by Nashoda Rose
“Don’t start with me, Cora. He doesn’t deserve to be here. It should be Emmitt. He was my fuckin’ son and was going to be something.”
I didn’t hear her response, if there was one, as I went into my room and shut the door. A minute later I heard the lock click, and I opened my palm and let the pieces of the photo flutter to the floor with the rest of them. Hundreds of shredded photos all over my floor like a carpet of memories. A carpet of Emmitt.
I hated my da more than anything for what he made me do, but he was right.
I should’ve saved Emmitt. I should’ve walked home with him after school.
Sitting on the floor, I leaned against the wall and stared out the window and watched the sun slowly sink, leaving me in total darkness.
Only then did I get up and start training like I did every night.
When my da finally let me return to school, I’d find my brother’s tormentors.
And I’d make them pay for what they did.
I showered after Trevor left and was putting on my bra when there was a knock at the door. Shit, was it ten already? I slipped on my panties, and a pale pink T-shirt then tugged on my snug three-quarter-length jeans.
Another knock. Patient, but loud.
“One sec,” I called as I walked to the door.
I flung it open and my heart sailed. No, it didn’t sail. It flew out of my chest. Did Killian ever not look sexy? It was ten on a Sunday morning and we’d been at the club until two. He had on designer jeans that hugged his muscular thighs, a pair of black motorcycle boots, and a dark green T-shirt that appeared custom fit.
“This is a shit building,” he said. My eyes snapped from admiring his chest, to his face. “And you didn’t use the peephole.”
Did he have X-ray vision? “You told me you were coming by at ten. It’s ten. I didn’t need the peephole.” Well, that was a guess because I hadn’t checked the time.
“I could’ve been some drunk idiot coming home after an all-night party. Or a customer, and I use that term loosely, of your hacker friend across the hall.”
How did he know Trevor was a hacker? “But you’re not.” Not even close. He was my delicious smelling high-school crush, who I was dating.
“Are you going to invite me in?”
I hesitated, glancing over my shoulder. I was a pretty neat person, but I didn’t need him to see a pair of panties on the floor. Deciding it was safe, I stepped aside, and he came in, took two steps and I saw his back tense as he took in my apartment.
Peeling wallpaper. Old, worn wood floors. A crack running the length of the ceiling in the living room that concerned me, but not the superintendent. I had minimal furniture because most of it had been David’s when we’d lived together. I did manage to take the television though because we’d bought that together. The only reason he’d allowed me to take it was because Mars was with me and she was bitching at him, and I think he just wanted us gone.
“How did you get in the building?” I asked.
“One of your friendly neighbors.” Killian had grown up wealthy and was now a rock star, so I was pretty sure money had never been an issue for him, so seeing my apartment was probably a shock.
Well, there wasn’t much I could do about where I lived. Besides, this was not bad compared to the trailer my mom and I had lived in and Killian had seen that, too. At least the outside of it when he left me the orchid.
“So have you changed your mind about dating yet?”
“I don’t make decisions where I need to change my mind, Savvy. And we’re going to Logan and Emily’s farm for brunch.”
Yeah, he’d contemplate everything first before he did it. “We are?” He nodded. “Isn’t it kind of early in the fake dating to be meeting your friends? They don’t even know we’re dating. And since you don’t normally date, it would look odd showing up at their place with me in tow. Maybe we should do a coffee date in public first.” The truth was, I was nervous meeting his friends again. Logan especially, because Killian and he had been friends in high school, and I was pretty sure he’d know the second he saw us together that it was a ruse.
He snorted. “Coffee date?”
I shrugged. “It’s a standard first date. An easy way out if you don’t like the person and you can end the date after a coffee, but if you do, then you can extend it. Better than dinner or going to a friend’s place where you’re stuck with the person for maybe hours.”
He chuckled. “Firstly, there is no way out. Secondly, you like me and we do connect, and thirdly, our dates will always be hours, Savvy.”
I swallowed, pulse racing and mind whirling because he was right. I felt the connection, and I did like him, and there was definitely no way out. At least if I wanted to keep my job.
He continued, “Savvy, there is nothing about us that compares to a first date. And you’ve already kissed me twice. And the first one was your first kiss.”
My eyes widened. “How do you know that?”
He moved in on me, and I backed up until my spine hit the wall. His arm bridged over my head, palm on the wall above me. “You were nervous as hell. And had no idea how to kiss me.”
I scrunched my nose and frowned. “Well, I was fifteen. Lots of girls haven’t kissed a guy at fifteen.”
“Mmm.” He lowered his head, and I thought he was going to kiss me, but instead, he said in a low tone, “I’m glad I was your first kiss, Savvy Grady.” He pushed off the wall and strode into the kitchen. “Coffee?”
I watched him as he moved around my kitchen. My eyes dragging up his thick muscled thighs to his tight ass, and as he turned, to his chest and the hawk tattoo peeking out of his shirt on his corded neck.
My gaze skidded to his face where he was grinning like a Cheshire cat because he caught me checking him out.
Shit. I inwardly moaned.
“I liked when you did it then… but now I can do something about it, so I like it a hell of a lot more.”
“What do you mean?” I had no idea what he was talking about, but maybe if my brain wasn’t muddled with what was tucked inside those jeans, I’d have had a clue.
“You were scared of me, but you checked me out.” I opened my mouth to deny it but clamped it shut because there was no refuting it. I was surprised he’d noticed any girl checking him out though. It never appeared as if he noticed, but more than likely he hadn’t cared.
He reached in the cupboard for a travel mug then poured coffee into it. “You want milk or sugar?”
“Neither. But—”
The lid snapped closed. “Ready?”
No. Spending several hours with Killian was a horrible idea and I hadn’t considered hanging out with his friends. I’d thought a few public dinners, maybe a party or two. But going for Sunday brunch at his best friend’s place, not on that list.
“No kissing,” I reiterated the rule.
He picked up the travel mug and prowled in my direction. And it was a prowl because I felt like the hunted. I felt like that rabbit quivering in the hole as the wolf approached. The difference was, there was a part of me that wanted to get caught.
I raised my chin and crossed my arms over my chest.
He stopped in front of me and held out the mug. “Coffee.”
I took it. “Thanks.” I thought he’d walk away; instead, he cupped my chin between his thumb and finger. The tips of his fingers weren’t soft, they were rough and firm, but his touch was gentle. “I’ll follow your rule, Savvy, but just so you know, I’m good with you kissing me.”
I snorted.
He smirked and his hand fell away. “Let’s go.” He strode out into the hallway.
There was a brief moment when I considered slamming the door and locking it, but slamming a door in Killian Kane’s face would lose me a job, and I no longer even had a car to live out of if I couldn’t pay my rent next month.
“What the hell am I doing?” I muttered under my breath as I grabbed my purse off the kitchen counter and noticed the slip of paper sticking out. I took it
out and glanced at it.
It was a check. Half the money up front. I hadn’t seen him put it in there.
“Savvy?” Killian called.
“Yeah.” I shoved it back down inside, grabbed my cell and keys, and met him out in the hall.
We drove to Logan and Emily’s farm, which was in King City, about a half-hour drive from the city, and Killian kept the conversation revolved around me. He asked questions about the foster homes where I’d lived, jobs I’d done, dance classes I took. I noticed David’s name never crossed his lips as he skirted around the subject. I told him about Ms. Evert and her greenhouse and learning about flowers, but I failed to mention the orchid, and he never brought it up.
He was a perfect gentleman, keeping his hands to himself and I even found myself laughing as he talked about Emily taking him and his bandmates horseback riding and how Crisis fell off four times on the trail.
But by the time we arrived, I was on edge, probably because I’d been breathing in his deliciousness for the past half hour and my body was reacting to it.
He drove through massive iron gates, up a winding driveway, and then stopped in front of a stable. The house was off to the left, so I wasn’t sure why we were parking here.
But what I did know was that I needed out of the car so I could finally inhale a breath of non-Killian air.
As if he knew exactly what I was doing as I scrambled out, he smirked while walking around the front of the car. “Problem?”
“No. My legs were cramped.” I nodded to the stable. “The word farm gives an impression of manure, rusty hinges, and a crappy wood barn. This is like a five-star hotel for horses.”
He grinned. “Emily loves her horses.”
We walked side by side toward the large double doors with iron hinges. “Are we having brunch in the stable?”
“No. But I thought you’d like to see the horses. Plus, I wanted to check up on one in particular.”
“Oh, I never saw you as a horse person.”
“My father had a number of horses growing up, still does. I never rode, but I heard a lot about them when he was bitching about losing a polo match.” His jaw clenched and back stiffened. “He wasn’t nice to his horses, and he isn’t now.”
He also hadn’t been nice to Killian. “Do you… talk to him?”
There was a tick in his jaw as he nodded. “Yes, but only recently. I didn’t for eleven years.” I decided to not ask anything more because his father had always been an issue, and a touchy subject.
We walked the rest of the way in silence, but it wasn’t uncomfortable; instead it was… nice, our breaths synchronized, our hands occasionally brushing against one another.
A small side door of the stable opened. “I thought I heard voices.”
I recognized Emily from Compass, and I’d seen pictures on the Internet of her, with Logan, of course. There were also numerous videos of her working with some dangerous horses. I’d only watched one, but it was really impressive. The horse had reared up right in front of her, yet she had been so calm about it. She had a quiet strength about her, and I imagined she needed that strength with Logan. He was intense and a famous lead singer in a rock band with tons of fans. Mostly girls.
“Savvy, nice to see you again. It’s so great you and Kite have reconnected.”
“How is Lucifer?” Killian changed the subject.
“As well as can be expected.” Her smile faded. “It will take time before he’ll trust anyone again. What he did to him….” She glanced at me.
“She’s welcome to hear anything you have to say,” Killian said. “She knows Seamus is an ass.”
Seamus Kane wasn’t a father of the year, and he was the first person I’d considered may not have any good bits, and that was only from a brief encounter.
Her eyes curiously landed on me then shifted back to Killian. “Seamus put some severe wounds on him. They’ll heal, but his spirit… I don’t know, Kite. It will take a lot of time.” She lightly touched his arm. “At least he has that chance now. You’ve given him that.”
Killian nodded.
Sounded like Emily had an abused horse, and Killian’s father was responsible. What I didn’t know was how the horse came to be in Emily’s care.
Killian’s hand slid down my back as his eyes shifted to me. “Savvy, why don’t you go in the stable and visit the horses.”
“Only Lucifer is inside. He’d love a visit,” Emily said. “Apples are in a bin across from his stall.”
“Yeah, sure, of course.”
I walked toward the stable doors and just before I went inside, I glanced over my shoulder at Killian and paused. His face was void of expression.
Nothingness. No inhales or exhales. No swallowing. No stiffening of the spine or jaw or fist clenching.
Stillness. Complete and utter stillness.
Was this what he did with the anger? Put it behind a wall of numbness? He had to be furious at his father for abusing a horse.
Killian had been a fighter, but he protected the kids who needed it, and now being older, I wondered if there’d been a reason for his vigilance to protect those who were weaker. What drove him to do that? Why was he so angry?
My eyes adjusted from the sunlight to the shaded barn. I took in the wide cobblestone aisle, which was cleaner than my kitchen floor, and high ceilings that had skylights throughout. The stalls were large and currently empty of horses. When I inhaled, it was to the scent of shavings and freshly cut hay.
As I strolled down the aisle, I noticed all the stalls had half doors at the back of them as well as the front and it offered a heavenly cross breeze.
I stopped when I saw the horse in one of the stalls.
“You must be Lucifer,” I cooed.
Smiling, I approached his stall, but the minute I saw his body, my heart dropped. There was an extensive bandage-like cast on his front legs and welts on his rump and side so deep, they cut into his skin.
His head hung low and he didn’t even acknowledge me.
“Hey, boy.” I leaned over the half door as I wasn’t brave enough to actually go in the stall with him.
His body quivered once and he bobbed his head, eyes flicking to me for a brief second. They were wonky and lazy, so I guessed he was on some kind of painkiller.
His lower lip was so relaxed it flopped when he’d bobbed his head.
I reached my hand out so he could smell it. I was uncertain the protocol of approaching horses, but it was what I did with dogs.
He didn’t object, so I stroked his velvet muzzle then up to the white star on his forehead, tracing the swirl with my finger. His head lowered farther, and I continued to softly talk to him as I patted his face.
“You’ll be okay. I know you will. Emily will take care of you.” Tears welled in my eyes at this magnificent horse so broken and beaten. “You’re a good boy. You know that?” I said.
“He knows,” Killian said, coming up behind me.
I hadn’t heard him, too absorbed by the horse.
Lucifer’s lip made a popping sound as he attempted to shut his mouth a few times before giving up and letting it dangle loosely again.
Killian moved in beside me and reached over the stall door to stroke Lucifer’s neck.
His thigh brushed against mine and goose bumps rose on my arms. “Why doesn’t he have a mane?”
“They shave polo ponies’ manes and forelocks. It can get tangled in the reins and mallets. It’s called roaching. They also tie up the tails during a match.”
“It looks funny. Horses are meant to have long flowing manes.”
He chuckled. “Don’t let Lucifer hear you say that. He’s pretty particular with how he looks.” It was nice to see Killian teasing and relaxed, almost as if seeing Lucifer did that to him.
“You like him, don’t you?” I said, half turning and tilting my head up so I could see his face.
He nodded, his eyes on Lucifer as he ran his hand up the length of his neck and down again. “Yes. I was fourteen when
my father bought him. I normally didn’t pay attention to the horses, but I’d been suspended from school for fighting, so he had me work at the stable for a week mucking out the stalls. Lucifer arrived that week.”
“So he’s old?”
“About fifteen now. But he hasn’t had it easy right from the beginning.”
“What happened to him?”
“Not everyone is gentle starting horses. Breaking a horse is a term that shouldn’t be used, and Lucifer experienced the word to its full capacity.”
Tears filled the lower lids of my eyes as I thought of anyone hurting this magnificent horse.
“As a two-year-old, he already had scars from the unbreakable nylon rope they more than likely tied him up with. The horse breaks before the rope is a motto used.”
My breath hitched. I’d seen the few white hairs across the bridge of his nose, but I hadn’t known it was from scarring. I couldn’t imagine anyone being so cruel to an animal.
“When my father bought him… I remember the look in Lucifer’s eyes. Dead. The fight, spirit, it was gone. I never paid attention to the horses. I was too angry dealing with my own shit to care about them.” He stopped talking while he stroked his hand down Lucifer’s face. “I saw in him what I was afraid one day would happen to me.”
Oh, God. A tear escaped and trailed down my cheek. I had the urge to curl my arms around him, but I couldn’t. We had to maintain some sort of distance, but Killian was making it really hard when he shared personal stuff, because I was betting he didn’t share a lot of himself.
“Did you buy him from your dad? Is that why he’s here?”
He turned toward me, his hip against the stall door, hand absently stroking Lucifer’s muzzle. “I’m paying a kid at my father’s stable to give me proof of any abuse. He gave me something on Lucifer and the authorities went in and removed him. He’s been charged, but it’s only a fine. The charges for animal abuse are unfortunately minimal, and for a man with money, it’s a slap on the wrist. Emily is friends with animal services and had Lucifer brought here.”