Having Faith (Cold Bay Wolf Pack Book 1)

by Dena Christy

  They stayed at the bar for another hour, taking turns at the pinball machine and Logan was able to put the thought of where Faith was and who she was with from his mind for a little while. Once Connor started to fade he knew it was time to take the boy home.

  When they got home there was still no sign of Faith. After settling Connor into bed, Logan went outside, stripped off his clothes and shifted. He stayed as close to the house as possible, and it wasn’t as satisfying a run as it could be. Once he was finished, he pulled his jeans back on, sat at the kitchen table and waited for her to come home.

  8

  It was later than Faith expected when she pulled into Logan's driveway. After she and Bill had gotten the fact that they were only ever going to be friends out of the way, she'd relaxed enough to have a good time with him. It was nice to talk to someone who didn't have an agenda, someone with whom she didn't have to guard everything she said. And it was a relief not to have to fight for control over her emotions like she did when she was with Logan.

  The house was dark as she walked up the front porch. Logan's truck was in the driveway so she knew he and Connor were home. She hope they'd left the door unlocked for her before they'd gone to sleep since she didn't have a key.

  The front door opened easily under her hand and she walked in as quietly as she could. She set her purse on the table by the door, turned and locked the door. A light snapped on overhead and she gave a startled yelp as she turned around quickly.

  "Oh God, Logan. You scared me." She put her hand up to her chest as if that would slow the rapid fire pace of her heart. She had no idea why he was lying in wait for her like an overprotective father waiting for his daughter to come home from a date. There was a scowl on his face and he was wearing a pair of low slung jeans and nothing else. She made a conscious effort to keep her eyes from tracing over the deep V of abdominal muscles that arrowed down under his waistband. She kept her eyes trained above his neck. His ink dark hair stood in spikes all over his head. Maybe she'd woken him when she pulled in the driveway and that was why he looked so grumpy? "How did it go with Connor? How did he take the news about being a werewolf?"

  He blew out a breath and his face and body relaxed. "He took it pretty well. Asked a lot of questions. I don't know how real it is to him yet though. I know when I was his age I knew what I was but had no real concept of what it meant until I went through my first shift."

  She walked past him and into the kitchen. He followed behind her and she went to the sink to get a glass of water. She needed an excuse to keep her hands busy, since they itched to run themselves over the broad expanse of his chest. Going out with Bill had shown her that she wasn't going to be able to use another man as a way to get rid of her attraction to Logan. It would help a lot if he didn't run around the house with half his clothes missing, but she couldn't very well tell him to put a shirt on. He'd only ask why. And what would she tell him, that the sight of the sculpted beauty of his chest and abs made her want to jump his bones?

  Focus on Connor. He's why you're here with him. Not for any other reason.

  "When do you think his first shift will happen?" She turned around and let out a gasp. He was standing so close to her that she could feel the heat coming off his bare skin. She was going to get a kink in her neck from looking up at him. There was no way she was going to stare straight ahead with those slabs of skin covered muscles in front of her. She didn't dare put her hand out to push him away because she thought that she'd end up stroking him instead.

  "Not for a couple of years. I didn't go through mine until I was fifteen and I have no reason to expect Connor to go through his any earlier than that."

  So she had a couple of years before she needed to start to worry about that, but if it was a danger for her son she was going to stew about it. "Will it be dangerous for him?"

  She was out of her depth with this and she was glad she didn't have to face her son coming into adulthood alone. Thank God Logan had wanted to be a part of his life. Now that she knew the truth about what the issue was, she knew there was no way she could have coped with it alone. Connor needed Logan so much, and it was another reason for her to keep her distance from him. Connor would get caught in the middle if she gave into her longing for the man standing so close in front of her and it went south.

  "Not if I'm with him to guide him through it."

  So that meant they would have to make some kind of arrangement for Connor to be with him when it came close for the time for him to make his first shift into a wolf. She had no idea what her life was going to look like by the time Connor was fifteen. She didn't know what her life was going to look like by the end of the summer.

  One thing she did know was that all the bare skin in front of her were drawing her eyes like a magnet. The temptation of taking a step closer so that her body was pressed against his made a war erupt inside her. Her libido was telling her to give in, that they were both adults and it didn't have to mean anything more than two people satisfying each other. It would be like scratching an itch and once she had relief she could move on. Her head had a counter to that argument that said some itches only got worse once you scratched them. Perhaps it would be best if she listened to her head. Decisions made in the dark of night, with a half naked man in the room, didn't always end up being the best ones.

  "Well I'm glad that he took the news well. Good night, Logan." She stepped to the side and went around him. She blew out a quiet breath as some of the tension coiling inside her eased a little.

  "Aren't you going to tell me about your date?" His voice was dark when he spoke from behind her and she turned to look back at him. The scowl on his face when she walked in the door had returned and she realized it wasn't being woken from sleep that had put it there. Interesting.

  "I don't think it's appropriate for us to talk about that." It was none of his business who she saw and the sooner he realized that the better. She turned back around and was halfway to the door when he took her by the arm and turned her to face him.

  "If you didn't want me to know that you were going on a date, why did you tell Connor? You had to know he'd tell me."

  God he was so close that she could smell his skin. What would happen if she took half a step forward? A small part of her thrilled at the notion that he was doing this because he was jealous. The look on his face was so intense, and he almost seemed bigger. He was making her tingle all over and her body was urging her to do things with him that should not be on her agenda for her summer vacation.

  Had there been something in the back of her mind that had agreed to go out with Bill because she known it would get back to Logan somehow? She didn't think she was that kind of woman, to use one man to make another jealous, but what about the part of her that was standing here wishing she hadn't pushed him away when he'd kissed her?

  She shook off the thought. She wasn't dishonest like that and she'd gone out with Bill because she'd hoped he would distract her from her attraction to Logan. She'd had no idea that Logan would react like this to finding out that she'd gone out with another. Bill was a nice man, but not exactly the type to inspire jealousy in a man like Logan.

  "I told Connor where I was because I always tell him where I'm going. I didn't want him to worry if he came home before me and didn't know where I was. Don't flatter yourself into thinking it was anything else. Now if you will excuse me, I'm going to bed." She gave her arm a tug but he wouldn't let it go. His grip was firm without being bruising and she knew that if she pulled hard he'd let her go before he'd hurt her. "Let go of me please."

  "Are you going to see him again?" His upper lip curled a little and she could see the wolf inside the man. It almost looked like he was snarling at the notion of her being with another man. A deep part of herself, a feminine part that she didn't know was there, got excited at seeing his animal side coming out. There was something primal about him that called to something deep inside her.

  She clamped down on it. She wasn't going to play this game with him
. He had no right to be jealous, since he'd walked away from any chance to have a say in her life years ago.

  "I might. He's a nice man. If he wants to go out again I'm not going to say no." Let him think there was another man interested in her. Maybe then he'd realize what he'd so casually thrown away all those years ago. They both might have been too young to handle what had happened between them, but a part of her still stung that he hadn't even stuck around until morning before bailing on her.

  "I could tell you stories about him. Maybe Bill isn't what he seems."

  She gave a laugh as she yanked her arm out of his hold. "I think Bill is exactly what he seems. He even had nice things to say about you. Good night Logan."

  "Do you really think it's appropriate for you to be running around town, having dates, while you have an impressionable young son at home?"

  He did not just say that. He could not be questioning her fitness as a mother just because she'd gone out to dinner, once, with a nice man. Was that his game now? He knew that she wouldn't believe anything negative he said about Bill, so was he trying to make her think that she was damaging her son by going on a date?

  She turned back toward him and could feel her body heating up. It wasn't her attraction to him that was doing it. If he thought she would be cowed into doing what he wanted, he was mistaken. She was nipping this bullshit in the bud right now.

  Logan knew he was playing dirty when she turned around with a swiftness that spoke of anger. She was an amazing mother to his son, he could see that. It didn’t seem to stop the words from coming out of his mouth. Some ugly part of himself that he didn’t like was pissed off and jealous. It was the part of him that wanted to keep her in this house and never let another man look at her.

  “Let’s get one thing clear. You have no right to say anything to me about who I see. And I will be damned if I’m going to let you even hint that I’m a bad mother because I went out on one date with a very nice man. I have always been very careful to keep my social life separate from my son’s life. I was subjected to a revolving door of stepfather’s because my mother couldn’t cope on her own, and there is no way I would do that to my son. How dare you imply that there is something wrong with me wanting to have a social life. Just because I’m a mother doesn’t mean that I have turned off being a woman.”

  Was it wrong that he was incredibly turned on by the way her eyes flashed at him? His position as alpha made it so that very few individuals had the nerve to stand up to him. Her willingness to call him on his bullshit only made him want her more. And she wasn’t interested in him. She had her sights on Bill. Bill. The blandest human on the planet.

  Still he was out of line for implying that she was a bad mother because she’d gone on one date. It hadn’t been worthy of him, but he would have said anything to keep her from walking away from him and the picture of her on a date with Bill was like a thorn in his paw. Had she let him kiss her? Had she responded to Bill in a way that she hadn’t responded him when he’d kissed her the night he'd shown her his true self?

  Why was he torturing himself with thoughts like this? Why couldn’t he just take her rejection like a man and move on?

  “I know you aren’t a bad mother. I’m sorry I implied it.”

  “Then why did you? Why have you been pissed off since I walked in the door?”

  She would ask the questions he least wanted to answer. He supposed he deserved her turning the tables on him. If he’d been able to control his reaction to the news that she was out on a date, instead of prowling the dark house waiting to pounce on her the second she walked in the door, he wouldn’t be in the hot seat now.

  “I just don’t want Connor to be confused.” Lame. Out of the three of them, Connor had been the least concerned about his mother going out on a date. Logan couldn’t exactly tell her the real reason. She’d pushed him away when he kissed her, he should have gotten the message loud and clear that she wasn’t interested him like that anymore.

  “Bullshit. What exactly would he confused about? I’ve been on dates before. Try again Logan. Why are you acting like you this?” She stared him dead in the eyes and he got the feeling that she could see deep inside him, down into his soul. She wasn’t going to let this go until he admitted it. That he was jealous of a human. That he wanted to be the one who took her out on a date, that he wanted to be the one who kissed her and touched her. That the thought of another man touching her made him want to rip the guy apart.

  “I don’t want you going out with other guys. I want you for myself and I hate that another man could put his hands on you.”

  She didn’t look surprised to hear this, and he supposed that he hadn’t exactly been subtle when she’d come home tonight.

  “You don’t want me Logan, not really. I’m a convienence for you. You want me because I’m here.”

  Is that what she thought? That he was so fickle that any woman would do and he picked her because she happened to be occupying his house.

  “You are the least convenient woman I know. I want you because I can’t get you out of my head. Because one taste of you all those years ago wasn’t enough.”

  He waited to see rejection, to see denial on her face but it didn’t come. She sighed and some of her anger left her eyes.

  “I can’t get you out of my head either.”

  What? Was she patronizing him now? Her rejection of him was quite clear last night and now she was saying that she was feeling the same thing he was? Now it was time for him to call her on her bullshit.

  “Then why are you picking a human over me? If you can’t stop thinking about me, if you want me as much as I want you why did you push me away that night when I showed you what I was? Why did you turn around and go out with him tonight?”

  She stepped closer to him and the muscles in his stomach clenched when she put her hand on the bare skin of his arm.

  “Is that what you think? That I don’t want you because you’re a werewolf?” Her voice was quiet as her face softened. Logan looked away from her. Having her standing here in front of him, with her drilling down to his deepest insecurity, made him feel so vulnerable. He couldn’t acknowledge the truth in what she’d said.

  “Just forget it.”

  “Logan? Look at me.” He turned his head back toward her and made himself look her in the eyes. There was no ridicule there, and he became aware of the soothing strokes of her hand on his bicep. “I’m not interested in Bill as anything more than just a friend. I went out with him for the same reason I pushed you away and it has nothing to do with you being a werewolf. I did it because I’m attracted to you.”

  “That makes absolutely no sense. You rejected my kiss and went out with another man because you want me? Try again.”

  That was the most ridiculous thing he’d ever heard. Imagine going out with someone else because you wanted to be with another.

  “It does if you look at it from my point of view. I have a life Logan, one that I’ve been content with for the past twelve years. I’m independent and I like it. For so long it’s just been me and Connor. Do you know how hard it was for me to come here, how hard it was to see you again?”

  Probably as hard as it was for him to see her. He knew that he was not free to mess with her, that he had a obligation to his pack to make sure it survived. But that didn’t stop him from wanting her. It didn’t stop his mind from replaying the night they had together over and over in his head.

  “Tell me. Tell me why it’s so hard for you to see me again?” He shouldn’t be asking this of her. He should walk away now before he got in any deeper with her. She was doing him a favor by pushing him away, but he couldn’t keep away from her. She called to him like a siren and he couldn’t turn away from her any more than he could cut off a limb.

  “You may think that I’m rejecting you because you are a wolf, but you rejected me first. You walked away thirteen years ago. I woke up that morning, after giving myself to you, after giving you my innocence and you weren’t there Logan. I don�
��t know if what was between us would have come to anything, but I never got a chance to find out. I don’t know if the reason I want you so much now is because we didn’t have a chance to burn out the fire that was between us. All I know is that you’ve ruined me for other men. Every date I’ve been on since that night hasn’t measured up because they never made me burn the way you do.”

  He stepped closer to her, so close that he could feel the fabric covering her breasts brushing against his skin. He couldn’t walk away from her now. Not knowing this. He’d had other women since that night but he’d never been able to recapture the fire that he’d had with her.

  “Maybe that night is something we’ve built up in our heads because we were so young and inexperienced and it took on more significance than it should have.” It couldn’t have been that good that night, could it? If he’d stuck around, if they’d glutted themselves on each other, could they have burned the attraction out?

  “What are you suggesting?” Her voice was a whisper as she tipped her head back to look up at him. God he wanted her so bad that it drowned out the voice of reason inside him, the one that told him to walk away now. That told him that she wasn’t meant for him.

  “I’m suggesting that we burn it out. We’re more mature now. Neither of us will be able to go on with our lives, with the lives we need to have unless we know if that night was as good as we’ve built it up to be all this time.”

  9

  Was he suggesting that they have sex, that they sleep together, to get the attraction out of their system? The idea had a certain appeal. Every moment she spent with him in this house, only made her want him more. Maybe she could have won the fight she was waging inside if she didn't see him all the time, didn't see how much he wanted to be a part of Connor's life. If he'd been the irresponsible jerk she'd built up in her mind for the past twelve years maybe she would have had a chance of resisting him. But being here with him, seeing how he interacted with her son and having him share with her his deepest secret, had gone a long way to destroying the protective wall she'd built around herself.