“That must have been terrible,” Audrey whispered, feeling pain for both Marielle and Sam.
“It was,” Marielle confirmed unnecessarily before she focused on Audrey’s shoulder again. “When I met you, one of the first things that made me think you were special is that every time you hugged me, every time you held my hand or touched me in any way, my body relaxed instead of tensing up. I was craving your touch. That was so new and so wonderful. The first time I slept in your arms in Montreal, I was hooked. I knew then that I wanted to sleep in your arms every night for the rest of my life.”
She looked at Audrey then, and her dark eyes sparkled with tears. Audrey couldn’t resist pulling her into a tight embrace. She let her hand roam on the back of the woman she loved as Marielle sobbed against her shoulder. She held Marielle until the crying subsided and she was ready to continue. “Then I started to feel things I wasn’t expecting. I told myself I didn’t want sex, not with anyone, but I couldn’t help but want to touch you, and when I saw you with Véronique it all became so clear. I wanted you. I wanted you so badly. Everything I did to you the other night, I wanted it. I needed it.”
Marielle’s words woke raw desire in Audrey’s groin. “I want you too,” she said softly. “I feel so bad for being so selfish the other night. I want to touch you, to—”
“I know, baby. And that’s where it gets tricky. You see, I do want you to touch me. I feel it everywhere in my body. But the thing is, every time your touch got more sexual, like when your hands got close to my ass in the park, or when you kissed my breast the other night…”
Her eyes filled with tears again, and Audrey saw so much pain in her face that she knew what would come next. “Your body reacted the same way it did to Sam’s touch, is that it?”
Marielle nodded, and her face crashed onto Audrey’s chest with violent sobs.
Audrey rolled on her back and threaded her fingers through the long, dark hair as she looked up at the ceiling and her own tears ran down her temples. She kept her hand in Marielle’s hair, but she was absent, lost in her own devastating thoughts. She was in love with a woman who couldn’t stand her touch. Not in a sexual way, anyway. She might never know how it would feel to see Marielle’s fiery, dark eyes lost in passion, begging for release while Audrey made love to her. She might never see that luscious body squirm under her hands and her mouth, convulsing when she reached climax. She might never know the sounds Marielle made when she came, her quiet moans or louder screams. Could she be satisfied spending the rest of her life rubbing Marielle’s back, holding her at night, hugging her, without ever being able to make love to her, to show her just how much she loved her in every way a couple was meant to?
No, she didn’t think she could. The body pressing against hers right now wasn’t one she could love chastely. She needed to explore and claim every inch of it. She needed to touch it, kiss it, lick it, fuck it, leave scratches and bite marks on it, learn how to make it tremble with want and reach every kind of orgasm from the most tender to the most violent. There was nothing chaste about the way she wanted that body. Absolutely nothing.
“Audrey, say something, please.”
She hadn’t realized Marielle’s crying had stopped and she’d propped herself up to look at her expectantly. She met her gaze and said coldly, “I don’t know what to say.”
“Say you won’t give up on me, on us, please.”
Marielle’s imploring eyes made her want to make any promise she wanted, but she forced herself to state the truth. “I don’t want to give up, but I need to be able to make love to you, Marielle. It’s not optional for me. I won’t give up if you won’t give up either. We have to find a way. Together.”
“Oh baby, of course I won’t give up. I’m not telling you this so you’ll stop trying to touch me. I want us to have it all. I want us to make love to each other. I just needed you to know what I’m going through so you understand if my body doesn’t react the way we both want it to. And I wanted to make sure you know it’s not that I don’t want you. I want you so much.”
“Okay. If that’s true, then we’ll find a way.”
“There’s no if about it, Audrey. You have to believe me.”
“I want to. It’s just hard given everything you just told me. Maybe your body knows something you don’t yet.”
“No, no, that’s not it. It’s the other way around. I know something my body doesn’t know yet. Please, you have to believe me.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“I know what I dream about. I know what I fantasize about. I know I got wet just massaging your neck, for God’s sake. But when you turned to me with pure lust in your eyes, my body froze.”
“You got wet?” she asked with the first hint of hope she’d felt since Marielle had started talking.
“Yes,” Marielle answered with a bashful playfulness, “I got very wet. I got wet when I made love to you the other night too.”
“That’s good. That’s also your body reacting, Marielle. We’ll figure it out.”
“We will.”
Marielle’s smile was her first unguarded one of the morning, and Audrey could only answer it with one of her own. “I’ll be patient. I can be very patient. I think I already proved that.”
Marielle chuckled, and fresh tears appeared at the corners of her eyes. “Yes, you did.”
Marielle kissed her, and this time their mouths remained pressed together and opened up to let their tongues meet and probe languorously. Marielle cupped Audrey’s breast, and she moaned, grateful Marielle’s body didn’t seem to have any problem touching her in a sexual way. That was something. Audrey resisted the urge to bring her own hand to Marielle’s breast. Instead, she regretfully broke away from the kiss and declared, “We have to get up or we’ll be late for work, sweetie.”
* * *
Marielle walked back inside the bungalow after walking Felix to Sam’s pickup truck and went to the kitchen to help Audrey with the dishes. Audrey wasn’t there, and the kitchen was already sparkling. She looked at her watch and realized she’d been chatting with Sam for fifteen minutes. Marielle smiled at how easy it was to talk with him and then went looking for her girlfriend. Their morning conversation had ended on a positive and hopeful note, but Marielle couldn’t help but worry. If their roles had been reversed and Audrey had been the one telling her she couldn’t bear being touched sexually and wasn’t sure why or how long it might last, Marielle would have been crushed. She knew she’d hurt Audrey, something she never thought she could do.
She found Audrey in the bathroom and was welcomed by the smile she cherished and vanilla-and-brown-sugar-scented steam. The bathtub was slowly filling up with hot water and surrounded with pink tiles that held the candles Audrey was lighting one by one.
“There you are,” Marielle said. “Getting ready for a bath?”
Audrey lit the last candle and approached her to kiss the tip of her nose. “No, this one’s for you,” she announced in a husky voice that skimmed over Marielle’s flesh.
“Really? You’re running me a bath?”
“Yes. Don’t act so surprised.” She chuckled and kissed Marielle’s nose again.
Marielle snaked her arms around Audrey’s waist and pulled her closer, kissing Audrey’s mouth deliberately, unhurriedly. “Are you okay? About this morning?”
Audrey answered with a kiss that went slightly deeper and longer than the first one. “Yes, I’m fine. I can’t say I haven’t been thinking about it, because that would be a huge lie. I’ve been thinking about nothing else all day. But I’ve decided there are other ways to show you how much I love you besides touching your body in ways you’re not ready to be touched yet. This is one of them.” She jerked her chin toward the tub. “And then I’m giving you a massage. Just a back massage. Above the waist,” she added with a wink. She pulled away from Marielle to turn off the taps. “Here you go. All ready for you. I’ll be waiting in the bedroom.”
Audrey walked past her, and Marielle grabbed
her hand. “Will you join me?” she asked in a tone that she wanted to be sexy but which came out hesitant, as she was immediately taken with panic at the thought of stripping naked in front of Audrey. Utterly ridiculous, she grumbled internally.
“Not tonight,” Audrey answered with a smile before kissing her tenderly on the cheek. “Enjoy it and take your time.”
She closed the door behind her, and Marielle sighed with a mix of relief and frustration. She took off her clothes and put them in the laundry hamper. A clean towel was already set by the tub, so all she needed to do was get in and relax. It wasn’t easy, but after a few minutes in the sweet-scented bubbles, her body finally did relax. Marielle closed her eyes and let the soft lounge music coming from the bedroom soothe her. She focused on Audrey’s attentive gesture, her patience, her beautiful, giving nature and a love that simply seemed limitless. She reveled in her good fortune, because that great big love was for her. The tension disappeared and left her smiling.
When she sensed she was falling asleep and her fingertips started wrinkling from being in the water, she stepped out of the tub and dried herself with the thick towel. She then wrapped it tightly around her body and walked to the bedroom, where she found Audrey sitting on the bed, wearing loose-fitting pajama pants and a tank top. Her smile was so lovely it warmed Marielle’s shivering body instantly.
“How are you feeling?” Audrey asked as she stood.
“Very relaxed,” she answered.
“Great. Now will you please lie down on your stomach and keep the sheet around your waist?” Audrey’s voice was almost a whisper yet very commanding. She kept her back to Marielle, seemingly focused on looking for something in the top drawer of the dresser, but Marielle knew better. Audrey was simply being considerate, wanting to make her as comfortable as possible, wanting to make the experience as nonsexual as she could.
Ironically, that thoughtfulness was precisely what made Marielle’s sex throb with need. She let the wet towel that was still covering her body pool to the floor and slid under the bedclothes on her stomach, carefully placing the sheet around her waist, exactly as directed. She turned her head toward Audrey and pulled her mass of hair up on the pillow to expose all of her back, shoulders and neck.
“Okay, I’m ready.”
When Audrey turned around, she was holding a bottle of massage oil. “Have you ever been massaged professionally?”
“No.”
“Good, then you won’t have anything to compare my performance to,” Audrey said with a nervous giggle. She climbed in bed and kneeled by Marielle’s side before pouring some oil in her palm and rubbing her hands together to warm up the lightly viscous liquid.
Marielle watched with more anticipation than fear. “I’m sure you’ll do fine,” she said as Audrey’s hands started moving on her back, gliding easily from the side where she was kneeling to the other side.
“Oh yeah,” Marielle sighed at the touch, “just fine.” She closed her eyes and fixed her thoughts on the sensation of Audrey’s hands on her back. Audrey’s palms rubbed against her, followed by fingers and thumbs working her muscles thoroughly. She couldn’t imagine a professional would have done better as her back seemed to liquefy under Audrey’s strong hands, free of any tension.
“I need a new angle,” Audrey murmured as she straddled Marielle’s body and ended up sitting directly on her bottom. “Is this okay?”
“Yes,” Marielle answered, touched by Audrey’s concern. “It’s perfectly fine.” She actually enjoyed the pressure of Audrey’s weight on her ass, and there were still bedclothes and pajama pants between them, so it was perfectly fine indeed. She heard Audrey’s hands rub together and assumed she was warming up more massage oil, which was confirmed when her hands started at Marielle’s lower back and moved with ease to her shoulders before sliding back down again. Audrey repeated the movement several times, putting more of her weight on her hands, and Marielle sighed contentedly.
“This feels so good, baby.”
Audrey moved down and up and few more times before starting to work on Marielle’s shoulders and neck. With amazingly strong fingers she kneaded every muscle for several minutes. She didn’t seem to tire, and Marielle was enjoying herself too much to ask her to stop. If the massage lasted all night, it would still be too short. She was completely serene yet not sleepy.
Audrey’s hands moved to her lower back again and glided up past her shoulders to her upper arms before going back down. Marielle placed her arms on each side of her head to allow Audrey to continue her next movement farther if she was so inclined. And she did, but not right away. Audrey made several more trips up and down Marielle’s body, starting at her lower back with all of her weight on her hands, going a little farther on her arms each time. When Audrey finally followed Marielle’s arms all the way to her hands, her entire upper body covered Marielle’s back, and Marielle inhaled sharply, shocked. She didn’t know when Audrey had removed her tank top, but she now felt bare skin against her back.
“Is this okay?” Audrey breathed right into her ear.
“Mhm” was all Marielle could manage with a nod, her breathing becoming labored.
Audrey raised herself up on her hands once more, and Marielle missed her weight and her warmth. This time when Audrey lowered herself against her back, she heard her own voice plead, “Stay right there.”
“Okay,” Audrey whispered. Leaving her hands on Marielle’s arms, she started rubbing against her back, both their bodies now slick with oil. Marielle moaned, relishing the sensation of Audrey’s breasts moving on her back, nipples pressing hard on her skin yet sliding so easily. Panting, she couldn’t remember ever being so turned on. “God, baby, what are you doing to me?”
“Do you want me to stop?”
“No, don’t you dare” was her immediate answer.
Audrey started traveling up and down Marielle’s back, her chest, breasts and flat stomach repeating the movement her hands had initiated earlier. Marielle couldn’t move. She had sweat on her forehead, and her breathing became more irregular, her moans louder.
“This feels so fucking good,” she said against the pillow.
Audrey suddenly stopped, lying immobile on Marielle, her mouth barely an inch from her ear. That was when Marielle noticed Audrey’s breathing was just as erratic as her own.
“Are you sure it feels good?” She didn’t ask the question with the same concern she’d previously showed. It sounded more like a dare.
“Yes, very sure.”
“How do you know?”
Marielle didn’t answer right away, not certain where Audrey was going with her line of questioning but willing to find out. She didn’t have to wait very long before Audrey added in a breath, “Are you wet? Is that how you know?”
Marielle let out a small cry and focused on the pulse between her legs, knowing without the shadow of a doubt she had to be dripping.
“Yes, baby. I’m wet.” She started to move as much as she could under Audrey’s weight, willing the taller woman to start rubbing on her back again, but Audrey pushed harder against her, forcing her to stop.
“How can you be sure?” she asked, brushing her lips against Marielle’s ear. “Why don’t you reach down between your legs right now and tell me just how wet you are?”
Audrey’s words went down Marielle’s ear through her body like liquid heat, and she growled. Audrey shifted her weight so Marielle could slip her own hand between her legs. She purred when, as expected, her fingers slid through abundant wetness.
“I’m so wet, baby,” she said, taking a few short breaths before she could continue. “Please, keep rubbing on me.”
Audrey hummed her satisfaction and started moving again, her erect nipples pushing into Marielle’s skin. This time she moved more slowly and side to side rather than up and down so she could keep her mouth to Marielle’s ear. “Perfect. Now keep touching yourself, just like I would do it, and let me hear how good it feels.”
“Oh yes,” Marielle cried.
Audrey’s words plunged to her core, and she started rubbing her clitoris frantically, desperately wanting to come.
But Audrey seemed to have other plans. She reached under Marielle’s body and grabbed her arm to stop the frenetic movement. “Slow down, sweetie” she whispered, “Make it last.”
Marielle obeyed with great difficulty. Keeping her hand still, she breathed heavily, her face flushed with want. “It’s been so long, Audrey. I need it.”
“I know, my love. And I swear you’ll get it. But right now turn around and kiss me.”
Audrey moved to Marielle’s side, and without thinking of her exposed, nude body, Marielle turned around and put her hands behind Audrey’s neck, ferociously pulling her to her lips. She sucked the soft tongue into her mouth, and their teeth collided. It wasn’t the most adroit kiss they’d shared, but it was the hungriest. It was filled with urgency, and when Marielle felt Audrey’s oil-slick breasts rub against her own, she lost it. She grunted into Audrey’s mouth and bit her bottom lip before forcing her tongue back inside. When she broke the kiss, only because she needed air, Audrey moved her mouth to her ear.
“I love you wild like this,” Audrey said. “You’re so fucking sexy. Touch yourself again for me.”
“You make me wild, baby,” she said between two breaths as she reached under the sheet still at her waist and started flicking her clitoris. Fast. Soon Audrey’s hand was on her forearm and started guiding her, setting her pace, suggesting movements, up and down, side to side, circular, with the gentle press of her hand. Although Audrey’s hand wasn’t the one playing within her wet folds, she was still the one in control. “You’re driving me crazy.”
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