The circus was more like it. Sweet Jesus, help me now.
I coughed a few times and then said, “Yeah, well, I guess. You know these ski bums though. You never can tell.”
“So Ava, did you book me some lessons with Sven?”
“Sven?”
“Yeah, you know, hot Nordic guy that can teach me how to ski?”
“Oh yeah!” I half chuckled. Griffin and Marley were gonna kill me. I could already see the looks on their faces when we showed up in the morning, me with Melissa in tow. “Actually you have two instructors and their names are Griffin and Marley.”
“Not Lars and Sven?”
“No, Melissa. I don’t think we have any instructors by those names. But I’m gonna be there with you.”
“Oh yeah? You’re not going to try to move in on Griffin or Marley are you?”
“Huh uh. Don’t you worry about that. I’m done with the man plan, remember?”
“Oh yeah. Sorry.” She reached over and gave me a head nuggie.
“Ouch! That hurt.”
“Damn girl. I’m going to have to toughen you up. You have turned into the biggest wimp I’ve ever seen.”
We drove back to my super sized studio apartment and parked in my spot in the garage. We still had a two block walk to get there, since you couldn’t drive in the village. I explained that to Melissa, telling her to use the wheels on her bag.
“Ah, don’t worry about that. I’ll just carry the little sucker.” She hefted that huge bag over her head and walked like she had a feather up there.
Shaking my head at her, I laughed. “You kill me.”
“Wait till you see my moves on skis.”
“What do you mean? I didn’t think you knew how to ski.”
“Well, I don’t. But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to learn any.”
“Um Melissa, you’re only skiing for three days.”
“Yeah, and by the end of day two, I’ll be killing it girl. You just wait. Didn’t I tell you? I’m one hell of an athlete.”
********
That night we grabbed some dinner and went home to drink. She had to have all the details about Preston. There were only so many I could tell her without blowing his whole cover and that of Caroline’s, so I gave her the sketchy version and told her how he’d manufactured a story to save my life. It wasn’t altogether false, but I’d told her the lie to protect everyone.
“Well, let me go and find him and I’ll put him in a chokehold he’ll never forget.”
“No, you can’t do that. Besides, I don’t know where he is.”
“You mean he didn’t come after you?”
“No, I told him not to. Then Justin came and told me I needed to call him, but honestly, I needed some time. I wanted to get past some of this, but God, Melissa, I don’t think I ever will.”
“That bad, huh?”
“Worse than bad. It’s like having your guts ripped right out of you while you’re watching and then someone comes and pours acid all over them. It’s the worst thing ever.”
Melissa made an awful face. “Maybe I don’t want to catch a man then.”
“Well, if you ever do, make sure nothing happens to that love. I swear if it does, you’ll rue the day you ever fell in love. I never knew anything could hurt like this.”
“Okay, so enough talk about that jackass for hurting you. But if I ever meet him Ava, I’m putting him in one of my famous headlocks, whether you approve or not.”
“Okay Melissa. You can do that.” I smiled.
“Well, in the meantime, and since you are currently sans man, I have a present for you.”
I squinted my eyes at her. The last time she’d given me a present, I’d nearly ended up at Guantanamo Bay, imprisoned as a terrorist. “Okay, what is it this time?” I questioned her.
“Oh Ava, you’re gonna love this!” she gushed.
Moving with the swiftness that defied anything I’d seen, Melissa tore open her giant wheelie bag and pulled out this wrapped box.
“Oh yeah. I see you didn’t try to carry that thing on, did you?”
“Not after hearing what they did to you. I wasn’t gonna take that chance. Here,” she said, handing me a rather large box.
I took a deep breath and took the plunge. What I pulled out of that box, shocked me even more than that giant wand had. It was another wand, but it also had all sort of other things in there too. I recognized the usual, such as the penis shaped vibrator, but there were strange looking things I had no idea of what they might possibly be.
“What the hell is all this stuff?”
“Oh, well, that one is a rabbit and you see those little ears there?”
I looked closely at the thing and sure enough, it not only had ears, but a tiny nose to go along with it.
“Holy Toledo!”
“Yeah, baby. You’re gonna love those ears.”
“What about the nose?”
“The nose?”
“It has a nose too.”
“Let me see that thing.”
She grabbed it so fast from me I barely had a chance to register her hands moving.
“Well, damn. I don’t think mine has a nose. I think mine’s defective. Hey, check out the other stuff too.”
That box scared me. I mean, what was I going to do with it all? I could probably open up a sex toy store with all the crap that was in that box.
“Melissa, what are these things?”
“Oh, those are vibrating balls.”
What the hell? “What do I do with them? Play ping pong?
“Christ Ava. Are you really that naive?”
“Well yeah. I guess I am.”
“Jesus, I’m gonna buy you a book. No make that a dozen. Bring me your computer. I’m going online to order you some right now. You need an education.”
Damned if she didn’t do that too. By the time Melissa was done with me, I would be the knower of all things...at least where those sex doohickeys were concerned. A lot of good that would do me though. On second thought, at least I might start getting some sleep at night. I started to laugh.
“What’s so funny?” she wanted to know.
Sharing my little joke with her, we both got to laughing. Then she made this mischievous face and her eyes began to dance.
“Uh oh. What are you up to?”
“Do you have any Sharpies?”
“Yeah, why?”
“Just let me have one.”
I handed her a royal blue one, which was the only one I owned. She picked up the biggest vibrator in the package, which was neon pink and shaped like a giant penis, and started to write something near the bottom. Then she handed it back to me. I looked at it and cried out, “Holy hell Melissa!” Then I dissolved into fits of hysteria. On the bottom of the damn thing she had written the word Preston.
“Now you can pretend.”
We both laughed so hard our sides ached. When we finally calmed down enough to have a conversation, she wanted to know all about the next day, so I told her. As we kept drinking, we got louder and louder. Suddenly there was a loud bang on my front door so I went to answer. It was the neighbor, complaining of the noise we were making. I promised we’d take it down a notch. When I got back to the living room, Melissa was pouring us a round of Lemon Drop Shooters.
Oh great, just what I needed!
She promised we’d be quieter, but the neighbor came back three more times that night. On his last visit, Melissa answered the door and after a brief look at her, he scurried back across the hall and we never heard another peep out of him.
In the morning, we both woke up with hammers beating against our skulls. I looked at the clock and flew out of bed.
“Oh shit! We’re gonna be late. Your lesson starts in thirty minutes and we need to get your equipment. Hurry up and get up and brush your teeth.”
When Melissa rolled off of the blow up mattress, I thought I would die laughing. Her red frizzy hair was all mashed down on one side but the other side had gained the
added volume. It looked like she had stood in a wind tunnel all night long.
“What’s so funny?”
I put on a straight face and said, “Nothing. Get dressed. We have to leave.”
“But you’re not dressed.”
“Oh yeah.” What the hell was wrong with me? I was getting ready to charge out the door to go skiing in my pink and black polka dotted pajamas. Not bothering to take off my pajama bottoms, I pulled on my ski pants and socks. After that, I tossed on a bra and a shirt and another one just in case it was cold. I grabbed my helmet and goggles.
I yelled at Melissa, “Are you ready? Hurry up!”
I glanced over at her and she was rolling around on the blow up mattress struggling to get into her ski pants that were brightly colored fuchsia and stretchy. Apparently, they weren’t stretchy enough.
“I can’t seem to get into these. They fit when I bought them last week. Do you think the altitude has inflated me?”
“Well, I suppose that’s possible,” I grimaced. I didn’t think it was. I thought it was more likely due to the Ben and Jerry’s.
“I thought so because I’ve been quite bloated and gassy since I’ve been here.”
Good lord! Just what I need now!
“Can I help?”
“Yeah, how about get behind me and tug a bit.”
“Um, okay.”
I sat behind her on the blow up and tried to squiggle around so that I could get a good grip on the waist band of her pants. “You’re gonna have to scoot up a bit because I can’t reach the waist.”
“Okay.” She scooted and I squirmed. Just a bit more and I’d be there. Finally the waist was in reach and I grabbed it with my hands and pulled. She screeched and I yelled.
“What the hell’s the matter with you?” I asked.
“They’re tight!”
“Don’t be a wimp, damn it. Now come on. One a count of three. One, two, three, pull,” I yelled.
“Ugghrddppp.”
All of a sudden, a giant exploding noise ripped through my apartment, rattling the windows. Melissa flew backwards and landed on me, squashing me. I was suffocating. I shoved her with my hands, ineffectively pushing her away from me.
“Mmewissa, gettoffame,” I tried to scream.
Another huge ripping noise erupted out of her and she heaved a huge sigh.
“Ahh, I feel so much better now.”
Of all the...please to God tell me she did not just pass gas on me.
She finally rolled over, stood and pulled up her pants with ease. “There, they fit perfectly now. See?” She offered me her hand and yanked me to my feet. “Well, what are you waiting for?”
My tongue was lodged somewhere between my stomach and knees. I wasn’t sure if I would ever be able to speak again. Her hand hit the middle of my back and gave me a shove. “Aren’t you going to put on a jacket?”
Turning around I punched her in the arm. “If you ever do that to me again, I swear to God I’ll kill you.”
The utter look of horror on her face should’ve made me laugh, but I was still too appalled to do anything.
“I couldn’t help it. I was in agony. You heard it. You know it was bad. You should’ve told me this altitude causes gas.”
“Oh hell Melissa, let’s just go.” The thought of it made me shudder.
I grabbed my jacket and she put her bright fuchsia one on. What a sight we made. She looked like a flower that had been caught in a nuclear explosion and I didn’t even want to know what I looked like. It had to have been awful.
We made it to the ski school with Griffin and Marley waiting on us. When they saw Melissa, they both turned a sickly shade of gray. I pulled them both aside and promised them lots of stuff. Drinks, food, tips, I think I even told them I would buy them each a new pair of skis. I wasn’t sure. I was still recovering from Melissa’s sonic blasts I had been so rudely exposed to.
Once Griffin and Marley had been comfortably bribed, they escorted Melissa inside where she was fitted for skis, boots and a helmet. She, of course, wanted hot pink or red. She ended up with red, which went horribly with her red hair and fuchsia ski outfit. Melissa loved it.
We took the gondola up and started out on the green slopes, but Melissa wasn’t kidding about being an incredible athlete. She really was. By the end of day one, she was already skiing the intermediate or blue slopes and doing very well. Griffin and Marley couldn’t believe it. They would only have to show her something one time and she would catch on. She had no learning curve at all. It was a straight line.
After the day on the mountain, we headed over to Tres Chicas, where I worked, to grab a few chilly ones. I treated Griffin and Marley too. When Melissa took off her red helmet, I thought Griffin’s and Marley’s eyes were going to roll out of their heads. Her red curly hair had been smashed down all day by her helmet so the top part lay close to her head. The rest of it frizzed out and made a huge ring around her head, much like Bozo the Clown. I tried my best to get Griffin and Marley to stop staring at her, but it didn’t work. Melissa just thought they were smitten with her.
“It’s my athleticism,” she leaned over and whispered to me.
“I think you’re right,” I whispered back. I kept jerking my head and the two guys, but they were lost in the giant rim of red fuzz. I cringed when I saw Griffin’s hand reach out and grab and chunk of it and just squeeze.
“You like that, don’t you?” Melissa hummed.
“Yeah, I do,” he answered as he licked his lips.
Oh my God. I don’t believe this.
“You ought to see it when I’ve just fixed it. It’s really something. Isn’t it Ava?”
“Oh yeah. It’s something all right.”
The next thing I knew, Marley’s hand was reaching out too. Who were these guys? Who even liked that kind of hair?
“So,” Melissa started out, her voice low and husky, “what’s it gonna be for dinner tonight boys?”
Oh shit!
“Ahblabtisy...”
The dudes couldn’t even talk. Now I was beginning to feel like the third...no make that the fourth wheel.
“Well, I’m up for whatever you boys want to do,” she winked.
Holy ever lovin' shit!
“Um, okay, Melissa, maybe I need to leave you three alone.”
“What? No way. You’re coming with us tonight.”
“Not if it’s where I think you all are headed.”
“Dinner?”
“I’ll do dinner, but that’s it.”
“Oh, I got you. Don’t worry, Ava.”
Since I had that foot in the door, I said, “So where do you all want to eat. We could stay here and eat if you want.”
“Sounds good to me,” Melissa answered.
The guys weren’t saying a thing. All they were doing was staring at Melissa’s hair. And boobs. She had some whoppers, no doubt about it. She’d shimmy around and mush them together so they looked like gigantic fuchsia marshmallows just waiting to be squeezed.
“So you did good today Melissa. Guys, where are you gonna take her tomorrow?”
No answer. Just heavy breathing. Or more like panting. And some drooling too.
“Okay guys, look, if you three want to leave, just say so. I’m good here. I work here. I know everyone. I can grab a bite to eat and go home. It’s cool. Really.”
The three of them looked at me, then at each other and they all left me sitting there. I scratched my head, still trying to figure it all out. Here I was thinking that Melissa would be ostracized, but no, she goes home with two guys instead. I mean that sort of creeped me out and all, but she was a consenting adult and who was I to interfere, right? Besides, she scared the hell out of me, so I wasn’t going to say anything.
********
Since I went home alone that night, I decided to rent a DVD. I stopped at one of those little rental kiosks and picked out a romantic comedy. I needed a large laugh, because it seemed like everyone was having fun but me.
I walked int
o my studio and tossed everything on the table. I wandered into my bedroom, which really was the living room too. My flannel jammies, the ones with the pink poodles on them that I had recently purchased from Victoria’s Secret, were calling out to me. They were laying on my bed so I was undressing as I walked. Down to nothing but my panties, I was reaching for my jammie top when something unusual caught my eye. It was Preston’s shirt...the one I still slept with every night, hugged tightly to my chest, tucked right beneath my nose, like a baby’s blanket. Here’s the thing. I always, and I mean always, tucked that damn shirt beneath my pillow every morning. The reason I knew I did it was because I was truly embarrassed by the fact that I slept with the damn thing. This morning, I had been extra careful, even though I was hung over as hell, but I had taken care because Melissa was there and I didn’t want her to know that I slept with Preston’s shirt. There was no way in hell I wanted to hear her crap over it. So yes, I had tucked that thing under my pillow with care before I had even gotten out of bed.
So...how the hell did it get from under my pillow to the top of my bed? Did it grow feet? That was highly unlikely. The real question was, who’d been in my studio snooping around?
Quickly pulling on my jammie bottoms, I looked around for signs of anything else. Was anything missing? I didn’t have much. I had to buy most of my stuff after I’d arrived here because everything was still at Justin’s. Preston had brought me a few sweaters and things, but I had no jewelry to speak of and nothing really of value other than my laptop and TV. They were untouched, so who had been in here? It had to have been some creeper snooping through my things. I decided I would call my landlord in the morning and find out if anyone else might have a key. Just to be safe, I dragged the couch in front of the door. I wanted to make sure I didn’t have any unexpected intruders during the night.
The whole thing freaked me out and had my heart thumping for the rest of the night. The DVD was a wash. I couldn’t focus on it long enough to enjoy it. I tried to sleep but thoughts of the creeper and then of Preston prevented that. I chalked up one more sleepless night in Vail.
Kissing Fire Page 19