The Cottage at Rosella Cove

by Sandie Docker

  Nicole stiffened in his embrace.

  Mark released his hold. ‘It must have been so frightening for you, having a breakdown like that. But I’m here now. It’ll be okay.’

  ‘What?’ Nicole shook her head, trying to turn her brain on.

  Mark was here. And he was happy to see her. Not angry. Happy.

  He pulled her inside the cottage.

  ‘What … What are you doing here?’ Nicole found her voice. A little shaky, but actual words.

  ‘I’ve come to take you home, princess.’ He embraced her again.

  ‘What?’

  He patted her head. ‘We can get you some help. Deal with whatever it was that caused your breakdown and then everything will be okay again.’

  ‘You think …’

  ‘I think you’re very lucky I found you. It wasn’t easy, you know. But none of that matters now. What matters,’ he kissed her again, seemingly oblivious to the fact she wasn’t kissing him back, ‘what matters is I found you and I love you and I’m never letting you go again.’

  Nicole’s mind was blank. What? How? She had to think. But she couldn’t.

  Inside her head she was shouting. Inside her mind she was racing down the street to seek refuge with her friends.

  But she didn’t make a sound. She didn’t budge.

  Mark sat himself on the sofa. ‘Come. Sit.’

  She couldn’t move.

  ‘Nicky, don’t you think you should offer your fiancé more welcome than that? I’ve come a long way to find you.’

  She sat beside him. ‘Fiancé …’ she said.

  ‘That’s right.’ He stroked her leg. ‘Remember? We made a promise to each other.’ He pulled her engagement ring out of his pocket and slipped it on her finger. ‘I know we have some problems, but surely we can work them out.’

  Nicole started to shake.

  ‘It’s okay, Nicky. I’m here now. I can’t imagine what you’ve been through. This must be quite a shock. Let me make it better now.’

  ‘How did you find me?’

  He shook his head. ‘It wasn’t easy. But I found your editing website. I tracked down one of the authors you’d worked with and I convinced them I needed to make contact with you, desperately. Once I had your email address, I used the one of the firm’s private investigators. It cost me a lot of money, but it’s worth it to have you back.’

  In the dark, Nicole lay stiffly in bed. Behind her Mark lay snoring, his hand resting on her hip.

  He hadn’t tried anything, just wanted to lay beside her. He’d cried and told her he’d missed her so. He hadn’t been able to sleep properly since she’d left. If she could just lay next to him a little while – surely she owed him that after abandoning him the way she did.

  Nicole didn’t dare move all night and in the early light of morning she slipped out of bed. She paced around the cottage, confused and angry at herself. This new life she thought she’d forged for herself was over. Mark was back.

  There was no point trying to outrun her past, forget the pain. It would always be with her, haunt her, defeat her.

  Tears fell down her cheeks. She knew she had to stop them. If he heard her, he’d come out.

  She reached beneath the sofa and pulled out Ivy’s box.

  30th March, 1970

  My Dearest Tom,

  Peggy passed away last week. Father Anthony is remaining stoic, but inside I know he is broken. I see it in his eyes when he believes no one is looking.

  I have cooked dinner for him, drunk tea with him, sat in silence with him. But that can hardly soothe his soul. Then again, I suppose for a man such as Father Anthony, his soul is God’s to soothe, not mine. Still, it cannot hurt to let him know how very much he is loved and how sorry I am for his loss.

  I asked Charlie what I should do. I seem to ask his opinion on most things these days. His mind is much younger and quicker than mine and he often sees things in a light that I do not. I am frequently reminded there is more than a generational gap between us. My privileged upbringing and his terrible past force us into different perspectives on many of life’s conundrums. He usually has a far simpler and more effective solution than I can conjure. I am constantly feeling proud of him and wish it were a pride I could share with you.

  How one mistake can so easily ruin a life, many lives, hardly seems fair. If anyone deserves forgiveness it is Charlie. I have suggested that if he sought it, it may yet come. But, he is insistent it is too late and much better this way anyway. I am not sure I agree, but on this he will not hear me. I believe the forgiveness he truly needs is that which comes from within and I fear this may never come.

  I wish I could take his pain and carry his burden on my old shoulders so that he can live the potential I know is inside him. What this young man could achieve if circumstances were different! However, they are not, as he points out regularly.

  In the end, I organised a lunch for Father Anthony yesterday with a few of those closest to him – William Tucker and Iris, Mrs Li, young Carole. (Poor thing needed a pick-me-up. She has got her hands full with toddler number three and her husband is away). Father Anthony accepted my invitation graciously and asked if he could bring along a couple of the Sunday School kids whose parents were going to be late picking them up. Really, you would think given the circumstances they could have cancelled whatever was going to keep them away and pick the kids up on time. As if the poor man needed that. But some people only think of themselves, I suppose. I wonder how they would feel if the situation were reversed? I said yes, naturally. I could handle a few extra mouths, if it meant getting Father Anthony there.

  Charlie helped me set up the yard yesterday. He moved the two trestle tables I use for my stall into position and set all the chairs up for me. He borrowed some extras from the church storeroom. I cut some hydrangeas from the garden and some roses, and placed them on the tables with the violets. It was not quite as pretty as Lucy’s wedding, but it was lovely just the same.

  Charlie did not join us, though I asked him to.

  I made the pasta salad Fabricio taught me and sliced up some cold roast lamb. We had fruit salad and cream for dessert.

  Father Anthony seemed to take comfort in the afternoon and squeezed me tightly in thanks afterward.

  Apparently the Sunday School kids had such a great time they have been bragging to their friends who now stop me in the street and ask when it will be their turn to come over and have a picnic.

  The children are so persistent that I have suggested to Father Anthony he might like to bring all of them over for a picnic next month. He thought it a lovely idea.

  Charlie has finished his repairs to the boatshed and it is now, without a doubt, his home. I do hope he stays. Every now and then I see a look in his eyes and I worry he will take off. But, perhaps he is merely remembering his past.

  The past haunts us all, I guess.

  This is where he belongs and I tell him as such constantly. He simply shrugs.

  I have decided to close my stall and only sculpt to order now. I have not the energy for it anymore. But you should see the markets now! Every manner of ware can be found: old, new, useful and ridiculously impractical. They will not miss my table of figurines.

  Forever yours,

  Ivy

  PS I have just received a call to say Mother has passed away. I was with her only a fortnight ago. Perhaps I should have stayed. Though I doubt she would have wished it. We found a gentle ease this past year, but never a closeness. And now we never will. I should have done more, for now it is too late.

  No, Ivy. No, it wasn’t fair that one mistake could so easily ruin a life. None of any of this was fair.

  Nicole rocked back and forth, Ivy’s words running through her head.

  ‘The forgiveness he truly needs is that which comes from within.’

  Forgiveness. And strength.

  ‘Well, Nicole,’ she whispered into the empty morning, ‘what are you going to do about it then?’

  Thirty-one

>   Nicole let the hot water wash over her, easing her tired muscles.

  She stepped out of the shower and pulled on her clothes. Voices floated down the hallway.

  ‘Who are you?’ Danny’s tone had an edge.

  ‘I’m Nicky’s fiancé.’

  Nicole swore to herself and ran down the hall. ‘Danny?’ She called. ‘Danny, wait.’ She slid to a stop in front of the door.

  ‘Is this why you’ve been pushing me away?’ Danny’s face was a storm cloud of hurt.

  ‘Wait. Let me explain.’

  ‘No. I think I’ve got the full picture.’ He turned and strode down the verandah steps and away from Nicole.

  She pushed past Mark back into the cottage. Oh, God, now she’d lost Danny too.

  ‘So this is what you’ve been up to while I’ve been frantic with worry back at home? How could you do this to me, Nicky?’

  ‘Please don’t.’

  ‘Don’t?’ Mark paced in front of her. ‘Nicky, we’re engaged.’

  Nicole shook her head. ‘No. I left, remember?’

  ‘Without even giving me a say. That doesn’t count. But apparently not much does with you. What? Were you planning on playing happy families with him? Does he even know that happy families isn’t an option for you?’

  Nicole took a deep breath.

  ‘He doesn’t, does he? What do you think he’ll do when he finds out that you’re barren?’

  ‘I’m … not … barren.’

  ‘Do you think he’ll love you despite your failings? That’s me, princess. I love you, despite all your failings. No other man could ever love you if he knew the truth about you.’

  No. It wasn’t true. If she just explained things to Danny, he’d … maybe …

  ‘You’re only half a woman, Nicky. Who else is ever going to love you but me?’

  Nicole slumped into the sofa.

  ‘You know I’m right. The only person in this world who truly cares about you is me. I wouldn’t have come all this way, worked so hard to find you, if I didn’t. You know it’s the truth.’

  So many words swirling through her mind. Maybe he was right. Her time here at the cove was nearly up, and look how quickly Danny had fled when Mark answered the door. He didn’t even want to listen.

  Nicole sat there, no words, no movements.

  ‘Oh, Nicky.’ Mark put his arm around her.

  Familiar comfort washed over her. Had she been kidding herself this whole time? Mark did love her. In his way. Would anyone else? Would Danny?

  ‘Come home with me, Nicky, and we’ll be a family. Just the two of us.’

  Just the two of them. Just her. Just Mark.

  ‘Have you thought any more about adoption, or IVF?’ she asked quietly.

  Mark rolled his eyes. ‘Really? Are we going to revisit that again?’

  The significance of Charlie’s question that day – was she happy here – was very clear to her now.

  Yes, she was. And that’s what mattered. It didn’t matter if Danny would accept her or not. It would hurt, certainly. It would possibly break her heart if what she felt for him was as strong as she thought it was. But there was so much more to this than that. There was Charlie and Mandy and Ivy, and this quirky little town that had crept its way into her heart. She couldn’t go back to such a narrow life as just the two of them. No matter what happened from here, that was no longer her life.

  ‘I think I’d like you to leave,’ she whispered.

  Mark stared at her.

  ‘Please leave.’ Her voice got a little stronger.

  ‘You can’t kick me out. I’m your fiancé.’

  ‘No, Mark.’ She shook her head. ‘Our engagement was over long ago. Please leave.’ She pointed to the front door.

  ‘But you belong with me.’

  She shook her head. ‘No. I don’t.’ She didn’t know exactly where she belonged. Here at Rosella Cove? With Danny? But she knew now, without doubt, it wasn’t with Mark.

  ‘Okay. I’ll look into adoption, if it will make you happy. Just …’

  Nicole raised her hand. ‘Stop, Mark. This is actually so much bigger than that. I am not the same person I was when we met. We are not the same. I don’t want a life with you. It’s over.’

  Mark stared at her. ‘No. I won’t accept this.’

  Nicole was getting weary now and she raised her voice. ‘Mark. Stop. This is finished. We are finished. Leave. Now.’

  Mark stood where he was, his mouth open, no words coming out.

  ‘I said now.’ She opened the front door.

  ‘You can’t do this to me, Nicky. If you don’t come back with me, I’ll —’

  Nicole could the feel the anger rising inside her. ‘You’ll what? Take all my money? You’ve done that. You’ll destroy my self-esteem? You’ve done that, too.’ She raised her voice. ‘Tell me, Mark, what can you possibly do to me?’

  He looked at her with steely eyes. ‘This isn’t over, Nicky. I’ll …’

  Nicole held his stare, her resolve unwavering. ‘The only way I’ll come back to Sydney with you, Mark, is if you kidnap me. And I don’t think your ego wants me that badly you’ll commit a felony. Think about what that would do to your career.’

  Time stopped as they stared at each other before Mark broke the silence.

  ‘You’ll be back. I know you will. But just you watch out. By the time you come to your senses, I might not be there waiting for you.’ He stormed out the door and Nicole let out a long sigh and slid to the floor.

  ‘Nicole? Are you there?’ Mandy called, coming up the steps of the verandah.

  Nicole let out a groan.

  Mandy let herself in and threw herself on the floor beside Nicole.

  ‘What is going on? I ran into Danny in town and he was like a raging bull. When I asked him what was wrong, he just grunted “ask Nicole”. Did you two have a f—’

  Nicole burst into tears and Mandy wrapped her in a tight embrace.

  Nicole told Mandy the whole story. Everything about Mark, about what had brought her to Rosella Cove. Hearing it out loud, she saw with renewed eyes, the picture as a whole. She finished finally, and dropped her head into her hands.

  ‘Oh, honey. I knew something was up, but I wasn’t expecting that.’

  ‘Sorry.’

  ‘Don’t be. I just can’t believe you’ve been carrying around this burden all on your own.’

  ‘Oh, Mandy, when he held me in his arms last night … It would have been so easy to slip back into “us”. What if he always has that hold over me? What if I can’t do this whole “life” thing on my own?’

  Mandy helped her to her feet and guided her to the kitchen where she put the kettle on. ‘I get that. I do. But let me ask you this.’ She stood in front of Nicole. ‘Look at this house, what you’ve accomplished, how you’ve embraced the cove, how it’s embraced you. Are you even the same person now as you were six months ago?’

  A lot had happened since she’d fled Sydney.

  ‘No.’ Of course she wasn’t.

  ‘Okay. So what if you allow the new you, the paint-brush-wielding-football-cheering-lucky-socks you, to accept what happened. That’s all. Acknowledge that it hurt, know that it was a terrible point in your life, recognise that it changed you, but don’t allow it any power over you now. Send it back to the past where it belongs. Let the new you take control of your own destiny. Whatever it is the new you wants that destiny to be.’

  Nicole reached out and hugged her. ‘You really should be a psychologist. Or at least a bartender.’

  ‘I’ll see if George has any openings. I am multi-talented.’ She laughed and waved her phone at Nicole.

  There was a knock on the door.

  ‘What did you … how …’

  ‘Multi-talented.’ She smiled and hugged Nicole, whispering in her ear. ‘Don’t underestimate him. I have no idea how he’ll he take the news, but I know he deserves a chance to figure it out himself.’

  Nicole walked her to the door. Mandy squeezed her
hand gently, slipping past Danny.

  Danny waited.

  ‘Please. Come in.’

  He looked impatient and didn’t meet her eyes.

  Standing on opposite sides of the hallway, the tension between them was palpable.

  ‘I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Mark,’ Nicole started.

  He shrugged. ‘You don’t owe me.’

  ‘No. I don’t. But I want to tell you. If you’re okay hearing it?’

  Danny leaned against the wall.

  Telling her story twice in such a short amount of time was draining. But she didn’t leave anything out. What was the point of keeping secrets now?

  He took a step towards her. ‘I knew you were dealing with something, but I kind of figured it was just your average break-up story. I didn’t know there was … more.’

  Nicole cast her eyes down. She had no idea how telling him about her fertility challenges would change things between them, but she’d had to be completely honest with him.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered, ‘that I didn’t tell you sooner.’

  When Nicole lifted her eyes to his she was met with his kind face, looking right back at her.

  ‘You have nothing to be sorry for. It’s not like I’ve been exactly forthcoming about my past either.’

  ‘What a pair.’ Nicole managed a smile.

  Danny turned slightly and held his hand out towards the living room. ‘May I?’

  They moved to the sofa and sat down, a cushion between them.

  ‘I had a girlfriend …’

  ‘Caitlyn.’

  ‘How do you …?’

  Nicole tilted her head. ‘Mandy mentioned something.’ She shared what she’d been told.

  ‘That’s why you were withdrawn that night. Mandy, Mandy, Mandy. Her heart is always in the right place. But …’ He shook his head. ‘Anyway. Here’s the full story. She’s the reason I stayed here when my parents went back to England. Caitlyn, not Mandy.’ He allowed himself a little grin.

  ‘I was head over heels, we were together forever and I had plans to marry her. I thought everything was great. We’d sit around and talk about our future, about how many kids we were going to have …’ his voice caught in his throat, and he detailed their time together. It wasn’t easy for Nicole to hear, but her story couldn’t have been easy for him either.