She walked into his arms. “Yeah. I noticed.”
“All right, let’s head back upstairs. I’ll show you where you can stow your gear. The house is going to be packed with people later today for my granddaughter’s birthday party and our baby shower. Take some time to unwind. Since you’re married, you can share a room.”
Megan shook her head but smiled. “Thanks, Adam, for not asking us to produce the marriage license first.” Then she faced Ryder again and kissed him. He responded without thinking before hearing Adam clear his throat. His girl made him forget everything else.
“Sorry, Adam.”
“Just remember you come to me or someone else who’s been there when you’re in over your head. I don’t want to see Megan hurt because you shut yourself off again.”
Ryder’s throat closed up. “Neither do I. I appreciate knowing you and the other guys have my back, too.” He faced his wife. “Just like my girl does.”
* * *
Adam watched as they preceded him from the kitchen. Ryder had his arm around her back with his hand resting on the curve of her butt. They couldn’t be any closer and remain decent. Megan seemed happy, though. He just hoped she hadn’t taken on more than she could handle. PTSD triggers were unpredictable. He’d be sure to keep tabs on Ryder this time.
Something Ryder said bugged the crap out of him as he set down his bottle of water on the counter and followed them.
I’ve always tried to be up front with her about what to expect.
Why hadn’t Adam been up front with Karla about what had been going on with him this spring? He’d suffered through one of his worst PTSD episodes in a long time just last month. Instead of talking with Karla about it, he’d shut her out. Hell, he’d even stopped sleeping in the same bed with her most nights for fear he’d hurt her if another episode struck.
Karla had shown him during her ordeal delivering the babies—and the nightmare afterward—that she wasn’t physically or emotionally fragile. God, she was as tough as they came. If anyone ever had his back, he’d trust her to hell and back.
He needed to talk with her when things settled down to a routine. Okay, that wasn’t about to happen anytime soon. Tonight. After they were in bed. He couldn’t tell her the details about the nightmare and why Marc’s interrogation stirred things up. Civilians didn’t need to hear the whole truth about that fucking shit.
“Hang a left at the top of the stairs,” Adam said. “It’s the second door on the left.”
He’d almost lost her a couple weeks ago. Shutting her out of any part of his life wasn’t an option. Time to talk with her. Damián was having fewer episodes now that he was with Savannah. When Adam asked what he thought made the difference, he said Savannah was doing some special breathing exercises with him. Maybe she could give him and Karla some pointers, too. Hell, he used breathing to regulate anxiety during BDSM scenes and she used it during labor. Probably worked on the same principle.
“Thanks, Adam.” Megan came to him and gave him a hug and kiss. He kissed her on the cheek. “I think we’ll hang out here for a while, but you know where we are if you or Karla need anything.”
“Sure thing.”
As he returned to their bedroom, Adam decided he needed to find ways to relax, period. He would never stop trying to protect Karla from every damned thing coming down the pike, but he couldn’t anticipate or handle everything that might happen. Knowing she could defend herself and the babies if he wasn’t there might help him worry a little less. She knew hand-to-hand self-defense, but he didn’t want anyone to get that close to her. Seeing her in the clutches of José last fall with a knife to her throat had nearly killed him. Maybe he’d take her to the firing range and train her to use a sidearm in case she needed to use one.
But not until she had more time to heal from her recent ordeal. He’d be here to protect her in the meantime.
Chapter Twenty-One
Cassie surveyed the room filled with people and found herself missing someone. Lucas had stayed behind to take care of the animals. She would see him Tuesday, but still wished he had come to Denver for the baby shower and Marisol’s birthday.
She was acquainted with most of those present, but only knew Kitty and Angelina very well. Adam’s mother, Mrs. Gallagher, held Paxton in her arms and smiled as though remembering holding her own son at that age. She wondered what had happened to the woman to put her in a wheelchair. But she seemed comfortable in it and had had no trouble navigating the first floor of the house during her visit. Her other son, Patrick, seemed to be very solicitous with her, making sure her needs were met.
Not at the moment, though. The men and Grant had escaped to the den to watch a football—soccer—match. Marc’s team, Italy, was in the game. At least it was a European championship and Damián’s team wasn’t competing. The shouts from the room were loud enough, filtering into the room where the girls had gathered to watch Kitty open presents.
Adam had carried her downstairs and the babies were alternately tucked into the tiny bed or being held by Angelina, Savannah, Cassie, Megan, Kitty’s mom, and sometimes Kitty herself, especially at feeding time, which seemed to be most of the time. She would finish feeding one and start on the next, or sometimes nurse two at a time. How exhausted she must be, but she seemed radiantly happy today surrounded by friends and family.
Marisol, whose party with some friends from school would be held after the shower, enjoyed helping, too.
“Maman, may I hold Princess Aurora?”
Cassie and Savannah grinned. The eight-year-old birthday girl had taken to calling Aurora princess ever since the day she found out her name, but this was the first time she had been able to see the baby who had been hidden away in the NICU the past few weeks.
Savannah stroked her daughter’s long black hair. “Mari, she only came home from the hospital today.”
The little girl stuck her lower lip out. “But it’s my birthday. Grampa said I helped him name her. I think he would let me hold her.” Poor, Marisol. Adam was very protective of his babies. But the tenacious girl did not give up on arguing her case. “Until I get a baby of my own, I need to practice with these.”
Cassie cast a glance at Savannah who smiled and shook her head. “No, I’m not.” She leaned over and whispered to Cassie. “Not for sure anyway. But we’re trying.” She continued to smile in a dreamy way as she sat up straight again.
So much happiness among the young women in this room. Megan was a new bride. Kitty had all her babies home at last. Savannah was looking forward to having another child. And Angelina was engaged to Marc after a rough patch between them.
Why was Cassie so afraid to chase down her own bliss? What secret did these women know? She remembered the book at Lucas’s house about claiming what you wanted in life and letting the Universe bring it to you.
I wish to have love and happiness, too.
Marisol went over to Mrs. Paxton and coaxed Kate to squeeze her finger. Cassie sighed.
“You’re awfully quiet, Cassie. Everything okay?”
Cassie turned toward Savannah. “I am fine.” The words rolled off her tongue automatically. She had only met this woman when Kitty came home from the hospital the first time, although they had spent a lot of time together while helping with the babies. At some point in the long hours together taking care of Kate and Paxton when Karla had been hospitalized again, Savannah had hinted at a tragic past of incest and abuse. The resilient woman worked as a therapist with abused women and children. Cassie had admitted to having some problems of her own and Savannah had recommended someone in Denver for her to speak with.
“I am just tired, I think. A lot has happened lately.”
“I heard about the fire. It’s devastating to lose all your possessions like that. I once had to walk away from my home and leave everything my mother had left behind. If you need someone to talk with, I’m here.”
“Thank you. I have not been able to go back to see what survived, but my landlady said the cabin was
a total loss. I hope my studio has some things I can salvage.”
They watched Kitty open more gifts, smiling. Cassie hoped the day was not too much of a strain for her.
“Thanks also for giving me the number for the rape counseling center. I have an appointment tomorrow with a follow-up on Thursday. She sounds very nice, although I am not sure what advice she can give.”
“We don’t really advise. More like try to assist you in figuring out what’s best for you. We listen and offer coping strategies for triggers. Help you find ways to process differently what you experienced. She’s good at hypnotherapy if you want to try that. Also something that’s been very promising called EMDR—sorry, that’s Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. Combat veterans, public-service workers, and other PTSD survivors are finding it useful in helping them process the emotions rather than simply relive the memories.”
“I have thought about it. She did mention it. When I was in counseling at Columbia after the rape, I was afraid to try that because I just wanted to block the memories. But I can see how redirecting the scene might take away the power of the nightmares.”
She glanced at Kitty who held up three adorable outfits, all alike except for their different bold colors. “Kitty was great support to me then.”
“Having someone to hold your hand and guide you is a tremendous help. If you’d like me to go along, I’ll see what I can do.”
“No, I am sure I will be okay.”
A cheer from the den caught Savannah’s attention, and she smiled in the direction of the doorway from the living room. “Damián has helped me do that. His methods are …unconventional, but definitely effective.” Savannah smiled and Cassie wondered what Damián did differently, but didn’t pry. The poised young woman pulled her attention back to the conversation. “Be open to suggestions. And accept a hand up or a shoulder to cry on from whoever offers. Healing won’t happen overnight. At least you aren’t living alone. Luke seems nice.”
“He is.” Too nice. Feeling the need to make sure Savannah did not get the wrong idea, she added, “We are just friends. He helps with my alpacas and gave me a place to stay after I evacuated.”
Cassie sighed. She envied what Savannah had in Damián, although the thought of having sex terrified her. How had Savannah gone from her past to having such a relationship? “You are such a strong woman, Savannah.”
Savannah’s eyes opened wider. “So are you, Cassie. You survived a horrific attack. Now you just need to reclaim your right to happiness and those parts of yourself you’ve shut down. Then you can thrive again rather than go through the motions of existing.”
The words hurt, even though they were spot on. Eat, pray, work. Until Lucas, she thought that was all she needed.
Savannah did not know about her marriage with Lucas either. He understood her need to keep it between them, saying no one else needed to know or understand as long as the two of them did. Still, Cassie probably would tell Kitty at some point. She had never kept anything from her best friend this long.
“Oh, Cassie! I love it!” Kitty’s exclamation brought her back to the present. Cassie’s gaze met Kitty’s as Angelina and Megan held up the box with the bread machine. “I can’t wait to surprise Adam with my bread-making skills. You and Angie need to share some good recipes.”
Thankfully Kitty appreciated her unusual gift. “Lucas sent you his mother’s sourdough starter. I left it in the kitchen, but the recipe is taped to the box.” Kitty found it and thanked her again.
Her next gift from Cassie would be more appropriate for the occasion. When Kitty opened the pastel painting, tears glistened in her friend’s eyes. Cassie felt the sting of tears herself.
The scene showed Kitty seated and holding her daughters while Adam stood beside her with Paxton in the crook of his arm. His free hand rested protectively on Kitty’s shoulder.
Kitty cleared her throat and ignored the tears that rolled down her cheeks. “I can’t wait to show Adam. With all you’ve had going on, I can’t believe you took the time to paint this. And how you could show us together as a family when we haven’t been able to have a scene like this yet. You’re so amazing, Cassie.”
The image had been so clear in her mind. When Kitty opened her arms, Cassie stood, crossed the room, and bent over to embrace her. “I am so happy you have Adam, Kitty. You two are so perfect together. And now your family is complete.”
Cassie tamped down what could only be described as a pang of longing. “You are so blessed.”
“Just open your heart, Cassie,” she whispered. “He’s patient and kind and waiting for you—within your reach really.”
Lucas? Did Kitty know about their relationship? Cassie pulled away and searched her eyes, but did not detect any clues.
Kitty smiled. “Trust your instincts, Cassie.”
She and Lucas were merely friends. Memories of how he held her after her nightmare and watched over her so she could go back to sleep flooded her mind. She missed him terribly, something that surprised her. After he had returned home in May, there had been an emptiness inside, but since coming to Denver this weekend, the hole had grown larger. So many times she found herself wanting to share something with him only to remember he was not around.
Perhaps after the exhibition opened, she could go on one of those dinner dates she had vowed to do. She would not be returning home again for days. Yes, perhaps on Wednesday night.
* * *
“You look beautiful as always, darlin’. Thanks for inviting me to dinner.” Her black hair shimmered in the glow of candlelight from the centerpiece, softening her features and casting a warm glow around her face.
Luke couldn’t believe it when Cassie asked him to dinner at last night’s exhibition opening. The gallery had been mobbed, and she had so many friends and art patrons demanding her attention, but when he walked up to congratulate her and gave her a bouquet of Peruvian lilies hoping they’d remind her of their wedding day, she smiled and hugged him back. She’d changed. He didn’t know what had happened, but he sure was happy about it.
She had suggested an Indian restaurant where she had plenty of exotic vegetarian dishes to choose from and he could find the level of heat he liked. But, honestly, he couldn’t even remember what he’d ordered even though he’d eaten half of it already.
His wife captured his full attention. Cassie filled him in on the party at Adam and Karla’s and what her week in Denver had been like. She paused and cast her gaze down before admitting, “I have missed our times like these, Lucas.”
She met his gaze once more and continued as if she hadn’t spoken those words, but he’d remember them forever. “How is O’Keeffe?”
“She misses you. I can’t read her mind, but am pretty sure she thinks I’m an idiot now. She’d rather work with you.”
She waved her hand at him. “Oh, she loves you. She just has a stubborn streak—and too much fear. Someday she will see how good you are for her.”
He wished the girl seated across the table from him at the moment would see that, too. At least that he tried to be good for her. “I’m a patient man.” He scooped up a forkful of yellow rice. After chewing and swallowing, he grinned. “Millie’s growing like a weed. Wait ’til you see her. She’s been your surrogate with O’Keeffe. They play ball together in the round pen now.”
“Oh, this I must see! I will be home Saturday.”
Home. She just called his place home. Hot damn!
She fiddled with her cauliflower and potato dish. Something was on her mind. While he waited for her to speak, he ate in silence.
“Do you have to go back tonight, Lucas?”
Not if you need me, Sweet Pea. “No. Matt’s at the ranch and doesn’t go back on duty until Saturday.” He needed to work on some things before his folks showed up Sunday, too. His dad always found fault with his choice of careers, so the fewer reminders lying around in the studio the better.
She took a bite, chewing slowly. He set down his fork and reached across t
he table placing his right hand over her free one. She didn’t pull away at least. “What do you need, darlin’? How can I help?”
Her hand trembled and he squeezed it to pass along some encouragement. She closed her eyes and set her fork beside her plate. “I have an appointment tomorrow and do not wish to go alone.”
“Appointment for what?” Was she sick? Dread sank into the pit of his stomach as he waited for her to explain.
When she spoke her voice was so low he had to lean forward. “With a rape crisis counselor.”
Good girl. “I’m sure they’ll be able to help a lot.”
“I met with her Monday and she wants to try a relaxation technique in this session. You would not be in the room for that, but I am a little nervous about what she might stir up. You saw what happened after my night terror last week.”
He reached up and stroked her cheek with his thumb. “You know I’ll be there in whatever capacity you need. Why don’t I pick you up so you won’t have to drive afterward?”
Her lips trembled with her smile before she met his gaze. “Thank you, Lucas. While I have a rental, I would rather not be alone afterward.”
“Makes me feel ten feet tall that you’d ask me. Thanks, Cassie.” He wouldn’t jinx it by mentioning the T word, but for her to trust him to be there for her at a time like this was monumental progress.
She blinked. “Normally I would ask Kitty, but she is so busy with the babies.” Okay, so he was second fiddle. “Savannah offered, but I do not know her as well as I do you.” Okay, third fiddle then. Hell, he’d take it. He was the one she’d asked. No one else.
Cassie reached for her purse and handed him a business card with the appointment time and address on it.
“Want to grab a bite to eat beforehand?”
She shook her head. “No. I do not think that would be wise, in case I…get sick.” That she expected to have such a violent response to the session made him wonder why she was doing this.
“Are you sure you want to go through this?”
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