by Nashoda Rose
“He won’t go back to him?”
Killian snorted. “Fuck no. I’d never allow it. And my father won’t fight for him either. Not now.”
“Why not now?”
Killian put his hand on the small of my back. “Emily wants you to meet Clyde and Dale before brunch.”
There was no fooling myself. I liked his hand on me. I liked being here with him and hearing him talk. He was much more relaxed than he’d been at Compass and the concert as if he let down his wall a little. The good bits of Killian were visible and raw. But he’d avoided the question and that bothered me.
His hand dropped away, and despite my “no touch” rule, I was disappointed. God, that was so wrong. There were so many reasons being with Killian couldn’t work. I’d hooked up with my boss, and it left me without a job, money, or a place to live.
Killian was overbearing and demanding and way too overprotective, which I’d had a taste of already. And I was completely attracted to him. While that was a good thing, it was also bad because I was afraid of losing myself to him in the next month.
I inhaled a deep breath. How was I going to do this? It was day one of our first date.
“You good?” he asked as we walked out to the paddock.
“Yeah. It was nice to meet Lucifer.” And see you like this. “I love the horses, but the closest I’ve been to one is on a calendar. They’re kind of huge.”
He chuckled. “Wait until you meet Clyde and Dale.”
The horses were out grazing in enormous fields as far as the eyes could see. We strolled out to where they were munching on the grass, and the horses came over and nudged us for treats. Killian put a handful of jelly beans in the palm of my hand.
“Jelly beans?”
He grinned. “Less slobbery than apples.” He uncurled my fingers. “Keep your hand flat.” I nodded, and a gray horse gently nibbled the candies out of my palm. I laughed, his muzzle tickling.
He fed another horse a few. “Me, Logan, Emily, Kat, Crisis and Ream lived on a farm together. Kat and Ream own it now, but this horse was one of Emily’s first rescues.” He patted the neck of the stunning white horse I’d been feeding. “His name is Havoc. And jelly beans are his favorite treats.”
I hadn’t realized the band was that close and that they’d lived together. It was like… a family. It warmed me to hear that he had that and obviously still did.
More horses wandered over and ate the candy, some bobbing their heads as they chewed the sugary treats. I fed the last of them to a compact bay horse, laughing when he spat out the black one.
Killian slid his arm around my waist and with one tug, I was up against him. “What are you doing?”
“Touching you.” His fingers brushed my bare skin between my T-shirt and my jeans sending heated shivers across my skin. His other hand cupped my chin, thumb stroking back and forth. But I noticed he was careful not to touch my lip.
The sun beamed down on us as the horses grazed nearby, while I stood in Killian’s arms. Any resistance was left back in the car or maybe even farther back at my apartment.
I melted. My body sagged into his while he held me.
Oh, God, I was in trouble.
Killian did it for me. He was confident, always had been, and maybe that was what attracted me to him in the first place. He took risks and didn’t give a shit what others thought of him. You either liked him or didn’t. And when he spoke to you, his attention was solely focused on you.
I hadn’t known him to laugh before, but I did now, and it was real. There was no pretense; it came from deep within him, and it set off sparks of colors inside me.
And finally, when Killian kissed me, it was all those things combined. Risky, confident, owning.
It was all consuming.
I thought he was going to kiss me now, but he didn’t.
“Emily is coming,” he murmured and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.
My heart dropped. That was why he was holding me. So, Emily would see us.
“Logan has been calling your cell. He’s in the house.” Emily came up beside us, and Killian slowly released me, but his finger lightly hooked my belt loop, keeping me from moving too far away.
“I left my cell in the car,” he said. He leaned in and kissed the side of my neck. “I’ll leave you with Emily. You good?”
No. I wasn’t good. I was confused and turned on and I wanted him to grab me, pull me into his arms and do a hell of a lot more than kiss me.
Emily smiled and walked away to pat Havoc.
“Yeah. Good.”
He tugged on my belt loop, so my back landed up against his chest and then his hands slid down my sides to my hips and tightened.
My breath stalled. My heart raced. My body quivered.
“You’re going to kiss me, Savvy. And when you do, there’ll be no going back.” His warm breath grazed my neck as he whispered, “Breathe, orchid.”
He released me and I spun around, stepping away from him.
He winked at me then walked away.
As I stood and watched him, his words drummed into me. He was right. There’d be no going back and that was what scared me.
“Ready to meet Clyde and Dale?”
I turned to Emily and smiled. “Can’t wait.”
But what I really wanted to do was run after Killian, leap into his arms, and kiss him.
Past Ireland
I walked down the school hallway, my lips still tingling from kissing Keeva Campbell in the Science lab when our hands bumped as we both reached for our books on the desk we shared in class. We were the last ones to leave the classroom as it was our day for cleanup, meaning making sure everything was put away.
I’d taken the opportunity and leaned in and kissed her. It was more like my mouth pressed against hers for a brief few seconds, but it was my first time kissing a girl, and I really didn’t know what to do once I got there.
A few of the older guys on the football team talked about kissing girls, but most didn’t.
My brother, Emmitt, being one of them, but he was a year and a half younger, so he wasn’t interested in girls. He thought they were disgusting.
I couldn’t wait to get home and tell him about it. He’d no doubt make a gagging sound and then want to know every detail.
I pushed open the school doors, and the damp, cool air hit me. I glanced up at the dark clouds and figured I had about five minutes to get home before it poured rain. It was a fifteen-minute walk, but I’d take the shortcut through Mr. McCurdy’s sheep field and across the bridge.
Hitching my rucksack over my shoulder, I jogged across the parking lot and climbed the stone fence. I ran across the field, hoping to make it home before I got soaked.
Rain drops fell, and I figured I was going to get wet no matter what so I slowed my pace. Da was going to be furious my new shoes were covered in sheep dung.
That was if he even looked at me.
I didn’t care. Not anymore.
And nothing could take away the excitement that I’d kissed a girl. The prettiest girl in school who said she liked me.
Reaching the other side of the field, I jumped the stone fence and headed for the bridge across the stream where Emmitt and I often went and skipped pebbles whenever Mum and Da were fighting. And they fought a lot.
The wet wooden panels on the bridge clunked as I crossed. I stopped in the center where Emmitt and I often grabbed either side of the railings and tried to make the bridge swing. It never did, but it was fun anyway.
The rain fell harder, and I peered over the side of the bridge to look at the stream below where we skipped stones. We had a competition as to who could skip the most and Emmitt was winning with six skips.
That was when I saw it.
The familiar red coat snagged on the rocks.
My heart stopped.
My stomach lurched.
My mind spun.
The water rushed around the red material making a V as if… as if something was blocking its path.<
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Then I knew. I knew what was obstructing its path.
“Emmitt,” I shouted.
I glanced at my phone and the third text from Killian. It had been two days since the visit to Emily and Logan’s farm, and I hadn’t spoken to him.
After Emily had shown me the two massive Clydesdale horses that she’d rescued from the horse auction, we had brunch with them on their deck, and it was nice. Really nice because Logan and Emily were amazing and Killian was relaxed and attentive.
He usually had some part of him touching me, whether his thigh under the table or his hand on the small of my back or the light touches like pushing a curl behind my ear. By the time he drove me home, my panties were soaked, and I was contemplating either forgetting the entire arrangement or jumping him right there in the car.
Savvy. Pick up your phone, please.
I wasn’t ready to talk to him. My mind hadn’t stopped spinning with thoughts of Killian, and I wasn’t sure what to do about it yet.
Hence why Mars and I were out for dinner and drinks. She insisted on it being her treat as an early birthday present, saying I needed this now, not in two months when it was my actual birthday.
“Is it him again?” Mars asked.
“Yeah.” I shut off my phone and placed it in my purse. I’d talk to him tomorrow when I was sober. Drunk texting was a bad idea. I’d probably end up inviting him over and sleeping with him.
We were on the patio of an Italian restaurant on King Street where we’d had dinner and shared a couple bottles of wine while I’d told Mars everything about the arrangement with Killian. Of course, she had to swear on her life not to tell anyone about the fake dating.
And at first I thought it was a great idea to go out and have a few drinks. Now that I was tipsy, I wasn’t so sure. I had no willpower to block him out.
I was thinking of when he held my hand as we walked back to his car after saying goodbye to Emily and Logan. And even though I knew it was for show, it felt right.
How he was so relaxed with them and how he and Logan were pumped about the new album they were working on. His intense side had always attracted me to him, but seeing him so easygoing, that was on another level and I didn’t know if I could resist him.
“Oh, just fuck him and get it out of your system already,” Mars blurted.
My sex tweaked at the thought. God, I wanted to fuck him. There’d never been any question I did. I wanted to feel his hands all over me, to taste every inch of his body, have him sink inside me.
I sipped my wine shaking my head. “No. I can’t.”
“Why not?” Mars wore that tiny mischievous smile where the right side of her mouth twitched.
“He’s paying me to date him, that’s why.” Although, I had yet to cash the check. I didn’t know why, but it was still shoved in the bottom of my purse.
“Did you ever think about why he’s paying you to date him? I mean he doesn’t need to pay a girl. They’d pay him to date them.”
True, but Killian didn’t date. “He doesn’t want the hassle of dating.”
“But he’s never dated. Why now?”
I shrugged. “He said it’s good for his reputation.”
Mars laughed. “Savvy, that man doesn’t give a shit about what other people say about him. No, I think he just wants to date you, and this way you can’t say no. The guy liked you in high school, and he likes you now.”
“That’s ridiculous,” I muttered.
“He wants you, so just fuck him and have fun for the month. And, babe, if you ever date him for real, he is nothing like the douche David.”
No, he was nothing like David. Killian turned my body into a puddle of melted butter. David never did that. “He’d never do what David did. That’s beneath him.”
“So call him. Tell him to come over and fuck you. And then tell me if he has a cock piercing.”
“Oh, my God. I’m not telling you that.”
“But you are thinking about it.”
“No.” I changed the subject because her idea was sounding better and better. At least my body sure as hell thought so. “What about that guy you met at the gym?”
“Matt?”
“Yeah.”
She shrugged. “Nope. Do you know he told me my outfit was too revealing and gave guys the wrong impression?” She shook her head. “I’m working out. What does he expect me to wear? A snowsuit?”
We both giggled, and she flagged the bartender and ordered another bottle of wine, which we consumed while laughing over the silliest things like how her boss Dwight walked like he’d been spanked the night before.
It was nearly midnight by the time we stumbled out, still giggling and I’d thankfully wiped Killian from my mind with the blissful numbness of alcohol.
The cab dropped me first, and I stumbled out, nearly falling when my foot didn’t lift high enough to step onto the curb. Mars laughed her ass off, and I gave her the finger. The cabbie waited until I was in the front door of my building then drove away.
I looked up at the three flights of stairs I had to climb. Shit.
I gripped the railing with both hands. “Damn, this sucks,” I mumbled as I started, slowly, up each step that appeared as if it was swaying or was it me swaying?
“What the fuck?”
Hmm, that sounded like Killian’s raspy voice. Was he so ingrained in me that I was hearing him everywhere I went?
I was concentrating on the next step and not the footsteps coming down the stairs toward me or the curses that accompanied the footsteps.
“Jesus.” Then he said, “She’s here. And by the looks of it smashed.”
“Damn. I’ve never seen her smashed.”
Was that Trevor?
I looked up and a blurred vision of Killian stood on the step above me. I rocked backward because he was really tall and I had to crank my neck far to see his face.
His arm shot out to hook my waist and stopped me from tumbling down the steps.
“Ya’re… here?” I slurred.
Killian was here. In my building. How was he in my building? Why was he in my building in the middle of the night?
“Mmm,” he murmured.
He bent and scooped me up in his arms. My arms hooked his neck, and my head lolled to the side to rest against his chest.
I closed my eyes and sighed. It felt good in his arms. Safe. Warm. Protected.
I’d never felt protected. I’d always had to rely on myself, but with Killian… it felt as if I wasn’t alone. But what scared me more was that it felt like I’d come home.
A home I’d never had before. At least, not one I could remember before my dad died.
“I’m home,” I whispered.
“Yeah.”
But that wasn’t what I was talking about.
Killian carried me to my bedroom then lowered me to the bed. “Let go, baby.”
Baby? Did he just call me baby? Oh, God, he couldn’t say things like that.
I uncoiled my arms from his neck and leaned back on the pillow, closing my eyes. “Thank you.”
“You won’t thank me in the morning,” he said.
“Why not?”
His hands were on my right foot, and my heel slipped off and clunked on the floor. “We’re not talking about it while you’re piss drunk.”
“I’m… not… pissss drunk.”
“You are.” His fingers encircled my ankle as he raised my left foot and tugged off the other high heel.
“Mmm, maybe. A little,” I murmured, closing my eyes and snuggling my cheek into the plush pillow.
“Lift your butt.”
His hands were on either side of my waist, and I sighed when the tip of his finger brushed my bare skin.
He grunted.
I kept my eyes closed, imagining him climbing onto the bed and straddling me. Then the feel of his hard body on top of mine, his hips grinding into me.
“Jesus Christ. Stop,” he barked.
My eyes flew open, and I groaned as the room spun.
“Stop what?”
“The sighing and moaning. Butt.” I lifted, and he yanked off my skirt. “Where are your pajamas?”
I watched as he folded my skirt and placed it on the bench at the bottom of my bed. God, he looked incredible standing in my bedroom. Biceps bulging, tattoos vibrant and his towering frame standing next to my bed.
“Do you have a cock piercing?”
His head jerked up and eyes snapped to mine. I expected him to either not answer or change the subject because he was scowling at me and didn’t look pleased with the question.
“Yes,” he replied. My eyes widened and my sex tweaked, despite the amount of alcohol I’d drank. He walked back to the head of the bed where his fingers undid the tiny buttons on my top.
My breath hitched as his knuckles grazed my breast. “Killian.” It totally was the alcohol talking, inhibitions slandered by red wine. “I don’t like drunk butterflies. You do that to me.”
It was as if I hadn’t said anything as he undid the last button. Then he put his hand on my shoulder and eased me up while he pulled my top over my head.
“Under the covers.” He yanked them down from beneath me then drew them back up to my chin.
“She okay?”
“Trevor?” I mumbled.
“Yeah. Came to check on you,” he replied.
I tried to sit up, but Killian put his hand on my shoulder. “Lie down.”
“Okay.” I closed my eyes and my head stopped spinning. I heard low talking but couldn’t decipher what Trevor and Killian were saying. “You have good bits, Killian Kane. Lots of them.”
I heard a grunt followed by footsteps before the light flicked out.
I then passed out.
“Oh, God.” I sat up holding my head, the pounding like shards of glass piercing my skull. I rarely drank like that. Actually, I couldn’t remember the last time I had.
I glanced over at my clock. Eight. I plopped back down and put the pillow over my head, groaning. How the hell did I get home last night?
The last thing I remembered was crawling into a cab with Mars at the restaurant.
I rolled onto my side and reached for the bottled water I kept there. That was when I saw the two pills beside it.