Having Faith (Cold Bay Wolf Pack Book 1)

by Dena Christy

  “There is something I wanted to ask you, and since we are alone for the moment it seems like a good time.” Faith looked down at the table and drew a circle on the wood with her index finger. Had she changed her mind about wanting to sleep with him? He had to admit that his body tightened at the thought before he pushed the notion aside. Even if she did want him, he couldn’t have her. He was committed to his pack, and that commitment obligated him to mate with someone else.

  “What is it?” He folded his hands together in front of him to keep them to himself. A few strands of her fiery hair brushed against her cheek and his fingers itched to push them away from her skin. She looked up at him and he could read the worry in her eyes and it made it that much harder to keep his hands to himself. He wanted to take that look away forom her, but unless he knew what was on her mind, he didn’t know where to start to fix it.

  “Is he going to be alright? I didn’t ask this yesterday because everything was just so overwhelming. You said you knew what was wrong with him, that you’d gone through it yourself. Please tell me that my baby is going to be okay.”

  As she sat across from him with her hands knotted together and worry crinkling her forehead, Logan knew that he could not keep the truth about himself from her. She needed to know everything, but how the hell was he going to tell her that he was a werewolf and that her son was one as well?

  “He’ll be fine. What he’s going through is perfectly natural. I won’t let anything happen to him.” He hoped that she would take his word for it, because he didn’t know if he was prepared to go it alone with Connor if it came to that. The boy had twelve years with her, and if she rejected him because of what he was, Logan knew exactly what it would feel like for him. He’d gone through the same thing when his mother left and he’d never heard from her again.

  “But what is it? How can you know for sure that he will get through this okay?” In her worry for her son, she must have forgotten to keep her distance from him and she reached out and grasped his hand. “I’m so scared Logan. I’ve been so scared for months now that I’m going to lose him.”

  “You aren’t going to lose him.” He could see the deep love she had for their son in her eyes, and it gave him hope that she wouldn’t push him away just because he was different. Maybe her love for Connor was unconditional. There was only one way to find out. “I know that he is going to come out of this, he will be okay because I came out of it. If you want to know what has caused this change in himn, you need to know about me.”

  “What about you? Is there some sort of genetic component to this, is it more than just a behavioral phase he’s going through?” She squeezed his hand and he could see that this talk with her was doing the opposite of what he wanted it to. He’d meant to reassure her that Connor would be fine, that he wouldn’t let anything happen to their son. The only way she would know that would be if she knew the truth, but how did you tell someone like her that there were things in this world that were too fantastical to believe?

  “I’ll show you tonight. Once Connor goes to bed, I’ll show you what I really am and you’ll know that he’ll be okay. That I would never let any harm come to him.” He knew he was being vague, and he wasn’t surprised when she didn’t look reassured by what he said.

  “Logan, what is this all about? Can’t you just tell me what it is? Why do you have to show me?”

  He couldn’t tell her because if he sat across from her and claimed to be a werewolf, she’d pack her things and drag his son out of here because she would think he was crazy. His true nature was something that needed to be seen, and he only hoped that she could get over the shock of it long enough to accept him. To accept Connor needed him to be a permanent part of his life.

  “It will be better if I show you. Don’t worry Faith, after tonight you’ll understand everything.” Logan hoped that what he’d said was true. That she would understand everything and that she wouldn’t reject their son. But he needed to prepare himself for the opposite. He didn’t think he was mistaken about the love he saw in her eyes for her son, but he’d seen love in his mother’s eyes too and it hadn’t stopped her from leaving.

  5

  The end of their first day together went a lot better than Faith expected. Once Connor had some time to absorb his new situation alone, he’d come out of his room and started coming out of his shell with his father. He’d asked Logan if they could go for that hike. Faith had been prepared to send them off on their own, but Connor had wanted her with them as well.

  At first she was tense, since she wasn’t quite sure how to act with Logan while Connor was with them. When she’d been alone with him earlier she’d been so worried about what was going to happen to her son that she’d forgotten to keep her wall up. Now she wasn’t sure what she should do. She didn’t want to push Logan away in front of Connor for fear that her son would pick up on it and think that there was something wrong.

  She need not have worried about it. Logan’s sole focus was on his son, and he was so patient with him as Connor asked question after question about their surroundings. She was starting to feel like surplus to requirements, and she was fine with it. The point of being here was for Connor to have a relationship with his father, so she hung back and let her son move at a pace that was comfortable for him.

  Now it was night time, and Connor was safely tucked into bed.

  “Today was a good day, wasn’t it?” Connor’s eyes were heavy, and she knew that he would be asleep within five minutes of her leaving the room. “I like him, Mom. Can we stay here forever?”

  Faith didn’t know what to say, so she just leaned forward and kissed him on the forehead. “Let’s just take things one day at a time. We have a whole summer to get through before we need to decide anything.”

  “Okay.” Connor’s voice was a whispered sigh, and he snuggled down deeper in his bed. Faith turned away and walked quietly toward the door. She turned to look back at him and in the light spilling over him from the hall she knew he was asleep.

  She heard Logan’s soft footsteps come up beside her and they stood there for a few moments looking at their sleeping son.

  “I love looking at him when he’s like this. If I look hard enough I can see traces of the baby he used to be.” Logan’s hand came down on the small of her back and Faith closed her eyes. It felt like they were sharing a moment, one that she’d never had before. In that moment they were simply parents watching over their sleeping child. She didn’t want to complicate things by pulling away from him.

  “I missed so much with him. Thank you for coming to me and giving me a chance to know him.”

  She looked up at him and she could feel herself weakening. She’d been a sucker for those eyes of his from the moment they’d found her across a crowded party thirteen years ago. She couldn’t let herself get sucked in again. Things were already so complicated that she had to put her son’s needs ahead of her own. He already wanted to stay here beyond the end of the summer, it would only confuse him more if he saw her getting close to his father and it didn’t work out.

  She took a step to the side and Logan’s hand fell away. He reached out and pulled Connor’s door shut with a soft click.

  “You said that you had something to show me once Connor was asleep. What is it?”

  She had no idea what he could possibly have to show her that would shed some light on her son’s aggression, but she decided to just go with it. Logan made her feel a lot of things, but fear wasn’t one of them.

  “We’ll have to go outside.” He turned on his heel and walked down the hall toward the stairs that would take them down to the first floor. He was silent as she followed him out the back door and they made their way into the yard. He took her to the edge of the forest that loomed at the back of his house.

  The breeze made the leaves rustle and a shiver skated across her skin. It was so quiet out here, as if the world around them was waiting for him to reveal what he needed to reveal to her. There was a wooden seat to her right and
she half expected him to take her over to it so they could sit and talk. He stayed where he was and she could feel the tension radiating from him. It started an uneasy feeling inside her. She searched for something to say to lighten the mood a little.

  “Am I going to need to sit down for this?” She expected him to laugh but his expression remained serious.

  “You might.” He didn’t say anything else, and for the first time since she’d met him he didn’t look like his confident self. There was a vulnerability in his eyes that made her melt a little inside. It was so much easier to put up her wall against him if he looked as tough and strong as he usually did.

  “You’re making me nervous. Whatever it is, if it affects my son, I need to know. Just tell me what it is.”

  “I told you that I’ll have to show you.” As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he reached for the hem of his T-shirt and pulled it off over his head. Faith let out a startled squeak and whipped around so that her back was to him. It was hard enough to resist him when he was fully clothed, the last thing she needed was to get an eye full of his hard muscles.

  “Jesus, Logan. What are you doing?” No matter how tempted she was, she was not going to look back at him. It wasn’t that she would be shocked to see him naked, they had been intimate before and had made a baby together. There was no way she could keep her distance from him with all that tempting skin in front of her. “Why do you need to take your clothes off to tell me what is going on with Connor?”

  “You need to see my true nature.” She heard the rattle of his belt buckle behind her and knew he was shedding his jeans. She squeezed her eyes shut and dug her nails into her palms. No matter how much she wanted to, she was not going to turn around and look at him naked.

  “In case you’ve forgotten, I’ve already seen your true nature.” And if she was honest with herself she wanted to see it again. Her brief glimpse of his chest had shown her just how much he’d filled out between when she’d seen him naked at twenty and now. She didn’t even what to think of any other areas where he might have filled out.

  There was no response behind her and a chill went up her spine. “Logan?”

  Damn it. She was going to have to turn around. This was ridiculous. She’d seen him naked and she could be a grown up about this. If whatever he needed to tell her about Connor required him to be naked to do it, then so be it.

  She turned around and let out a scream. Logan was no where to be seen, and in his place, standing next to his pile of clothes was the biggest wolf she’d ever seen. Her heart pounded in her chest, and the urge to run was so strong that she wanted to do just that. But would it chase her down if she did?

  She took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. Animals could sense fear, and she had to be calm. So far it was just standing there, looking at her. It had fur the color of midnight, and had the bluest eyes she’d ever seen. It was those eyes that caught her, and a thought crept into her head that seemed impossible to believe.

  “Logan?” Was this some sort of weird dream? She pinched her leg and the pain shooting through it told her that this was no dream. The wolf came forward, its muscles rippling under its fur, and she was rooted to the spot she was standing on. He didn’t growl, didn’t bare his teeth and she felt no threat coming from him. Could it really be him? “Logan?”

  The wolf licked her hand as if to answer yes to her question. Her legs sagged for a second and she staggered over to the wooden bench. There was a roaring sound in her ears, and she leaned forward to put her head between her knees. She drew in one breath after another as her mind tried to cope with the truth that was only a few feet away. Logan was a werewolf, which meant that her son was one too.

  Logan quickly changed back into his human form and pulled his jeans back on. He looked over where Faith sat on the bench with her head between her knees. He should have prepared her better for this, but what could he have done? Told her he was a werewolf before hand and hope that she didn’t think he was insane? This had been the only way to do this, and now he had to deal with the aftermath of her learning the truth about him and her son.

  He went over to the bench, and his hand hovered over her back. Should he touch her or would that make things worse? He put his hand on her and she stiffened but to his relief she didn’t pull away. She sat up and let out a slow breath.

  “It’s a lot to take in. If there had been another way to tell you this, I would have taken it. But how do you explain to someone like you, someone human, that you aren’t one.”

  “Did I did see what I thought I saw? You can turn into a wolf? I’m not going crazy?” She looked over at him and he could see the storm of confusion in her eyes.

  “You aren’t crazy. I’m a werewolf.” He couldn’t hold himself away from her and he rubbed his hand in soothing circles over her back. It was a good sign that she wasn’t pushing him away. “It means that Connor is too.”

  “I guessed that. It explains a lot. He has always been a pretty easy going kid, but in the last six months it’s like he’s changed over night. The littlest thing sets him off. This is why, isn’t it?”

  She was taking this a lot better than he expected. At least she wasn’t denying what she’d seen with her own eyes, and was asking questions.

  “Yes. We all go through it when we hit puberty. I can’t tell you how many fights I got into when I was his age. My uncle took me to the boxing gym that he ran to help knock some of the piss out of me. My cousin Mason runs it now, and it might be good for Connor to go there. He’ll need an outlet for the aggression and it will teach him to have control over himself.”

  She nodded slowly and he noticed that the pulse in her neck wasn’t jumping like a scared rabbit any more. Surely that was a good sign.

  “Can he do that yet? Can he turn into a wolf?”

  “No, he’s too young for that. Everyone’s different but twelve is too young. He’s just going through the surge of hormones that will prepare his body for when he eventually goes through his first change. He has a couple of years yet before it happens though.”

  A concerned look came back on her face as she turned fully to face him. “Will it be dangerous for him? When he goes through that first change?”

  “I’ll be with him when it happens. I swear that I’m not going to let anything bad happen to Connor. I’ll teach him what to expect so that he’s not afraid of it. It will be fine.” He didn’t bring up that in order for him to be there for his son, Connor needed to be here living with him when the time came. It was years away yet, and there seemed little point in bringing it up now. “You’re taking this a lot better than I thought.”

  “Well I have to admit that it sent me for a bit of a loop. The worst part was when I turned around and saw that a wolf was standing in your place. It’s still going to take a while for it to feel real, but it will.”

  “That’s not what I meant. A lot of people would not have been able to accept the truth, that their son was different. For a while there I was afraid that it would be too much for you and that you’d turn away from him.”

  She pulled back and looked at him as if she couldn’t believe what he’d just said. “I’d never do that to him. He’s the same Connor that he’s always been, I just wasn’t aware of what he really is. It doesn’t change the fact that I nurtured him in my body for nine months, that I’ve spent the past twelve years with him through everything. He’s a werewolf, and as long as he is not endangered by it, I can accept that. It’s no different than the blue eyes he was born with. It doesn’t change my love for him and it never will.”

  Perhaps it was the sincere look in her eyes, perhaps it was sitting this close to her feeling more vulnerable than he’d been in a long time. Logan wasn’t sure what made him do it, but he found himself cradling her face in his hands and bringing his mouth down on hers.

  The first touch of his lips on hers was electric, and it brought it all back to him. All the memories of her that had haunted him over the years, which he’d done his best to push a
side and ignore, came flooding back inside him. She felt as right against him now as she did then. Every reason that he had for not doing this flew out the window as her scent filled his head, and she became the focus of his world. His pack, his position as alpha, his obligations, none of them mattered as he deepened his kiss.

  All that mattered was this kiss. He felt like he could take on the world and win with her in his arms. Her hands came up to rest against his bare skin, and his desire for her deepened. Could he get her back to the house and in his bed without waking Connor?

  That thought, and the realization that she was pushing against him, was like a dash of cold water. He pulled back and she jumped off the seat, her face pale and her hands trembling. For the first time since she’d walked back into his life he saw fear in her eyes and it killed him to see it.

  “Faith, what’s wrong? I’m not going to hurt you.” Was this because he was a wolf? Was it something she could accept in her son but not in him?

  She held her hands up as if to ward him off and Logan froze in his tracks. “I can’t do this, Logan. I can’t get tangled up with you again. Now that I know about Connor’s true nature, I know how much he needs you. Please let’s just focus on our son. You need to be a part of his life, but there can’t be anything between us. I can’t do it.”

  She turned away from him and ran back to his house. He raked his hand through his hair as he bent to pick up his shirt. Why did he have to kiss her? Why did he have to get a taste of her on his mouth? He needed to hold himself away from her, so why had he been so stupid? Because they shared a moment? Because he foolishly thought that by accepting her son for the way he was that she would accept him the same way?

  He crumpled his shirt into a ball into his fist and threw it aside. He needed to run. He needed to burn out the restless energy that his desire for her had raised in him.