After what seemed like forever, I asked him, “How long did it take for you to get past this awful part? Every time I feel like I’m turning the corner, I find myself in another one of these situations where I can’t seem to stop bawling my eyes out.”
“Forever. Time wasn’t my friend at all. Running helped. So did the music when I ran, turned up as loud as I could stand it to drown out the sound of her voice.”
“Did you sleep?”
“Hardly.”
“Night time’s the worst for me. I feel him next to me. His warmth. I can smell him and I want to touch him. I don’t think I’ve slept more than a couple of hours since it all happened. I accidentally took one of his shirts when I left and I sleep with the damn thing every night. I’m that freaking pitiful Justin.”
Justin gave me a crooked smile. “I know what you mean. I was the same way. I didn’t sleep a full night until she came back to me.”
I rubbed my chest, trying to ease that persistent ache. Justin handed me a box of tissues. “Thanks.” I blew my nose...again.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Yeah.”
“Why don’t you talk to him?”
My head jerked toward him. That he could even ask me such a preposterous question had me floored. My mouth fell open and I just stared at him.
“I know you think I’m nuts, but Ava, I had to live almost two fucking years like this. Are you willing to do that? It doesn’t go away. If you love him like I think you do, I can tell you, two years from now, you’re still gonna feel like shit. And if you could see him, he feels just as shitty as you do. You’re two people that desperately need to talk and the ball is in your court. He fucked up. I’m not minimizing what he did at all, in any way shape or form. But I know Preston. I know him well. He’s not a bad guy. He’d take a bullet for you on a bad day. You say you accept him for everything he is and was...that means with all his imperfections. He’s flawed Ava. He tried to tell you that. All I’m suggesting is to talk with him.”
“I don’t think I can ever trust him not to lie like that again. Justin, he destroyed my life. My job. Everything.”
“Seriously? You’re sounding like Mom now. Let’s analyze this. He gave you something you never had. Love. That’s worth a lot more than a damn job. Your life, in your own words, was fucked up before you even met him. That’s why you changed jobs and moved away from Charleston. You can’t put that on him. You’re brilliant Ava. You can get any damn job you’d want anywhere you’d want. You’ve got a fucking MBA from Harvard for Christ’s sake with a resume a mile long. Hell, you graduated first in your class with a 4.0. And what are you doing now? You’re tending bar. You can’t blame that on him either.”
“Yeah, I can. I’m not emotionally ready to tackle a new career right now.”
“Okay, I’ll give you that much. But seriously, it’s not like you need the money or anything. Listen, when Terri died, I wanted to die too. The only thing that kept me going was I knew she would’ve wanted me to go on. You have a second chance. At the time, I didn’t know I had one with Caroline. Ava, take it and call him. Even if it doesn’t work out, at least you’ll know. You have to have doubts in your mind. You know in your heart he’s a good guy, right?”
I nodded. I ran through all the things that had happened between us and I couldn’t find fault with any of them except for that huge lie. But it was so huge, I didn’t know if I could ever get past it and I told that to Justin.
“So if you can’t, at least you’ll know. And so will he.”
“I’m not ready yet. I need more time. I’m afraid if I call him right now, I’ll cave and I need to be strong when I talk to him.”
Justin nodded. “I get that. So what are your plans?”
I gave him a half grin. “What do you think?”
“You staying for the whole season?”
“You got it. I figured it would be my big chance to get away and do this. I’m also...” I squinted my eyes at him before I continued, “I’m thinking about starting a business here.”
“Oh yeah? What kind?”
“That’s the million dollar question. It would be something to do with finance, obviously. I don’t want anything with a store front. So I’m just in the early stages of thinking up some stuff. Maybe consulting. Vail Resorts is so huge, who knows? Maybe I can come up with something involving them. They’ve been snagging up properties all over the place. We’ll see.”
“I can see you out here permanently. But you’re gonna have to buy a bigger place.”
“Smart ass. I rented this just for the season. I figured it would give me some time to look and see where I’d want to plant myself. I don’t want to live in the village. It’s too crowded. I want something away from the people.”
“Yeah, I don’t blame you. You can valet all your ski equipment so you don’t need to live right here. So, you wanna hit the slopes tomorrow?”
“Think you can take me on?” I asked him. There weren’t too many things I could dust Justin on, but skiing was definitely one of them.
“Hell no, I can’t take you on. I just wanted to do some runs with you!” he laughed.
“Well, you’re in luck too because we’ve gotten some great snow the past weeks. It’s been snowing every day so about seventy percent of the mountain is opened. But the back bowls are opened yet.”
“That won’t bother me. You know that’s not my thing,” he smiled.
“What time do you want to head out?”
“When the lifts open.”
********
Justin stayed for four days. I was surprised at how much I missed him when he left. I’d asked about what happened after Preston and I made our escape. Justin explained how he and Caroline had stayed in their safe apartment for a couple of weeks, but the bad guys were caught and everything had returned to normal. They were being guarded, but neither of them minded, so all was good on the Seattle front.
The drive to the airport had been a bit quiet. He made me promise to call Preston. I did, but I also told him that it wouldn’t be for a while. I made Justin promise he wouldn’t tell Preston. I knew he would tell Caroline since I’m sure they shared everything with each other, so I asked him to beg her not to say anything to Preston either. When we pulled into the airport and Justin got out of the car, I ran around and hugged him fiercely.
“Thank you for coming. It really meant a lot to me.”
“I had to see you. I knew how you were feeling and Caroline was worried about you too.”
“Tell her to come and visit me. I would love to have her out for a few days, if she could stand me.” I grinned, lopsidedly.
We hugged again and then I said, “I love you Justin.”
“I love you too Ava. Don’t wait too long. There’s no sense in extending your misery.” Then he kissed my cheek and strolled into the terminal.
The drive back to my super sized studio was sad, as I thought how much it meant for me to have my brother pay me that surprise visit. It was a good thing I had to work that night or else I would’ve been in a depressed mood for the rest of the day.
Since I had a few hours before I had to show up at work, I decided to check my email and much to my glee there was a message from Melissa. She informed me that she was planning to visit me. She’d never been snow skiing and had always wanted to give it a go, so she wanted to know what dates would work the best. I told her the week before Christmas since the lift tickets would be cheap and the crowds would be minimal. If she didn’t come then, she should wait until after the New Year.
About two hours later, I received her reply that she had booked her flight and she would be visiting that week.
Oh my gosh! I would have to hook her up with a really good ski instructor. I didn’t want her to come all the way out here and her not have a great time on the slopes. I would start asking around that night for some names. I would be sure to get a male instructor because for some reason, the idea of Melissa with a female made me break out in fits of gig
gles.
********
Melissa was arriving the next day and it had been three months since I’d left Preston. Justin had been right. Time didn’t heal anything. I felt exactly the same as I did the day I left. Oh, maybe I didn’t explode into tears as often as I did at first, but my heart was still crushed and the anguish was just as excruciating. Even at night I could feel his warm body and smell his enticing scent, and I still wrapped myself in his damn shirt, refusing to throw it away or even wash it for that matter. But the worst part of all was when I imagined his hands, lips and tongue all over me and that part of him entering me, driving me to ecstasy. I imagined his taste on my tongue and I would awaken with tears on my cheeks, desperate for him to be with me, inside of me, telling me he loved me. It was the worst kind of pain I could possibly think of.
I was glad Melissa would be here to take my mind, at least temporarily, off of Preston. Nothing else seemed to work. The guys that came into Tres Chicas would flirt with me, but I didn’t want to have anything to do with them. They were more of an annoyance than anything. My boss chastised me for it on more than one occasion.
“Avery, tips are tied to this. And not only that, if you flirt back, they’ll stay and drink more. A female bartender that doesn’t flirt with the customers is bad for business. Now, I’ve warned you twice, I don’t want to have to warn you again.”
“Sorry Jim. Derrick’s talked to me too. I guess I’m a little touchy about it is all. I’ll try to do better.”
“Avery, no trying. You have to do better, or you’re out. You got it?”
“Yes sir.”
Not wanting to blow this gig I had going, I made a valiant effort to pay closer attention to my customers and make sure they were happy. Flirting was never my greatest thing, so I tried my best to do what I thought was the closest thing to it. Girls like Felicia always seemed to know what to do. Not me. I fumbled along, miserable in my own skin, and acted like a dork. No matter. If my boss said to flirt, I’d put on my best flirt that I could.
We were fairly busy all night long, and the bar seats were always filled. I was constantly on the go, but apparently, my boss was happy because nothing else was mentioned to me. I’d confided in Derrick about my lack of flirting ability and he just laughed, saying I was a natural. Easy for him to say when he wasn’t the one having to flirt. All night long I had that weird sensation that someone was staring at me, though every time I looked to see who it might me, I was staring at a sea of blank faces. By the end of the night I was worn out and as I walked home, I hoped my exhaustion would bring me at least a few hours of sleep. Knowing Melissa, she would want to party when she arrived.
Chapter 22
Preston
It didn’t take long for that restlessness to kick in. Upon hearing Justin’s brief--very brief, I might add--account of her, I knew I wouldn’t last. He was tight lipped, but acted like he wanted to say things. She must’ve made him promise not to. Being the kind of guy he was, he wouldn’t break that promise either. Being the kind of guy that I was, I wouldn’t press him, although that’s all I wanted to do.
My days in Seattle were numbered. I’d known that from the start. Ever since I’d discovered where she’d gone, I had counted the days until I could go to her. She needed time and that’s why I didn’t charge right after her. She would’ve pushed me away. In all likelihood she still would, but I was going to try anyway.
My last night there, I announced at dinner I was leaving in the morning and would be driving to Vail. Justin and Caroline both looked at me, grinned and she said, “It’s about damn time.”
“Well, I might be crawling back here with my tail between my legs before it’s all said and done.”
“I don’t even want to hear it. You’re more persistent than anyone I know. And persuasive. If anyone can sway Ava, you can,” Justin added.
“Oh, God, I hope so.” It was a desperate plea and I knew it. “I never knew what living life felt like until I met her.”
Justin and Caroline looked at each other first and then and me. “We know,” Justin said.
When dawn broke, I was in my car, on interstate 90, headed toward Denver. It was a twenty hour drive, but I promised myself I would stop for one overnight somewhere in between. My first thoughts were to go back to Montana, but when I delved deeper into that, I knew my heart couldn’t bear it. My stop would be someplace else...a place that would evoke no memory of Avery. Maybe I’d stop somewhere between Boise and Salt Lake City. I would call it when I started to feel tired.
The lights on the interstate were beginning to have those star bursts around them so I knew that was my signal. I saw an exit up ahead with some motels, so I pulled into the first one which happened to be a Comfort Lodge. Hoping it really was comfortable, I scored a room and took a hot shower. Not expecting to sleep, I flipped the TV on, but was surprised when I rolled over and looked at the clock to see it was four a.m. I’d fallen sound asleep, which was highly unusual for me. It must’ve been because I was on my way to be closer to her. Nothing else about it made sense. Insomnia had ruled my life ever since that dreadful day, so that must’ve been it. Crawling between the sheets, I rolled back over to see if I could sleep a little more. My mind churned with what I would do if I came face to face with her. Would I run or go and speak to her? Would I dare to even say a word? Would she answer me if I did?
Fear...debilitating fear ran through my body. It was the kind of fear that caused you to break out in a cold sweat and made your heart thunder in your chest. That’s what I felt when I thought about Avery not speaking to me ever again. That was right before that God awful kind of visceral anguish ripped into me, making me feel like I was being gutted alive.
How could something so beautiful as love hurt so deeply? I’d asked myself that so damn many times I don’t know why I kept repeating that question. I truly was the perfect example of insanity.
This wasn’t gonna work. Sleep was surely gone for now. My eyes scanned the room for one of those little hotel coffee pots and I didn’t see one. Perhaps it was on the bathroom counter. I tossed back the covers, thankful for the few hours of sleep I had gotten. When I made it into the bathroom, I discovered the coffee maker. I set it up to go and got in the shower to wake myself up. By the time I finished, my coffee was done and I was ready to hit the road. It was too early for the hotel restaurant to be open. Hell, normal people were barely even moving yet. It wasn’t even five a.m. Too bad for me. I’d stop and grab some food later. Not eating didn’t bother me much, as long as I had some coffee in me.
The rest of the day was pretty damn boring because I only had a couple of choices. Loud music or thoughts of Avery. I chose loud music from a sanity perspective.
My car pulled into Vail at eight that night. I checked into the Grand Ski Lodge and decided to take a walk around the Lion’s Head part of town, which was where my hotel was located. I’d been here once, a long time ago, but this part of Vail had really grown. There were restaurants and bars everywhere. I was hoping I wouldn’t run into her tonight. I needed to prepare myself and I was not yet in my element.
Chapter 23
Avery
Melissa’s flight was due to arrive in ten minutes and I was running late. The short term lot was to my left and I was in the right hand lane, damn it. I stopped to let the cars zoom by and then I snuck in. Finding the first spot I could, I quickly pulled in and raced to baggage claim.
The door slid open and there she stood, fully decked out from head to toe in the brightest shiny scarlet jumpsuit I’d ever seen. Her hair was shorter than when I saw her last and it looked as though she’d stuck her finger into an electric socket because it was quite frizzy...and vividly red with sparkly stuff in it.
“AVA!” she yelled. Her voice nearly shook the walls and everyone stopped what they were doing and turned to look at us. Moments later I found myself lifted up in her massive arms as she swung me around like a rag doll.
“Ayyyye,” I screamed, as much from being startled as from
having the air completely squished out of my lungs. Melissa had added some more girth to her body since I’d seen her last. “Melissa,” I eked out, “you have to put me down. Can’t breathe.”
“Oh my God! You’re such a wimp!” she let me go and I dropped to the floor like a lead weight.
As I lay on my ass in the middle of the baggage claim area, with dozens of people watching us, I started to laugh. Really laugh, like I hadn’t done in ages.
“Would you at least help me up?” I asked, between guffaws.
“Well, damn girl, you need to grow some muscle.” She extended her arm and I latched onto her hand as she nearly flung me to the other side of the room.
“What the hell Melissa?”
“You’re such a wuss. Christ, you were supposed to be working out and all. And look at you, you look like a damn toothpick. What am I gonna do with you? Have you been laying off the Ben and Jerry’s?”
“Actually, I haven’t. Since Pres...well, you know, I’ve taken in more Ben and Jerry’s than I care to admit. But let’s get your bag and go.”
“You mean you’re not even going to comment on my new look?”
Oh God, I was so hoping I wouldn’t have to go there.
“I was gonna mention that. You’ve changed your hair style.”
“Yeah! Cool, huh?”
“Er, yeah, it’s, um, awesome.”
Dear God, it was cherry red. She looked like the homing beacon at the top of the C2 buoy as you entered the Charleston harbor. How could I tell her that though? I couldn’t because it would hurt her feelings and there wasn’t anything I would do to hurt Melissa’s feelings.
“So, why the change?”
“Oh, well, I thought maybe I might meet someone out here. This will help attract men, don’t you think?”
Kissing Fire Page 18