Book Woman

by Ivan B

  Josie was at school, at least in her dream, not her current school, but her old school. She was in the toilet and had locked herself in the cubicle. Katrina and her buddies were on the other side of the door, laughing and throwing water over the top of the door, she was already soaked through and anticipating worse to come, there was always worse to come. She was screaming at the top of her voice, but the teachers never came. All of a sudden the door burst open and Mary stood in the doorway, she scooped Josie into her arms and Josie knew that all was well.

  Helen was also awake, she never needed a full night’s sleep these days and often lay awake in the early hours. She heard a child moan next door and then, after a few moans, go quiet and she remembered the day she had walked in on Jenny and Cathy bullying Mary. It had been totally unexpected, she’d forgotten her purse and walked into her bedroom to retrieve it. At first she had thought that Jenny and Cathy were sitting on the bed, then she had realised that Jenny had a fistful of Mary’s hair and Cathy was digging her long fingernails into the soles of Mary’s bare feet and drawing blood. She had screamed at them and they had jumped up and tried to convince her that Mary liked it. She had unrolled Mary from the blanket in which they had pinioned her and been amazed at the black and blue state of the back of her legs. Jenny had suddenly spat at Mary and exclaimed.

  “She asked for it, she went and won the race when we told her not to.”

  Cathy, as always, followed Jenny’s lead and muttered something about ‘she had it coming, the bitch!’

  Helen felt tears on her cheeks as she relived that afternoon and Mary woefully telling her that it had been going on for years, not days or weeks or months, but years and she had never noticed. She had noticed that Mary never played with her elder sisters, or went out with them, but had assumed that was because the twins were twins and Mary was just self-contained. How wrong she had been and even twenty years on the pain of her failure to protect Mary still haunted her. Even worse she had failed to convince her husband of the seriousness of the situation, he merely assumed that it was a storm in a teacup and that Jenny and Cathy were just high spirited. He even went as far as to say that Mary was lying and that it was just a one-off event and that she merely wanted to get the twins in trouble. She sighed, he’d always favoured Jenny and Cathy, even to the extent of re-mortgaging the house so that they could set up two record shops, not one mind you, but two as nobody in their right mind would let Cathy and Jenny work together. She paused in her recollections for a moment to remember that she must tell Mary about the deeds, then she squirmed in the bed as she remembered the family therapy. It had ended up with the twins and her husband practically convincing the therapist that Mary was to blame; Helen had ended the sessions early once she had seen that they would be of no benefit to Mary, she was only glad that Daniel had managed to stay out of it all. She listened again as a different sound assailed her ears and then realised that it came from Robert’s snoring and her mind drifted off to wondering why all men seemed to snore before falling into a fitful light sleep.

  Helen woke up to Mary bustling in her room with her breakfast on a tray. Helen smiled.

  “You needn’t do that, not when you’re on holiday.”

  Mary merely placed the tray on a table next to the bed.

  “Sleep well?”

  “Well enough.”

  Mary nodded, expecting no other reply. Helen reached out and touched her.

  “Let’s see it then.”

  “See what?”

  “Your tattoo, Josie told me all about it.”

  Mary was taken aback, but offered her mother her right arm.

  “Roll the sleeve up and have a look.”

  Helen rolled the sleeve up and studied the tattoo, she mused.

  “Remind me, this is my daughter who used to scream when I combed her hair and went through a tangle?”

  Mary gave a timid smile, not really knowing how her mother would react. Helen touched it and Mary tried not to wince.

  “Still sore is it?”

  “Slightly.”

  Helen nodded and noted the pierced ears.

  “Serious then are you, about Robert that is?”

  Mary nodded.

  “Very, you could say it’s a chance of a lifetime.”

  Helen held Mary’s hand.

  “For what it’s worth I think he’s a good man. Not one that will set the world alight, but a good man.” She squeezed Mary’s hand. “I’m sure, if you work at it, you’ll be very happy.”

  Mary kissed her mother on the forehead.

  “I hope so mum, I hope so.”

  Mary stepped back from the bed.

  “We’re all off out to St James Park, we’ll be back before lunch, you will be all right won’t you?”

  Helen smiled.

  “You know me in the morning, never in a hurry.”

  Mary smiled.

  “Your tablets are in the little egg cup, don’t forget them will you.”

  Helen smiled back.

  “As if I dare.”

  Mary left and there was a commotion outside the door and then silence as they all departed. Helen leant over and inspected the tray. Two soft boiled eggs, two croissants with jam and one bowl of cornflakes plus a pot of tea. Now this she could get used to.

  Mary, Robert and Josie also had a lazy morning, but a different kind of laziness. They mooched about the park, ate ice-creams and generally relaxed together. Unlike other mornings there was no agenda. They ended up just sitting by the lake in the sunshine and not doing much at all.

  Meanwhile Mary’s mother was also sitting, but in her case it was next to the telephone. She knew from experience that motherhood brought with it sacrifice. Not just sacrifice of independence and identity, but also the sacrifices of love. With the twins it had been her dignity that had been sacrificed as she’d pleaded with a string of people to save her daughters from ignominy. Pleading with the headmaster that they did not get expelled; with the shopkeepers that they did not get charged for their shoplifting; with irate parents that they did not get charged with grievous bodily harm and with the police that they got let off with a caution and not given a criminal conviction. With her son Daniel it has been honesty that had been sacrificed. Daniel was really the result of a stupid liaison with an itinerant gardener, but she had never told anyone that and the secret would go with her to the grave. But that meant lying to her husband, living a lie to the community and, worse of all, lying to her only son about his parentage. Mary was different, she hadn’t required sacrifice; she had required love and had returned it in equal measure. She smiled as she recalled that all Mary had needed as a child was a book and a glass of orange juice to be happy for hours. Sure it had been absolutely exhausting nursing her after her accident, especially in the early months. Not only physically, but also emotionally as she’d had to watch her most-loved daughter undergo painful procedures time after time. But, although exhausting, it had drawn her and Mary together into a bond that she had with none of her other children. She was absolutely certain that if she caught some horrible illness Mary would tend and care for her to the last spoonful of food and the last bedpan. However, Mary was now planning on getting married and although she was sure that Mary undoubtedly meant what she said about her living with them, she instinctively knew it would be the wrong thing to do. She had lived with her in-laws for the first two years of her own marriage and also had her own mother living with her and her husband for five years; both times had been difficult, sometimes excruciating. Although she thought Mary was being hasty, she also knew that if Mary and Robert were to make a go of their marriage, especially with a small child around, she should not add herself to the emotional mix. She sighed to herself for she also felt slightly guilty. She’d enjoyed Mary living her over the past few years, but knew in her heart that it had been at the expense of Mary’s freedom; not that Mary had moaned; perhaps she hadn’t wanted the freedom anyway. In any case the time had come for her to sacrifice for Mary. She picked up the phone
and dialled a familiar number. When the person answered she put on a bright voice.

  “Hello Eileen, Helen here, did I hear you say last week that there was a flat going at your home…”

  They arrived back at lunch-time complete with a take-away pizza and a polythene bag full of fresh salad. After lunch they started to load up the car for the journey home with Robert muttering about multiplying clothes and over-stuffed bags. Just after they had completed the loading operation, and Mary was giving the kitchen a last once over, Stephen arrived with his wife. Stephen introduced Mary and Georgina to each other and then dragged Robert away into the kitchen. It had only taken one look at Georgina for Mary to feel drab. If looks were all that was necessary then Georgina could have had a successful career on the cat-walk. Mary offered Georgina a seat and sat down.

  “Robert tells me that you and Stephen are staying here for a few days.”

  Georgina turned up her nose.

  “He likes to live in the flat once in a while, frankly I’d rather stay at home, this place is too clinical for me.”

  Mary gave a small laugh.

  “It does rather have an air of unreality, do people actually buy flats like this from Stephen?”

  Georgina turned sideways in the armchair and elegantly sprawled over the arms, envy rose in Mary’s breast.

  “Not flats. He sells the ideas and then converts wherever they live into something similar. Though to be honest, these days Stephen has the ideas and Robert does the hard graft of producing the plans; I think that this is the last of what Stephen calls the pre-Robert flats. Stephen is always having new things built into it just to show them off to clients. He’s sold another flat-load of goodies yesterday, that’s why he wanted to see Robert before you all left.”

  Mary nodded.

  “I believe that they’ve known each other a long time.”

  Georgina laughed, it sounded like the last gasp of a dying ass.

  “From back in the dark ages, I only met them when they sold one of these flat-ideas to my first husband.”

  “But you didn’t enjoy living in it.”

  She screwed up her face.

  “The swine was really buying it for him and his mistress.”

  Mary wondered what to say next and Georgina smiled.

  “Don’t worry, I soon got over him. I joined Stephen’s company as their PR manager.”

  Mary laughed.

  “And married the boss.”

  Georgina shrugged and stretched her arms.

  “Eventually, fancied Robert at first, but he’s got a little brat - I don’t do children.”

  Mary swallowed, she did not want this physical goddess pursuing her Robert at any cost. “Are you happy with Stephen.”

  She stretched her long faultless legs.

  “Actually I’m blissfully happy. I made the right choice, Robert’s a nice guy, but he needs a dumpy dull woman that is content to wipe his daughter’s nose.”

  Mary didn’t know whether to laugh or scream, she chose a casual statement.

  “Actually he’s my fiancé.”

  Georgina’s mouth dropped open and she had enough embarrassment to go a beautiful shade of pink.

  “I didn’t even know…” She stammered. “Oh my I am sorry, I didn’t mean that you were dumpy and dull. Oh hell I’ve put my foot in it well and truly.”

  Mary burst out laughing at the woman’s discomfort.

  “Don’t worry, no offence taken, we only got engaged on Thursday.”

  Georgina swung round to sit properly in the armchair and automatically arranged her designer skirt to hang to maximum effect.

  “You don’t mind the kid?”

  “I love her.”

  Georgian suddenly put her head back against the chair-back and exposed her long, thin, elegant neck.

  “Then I envy you. I wish I could be a mother, not in the physical sense, but in the emotional sense. Children give me the heebie-jeebies, I never know what to say to them or do with them or….”

  She tailed off and the anxiety was clearly visible on her face. Mary said kindly.

  “They say it’s different if they’re your own; mother-baby bond and all that. You’d probably be alright with your own.”

  Georgina sighed from somewhere deep inside her soul.

  “But would you take the risk? I mean go through pregnancy only to find out that you hated the result? Then what? Years of having to pretend that you liked them, or risk losing the man you love?”

  A penny dropped in Mary’s thought process.

  “Does Stephen want children?”

  “Does Romeo want Juliet?”

  She went into a conspiratorial whisper.

  “I’ve been on the pill since we met, but he doesn’t know it.”

  She closed her eyes again.

  “And I feel guilty ever month that passes, especially that I haven’t told him.”

  Mary whispered back.

  “And you haven’t discussed it?”

  She shrugged.

  “I know him, he’d find it inconceivable that any woman would be uneasy at the thought of having children.”

  Mary leant forward.

  “What are you going to do?”

  She made a vague movement of her hands and took on an anguished look.

  “I’ve already done it, stopped taking the pill that is. I’ve decided that I love him too much to lose him and if that means bearing his child so be it, who knows, you may be right and I may love it, I really hope so.”

  Mary opened her mouth to reply, but a noise in the corridor told them that the men were about to come back and Georgina shot her a very worried look. Mary quickly whispered .“I’ll pray for you,” and Georgina mouthed ‘thanks’ in reply.

  Stephen had dragged Robert into the kitchen to brief him on the most recent sale.

  “He actually bought the entire flat from me, lock stock and barrel.” He said enthusiastically. “That means that we’ve got to build a new one and I’ve already earmarked a flat in the new development by the Bullring.”

  Robert chuckled.

  “Don’t tell me, you’ll want the design drawing yesterday. You tell me what you want in it and roughly where and I’ll do the rest, as usual.”

  Stephen slapped him on the back.

  “Good man.”

  He glanced down the corridor towards the lounge.

  “And I meant what I said, I’ll pay you half up front.”

  Robert laughed.

  “You don’t know how long it’s going to take me, so how do you know what half is?”

  Stephen rolled his eyes.

  “I’ll take a guess, I value my entrails.”

  Robert grinned.

  “Actually I’m glad you came, I wanted to ask you something. Would you be my best man?”

  Stephen became slightly perplexed.

  “Best man? You only need a best man if… Good grief you’re not marrying The Grouch are you?”

  “As soon as possible.”

  Stephen eyes opened wide.

  “I say she’s not…”

  “Definitely not because we haven’t.”

  Stephen finally nodded.

  “Love to, never thought you’d ask. After all, you’ve done it for me twice, might as well return the compliment.”

  Robert grinned from ear to ear.

  “Thanks, wouldn’t have anyone else.” He dropped his voice to a whisper. “Though I’d rather you didn’t tell the same story you told in your last best ,man’s speech, the one regarding our holiday in Gibraltar. I don’t think Mary would approve.”

  Stephen gave a short laugh.

  “Wouldn’t dream of taking the risk, I want to live.”

  Robert grinned and nodded down the corridor.

  “Georgina looks radiant.”

  Stephen swelled with pride.

  “She does, doesn’t she.”

  Now it was Robert’s turn.

  “I say she’s not…”

  Stephen shook his head.


  “And it’s not because we haven’t tried.”

  Robert of all people knew what Stephen desired most, and that was a son and heir or a daughter and heir. Stephen sighed.

  “Two years now, looks like it may never happen.”

  He suddenly slapped Robert on the back again.“

  Tell you what though, if it never happens it never happens; I’m not changing this one, love her too much, children or no children.”

  He looked Robert in the eye.

  “You sure she is the one for you.”

  Robert nodded.

  “I’m not saying that she’s swept me off my feet, or caused my heart to explode in passion, but she’s the one, the right one for both of us.”

  Stephen gave a huge smile.

  “Then I’m glad for you.”

  He turned to go back to the lounge and then turned back.

  “Make sure you don’t lose her. If she’s the right one hold onto her whatever the cost.”

  He took on a momentary haunted look.

  “And there’s always a cost, you just have to know if you’re willing to pay the price.”

  Before Robert could answer he’d stepped out of the kitchen and started towards the lounge.

  In Josie’s bedroom Helen and Josie were watching horse racing, eventually Helen threw up her arms.

  “You win again, how do you choose them?”

  Josie giggled.

  “It had a nice name – Samson’s Sacrifice.”

  Helen turned off the TV as the cricket came on, it was not her favourite sport. She looked at Josie.

  “And are you happy with your dad marrying Mary?”

  Josie looked surprised.

  “It’s brill.”

  Helen took this as a yes.

  “You don’t mind sharing your father then?”

  Josie sat and thought for a moment, she had not considered her dad marrying as sharing him, rather she had viewed it as gaining Mary. She shrugged.