flame. He took in a deep breath, but this time he was unable to exhale. He could feel his heart racing so rapidly that it shook his entire body, pounding so hard that his pulse thumped to the rhythm of the music like a drum. Sweat began to pour down his face as it turned the deadly color of blue. Within seconds after his fifth hit, Jim Concise was dead.

  * * *

  Sunshine had packed all of her personal belongings, and some of Ayanna’s as well. For sentimental reasons, she made sure to pack her mother’s favorite lucky dress that she wore every time she
went to Las Vegas to try to win them some money. Sunshine also packed Ayanna’s photo album, which included tons of fly pictures of Ayanna from childhood up to adulthood.

  Just as Sunshine was closing her suitcases, she heard a knock at the door. I wonder who that could be? Sunshine asked herself. She dragged her luggage to the door with her as she answered it.

  Much to her surprise, the social worker who stood before her looked more like a young, hip diva. This woman looked nothing like the old, withdrawn senior citizen that Sunshine had expected.

  “Hello, Miss Sunshine. I am Ms. Waters. I’ll be working to get you stabilized in your new foster home.” Sunshine felt at ease as she shook Ms. Waters’ hand.

  “Is this all you?” Ms. Waters asked as she eyed Sunshine’s limited luggage.

  “It’s all me,” Sunshine replied.

  After the luggage was situated in the trunk of the car, Sunshine felt an emotional pain in her heart. She wasn’t ready to leave home. Sunshine stood by the car and couldn’t help but to glance back at the small, cozy apartment where she had built so many special memories with her mother. “What’s going to happen to the rest of our belongings that are still inside?” Sunshine asked Ms. Waters.

  “Well, baby girl, to be honest with you, I believe your landlord has the rights to all those riches, unless one of your distant relatives surfaces and claims the prize.”

  Sunshine grinned at Ms. Waters’ sweet sarcasm.

  “That sure is one beautiful smile you’re wearing, little Miss Sunshine,” Ms. Waters complimented. Sunshine’s smile grew even wider.

  “Well, is it okay if we leave now? Or would you rather linger around here feeling sorry for yourself? Don’t get me wrong. I understand that what you’re going through is rough, but it won’t help you to try and hold onto everything that you must leave behind. You feel me?” Ms. Waters asked.

  “Yes, Ms. Waters, I feel you,” Sunshine answered. Sunshine could feel herself beginning to like Ms. Waters already. It was as if she genuinely understood what she was going through.