Kissing Fire

by A. M. Hargrove

  ********

  The next morning, since I didn’t hear from anyone, I just showed up at the ski school, and there they all stood waiting for me.

  “Where the heck have you been?” Melissa asked.

  “Well, a phone call would’ve been nice.”

  “Oh, sorry. We were a little, um, busy.”

  “Oh please. Spare me the details. So what’s up for today? Double blacks with some waist high moguls?” I asked sarcastically.

  Griffin smiled and said, “We thought we’d hold off on that until tomorrow. But we’ll move to the black runs today. We think she’s ready, don’t we Marley.”

  “Oh, our girl is definitely ready,” the three of them chuckled. This was going to be a long day.

  “You know, why don’t we meet up around lunch? That’ll give you all time to ski together without having to worry about me.”

  “You sure?” Melissa asked.

  “Oh yeah. I’ll hit the back bowls and then we can meet for lunch and ski together this afternoon. Name the time and place.”

  We decided on Two Elk at one thirty and I was off. It was a beautiful day and the snow was perfect, not a powder day, but packed and groomed. I made it to the back and did a bunch of runs, but all the while, I felt odd, like someone was watching me. I’d stop and look, but never saw anyone. Sure I was imagining things, I’d point my skis down mountain and take off again. That feeling persisted all morning, even after I met the gang for lunch.

  After lunch we skied the front side of the mountain, but sure enough, they had Melissa skiing groomed black runs by then. And boy what a site she was. She looked like an enormous flaming fuchsia flower flying down the mountain. I’d never seen anything like it. And the whoops and hollers she made as she went were never to be heard again on the slopes of Vail, unless she came back to make them herself. People stopped and stared at her everywhere. It was difficult not to. She owned that mountain when she skied.

  That night, it was just the two of us. That was Melissa’s choice. Griffin and Marley were still drooling over her, but she begged off, saying she was tired and wanted to spend some alone time with me.

  We headed back to my place and I still felt like someone was watching me. It was starting to creep me out, and I kept jerking my head around, hunting for the source.

  “What is wrong with you?” Melissa wanted to know.

  “I don’t know. I keep feeling like someone is watching me.”

  “Oh, don’t worry about that. It’s me they’re looking at. I get that all the time.”

  “No, I was feeling it all day. Even when I was alone.”

  “That’s strange. Do people normally stare at you?”

  “Um, not really. I’m not what you’d call a people magnet, Melissa.”

  “Yeah, don’t take this the wrong way, but I didn’t think so.”

  What a way to make a girl feel good.

  “I’ve never been one to attract a lot of attention like that.”

  “I think you just need to put on a few pounds and that would do you,” she suggested.

  “Oh, I don’t know. I’ve grown out of everything now, several times. I can’t keep doing this because it costs a fortune to keep buying clothes.”

  “Why don’t you find a good consignment shop?”

  “I guess I haven’t been anywhere long enough to think about that.”

  “So Ava, what are you going to do now?”

  I stopped walking and grabbed her arm. “I’ve decided to stay here. Permanently. I’ve always loved it, ever since I was a small child. I love to ski. I don’t want to leave.”

  She eyed me for the briefest minute and then said, “I can see you here. You fit right in. But Ava, you need to put on some weight and change your hair.”

  “My hair? What’s wrong with my hair?”

  “You need some curls. You saw how those guys went after me. It was the hair Ava. They couldn’t get enough of it. They rubbed themselves all over it.”

  I held out my hand, palm out. “Stop. Melissa I don’t want to hear any more. Please. That’s just too much information.”

  “Well, okay, but the hair is a man grabber. I’m telling ya. You could go red and curly too. Just think of the possibilities.”

  Oh good lord, there wasn’t anything in this world that would make me do that.

  And she didn’t stop there. “I think you need to dress a little flashier too. You know, grab some attention. When you walk into a room, you want people to notice you. You need to make an Ava statement. Right now, you just sort of blend into the wall.”

  My face must’ve looked odd, because she threw her arm around me and said, “I’m not trying to hurt your feelings Ava. I want to help you out of this depression you’re in. I want you happy!”

  “Melissa, I don’t think I’ll ever be happy again. He destroyed everything that was happy for me. I thought he was it. I thought I’d always be with him and that I’d never have to look again. I don’t want to look because there is no one else for me. No matter how many years pass, I’ll always feel this way. So truthfully, I don’t want to be noticed when I walk into a room. I don’t want to make an Ava statement. I want to slink right on into the background and just blend in like I’m not there.”

  “Ava, you can’t mean that. At least not forever anyway. Come on, let’s go home,” she said as we walked, she with her arm around me. I felt like a dwarf next to her, but it was okay because for once in a long time, I felt comforted.

  The last day of Melissa’s visit flew by. We skied, then we finished early because I had booked a massage for us over at the spa at The Vail Chalet. We were pampered and drank some wine and then ended up at Wildflower’s for a great dinner. Ironically, I still felt like I was being watched. Melissa asked me about it several times and she kept an eye out for anything that looked out of order, but we both came up with nothing.

  We strolled into my apartment after midnight, so we sat around for a couple more hours and chatted. Melissa thought I needed to open a business in Vail where women sumo wrestlers could come and ski during the winter months and mountain bike in the summer. I didn’t want to burst her bubble, but I didn’t see a huge market for that. Instead of doing that, I told her I would do a bit of research on it. She insisted it would be a big seller. She said we could even sponsor a sumo ski event, where they would ski in their sumo outfits. She did add they would wear helmets for safety. I couldn’t seem to get that visual out of my head.

  We both fell asleep shortly after that, but something awakened me a few hours later. I wasn’t sure what it was, so I got out of bed and went into the kitchen to get a drink of water. As I stood over the sink, I looked out at the street and noticed a man standing directly across from my building. He was dressed solidly in black but I couldn’t discern any of his features. I could’ve sworn we made eye contact, but he didn’t look away. He was too far away for me to recognize anything familiar about him, and he wore a hat that he’d pulled down close to his eyes. Of course, the first person I thought of was Preston, and I immediately felt a surge of heat crawl across my skin.

  But why would he be here? The answer was obvious, but too much so. If he’d come here, why hadn’t he called? I’d decided it wasn’t him after all. My heart fell as I realized how badly I wanted it to be him. But what if it had been? Had I really wanted to see him? Was I ready to talk? I clasped my hands together and moaned. I didn’t know. I just didn’t know. Yes, I wanted him, or at least my body did. But I’d been so hurt by that stupid lie. Was Justin right? Would I hurt like this forever, because I was more than ready to move past this? I was as miserable today as I was months ago when I left him in a mess of tears. No, I didn’t cry nearly as often, but only because I believed I’d trained my body not to do so. Mere thoughts of him could still bring me to my knees, just like I was feeling now.

  Finishing up my glass of water, I went back to bed, knowing thoughts of Preston would prevent me from getting any more sleep that night. My body was on fire with just the
thought of him standing outside my apartment. If I had any kind of courage at all, I’d throw on a jacket and run out there right now. But courage had never been my forte, so I lay in bed and tossed and turned the remainder of the night.

  In the morning, we loaded Melissa and her belongings in the car and I drove her to Eagle-Vail Airport. We hugged and hugged when I left her, but I didn’t expect the surge of sadness that invaded me when I drove away.

  Christmas morning I woke up and was saddened by having to spend it alone. I’d signed up to work the whole day, but we weren’t expected to be very busy that night. Most people left the slopes and headed straight to either their homes or hotels for their holiday activities. They didn’t spend much time drinking, eating tacos and hanging out at Tres Chicas on Christmas.

  My phone was staring me in the face and I knew I had to do it, but my stomach turned at the thought of placing that call home. I wanted to wish my family a Merry Christmas, but I also knew it would kill me to do so. Mustering up the courage, I dialed their number, praying the whole time my mom wouldn’t answer the phone.

  “Merry Christmas!” a deep voice said on the other end of the line.

  “Merry Christmas Dad.”

  “Ava! What a great surprise! It’s so wonderful to hear your voice. How are you honey?”

  “Dad, I’m great!” I said, trying to force myself to sound that way. “I’m living in Vail now.”

  “That’s what Justin tells us. You know, I can just see you there. I think that’s a perfect fit for you honey. You always did love that place, even when you were a little kid.”

  “Yeah, and I still love it. I’ve decided on doing some consulting work for Vail resorts.” I hoped I sounded convincing again.

  “Oh honey, that’s great. I’m so proud of you. Hang on a minute. There’s someone here that wants to speak to you.”

  Please oh please don’t let it be Mom!

  “Well, look at you miss ski bunny, all fancified and all out in Vail!”

  “Grandma! I miss you so much!”

  “Well darlin’, don’t be wastin’ your time missin’ this ole bird. You get on out there and enjoy yourself. I know how much you love to ski so don’t you even miss a minute of it, you hear?”

  “Yes, ma’am! Grandma, I want you to come and visit me this summer, when all the flowers are in bloom. Will you?”

  “Why, you can count on it.”

  “I love you Grandma!”

  “And I love you Little Avery! You take care of yourself and have a Merry Christmas!”

  Then another deep voice was on the line but this time it was my brother Pearce. “Why Ava, you sneaky girl you! I have to say I’m so happy that you ended up there though. That was always your place. Justin’s kept us up to date, but maybe next year Lexi and I and the newest Middleton will come out for a visit.”

  “Oh, I hope so Pearce. Please promise me you will.”

  “I promise. Now have a great Christmas and we love you.”

  “Love you all too.”

  I ended the call and was in a much better mood than when I made it. It had been good to talk to everyone, but the absence of my mother made it blatantly obvious to me that she was still angry with me. Well, too bad. It was time for her to get over it and move on.

  ********

  Tres Chicas had been busy all day, but by seven thirty that night, the last customer had left the restaurant. I cleaned up the bar and by the time I got everything closed out, it was almost nine. All the other employees scurried off like ants, eager to get back to their families to begin their festivities.

  Since I didn’t have any plans, I took a stroll around the village, to enjoy the lights everywhere. Vail knew how to decorate for the holidays. Every tree, shrub, doorway and window was festooned with tiny lights of every color, adding that perfect glow to the village. It dispelled my sense of gloom for a bit, as I watched the gentle flakes of snow fall softly from the sky, making the perfect Christmas scene. For an instant, I imagined I was in one of those Christmas globes, where everything glistened and sparkled, as it should on that special night.

  Completing my circuit of the village, I was back at my building and heading inside. When I stepped in front of my apartment door, I noticed two huge boxes on the floor. One was wrapped in beautiful handcrafted Christmas paper and tied with a lovely gold satin bow. The other one was an oblong box, and it was embossed with a local florist’s logo. I picked it up first, which was quite heavy, and went inside. I came back and retrieved the second box and it, too, was really heavy.

  I opened the oblong box first, knowing there would be flowers inside. When I lifted the lid, I gasped. It was clear why the box had been so heavy, because it contained several dozens of a variety of flowers interspersed with each other. They were absolutely stunning. The first I noticed were white roses, then I saw white tulips, purple hyacinths, forget me nots and baby’s breath. My breath was jammed in my throat for I had never seen anything so lovely. The fragrance from them was radiating into the room and I closed my eyes and smiled. But wait! There was another box. I scrambled to open it and this time I didn’t gasp. I let out a loud cry. Inside sat the most amazing hand blown vase I’d ever seen. It was clear glass with lines of purple and pale pink running down its sides and it was simply gorgeous. At the bottom were clear glass purple marbles to add a bit of effect to the display. I quickly filled the vase with water and then placed all the flowers in it, arranging them as I went along.

  As I was placing the flowers in the water, I started to think about what they were and where or who they came from. This had to be from Preston because no one else I knew would dare to send such an extravagant gift. They had made quite a statement. White roses meant true love for eternity. I knew that one without a doubt. Baby’s breath also symbolized eternal love. I wasn’t sure about the tulips or the hyacinths, but forget me nots had to indicate serious love, just from their name alone.

  I dashed to my laptop, jumped online and ran an internet search. When the results popped in, I knew without a doubt, these had been sent from Preston. Purple hyacinths were the flower of regret and white tulips were the flower that begged for forgiveness. So by this whole arrangement, he was telling me he loved me and asking me for forgiveness at the same time.

  I smiled as I stared at it. How could I not? It was the most beautiful thing I’d ever received. No one had given me flowers like this before. No one had given me flowers period...as least not from a romantic interest anyway. I was truly wowed by them.

  I picked up the box the vase came it and it was then I noticed another oblong box and a card at the bottom. I had almost missed them both. The card had my name scrawled across the front of it in big, bold letters.

  Holding it against my chest for a few minutes, I sat there in silence. He’d touched this. He’d held this in his hands and now it was in mine. Was I ready for this? Was I ready to face him and move forward? My body said yes, but what about my mind?

  Taking a deep breath, I ripped the envelope open and pulled out the contents.

  My dearest Avery,

  If you are reading this, then you have received my gifts to you. I am hoping you enjoy them, but it’s my deepest wish that you understand the meaning behind them.

  The regret I felt and still feel for having hurt you and lied to you is with me daily. I will carry that with me until the day I die. It was foolish and stupid of me, but the past is the past, and I can’t change what has been done. The only thing I can do is prove to you that I will do whatever it takes to show you I will never lie to you again.

  Avery, I have never, nor will I ever stop loving you. My feelings of love for you were nothing but sincere. You are forever on my mind and I will only ask you to see me this one time. If you can find it within your heart to talk with me, maybe we can find a way to bridge this gap between us. I will do whatever it is you want. But if you don’t think that’s possible, I can understand. Just say the word, and I will never be a bother to you again.

  I am i
n town and I’m staying at the Grand Ski Lodge. You have my number, so I beg you to call me. I only ask for one chance. Just this once Avery.

  Always yours (whether you want me or not),

  Preston

  I picked up the oblong box and I knew what would be nestled inside because it was from Tiffany's. I slowly opened it and yelled to no one but myself, "Oh good heavens." Lying on a bed of navy blue velvet sat a gorgeous diamond bracelet of the likes I had never seen. My mother didn't even own anything like this. There were too many diamonds to count, but it was absolutely magnificent. Sitting right next to it was another small card in Preston's handwriting.

  This bracelet represents my love for you, always encircling you and never ending.

  Yours forever,

  Preston

  It was foolish of me to think I’d consider saying no. I clutched that letter and box and held them tightly to my chest, not wanting to ever let them go. Knowing he loved me was one thing. Feeling his words flowing from him was another. My breath was coming in quick bursts and I dabbed the moisture from my eyes. What the hell was I waiting for?

  My feet scrambled beneath me as I went to jump up. I suddenly laughed at the way I must’ve looked. Wondering if he was outside my window, I ran to take a peek outside. Not wanting to look like the total loser, I inched the blinds apart to check. He wasn’t there and I felt such a huge wave of disappointment, it made my belly ache.

  What should I do? Should I call him? Should I just go over there? Maybe I should surprise him.

  Stop overanalyzing this Avery!

  I tugged my jacket, hat and gloves back on, slipped the oblong box in my pocket and headed out the door, before I lost my nerve. My feet moved of their own accord, picking up the pace as I got closer to his hotel. It was only about a ten minute walk, but I could barely stand it so before I knew it, I had broken into a jog. That didn’t last too long since I wasn’t what one would call a jogger. I was quickly winded and huffing for oxygen. Spying his hotel in the distance, I slowed my pace so by the time I got there, I’d be able to breathe again.