Kept from You (Tear Asunder, Book 4)

by Nashoda Rose

  His brows lifted. “You at least put up some fuckin’ pictures and make it look normal? Maybe buy a throw pillow or two.”

  I snorted. “She has me.”

  Logan chuckled as he opened the door and got out. I followed.

  Savvy wanted a home. Fuckin’ kids. Notches in the trees. Pictures. Things I couldn’t give her. I’d live wherever the fuck she wanted, but I couldn’t walk into my house and see memories in picture frames.

  I had to be able to walk away. Not from her. But from a place. It was my control knowing everything was disposable.

  Logan texted Matt, and he opened the back door of Avalanche for us.

  “Matt.” I shook his hand, and he slapped me on the back before he did the same to Logan.

  “You hear from my sister?” he asked Logan.

  “They landed in Florida about an hour ago.”

  As we walked down the hall toward the bar, Matt asked about the spread the magazine was doing on the band next week. We had to fly to New York for a couple days for the photo shoot and interview, and I planned on Savvy coming with me. Although, she didn’t know it yet.

  My eyes scanned the crowd searching for Savvy, and when I saw her, my chest swelled. Fuck. Her cheeks were flushed, and her eyes danced as she laughed at something.

  I froze as I stared at her. Needing a moment to just watch her without her knowing I was. Like I used to do in high school.

  Fuck, it was hard to believe she was mine. That she’d placed all her good bits in my hand and trusted me with them.

  Christ, I wanted to pick her up and toss her over my shoulder and take her home.

  Home.

  I’d never called a place home before. But Savvy made it home.

  “Kite?” Matt said.

  I jerked my eyes from Savvy to Matt who held a beer for me. “Thanks.”

  He nodded to the group of girls. “Didn’t realize the woman you’re dating is best friends with Mars.”

  I frowned. “You know Mars?”

  He nodded. “Met her at my gym a few weeks ago. But it wasn’t the best introduction.”

  “Scaring off the women again, Matt?” Logan said, grinning.

  He snorted. “A female going to the gym by herself at three in the morning is fuckin’ stupid.”

  “And you told her that,” I said. Matt was single, and he was likely still single because all he focused on was Avalanche and looking after his sister, Kat. Although he didn’t need to do that anymore as she had Ream, and Kat could look after herself. I got it though as he’d raised her since he was eighteen after their parents had died. I’d be the same way if Emmitt had lived.

  Logan shook his head. “I hope you weren’t interested because calling her stupid would put a dent in your chances of dating her.”

  Matt’s gaze shifted across the bar to where Savvy stood. Beside her was Mars. And from the way Matt was looking at her, he was interested. Although as far as I knew Matt was never interested in a girl for long.

  “Don’t hurt her,” I said. “I don’t want Savvy pissed at you because you fucked her best friend and never called.”

  Matt didn’t respond; instead, he clanged his beer with ours. “Need to go check on the band. Fuckin’ lead singer is a complete ass. I’d kick him out of here if I had another band on standby.” His dark brows lifted. “Want to call Ream and Crisis? Impromptu show?”

  “No,” I said. I wanted to spend time with Savvy. I had eleven years to make up for. It was then I saw her head turn in my direction, and my heart stopped.

  The look in her eyes. Fuck. It was like everything I wanted to say to her was written there. Desire. Need. Want. Trust. And yeah, love.

  “Jesus,” I muttered under my breath.

  She smiled and my heart kick-started again. I made my way toward her and she whispered something to Mars, who looked over at me, and she smiled and winked at me. Then Mars’s gaze shifted to the far right in the direction Matt had gone.

  Savvy set her fruity drink on the bar top as I reached her. I ran my hand down the curve of her back to the cusp of her ass. Cupping her chin, I bent and kissed her.

  “Savvy,” I murmured against her lips. “Fuck, I missed you.”

  She laughed. “I saw you this morning.”

  “My point exactly.” I glanced up at Mars, Frankie, and the girls from Compass saying hi to all of them. “Going to steal my girl for a minute.”

  Bree wiggled her brows. “You hear that, Hijack? He called you his girl. Yep, I need to find me a guy like Kite.”

  “Hijack?” She laughed, and I slid my hand in hers then weaved through the crowd. Logan was at the bar sitting with Vic, one of Deck’s special-ops guys who was nursing bottled water.

  “Where are we going?” she asked, her heels clicking behind me.

  I opened the bar flap then closed it behind us before walking through the swinging doors into the back.

  As soon as I was sure we were alone, I shoved her against the wall. Then I kissed her like I really wanted to kiss her when I’d seen her, but couldn’t.

  I grabbed her wrists and slammed then up against the wall above her head. “Move in with me,” I growled.

  She drew back, but she couldn’t go far. “Killian. I can’t.”

  I nipped her lower lip then kissed her again. My piercing clanged against her teeth as our mouths moved. Fierce. Violent. Hungry.

  “Move in, Savvy.” This wasn’t like the car where I could just get rid of her apartment. She had concerns after her dick ex, and I got it, but I didn’t have to like it. I wanted to know she was at my place. Our place.

  I pulled back, my gaze heated. “I want you with me.”

  She was panting from the bruising kiss and her lips were swollen. “I can’t.”

  “Damn it, I don’t like you there.” I not only didn’t like her in that building, I wanted her with me. I wanted to wake up with her. Go to sleep with her every night.

  She reached up and stroked my scruff with her fingers. “You can’t put me in a bubble, Killian. Just like you couldn’t with Emmitt.” My jaw clenched and I released her wrists, backing off.

  “Emmitt has nothing to do with this.” But it did. I hadn’t protected him and the need to protect Savvy was overwhelming.

  She placed her palm over my heart. “He’ll always have something to do with it, and that’s a good thing, Killian. I just don’t know if you realize how much he is part of everything you do.”

  “I don’t fight anymore.”

  “But you do, Killian. You’re fighting yourself. Your father. The demons in that bag. You’re constantly fighting who you are by trying to control everything else. I’m not going anywhere, but I can’t move in with you. Not right now.”

  “I hate you in that place,” I said, moving back into her and caressing her cheek with the back of my finger.

  She rested her hands on my waist. “I know. But it’s not forever, and I received a reply from a dance studio.”

  It was like a load of cement dropped from my shoulders. “Fuck, that’s good news.”

  She smiled. “I hope so. I like your club and the money is great, but the hours suck, and it’s exhausting.”

  I weaved my fingers in her hair and pulled her into me as I kissed her again, my other hand grabbed her thigh to hitch it on my hip. She was wearing a black cotton dress and it easily lifted as I slid my hand along her inner thigh to her panties.

  She gasped against my mouth when I touched her. “Killian.”

  I groaned, pressing her hard into the wall as I deepened the kiss, my finger sliding through her wetness before I shoved it up inside her. She tilted her head back, arching her neck. I kissed along her chin, then down the curve of her neck.

  “Fuck you, Matt,” some guy yelled.

  “Christ,” I muttered, breaking away from Savvy and lowering her leg to the floor. I blocked her body with my own as she readjusted her dress then turned toward the booted feet coming in our direction.

  “You signed a contract. You can’t wal
k out,” Matt shouted at the other end of the hall.

  “Watch me,” the guy replied.

  “You leave, you’ll never play in this city again.”

  It was obvious this was the lead singer, Matt mentioned. He was tall, lean, looked about seventeen or eighteen and had tattoos inked down his right arm. He wore a white T-shirt, ripped jeans, and motorcycle boots. He also had what looked like motorcycle gloves in his hand. His unruly dark hair went with his wild daunting eyes that were currently focused on me.

  “Problem, asshole?” he said.

  I stiffened, and Savvy’s hands resting on my back curled into my dress shirt. “Yeah, you walking out on Matt is a shit move. Don’t want to play tonight, but looks like I am.” Because I’d never leave Matt in a lurch, none of the guys would. I’d have to put a call into Crisis and Ream, and after eight hours of recording, I was betting neither wanted to drive to Avalanche and do a gig. But they would.

  He came to an abrupt halt a few feet away. I saw the realization hit his eyes when he recognized me, but it only seemed to piss him off more. “I have shit that’s come up.”

  “More important than your career?” I asked. Because like Savvy knew firsthand, word spread in the industry fast and another bar wouldn’t touch him if he walked out like this.

  His eyes narrowed. “Yeah. My sister dyin’ in the fuckin’ hospital.”

  Savvy gasped.

  Matt had caught up and overheard him. “Why the hell didn’t you say anything?”

  “Because it’s none of your business. It’s no one’s business, but mine.” He strode down the hall, slammed his palm into the swinging doors and was gone.

  “Fuck,” Matt muttered. “He didn’t say anything. All he said was he had to go.”

  “Who is he?” Savvy asked.

  “Gavin Chase,” Matt replied, then headed back the way he came. “I have to announce to the bar he’s not playing tonight.”

  “Let me talk to his band,” I said. Matt stopped and looked over his shoulder. “If they know any of our songs, Logan and I can play with them.” I was okay on the guitar and could play in a pinch, but the singing wasn’t my thing.

  “Fuck. Thanks, Kite.” Matt jogged down the hall and disappeared into one of the rooms.

  I turned, placing my hands on Savvy’s waist and squeezing. “You okay to stick around for a while. Hang with the girls?”

  She nodded, but her eyes were tearing and one slipped down her cheek.

  “What the fuck?” I wiped it away with the pad of my thumb.

  She half smiled. “I like you.”

  “And you’re crying because of that?”

  “A lot,” she added. “Okay, more than a lot.”

  “Savvy,” I growled, then tugged her into me. “I fuckin’ love you.” Then I kissed her again.

  Tonight had been my last shift at Compass. I’d miss the girls and dancing, but I was excited about my new job. I hadn’t told Killian yet because I wanted to surprise him when he arrived back from New York.

  I’d told Frankie last night and gave her my two weeks’ notice, but she’d insisted tonight be my last night so I could start my new job sooner. She also knew Killian wasn’t pleased about me working here.

  I called Ali, the woman who owned the dance studio, this morning and let her know I could start right away. The salary wasn’t as good as Compass, but it didn’t matter. It was enough to live on, and once I built up a clientele, my salary would also increase.

  My phone vibrated, and I took it out of my purse as I walked up the last flight of stairs to my apartment, Luke behind me.

  Just landed. I’ll see you in an hour.

  Can’t wait to see you.

  You too, baby. Luke with you?

  LOL… yes. Luke would have to be dead before allowing me to walk into this building alone.

  Baby, you’re sitting on my face tonight and that pussy is mine. After I spank that sweet ass.

  My sex clenched at the thought. Killian pushed me sexually, but hell, it was a good push. Freeing. He excelled with the ropes and had tied me up the other night with my legs positioned over my head and secured to my wrists, while my wrists had been secured to the bed rungs. Then he’d leaned over me and slid his cock inside. Slow. Deep. So incredibly deep that—

  “Miss Grady?”

  I jerked from my thoughts and realized I was standing outside my door with Luke standing beside me.

  God, he’d only been gone two days. How did I survive eleven years without him?

  He consumed my every waking and sleeping thought. And he didn’t make it any easier when he sent texts like the last one.

  “That was Killian,” I told Luke. “They’ve landed. But I’m sure you already know that.” Killian had asked me to go with him, to New York, but I’d had the job interview, although I hadn’t told him that. I’d said I wasn’t a fan of flying.

  His eyebrows knitted together as he glanced at his phone. “No. Roman hasn’t messaged me yet. But good to hear. He will be coming here?”

  I smiled. “Yes, so you don’t have to wait around.”

  “I’ll wait.”

  I put the key in the lock and went inside. Luke waited until I turned the lock before I heard his footsteps jog down the stairs.

  Flicking on the lights in the kitchen, I grabbed a bottle of water, then sipped it before pouring a little into the orchid on my windowsill. It really did need a new pot and now that I was with Killian, I was okay with parting with the cracked pink one.

  The floor creaked behind me, and I spun around. I managed a half scream before a large calloused hand covered my mouth and I was quickly yanked up against a hard, unrelenting body.

  I screamed again, but it came out as a muffled moan. I kicked and struggled against his arms, but I was like a ragdoll to him as he easily dragged me toward my bedroom.

  Oh, God. No. Please no. I twisted against his fierce hold, but his arms were like steel and my arms were locked to my sides. I slammed my foot down onto his boot, but it was like hitting cement.

  “Stop fighting, damn it,” the man growled in my ear. “He just wants to talk to you.”

  He? Who? What was he talking about? Why were we going into my bedroom?

  Fear raced through me. If I could make enough sound, someone would hear me. Trevor. God, Trevor would hear me if I could scream or make enough noise.

  But whoever had me trapped in his arms knew that, and his hand smothered my mouth. I was having trouble breathing as I dragged in air through my nose.

  When he went to shut the door, I elbowed him in the ribs. He grunted, but his hold remained.

  “Relax,” he barked. “She’s a feisty one. Like one of your mares.”

  Mares? Like a horse? My eyes scanned my dimly lit bedroom and hit the man sitting in the rocking chair in the far corner. My lamp beside the bed was on, but it offered little light. All I could see was his profile in a soft yellow glow. They’d shut the curtains, and the rest of the room was left in complete darkness.

  But the light was enough to know who it was.

  Killian’s father.

  The monster in the closet. And the bogeyman under the bed. At least that was what I used to think of him. Now, all I saw was a weak, pitiful man who had been cruel to Killian, which seemed more significant since knowing about Emmitt. And someone who hurt defenseless animals.

  “Are you going to be quiet?” his dad asked. He sat in my rocking chair and it groaned as he slowly rocked.

  I nodded, but it was a lie.

  His eyes shifted to the man holding me and he gave a curt nod. The hand slid from my mouth but the second my mouth opened, a fist plowed into my side, and the wind knocked out of me. I bent over, tears filling my eyes as I fought for air.

  My captor hauled me up, and something was shoved into my mouth, so I was forced to drag in air through my nose. “Don’t make this hard on yourself,” he whispered into my ear.

  Fuck you.

  “Savannah Grady. The trailer trash with the druggie mom.�
�� My eyes snapped to his, heart pounding. He recognized me? How did he know who I was?

  “I thought it was you at the club, but I wasn’t sure until I had someone check into it. Just like your mother, dancing for money.”

  I had no idea what he was talking about.

  “How do you think she had enough money for the drugs? Waitressing?” He laughed, the chair continuing to rock as he spoke. “She worked for me. In one of my clubs, but the dancing involved was a little more… well, interactive.”

  No. My mom didn’t dance. She hated dancing and was always telling me I should give it up. That I didn’t have the right body for it.

  Oh, God, had she been trying to convince me not to dance because she didn’t want me to end up like her?

  He clucked his tongue, shaking his head back and forth. “It’s a shame what happened to her. I heard it was the drugs, not the accident that killed her. She was a beautiful woman and made me a lot of money. I bet Killian pays you well, too. Does it include you fucking him?”

  I struggled against my captor and managed to kick his shin, but all it did was get me another fist, this time to the ribs and I bent over, breathing heavily through my nose. I swallowed back the bile in my throat.

  “Did Kill tell you about his brother and his mother?” He stood and strode toward me. My chest rose and fell erratically. “His brother was going to be famous. A football star. But Kill was always jealous of him. That’s why he let him walk home alone that day. He knew the kids were bullying him.” God, he was insane to believe Killian would do that. Why did he hate him so much? “From your expression, I see he’s told you. That’s a surprise. He never talked about Emmitt. Even when I forced him to look at his picture and tear it up.” My stomach lurched. “Did he tell you his mother overdosed after Emmitt died?”

  The drugs. It was why Killian had been so against drugs in school and at Compass. He’d lost his mother the same way I had.

  “So, he didn’t mention his mother? I guess you don’t know he’s not my kid either. That he’s a bastard.” He reached out, and I flinched but was unable to move away from his touch as he ran his finger along the curve of my neck.