Drop Team Zero

by Jake Bible

  “Did this op seem too easy to you all?” Cookie asked. He kicked his feet up onto the table. His boots were off and he flexed his long, furry toes. “I mean, the Fleet could have sent in a platoon of Marines to handle what we did. It all ended up in a bloody shoot out anyway.”

  “Hey, I think there’s a no shoes, no service rule,” Geist snapped.

  “Nope, not today,” Cookie replied and smirked.

  “You are such a dick,” Geist mumbled.

  “What are you calling easy?” Wanders asked.

  Geist jumped and looked around. “Dude! Where the hell are you?”

  “Down here,” Wanders said. “I’m doing my breathing exercises.”

  Geist craned his neck around Mug’s bulk and saw Wanders lying on the floor, two arms at his sides, two arms across his chest. He had his eyes closed and was slowly taking in a deep breath then letting it out.

  “You guys may have had it easy inside the palace, but outside was a crud show, man,” Wanders said. His stony lids opened and he turned to look at Geist. “I’m telling you, that was not fun.”

  “It got a little hairy, yeah, but we did the job and everyone is in one piece, so quit your whining,” Cookie said.

  “Gwreqs don’t whine,” Wanders said.

  “Just another reason you are an exception to your species,” Cookie said. “Just like the rest of us spacehead fools.”

  “Don’t lump me in with that assessment,” Motherboard said as she walked into the mess. “I didn’t get where I am by being a fool.”

  “Hey, LT, will you tell Hole to put the commissary back to normal so I can get some tea?” Geist asked. “She and Cookie are foing with me and all I want is a nice cup of Javitz oolong.”

  “How can you drink that stuff?” Wanders asked. “You know everything from that drive-thru planet is just made of chemicals, right? There isn’t a real tea leaf in that beverage.”

  “There isn’t anything real in the stuff that console craps out,” Cookie said.

  “Hole?” Motherboard asked.

  “Already done,” Hole said as she reached back and removed the tether then opened her eyes. They were a bright white, but slowly returned to a more normal state as she stood up. “Get your tea, Geist.” She glanced at Motherboard. “ETA to the wormhole portal?”

  “You didn’t get that info while plugged in?” Motherboard asked as she took a seat next to Mug.

  “I was submitting my report of the op and running diagnostics,” Hole said. “I didn’t check.”

  Motherboard leaned back in her chair and put her boots up on the table, kicking Cookie’s off in the process.

  “Now, I know I’m just a simple country bear, but even I have manners enough not to put my feet up on the table,” Mug grumbled. “What is wrong with you people?”

  “If you put your feet on the table, it’d collapse,” Cookie said.

  “You ain’t wrong there,” Mug chuckled. She took a huge bite then was about to go back for more when she set her oversized fork down and fixed her gaze on Motherboard. “Hold on, now. You didn’t answer Hole’s question.”

  “Leave it to you to catch that,” Motherboard said.

  The rest of Zero straightened up and focused on the lieutenant. All joking was gone and their faces showed it.

  “LT?” Mug said, pushing her plate aside. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hairy paw, took a drink of water from the pitcher to her right, and leaned back in her chair. Her weight made the metal groan, but it held. “Care to fill us in?”

  “That’s why I’m here,” Motherboard said. “I have good news and I have bad news.”

  “What’s the bad news?” Cookie asked.

  “I’d like to hear the good news first,” Geist said.

  “Shut up, Geist,” Cookie replied.

  “Both of you shut up,” Mug growled. They did. “LT?”

  “The bad news is that we did such a good job rescuing Councilman Keer’s son that the Fleet is sending a ship to intercept us and take him off our hands,” Motherboard said. “That ship will take the boy directly to his father at the Fleet Council. We don’t have to stop there at all.”

  “How’s that bad news?” Cookie asked. “Sounds like good news to me.”

  “Where are we going instead?” Hole asked.

  Motherboard smiled and pointed a finger at Hole. “Yes, that is the real bad news.”

  “Real bad as in authentically bad or real bad as in very, very bad?” Geist asked.

  “Yes,” Motherboard replied.

  “Fo,” Wanders said as he joined them at the table.

  “The Fleet brass are very happy we took the initiative to obtain Sha Morgoal for questioning,” Motherboard said. “They are so happy that they want us to deliver him to a Fleet black site for full interrogation.”

  “We’ve done that before, LT,” Cookie said. “Stop dragging it out and tell us the bad news.”

  “Real bad news,” Geist said.

  “The black site is new and has not been tested fully yet,” Motherboard continued. “The brass would like us to be there to make sure that it is fully secure and nothing can get in.”

  “You mean out,” Wanders said, his rocky eyebrows raised so it looked like he had arches made of pebbles over his eyes. “LT? You mean so nothing gets out?”

  “They aren’t so worried about anything escaping,” Motherboard said. “But the site has been completely automated since it was turned on, so there have only been a small contingent of androids there. Nothing made of flesh.”

  “And flesh attracts what?” Hole asked. “LT, where are we going?”

  “The Klatu System,” Motherboard said and sighed. “The new black site is in the Klatu System.”

  “Are you foing kidding me?” Wanders exclaimed. “The Klatu System? That’s filled with nothing but ten kinds of nope, LT!”

  “The words you are looking for are unspeakable horrors,” Hole said.

  “I second everything Wanders and Hole just said,” Geist announced. “I might even add a no foing way to it.”

  “LT, while I admire the Fleet’s guts to pull something like this off, I mean, come on, who would go looking for a black site in the Klatu System? It’s a brilliant placement of a covert facility,” Cookie said. “But, I have to agree with my teammates and also ask what the fo are they thinking? And why the fo would they send us there if it’s already automated and being handled by androids?”

  “Because they are low-level sentient models,” Hole said. “They can’t conduct an interrogation beyond basic questioning. They need us to not only secure the site, but to also extract any and all information from Sha Morgoal.”

  “That’s pretty much it,” Motherboard said. “You and I will handle the interrogation of the subject, Hole, while the rest of Zero confirms the site’s security cannot be breached.”

  “In the Klatu System?” Wanders laughed. “Cannot be breached in the Klatu System? This is foing terpigcrud.”

  “I won’t disagree with you on that point,” Motherboard replied. “But our orders are our orders. We are going there whether we want to or not.”

  “Can we mutiny?” Geist asked. “Not against you, LT, but against the Fleet? Go rogue and become space pirates or some crud?”

  “We’d be horrible space pirates,” Mug said. “You have to be willing to kill innocents to enforce your threats.”

  “I could kill innocents,” Hole and Cookie said at the same time.

  “There is no killing innocents and no becoming space pirates,” Motherboard said. “Get that foing crud out of your heads. We have our orders and we are going to the Klatu System directly after we rendezvous with the Fleet ship coming to pick up the Keer boy.”

  “ETA on the exchange?” Hole asked.

  “Five hours,” Motherboard said. “We’re handing him off in the Havlov System. The gas planets there mean we won’t be dealing with any native races. Any ships pop through that wormhole and we’ll know whether they’re there to help us or harm us.�
�

  “We expecting ships to harm us, LT?” Mug asked.

  “We should always be expecting ships to harm us,” Cookie said. “We’ve made more than a few enemies over the years.”

  “Have we thought of using a different ship?” Wanders asked. “We’ve been using this one for a long time.”

  “Hey, no way we’re ditching the Eight-Three-Eight,” Geist said. “This baby is like a second home.”

  “Our homes are like second homes,” Cookie said. “We spend more time on this bucket than we do in our own residences.”

  “All the more reason to keep the Eight-Three-Eight,” Geist said.

  “Cut the useless debate,” Hole interrupted. “We keep our ship because we can rely on it. If there are those out there that have us tagged and know what we fly then that means they know to steer clear of us.”

  “I hear that,” Cookie said. He flicked his claws in and out on his right hand and snapped his fingers with his left. “Bring it.”

  “No bringing it,” Motherboard said. “No switching ships and no more whining about the op. Eat up, get some rest, and be good to go in five hours when we get rid of the Keer boy. Am I understood?”

  “Loud and clear,” they all said.

  “Good,” Motherboard responded and stood up. “Navigation is on auto, so I’ll be resting up in my quarters as well. I am not kidding here, Zero. Get some sleep. We are all going to need it.”

  She nodded to each of them then left the mess.

  “Klatu System,” Wanders said. “There are things in that system that can fly through the dead of space as if it was air. Huge things. Things that like to eat small ships. Our small ship.”

  “Calm down, Wanders,” Cookie said. “We’re Zero. We can handle it.”

  “I know we can handle it, I just don’t want to handle it,” Wanders said.

  “Ain’t got much choice in the matter,” Mug said, the food remaining on her plate completely forgotten. “We go where the Fleet brass tells us to go. If they want us at this new black site in the Klatu System then we go to this new black site in the Klatu System.”

  “What do you think, Hole?” Geist asked the android. “No way you are as at ease with this as you’re acting. You’re a foing android, I know that computer brain of yours is calculating the risks.”

  “The black site has survived construction and implementation,” Hole said. “It has not been destroyed by any of the System’s gargantuan horrors, so it must be relatively safe.”

  “Relatively is relative,” Wanders said.

  “Let the woman finish,” Mug said. “Hole?”

  “The risks are immense,” Hole admitted. “The wormhole is at the far end of the System. I do not believe the black site will be anywhere close to that wormhole. The real test will be getting to the site without being detected. If we are detected then we will need to show absolutely zero aggression.”

  “We’re Zero,” Cookie said, flashing his claws again. “We don’t do zero aggression, we do Drop Team Zero aggression.”

  “Hooah,” Wanders laughed.

  “Hooah,” Mug, Geist, and Cookie echoed.

  “Hooah,” Hole said. “All I’m saying is that if we encounter any of the creatures that live between the planets then we do not poke them with a stick.”

  “Good philosophy,” Mug said. “Best to not poke a bear with a stick.”

  “I wish it was just a bear we’re talking about,” Geist said. “Bears are cuddly and harmless.”

  He dodged out of the way as Mug took a friendly, but not too friendly, swipe at him with one of her huge paws.

  “You all heard what the LT said,” Hole said. “Back to quarters for some rest. No need to get worked up until we have cause to get worked up. Think of this as a simple intel extraction op. We get Sha Morgoal there, the LT and I do our work, the rest of you check the facility, then we leave. All of this happening in the Klatu System is irrelevant. It’s just another op in just another system.”

  “That your pep talk? Just another op in just another system?” Wanders asked.

  “I think it sounded great,” Geist said.

  “You would, suck ass,” Cookie said.

  “Hole is right,” Mug said and stood. “We rest and save our worries for later. The op is what it is.”

  “Hey, uh, LT never told us the good news,” Wanders stated.

  “I don’t think there was good news,” Geist replied. “She was foing with us on that.”

  “Great,” Wanders said as he and the others got up to leave. “Just great. I really could have used some good news.”

  Thirteen

  The bell chimed at Motherboard’s door. Blissful silence then it chimed again. Motherboard stirred, sighed, and flicked on the light next to her bed.

  “Enter,” she said and the door slid open. “Hole?”

  “Am I disturbing you?” Hole asked as she waited at the threshold.

  “No, of course not, come on in,” Motherboard said and indicated for Hole to take a seat in the single chair across from the bed. “What’s up? The Team send you to pick my brain about the op?”

  “The Team is doing as you asked and getting some rest,” Hole replied as she entered the quarters, but didn’t sit down. Once the door slid closed, she leaned back against it and narrowed her eyes. “But I don’t need rest like they do. What I need is data. As second-in-command, I’d like to get a little more information on this op. I know you have it, I know you aren’t planning on revealing that information until we are closer to the System, and I know it’s going to shake everyone up. I can see it in your eyes.”

  Those eyes widened and Motherboard smirked. “You think you know me that well?”

  “I know human behavior,” Hole said.

  “I’m only half human,” Motherboard said. “The other half is machine like you.”

  “Which makes reading you even easier,” Hole said. “I am asking out of respect, LT. Respect for the others. Let me have the information and I’ll run it through my brain to make sure all angles are accounted for.”

  “No angles with this op,” Motherboard said. “We deliver the Keer boy and we interrogate Sha Morgoal until he tells us what the Fleet wants to know.”

  “Which is?” Hole asked.

  “Who hired him to kidnap the Keer boy,” Motherboard answered.

  “That’s it?” Hole asked.

  “No, of course not,” Motherboard said. “Sit.”

  “I don’t need a lecture,” Hole said.

  “You aren’t getting a lecture, but you are sitting your metal ass down,” Motherboard said.

  Hole regarded the lieutenant for a second then nodded and sat.

  “I am now going to have a drink,” Motherboard said as she got up and pressed her hand against the wall by the chair Hole sat in. “Would you care for one?”

  “I’m synthetic,” Hole said. “I don’t drink.”

  “Terpigcrud,” Motherboard said. “You can eat, you can drink, you can process anything just like a human can. Probably better since your system is perfectly calibrated.”

  Part of the wall slid out and a small table unfolded to reveal a recessed cubbyhole with various liquors and several different-sized glasses.

  “I know you like the taste of bourbon because you’ve told me so before,” Motherboard said.

  “I have done no such thing,” Hole replied.

  “Yes, you have,” Motherboard said. “You just didn’t know that was what you were telling me.”

  Motherboard poured two generous glasses of bourbon then sat back down on her bed as she handed one to Hole and kept the other for herself. She sipped lightly then cradled her glass in both hands and sighed.

  “You know what my post was before I became CO of Zero, right?” Motherboard asked.

  “Yes,” Hole said. She sipped at her bourbon and Motherboard smiled. Hole rolled her eyes and sipped again. “You were Fleet Intelligence. Deep ops until you got your human ass blown apart and had to join my side of existence.”


  “You are getting poetic in your old age, Hole,” Motherboard said and chuckled. She sipped again and her smile widened. “You like the bourbon?”

  “Shut up and tell me what you’re going to tell me,” Hole said.

  The android started to relax as the bourbon kicked in. Synthetic or not, bourbon was bourbon and the Eight Million Gods gave it one purpose. To cut through the terpigcrud and get to the heart of life.

  “I didn’t get blown up,” Motherboard said. “No Skrang hover-mine exploded next to me and ripped half my body apart. Have you ever really looked at my scars, Hole?”

  “I’ve seen you shower,” Hole said. She sipped more and shifted in her chair. “I’ve logged the extent of the damage to your human self. The surgeons and techs did an amazing job with your replacements.”

  “That they did, that they did,” Motherboard said.

  She downed her glass and tossed it at Hole. Hole caught it without a bobble, even keeping it upright so it wouldn’t dribble the few drops left coating the sides. Hole poured Motherboard a second drink then leaned forward and handed it to her carefully.

  “Thank you,” Motherboard said. “So you’ve seen me shower. We’ve all seen each other shower. Even you.”

  “My skin gets dirty just like yours. I sweat and stink just like a human,” Hole said. “A good steam keeps me from being offensive.”

  “A good steam does a lot of things,” Motherboard said. She swirled the dark amber liquid. “You want to know how I really lost my humanity?”

  “You didn’t lose your humanity,” Hole said. “That isn’t something cybernetic parts can take away or replace.”

  “The purists of my race might argue against that,” Motherboard said. “But that is neither here nor there. The fact of the matter is I lost my humanity way before I lost some of my flesh.”

  “Because…?” Hole asked. She downed her glass and refilled it, tipping the rim towards Motherboard in a gesture that said for the lieutenant to please continue.

  “I lost my humanity the day I tortured a child to death,” Motherboard said. “The day I looked into a collaborator’s eyes, eyes that hadn’t even seen their eleventh birthday, and I ignored the terror and the pain and the truth.” She sipped and scooted back on the bed, her back up against the metal wall. “Terror and pain I had seen a hundred times. It was the truth part that foed me up. Every single scrap of intel we had on the kid said he knew exactly where a nest of traitors were hiding on Xippeee. You ever been to Xippeee?”