Jennifer's Outlaw

by Karen Anders

  She pulled him down with her into the hay and very simply touched him by rubbing his back and holding him in her arms.

  Corey was coming around the mess hall, thinking about the day before, remembering how he had immersed himself in the feel of Jennifer’s hands on him, when he stopped dead, his eyes resting on the gleaming black bike sitting in front of Jennifer’s house. She’d had it fixed. Corey was the kind of man who took care of his own debts. He didn’t want to be beholden to anyone, especially Jennifer. He didn’t want to owe her anything. The fury built and he changed direction and headed instead for the house.

  He burst into the kitchen without knocking. Ellie was just getting her lunch out of the fridge. Her eyes widened when she saw his face.

  “Is something wrong?”

  “No.” For Ellie’s sake, he tried to rein in his anger. “I just need to talk to your mom.”

  “She’s upstairs changing her bed, I think. I’ve got to go catch my bus. I’ll see you tonight.”

  He wasn’t sure he would be here tonight, he thought as he watched Ellie slip out the door. He charged for the stairs and took them two at a time. “What do you think you’re doing?” he snarled when he entered her bedroom.

  “Changing the bed. It’s something I do every week,” she replied flippantly.

  He swore under his breath and stalked across the room. Grabbing her arm, he steered her to the window. “That is what I’m talking about.”

  “It’s yours, isn’t it?”

  “Yes, it’s mine. I don’t want you footing my bills.”

  “It was smashed because of me, Corey. It was my responsibility to get it fixed.”

  He heard someone clear her throat. “If you guys can stop arguing long enough, I’m afraid I’ve missed my bus.”

  “Ellie,” Corey said between gritted teeth. “Go downstairs and wait by my bike. I’ll take you to school.”

  “Cool. Oh, by the way, you guys don’t have to sneak around at night. Corey spends enough time in your room, Mom. He should just sleep here. It’s okay with me.”

  Both of them stared at her with their jaws hanging open. Ellie smiled and retreated from the room. “See you downstairs, Corey.”

  “Damn,” he swore, feeling as if his life was splintering into little bits. He felt pushed from too many sides. Ellie and Jennifer. Everyone wanting something that he couldn’t give. Wanting him to stay, when he couldn’t. He turned to Jennifer, whose shock seemed to have worn off, and he saw the determined slant to her chin, the mulish set of her mouth.

  “Jennifer, I told you before. You don’t owe me anything.”

  “Can’t you just accept a gift?” she asked in exasperation.

  “No. All I’ve ever wanted from the beginning was to leave.”

  Her expression changed then from determined to panicked and that was when he saw it. The certainty that if she gave him an opportunity to flee, he would take it. He’d just confirmed her doubts that when she had his motorcycle fixed, he would leave. That realization finally broke him, the knowledge that she knew and had still brought the motorcycle within his reach. He had to get out of here. The pain in his chest was cresting like a huge wave. He would collapse into a heap on the floor like a child and cry if he didn’t leave right away. The humiliation of breaking down in front of Jennifer had him backing up, shaking his head.

  “No,” he growled hoarsely. “No!” He tried to get out of the bedroom, but she stopped the door. His arm slipped, his elbow hitting her in the nose. She backed up, clutching her nose and Corey spun in horror. When he saw the blood, a relentless fist closed around his heart.

  You’re just like me, son.

  He could hear his father’s gleeful, accusing voice in his head. “Jennifer. God. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. Oh, God.”

  “Don’t just stand there, get me a cold cloth.”

  He bolted for the bathroom, his stomach in knots, his hands shaking so badly he could barely turn on the faucet. He brought the cloth to her and pressed it gently against her face as they both sat on the edge of the bed.

  “Well, we can look on the bright side,” she quipped. “At least you didn’t pop me in the eye and give me a shiner. Then everyone would wonder what kind of guy I got myself tangled up with.”

  Her voice was light and teasing, but Corey only heard her words and to him they were an accusation. This was what he’d feared forever. This was why he avoided relationships.

  Before Jennifer could say another word, he surged up off the bed, terror gripping him. “You have no idea. No idea at all!” he cried, his voice breaking. Then he left the room, slamming the door behind him.

  He sat on his bike for another five minutes, letting the solitude of the immense ranch wash over him. God, it felt so good to be here. After he’d dropped Ellie off at school and let all her friends ooh and aah over his bike, he had kept riding. Almost tried to reach the horizon.

  But he remembered Jennifer’s face when he’d left, remembered Ellie’s quick hug and kiss before she’d bounded off to school and he knew he couldn’t leave them that way, without a word, so he’d turned around.

  He looked up at the house, up at her room. A light burned in the window and he could see her silhouette. He dropped his head back, the emotion clogging his throat so full, he thought he might finally break down. But the tears seemed stuck in the back of his throat. The horror washed through him again. He’d hit her, hurt her. Something he swore he would never do. His stomach tightened until he felt as if he was going to be sick again.

  He swung off the bike, went to the bunkhouse and got the key to the house. He made his way silently through the darkened house, feeling detached, as if he had lost his right to be here, yet she pulled and tugged at him like a magnet and he couldn’t stay away from her.

  She didn’t understand. He saw that in her eyes, before he had acted like a bastard and run off like a scared rabbit. She didn’t understand how that little slip of his elbow could hurt him so much. Hurt him deep inside where he kept all the pain from his childhood. All his failure, his powerlessness. Jennifer had no idea how many times his father had broken his mother’s nose and Corey had had to watch.

  He pushed open the door to her bedroom and stepped in. She sat on the window seat. He knew from being around her that it was a haven, a source of comfort. She went there when she was upset or needed to sort out her thoughts.

  His throat cramped up again and he bit his lower lip. God, but she was beautiful in the moonlight, the pale light catching the fiery glints in her hair, turning her skin into cream, her slightly parted lips a flush of gleaming coral.

  He stepped closer, stopping abruptly when he saw what she was wearing. He closed his eyes, his chest so full of raw emotion that he didn’t know how his body could contain it. She was wearing his blue chamois shirt. The first one she’d seen him in. She must have gone all the way down to the bunkhouse to get it after he’d left.

  Tenderness wrapped warm, soft hands around his heart. His pulse beat slow and thick and he wanted to gather her close and never let her go.

  He moved closer to the window, reaching out with a trembling hand to touch her soft hair. She stirred and her eyes opened and, quick as a wink, she was off the window seat, throwing her arms around his neck.

  “That hold would rival a wrestler’s.” He tried to keep his voice light, but it cracked under the emotional strain.

  “Corey. Oh God, I didn’t think you were coming back. What did I do? Please tell me.” Her voice broke on a sob and she clutched him tighter.

  “Nothing, Jen darlin’. You did nothing. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I was angry at myself for hurting you.”

  “But I want—”

  “Shh, darlin’, shh. I just need to hold you.”

  “I want to understand. I want so desperately to understand. You look okay on the outside, Corey. But you’re bruised and battered inside, aren’t you? Do you think I’m too fragile to hear what you have to say?”

  “Not
now, darlin’.” He sidestepped the issue, stayed in the safety of the silence. “I owe you an apology.”

  She raised her face without releasing her hold on him. “It was an accident. You can’t even tell I was hit. A little nosebleed.”

  He kissed her nose then her lids as they fluttered closed. He tried to move and she clung.

  “Please don’t leave me tonight. Please, Corey. I want you to stay with me all night. There aren’t very many left, are there?”

  “No.” He buried his face in her neck, his voice ragged and tormented. “Jennifer, wild horses couldn’t drag me from this room.”

  She muscled him around, hooked one leg around his and with part of his support gone she pushed on his chest and he tumbled onto the bed.

  “The Worldwide Wrestling Federation would probably sign you up in no time, Jen. You’ve taken me down to the mat, now what are you going to do with me?”

  “Take you out for the count, cowboy. I’ve got you just where I want you.”

  “How’s that?”

  “Flat on your back.”

  “Jennifer Horn! You’re a mother.”

  “And don’t you forget it.”

  His eyes roamed over her face then down her body intimately hugging his. “That’s quite a fashion statement you’re making there. Am I going to have to buy new shirts?”

  “No. Just one. You can’t have this one back.”

  “I think it looks better on you than on me, anyway, darlin’.” He sat up and pushed his hands through his hair. Jennifer settled behind him and picked up the brush on the nightstand.

  “Your hair is all windblown. Let me brush out the tangles,” she said softly, urging him to lean against her. Very gently she pulled the bristles through his hair and with every stroke, he could smell the scent of her clinging to the brush.

  “Your life hasn’t been an easy one,” she said. “How long have you been on the road?”

  “Not that long.”

  “All those gold buckles. The ones in your saddlebags. You were a champion. It looks to me like you were making a pretty good living on the circuit.”

  “I was.”

  “Is all your money really gone?”

  “No. I have a lot of investments and a huge house in Austin.”

  “Then why...?”

  That money and house belonged to someone else, someone he didn’t know and couldn’t remember. It didn’t seem right to use that money. “I don’t want to touch that money, Jennifer. It belongs to someone else. That person I used to be. It’s hard to explain. I need to do this...what I’ve been doing.”

  “Running?”

  He sat up abruptly, his nostrils flaring, her question hitting very well on target. He had been running from his failure, from his fears, from himself and he just couldn’t see how to stop. How to gather all the pieces that were missing. “Have you ever felt as if you’re on the outside looking in?”

  Her hands continued to caress him. With her face against his back she said, “No.” She turned him around, her voice soft and filled with knowing clarity.

  “That’s how I’ve always felt.”

  Jennifer didn’t say anything, just pressed her face against his chest and then very slowly began to unbutton his shirt.

  He let his passion for her take over and it unleashed like a snapping whip. What little control he had slipped away like sand through his fingers, slipped away like the days he had left with her. Jennifer. As elusive as the horizon.

  Chapter 13

  Two days later, Corey sweated under the sun as he dug postholes for a new line fence. It was brutally hard work and it made his muscles throb with sensation that was a close cousin to pain, but provided no distraction to his thoughts.

  He jammed the posthole digger against the relentless ground. The shock reverberated through his arms and shoulders. He cursed and threw the tool down.

  “You look like a man with a problem, son.”

  Corey straightened and whirled. Sheriff Dawson sat on a big bay horse, the reins hung loosely in his hands.

  “It hasn’t got anything to do with the law, Sheriff.”

  “No, I already know that. I ran a check on you already. It has to do with Ms. Horn.”

  Corey snorted with wry amusement. “If you came all the way out here to discuss my relationship with Jennifer then you’ve wasted your time.”

  “I came to tell you, son, that she’d be better off if you left.” His voice was accusatory.

  “I know. I figured that out all by myself,” Corey said with hard steel in his voice.

  “Then why are you still here?”

  Corey picked up his shirt and shrugged into it. “I don’t know,” he said with a fierceness that caused the sheriffs eyebrows to rise.

  “Look, son, I’m not about to tell you what to do, but this feud you have with the Butler boys ain’t going to go away. In fact, if you ask me, you’re the one who caused it to grow into this ruckus. She’s had property destroyed, animals shot, threatening phone calls and all because of you.”

  Corey knew the sheriff was right. He’d just come to that conclusion himself. “I know that, too, Sheriff, and I’ve decided to leave tonight as soon as I get back. You make sure the Butler boys know that.” Corey approached the big bay and looked up at the man sitting astride it. “And you listen good, Sheriff. I want you to watch out for her, because if I hear different, I’m coming back and the Butler boys aren’t going to be the only ones I’m going to be looking for.”

  “I got your drift, son.” Without another word, the sheriff turned his horse and rode off.

  Corey retrieved the canteen of water off Monster’s saddle and took a long drink, pouring some of the water over his sweaty, dirty face.

  He had deliberated long into the night about the part he’d played in this feud. In protecting Jennifer, he’d made Butler’s advances continue because the quarrel had become personal. Butler hated him. That was evident, but Jennifer had been a prize to Butler, and in his eyes she had spumed him for an Indian. Prejudice was ugly. Corey knew that. He had seen his share of it on the circuit and in the little towns he’d visited.

  All this fighting. Jay wouldn’t rest until he had bested Corey. He would continue to harass Jennifer until there wasn’t any reason for him to do so. That would mean Corey had to leave. It was past time, anyway. Long past due. Yet that didn’t stop his heart from breaking or his gut from clenching at the thought of leaving Jennifer and Ellie. There were no happily-ever-afters for him, but then he had never expected there would be.

  Now that he had made the decision to go, he had to stick to it. He wanted to just disappear. He wanted to slink away like the dog he was, but he couldn’t leave them without a word. He couldn’t bear the thought that he would leave them as Sonny had. He would tell them he was going. He owed them that much.

  Tucker knew that something bad was going to happen. He hadn’t wanted to stay with his father. He never wanted to stay with his father, but his secret, the one he’d kept all these years, had to be protected. He eyed Jay as the man took another long drink of the bottle of whiskey he held in his hand. His father and uncles had been bad-mouthing Corey Rainwater almost all day and into the evening, sucking courage from the bottle. Jay and his brothers were nothing but vicious bullies. Tucker knew the time had come when they’d decided to do something about Corey, instead of just talk about it.

  “Tucker, come here,” Jay snarled.

  Tucker squared his shoulders, his mouth tightening, and got up from the floor where his father had made him sit. Whenever he was in this house, he was never allowed on the furniture. “You’re going to come with us and see how real men take care of a coward.”

  Tucker had made a point of resisting Jay just because it irked the man so much. He had no intention of going to the Horn ranch and hurting anyone that Ellie cared about. She probably already thought he was a lowlife just by association. He had no intention of proving it to her. “No.” His answer was clipped and filled with a surprising anger t
hat had suddenly surged from somewhere deep inside him.

  Tucker knew that Jay hated his guts. His father took every opportunity to humiliate, berate and shame him. Tucker didn’t care because he had learned long ago that he could rely only on himself. He didn’t care if Jay beat him to death, he wasn’t budging.

  Jay’s face turned red then blue and he let out a howl of rage and hit Tucker so hard he slammed against the wall, his head hitting the plaster, cracking like a gunshot in the room. Darkness played around the fringes of his consciousness until it overtook him and he slipped down into the blackness.

  “Damn, Jay,” Clovis said indifferently, “I think you’ve killed the little bastard.”

  Jennifer made her way to the barn looking for Corey. When she didn’t find him there, she headed for the cottage. He’d been gone for two days riding fences, but she knew better. He was trying to avoid her. He was trying to figure out a way to tell her that he was leaving.

  Her hand was on the knob when a shadow stepped out of the darkness and grabbed her, wrapping his hand around her mouth so that she couldn’t scream. The hand tightened when she struggled, a voice she knew as well as her own sending rippling chills down her spine.

  “Hi, Jenny honey. Surprise.”

  Corey let Monster walk the rest of the way. His heart heavy and filled with agony, he was in no hurry to get back to the ranch. He’d made the decision to leave because he felt that his presence was making matters worse. Corey had to believe that when he left this time, the attacks would cease. His continued presence only seemed to escalate the feud. Leaving was his only choice.

  Soul-searing pain engulfed him at the thought of never seeing them again. He clenched his jaw against the onslaught that ripped at his heart. Oh God, never to hold Jennifer again, touch her, see her fiery hair spread out on his chest. Never to hear her laugh or strip off a piece of his hide with her formidable anger.