Inconvenient Wife

by Natasha Boyd

“What do you want to listen to?” I crossed my arms .

  He winked and shrugged. “Blondie .”

  “Loser,” I said and threw the sponge back at him .

  He chuckled. “You coming up here to help me?” He knew how much I hated dealing with the pink shit .

  “What are you working on ?”

  He held up an oddly-shaped and gleaming piece of wood. “Trying to get this one-of-a-kind hand-carved Beau Montgomery masterpiece of a console fitted, but I need someone to clamp it from the other side .”

  I climbed up the ladder and stepped into the boat .

  Beau grinned his boyish grin that had melted the hearts and panties of girls far stronger than I. I tried to keep my eyes away from roaming down his chest, naturally chiseled and tan from a lifetime of manual work. One would think I’d be used to it by now, but well, I hadn’t seen much of his chest recently, what with my new work schedule and his helping with his family business .

  His eyes snaked down my form for such a brief second I almost missed it. Almost .

  “You made this?” I asked to distract myself. He’d hardly been here, so I doubted it .

  “I did. I set up a small woodworking shed out back at Awendaw. I built it there and brought it in today .”

  “Wow, it’s really beautiful .”

  Beau gave a smile of pride. “Yeah, well let’s make sure it fits. It’s my first time building something this intricate completely off site and from your dad’s measurements and drawings alone. Normally, when I’m working in here I can come and fit and adjust several times before I’m done .”

  “My measurements are spot on,” my dad called. “It’s going to be fine .”

  Beau and I glanced at each other and grinned. “It’s beautiful,” I said again as I admired the long lines and smooth curves. It rivaled any piece my dad had made over the years. I thought of Mr. Canopolis and his request for some one of a kind interior finishes, then shook my head. That would be really complicating things .

  “Ready?” Beau asked, and I walked around to where he indicated, and we began working it into place .

  “So you guys talked?” I asked him as he put a tiny wooden shim like a toothpick between his teeth to hold it while his hands were busy .

  He grabbed the shim out of his mouth and worked it under the edge of the console. “Your dad and I? Yeah.” The console fit perfectly, and it was truly stunning .

  “You okay ?”

  He cut his eyes up to me and held them .

  I swallowed .

  “Yeah, I’m fine,” he said finally. “Gonna do my best to get the money together. Just press it down more on your side, will you ?”

  “So I was talking with Sylvie, and … Daisy .”

  Beau frowned. “Daisy Rathbone? Didn’t realize you two were friends .”

  “I don’t really know her well. But she seems nice. Anyway, Sylvie and Daisy are going help me find you a wife .”

  “Christ.”

  “And Penny. And in full transparency, probably Alice too now that she knows .”

  “Fuck it.” Beau stood up. “I appreciate you are doing this as a favor, but I think I’m going to find my own wife, thank you very much. The last thing I need is a … posse of … of …”

  “Of what? Nice women who understand your predicament and want to help ?”

  “Why would they want to help me? They hardly know me. Those are the least likely group of women I can imagine knowing each other, let alone trusting to help me. Wait, don’t tell me. One of them wants the position ?”

  My eyebrows peaked upward. “No, actually, you self-absorbed jerk .”

  “There’s bound to be an ulterior motive, and I don’t want to be a part of it .”

  “They want to help me ,” I said by way of explanation .

  “How is helping me, helping you?” Beau asked .

  Okay, when he put it that way, I was treading on very thin ice .

  “I said I’d help you.” I shrugged with what I hoped was nonchalance .

  “Well, the only way you could help me right now you’ve declined, so thanks but no thanks. Anyway, I have other things to worry about first .”

  “And what way is that?” My dad called up .

  I’d almost forgotten my dad was right below us .

  “What was what?” I asked, dragging my gaze away from Beau .

  “Beau said the only way you could help him, you’ve declined. What was it ?”

  I locked eyes with Beau again, my jaw tight and my eyes trying to convey how mad at him I was that he mentioned it in front of my dad. “ Noth — ”

  “I asked your daughter to marry me, sir,” Beau said loudly, holding my gaze and folding his arms across his bare chest. The muscles flexed .

  My stomach dipped .

  There was the sound of something dropping and a scuffle. “Goddamn it,” my dad said .

  I held Beau’s look for five long seconds. “You’re playing dirty,” I hissed .

  10

  Gwen

  A fter our long evening helping my father with the boat, we were back at my condo. We’d spent most of the time cleaning up the pink shit my dad had knocked over in his surprise. Beau had apologized profusely .

  I’d offered Beau and Eileen my couch again because the alternative was a long drive home or to send him home to discuss potential wives with his grandmother .

  “I’m sure we can help you narrow the field down to one of those Charleston girls who’ll be the least high maintenance,” I told him as we entered .

  Beau was currently sporting a massive beer belly as he smuggled Eileen into the building under his windbreaker. “Please, you’d never give them the time of day. Let alone be able to pick one out you approve of. You still have some pale ales in the fridge ?”

  “I think so. Help yourself. Look, I know I’ve been judgmental of some of the girls you grew up with.” I slung my purse over the corner chair and pulled my hairband out to finger comb my hair. “That’s only because I’ve been judged by them. Often. I know it’s been a long time since high school and I’m not saying they’re all the same, but — ”

  “They were young. We all were. Can I get you one?” He held up his bottle .

  “No thanks .”

  “And take Suzy for example,” he went on. "My sister is officially a Charleston debutante. You like her .”

  “Of course, but she’s different .”

  “So if she can be different, there have to be others, right ?”

  I sat down and patted the couch next to me for Eileen .

  She bobbed over to me and managed to have enough spring in one back leg to jump up. She loped around in a circle five times before sinking into a donut shape next to my thigh. “Do you realize you are arguing the point for marrying one of them ?”

  “Damn, you’re right,” he said, taking a sip of beer. “God. This is a disaster .”

  “It’s not a disaster. It’s just a challenge .”

  It was a huge challenge. How did I find someone I actually approved of for Beau, who was in no danger of falling in love with my best friend, or worse, him falling in love with her? Not that I didn’t want him to be happy .

  God.

  Of course, I did. What was I saying? Why was this where I kept mentally tripping up? I had to keep reminding myself of the fact I wanted all good things for my best friend .

  This was ridiculous. I’d turned down marrying him myself. I’d dismissed it for the bad, crazy, stupid idea it was. But it didn’t stop me regretting that fear-triggered reaction .

  “You said you talked to Trystan,” I said. Maybe Trystan would tell him to marry someone he knew and trusted. Beau trusted me. Maybe I could get my head around it. “What did Trystan say ?”

  “He said it would be easier with a stranger and a contract than with someone I know. Less chance of complication .”

  I nodded, even though inside my stomach sank in inexplicable disappointment at having that confirmed. “Makes sense .”

&
nbsp; “I just can’t fathom that kind of transaction. Someone who’s cold enough to embark on this thing … for what? What do they get in return ?”

  “Money?” I suggested redundantly. You , I wanted to say .

  “I have nothing to offer. The inheritance is the real estate involved in running a boat building business. But without clients there isn’t a business, and with no business there’s no money. I’m hardly in a position to pay someone to marry me. And at this rate, if I can’t buy the boat equipment in time then even if I get my inheritance, there’s no business. This is hopeless .”

  “It’s not hopeless. It will work out, I feel sure. And you don’t think some of these debutantes will hold out hope you’ll fall madly in love with them? They’d do it just for that chance.” How could they not? Some of them were probably already half way there. I mean, Beau was well-known in Charleston. He moved in the same circles most of them did. He was smart and funny and well-liked. He’d been on the track and sailing teams in school, he volunteered for everyone’s causes and fundraisers, and went to everyone’s parties. He was talented. And he was a Montgomery. Probably the nicest Montgomery ever produced .

  And he only got more and more attractive with age, which was my cross to bear .

  “Christ, you’re scaring me,” he said. “And no. I don’t. And that’s the exact person I need to avoid if I’m doing this right. I’ve already had women texting me asking if it’s true that Trystan Montgomery, the long lost Montgomery bachelor, is back permanently and if he’s single. Can you imagine what would happen if people knew I was actually, actively, looking for a wife?” He gave a shudder. “It would be even more of a feeding frenzy if they knew it was for purely convenience purposes .”

  “So you need to find someone who needs something. What about someone who might be gay but doesn’t want to tell their conservative parents … I wonder where we can find some of those conservative types?” I tapped my chin thoughtfully .

  “Stop it,” Beau grumbled with a reluctant smile .

  I shrugged. “True though. I mean, there’s got to be someone. How to find out though …”

  “Impossible. There’s no way to ask that question discreetly. It would be around town in minutes .”

  I snapped my fingers and Eileen raised her head. “Which is why I’ve brought in reinforcements .”

  He rolled his eyes and sipped his beer .

  “Beau, how do you live in this day and age and know the amount of people in Charleston you do and not know of someone who might be gay and hiding it from her family? I can think of at least three people right now .”

  “I do actually. But they’re guys. I either don’t know any gay women or maybe they are better at hiding it .”

  “Fair enough. I still can’t believe you told my dad you asked me.” I picked up a couch throw pillow and tossed it at him .

  He caught it, mid-air. “Pay back for telling Alice. Are you sure you won’t do it?” He looked me in the eyes again, and my heartbeat seemed to increase exponentially. “I know you think I’m an asshole to even ask you. For some reason.” He shook his head. “But please marry me, Gracie .”

  Damn him calling me Gracie. The sound of it always hit me beneath the ribs. But along with the question he asked, it was as if all the air left my chest too. Then I remembered he did get turned on the other day. I could talk my way out of that every which way, but the reality was people didn’t get turned on by things they found unattractive .

  Maybe there was a chance .

  If I was brave enough .

  This was my moment. The moment where I could take a leap of faith. Faith that I could marry him and make him fall in love with his wife. Me .

  Taking a deep breath, I looked into his eyes. Those beautiful, soulful, playful, mesmerizing eyes. “ Beau — ”

  “Because it would make this all so much easier. I mean we could still date other people. Have sex. Whatever. We’d have to be discreet obviously but hey, no one said we have to spend every second together. So feasibly we wouldn’t have to give that up. And I’ll find out how long we’d even have to keep up the pretense. I’m thinking a year or two ?”

  Ouch. I blinked rapidly and looked toward the window, acting like I had an itchy eye. But I could see his reflection, the features I found so dear, and they stabbed my heart .

  “You could still …” he paused like he had a bad taste in his mouth, “sleep with Daryl .”

  “Derek! His name is Derek. For fuck’s sake,” I said abruptly, and I grimaced at my reflection in the window .

  “Sorry. Derek. So what do you think ?”

  “I think, Beau Montgomery , this might be the most selfish thing you’ve ever asked of me.” I glanced at him in time to see him wince. “And the answer is no. Absolutely, categorically, no.” How could I do that to myself? The punishment of being in unrequited love with my best friend had gone on long enough. Too long .

  “Fair enough. I guess you really meant no when you said it the first time.” He shrugged like it was no big deal, but I could see his shoulders slump in disappointment .

  Argh.

  How did he get to be upset about this? Did he even realize what he was asking of me ?

  Of course he didn’t .

  I folded my arms and clenched my jaw, then let out a long breath. How had I never realized how dysfunctional this friendship was? And it was my fault for letting it go on like this. “I’m annoyed, I think you should go .”

  Beau chuckled and took a sip of beer. “Come on. You don’t mean that. I’ll do you a solid—we can watch Beauty and the Beast .”

  “I’m serious.” I turned fully toward him .

  He dropped his feet from the coffee table and sat up straight, his eyes shifting into an expression of confusion. “Oh. Right. That time of the month or something ?”

  “Argh! Fuck you, Beau Montgomery .”

  Eileen whimpered and slunk off the couch to sit on my feet .

  “Why is it that men can behave like jackasses, and when their behavior pisses a woman off, they immediately assume it’s nothing to do with them? That it has to be hormonal or something. You are being a selfish prick. And I don’t feel like having a selfish prick in my condo tonight. Or any night. I don’t need a better reason than that. So … please… leave.” Realizing it might be Beau who needed protection, Eileen loped over to him, her tail lowered. She paused once to look over her shoulder accusingly at me .

  Et tu, Eileen ?

  Beau set down his beer bottle, his brow furrowed. “I’m sorry. You’re right. That was an asinine thing to say. I was joking, obviously. I just didn’t know you were actually mad at me .”

  “Well, I am .”

  “I can tell. But why ?”

  “Christ, Beau. Because my best friend thinks I’d like to waste my last few remaining child-bearing years married to someone who doesn’t love me.” I began counting off the reasons on my fingers. “Doesn’t want to sleep with me and then wants to divorce me in time for me to be a childless spinster for the rest of my life. Thank you, but don’t mind if I don’t. That’s kind of a dickish move, don’t you think? Certainly not something a best friend would ask of me. At least I didn’t think so.” I dragged in a breath. “But maybe we’re done being best friends too. I mean with a friend like you, who the hell needs an enemy ?”

  My chest was heaving, and I was about one second away from bursting into tears. And that was a totally cliché and lame last word in my argument, but whatever. It was true .

  Beau watched me rant with his mouth parted in shock. Then he swallowed heavily. “I’m sorry I asked you, I just couldn’t think of an alternative. I still can’t. There’s no one who’d agree to something as big as marriage without there being an obvious pay out at the end of it .”

  “God, you are completely missing the point .”

  “And no one would do it for love, I’m not that stupid .”

  “Wow, you really think poorly of my gender, don’t you ?”

  “No, I
— ”

  “How have I never noticed what a sexist pig you are ?”

  “Gracie, please .”

  “Don’t fucking call me Gracie!” I yelled. My outburst was loud and shocking and ricocheted around the condo. Eileen whimpered again .

  “Sorry, Eileen,” I told her sincerely. As a rescue dog, it was obvious she didn’t like being around shouting humans. “I’m sorry, girl .”

  Beau stared at me, a muscle ticking in his jaw and then picked up Eileen and stalked to the door. After one long look at me, he wrenched the door open and walked out .

  How dare he feel hurt right now ?

  The door slammed behind him .

  “Good riddance,” I shouted .

  And then I burst into tears .

  11

  Gwen

  B eau was right, it was a night for Beauty and the Beast . I made myself some herbal tea, my eyes stinging from the salt in my tears, and sank onto the couch. I couldn’t believe how I’d fallen apart. I never did that. Beau must be reeling. But if I was honest with myself it was a long time coming. I couldn’t believe he would assume I’d just go along with marriage! That was huge. That wasn’t like asking me to be his stand in date or his plus one. Marriage was a seriously big deal, or it should be. He was so cavalier about it, like it was no big deal to ask me. “Ugh!” I growled aloud .

  It was time I stood up for myself and created some distance between us .

  After this marriage debacle, I was going to have to be officially done with Beau Montgomery. How would I ever find someone else to think about falling in love with when he was so intertwined with my life ?

  I wasn’t even that excited about seeing Derek this weekend. Had I really ever been, or was it just convenient? I mean, a girl had needs. I had needs. And those needs included being touched by a masculine hand once in a while. Male-induced orgasms instead of the merely satisfactory ones I could give myself. Though, to be honest, sometimes I had to help myself along anyway, even when I was with Derek .

  But the thought of having to go online or something to start dating again made me shudder. Penny had shown me some of the profiles and messages people sent, and I knew I probably didn’t have the stomach to wade through that pool of toads .