No. She trusted him.
But she also would be a lifelong disappointment for him. Perhaps the day would come when she could fulfill her duties as a wife without triggers or fear when he touched her. That would be a start. Lucas was a patient man, too, as he had shown her these past few months.
Take it one step at a time, Cassie.
“Now, please excuse me. I need to talk with Lucas.” She poured two mugs of black coffee, hoping he wouldn’t mind how strong Mamá made it for Papá.
* * *
Luke barely slept a wink all night. Between having Cassie’s soft body pressed against his and worrying about what her answer would be to his less-than-romantic marriage proposal, the clock had turned slowly under his watchful eye. The last he remembered, it was four-thirty. He must have drifted off a bit.
When he opened his eyes again at six forty-five, he was in bed alone. Well, he had his answer. Of course she would run. What did he expect? He probably shouldn’t have made so many demands so fast, but damned if he intended to be around her every day and not be able to give her at least a hug or a kiss when he thought she could use one. These past weeks had been a living hell.
He tossed the blankets off and swung his legs over the side of the mattress. His knees practically touched the wall. There was a little more room on her side, but this was the smallest bedroom he’d ever seen.
He glanced at the headboard. Antique. Definitely Spanish influences in the carvings on the dark wood. He reached out and touched the punched leather in the headboard. Different.
The door opened, and he turned to find Cassie still dressed in her nightgown carrying two mugs of what smelled like coffee. Two nights in a row without sleep, and she had anticipated his needs perfectly. The day was looking better already.
“Thank you, darlin’.” He stood and met her at the foot of the bed. “I can’t tell you how much it excites me to see you standing there with hot coffee in your hand.”
Oh, good move, Denton. Scare her away now thinking you have a fetish for coffee.
Her face grew ruddy as she glanced down, but he sure as hell detected a smile. Score. He took the cup and a few sips before making eye contact again. “Damn, that’s good.”
She nibbled her plump lower lip.
His morning erection throbbed. Damn, darlin’. Show some mercy!
Hoping to take his mind off of kissing her, he gestured with the mug toward the headboard. “Before you came in, I was admiring the craftsmanship of this bed. Like nothing I’ve ever seen back home.”
“It belonged to my grandmother. Papá’s mamá. Made from mohena wood and leather.”
“Mohena. I’ll have to look that up. Definitely different than what I use back home, but the possibilities for carving seem to be outstanding.”
“I’m not sure how available it would be in the States.”
“Marry me, and I can apprentice with someone down here when we come for visits.”
He’d intended for his words to come off jokingly, but he wanted to get past her awkward rejection and move on.
“Lucas…”
The pause didn’t sound like he was going to like what followed. He took a sip of coffee to hide his disappointment, whether expected or not.
“I have given what you proposed a lot of thought.”
Hell, she’d been sleeping most of the time since he proposed. How much thought had she really given it? “I told you not to rush your answer. We don’t have to decide to—”
She held up her free hand. “My answer is yes.”
“—do anything this weekend. We could—What did you say?” It took him a minute to process her words and stop speaking himself.
She bit her lip again. God, he wished she’d stop doing that. Made him want to take a nibble or two himself.
“I said yes. I will make my vows with you on Saturday, and I will mean every word. I am willing to commit to marrying you, and accept that you wish for us to become increasingly intimate. Just continue to be patient with me.”
A mixture of joy and trepidation assailed him. She had just agreed to marry him in a much more realistic arrangement than the one they entered into in May. Could he be the man this woman needed to help her put her painful past to rest and embrace a future together with him?
She’d come so far in a short time. Hell, he’d cuddled up against her body last night in bed. There had been a time not so long ago she couldn’t stand for him to touch her hand. Whether it was from her therapy session or his day in and day out whittling away at her defenses, he didn’t know.
The day she shared what had been locked inside so long seemed the turning point. Luke had no doubt he possessed the patience Cassie needed. He was a man with a slow hand and gentle touch. Hell, even if the day never came that she would agree to make love with him, his journey with Cassie at his side would be incredible.
“I believe we can even convince the priest to consider this more than a renewal of vows, but the actual sacrament of marriage.”
“I’m not Catholic.”
“I am no longer a practicing Catholic either, although I identify with the religion in some cultural and spiritual ways. But I talked with Mamá this morning, and she said they have alternate ceremonies now that would work for us. You were baptized, weren’t you?”
“Sure. As a baby. Lutheran.”
“That you are a baptized Christian is all that matters to the Church these days. We do not even have to agree to raise any children Catholic.” She glanced down at the floor. “Not that there would be any children.”
In discussing the details of the service, he’d lost sight of what they had just agreed to do. Cassie said yes to a real marriage. He set his mug on a coaster on the dresser scarf, and she did the same. Standing before her, he cupped her face and lost himself in those deep brown, need-you eyes. ’Til now, she had been totally focused on the ceremony. Time to seal the deal with a kiss.
The flash of fear on her face burned his gut but she didn’t run. “Trust me, darlin’.” He leaned closer and closer still, but didn’t touch her. His lips hovered but waited for her to show him she welcomed his kiss and didn’t just plan to endure it.
Damned if she didn’t sigh. Or was it his own? No, he definitely felt the tiny puff of her breath against his lips. Come to Luke, baby girl. His hands caressed her face as he buried his fingertips in her silky hair. Even though he held her lightly and she could have broken away, she didn’t.
Good girl.
Luke turned her head slightly and pressed his lips lightly against her temple. Her pulse throbbed against his palms. Fight-or-flight response—or excitement? He trailed kisses down her cheek to her neck and heard an audible gasp when his lips sucked her skin just below her jawline. Cassie’s hands reached out but rather than push him away, she held on to his upper arms as if to steady herself.
Sa-weet!
* * *
Cassie’s heart jackhammered as Lucas brushed light kisses down her neck to her shoulder and he pushed her collar aside to give him better access. I can’t breathe! She reminded herself to do so anyway, but her ragged breath signaled the state of near panic she was in. Her nipples hardened against her bra and she fought the urge to push him away.
No! She wanted this. Why, she could not say. Maybe to show Lucas she would try to be the wife he needed. Surprisingly, her body was responding to him not in fear or disgust, but…
She steadied herself by holding more tightly onto his arms and tilted her head to give him better access. Pulse points fired up in places she did not know existed. When he gently sucked the skin over her collarbone, she gasped. He immediately moved back up the column of her neck leaving kisses along the way until his lips hovered again just over hers. There he stopped.
Kiss him. He’s waiting for you to kiss him back.
“Please, Lucas.”
She could not be the aggressor, if that was the right word. Did her whispered plea not convey to him what she wanted? Did she even know what she wanted?
Lucas waited. Apparently, Lucas was not going to finish this kiss…so she did. Straining upward, she pressed her lips against his. Warm. Firm. Inviting. He groaned and a surge of power rocked her to her toes. His hands on the back of her head held her more tightly and he kissed her harder.
She opened her mouth to breathe. Instead of taking that as a sign that she wanted him to invade her mouth with his tongue, Lucas’s tongue brushed along her upper lip as if waiting for an invitation.
Cassie regained some sense of control and pushed at his upper arms, breaking their contact. “Lucas, I cannot breathe.” She sucked air in through her nose and mouth for several seconds before disappointment in her inability to finish the kiss flooded her conscience.
“Hot damn, darlin’!”
At the same moment, she said, “I am sorry I—”
Lucas pressed the tip of his index finger over her still-tingling lips. “Don’t apologize for kissing me, Cassie.”
She cast her gaze down. “But I could not finish.”
His finger moved down to cup her chin, and he forced her to meet his gaze as he tilted her head back. “Oh, you finished just fine, Sweet Pea. You made me forget that we’re standing here kissing in your parents’ house on the eve of our real wedding day. I told you last night there’s a passion inside you waiting to run free. You just loosened the reins when you kissed me back. That’s just a taste of what’s to come, darlin’.”
“It is?” Cassie’s breathy voice sounded sultry to her ears, so unlike her. If he kissed her like that again… Wait! I kissed him!
“You’d better believe it. We’re going to take this slow. But just like you pleaded with me for that kiss, I’m going to stoke the fires inside you until you’re screaming for more.”
“I do not think I can—”
“Shhh. We have the rest of our lives to explore our passion for each other. One tantalizing day at a time.” He grinned. “Now, what do we need to do to make this wedding happen?”
“Oh! I forgot! Mamá is waiting for me. We need to work on what I will wear tomorrow.”
“Glad I’m not the only one who was lost in the moment of that kiss.”
She grabbed her mug and nearly ran from the room as she smiled at him over her shoulder. “Come find me in the den when you are ready for breakfast, and we will take a break. There are clean towels in the bathroom for your shower.” She turned without waiting for a response and hurried away.
But she could not run from that kiss. She had been the one to press her lips against his. He had let her control the kiss resulting in her wanting more rather than feeling fear. How did he know to wait for her like that? Would he do the same when they touched more intimately, as she had agreed to do? Would he let her initiate touches, as well?
He only left her wanting more.
Oh, dear Goddess.
Her step was light as she entered the den. Mamá had spread a colorful Quechua-woven lliclla, or shoulder cloth, open on the sofa. She inspected it, supposedly looking for loose threads or tears in the weaving.
Cassie came closer and saw some slight discoloration in the vintage garment, but the artistry remained exquisite. “¡Eso es tan hermoso!” And it truly was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen, except for Abuela’s wedding lliclla that had been destroyed in the fire. She had not been able to tell her mother about that yet.
She and her mother conversed in Spanish while Lucas was not with them.
“I wore this the day I married Papá.” Mamá turned to her with tears in her eyes. “I have been blessed to live long enough to see my daughter wear it on her wedding day.”
Tears sprang to Cassie’s eyes, as well. “But we are marrying in the church.”
“Oh, our priest is more liberal than many. Padre Rojas allows couples with Quechua or other indigenous roots to express their heritage in the marriage sacrament, as long as they do not stray far from the Church’s approved ceremony.”
Cassie touched the woolen fabric almost reverently.
“What shall I wear under it?”
“Layers of as many polleras as you wish, including the one you are wearing now, and any blouse or shirt you like. This lliclla bears our village’s design, but all Lucas will notice is the radiant smile on your face.” She leaned forward and placed a kiss on Cassie’s cheek. “I am so happy to see the light in your eyes again, hija. Lucas truly will not be able to take his eyes off you.”
The image of Lucas standing at the altar watching her walk down the aisle flashed across her mind. “Thank you, Mamá.” She had packed three skirts to wear in layers Saturday. Fortunately, clashing colors and designs were the norm rather than a fashion problem here in her homeland.
Mamá stopped inspecting the garment for flaws and sniffled. Cassie closed the gap between them and hugged her.
“I thought I had lost you forever, Casandra, but my prayers have been answered.”
“I am sorry I left without explanation and caused you grief and worry, Mamá. It makes me happy to be home again.”
“Why all these tears?”
Cassie broke away and turned toward the doorway where her father stood. She did not hesitate to share her news. “Papá, Lucas and I have agreed to exchange vows alongside you tomorrow.”
Papá smiled. He actually smiled!
Mamá dabbed at her eyes. “We will see our daughter enter into the sacrament much as you and I did all those years ago. It is going to be a most glorious day of celebration for our family and friends. Oh! We need to prepare for more guests and more food.”
Papá shook his head but continued to smile. “You women and your fiestas.” But his expression sobered, and he pierced Cassie with his intense gaze. “You make your mamá happy by being home, mi hija.” He paused. “And me, as well.”
Some of the resentment she had harbored toward Papá for arranging her disastrous engagement to a man like Pedro receded. While they might never go back to the father-daughter relationship they once shared, at least she could forgive and let go of her anger.
Cassie traversed the room and walked into Papá’s embrace. His arms closed around her. She realized she might not have been able to hug him if not for the way Lucas had hugged, comforted, and held her. Over time, Lucas had conditioned her for this moment whether that was his intention or not.
Having Papá hold her this way only increased her sense of peace and well-being. She was ready to move on, forgive, and heal. The past no longer controlled her. Mama Quilla was already at work in her life—her new life with Lucas as well as with her family of origin.
* * *
Luke’s head swam from the activities and preparations Cassie and her momma were undertaking this morning. He wished his folks could be here to see this, too, but they would be content knowing he was happy and had found someone to share his life. They seemed to love her as much as he did. After they returned to Colorado, they could celebrate with a special dinner.
Luke tried to keep up with what was going on, but all the various godmothers and godfathers befuddled him. But he liked following tradition and this was her culture. The customs reminded him of a wedding he’d attended in El Paso once for a Mexican-American friend who incorporated the Old World customs with the way Americans did things. That helped him understand madrinas and padrinos and their sponsorships of every aspect of the ceremony. If this hadn’t been such a last-minute affair, no doubt there would be even more godparents involved.
One part of his friend’s ceremony that had left a lasting impression on him had been when the couple was lassoed together by one of the godparents. He grinned, suddenly realizing there was something he could contribute to the ceremony—if he could find the right kind of rope.
Midmorning, they went to the church to meet with the priest who grilled them separately about their plans for their marriage and the future. Thankfully, they didn’t have to promise to raise children by the rules of any particular religion. Last night, he thought the chances were slim they would have children, but after that ki
ss this morning, he wasn’t so sure.
But if there were, given the discussions he and Cassie had enjoyed about spiritual matters, they would want each to be free to choose their own path. They would be sure to expose them to all kinds of faiths and let them decide. His parents had been that way with him. He wasn’t a churchgoer, but followed the Golden Rule present in most faiths. Father Rojas had said one of his responsibilities in the union would be to guide his family spiritually. Cassie held stronger beliefs than he, though, so somehow he figured there would be a shift in tradition there.
Enough thinking about kids and religion. He just thanked God that this wedding was taking place at all.
Something in Cassie had broken free this morning when she met him at the door with coffee. He had no clue why, but she wasn’t as nervous around him. Shy, sure, especially at any mention of intimacy or kissing. But, damn, had she ever surprised him with that kiss.
As they left the church, he held her against him to help block the wind. They hurried down the dirt streets and entered the house on a swirling blast of wind. Man, how did anyone stand the frigid temperatures here? Next time they visited, it needed to be summertime here. Maybe for Christmas or to ring in the New Year.
They’d be an old married couple of almost six months by then. Luke grinned, liking the sound of that.
The moment they entered the López house again, the smells of all kinds of food and a din of shouts and laughter in the kitchen bombarded his senses.
Cassie placed her hand over his heart and stared up at him. “I had better go see if I can help Mamá. She is probably a little overwhelmed now. I think half of the village is planning to be at tomorrow’s fiesta after we exchange our vows.”
He grinned. “What are the menfolk supposed to do at times like this?”
Cassie smiled. “Why don’t you spend more time with Papá? He probably is in his office.” Luke must have looked a little nervous at the suggestion. “Relax. Talk. Smoke cigars. Perhaps share a beer.”
Nobody's Dream (Rescue Me Saga #6) Page 53