Clementine

by R. Jean Wilson

  They climbed up the short black ladder and Holden used the keys his friend had given him to open the heavy metal door. She stepped through the threshold and felt a gush of wind whip her hair across her face. On the other side of the door was the cement rooftop. The perimeter was wrapped in a chain link fence but the space was much larger than she would’ve anticipated. It was relatively dark on the roof. The only glow came from the bright lights escaping through the windows of the buildings around them. There was a large dome on one section and Addison spotted a large black telescope protruding out of the top of it.

  “This is the surprise, Addison,” Holden revealed, his hand pulling the backpack off his shoulder as he studied her face for a reaction.

  “Holden, this is... wow.” She turned in a circle to take in the view they had of, not only the surrounding campus, but the entire city around them. I can’t believe this is my life right now. She pulled her lower lip into her mouth as she turned back to find Holden pulling out two glasses and a bottle of wine.

  “I know the wine is sort of cheesy, but I couldn’t think of anything else to bring up here. I figured we could just hangout and enjoy the view,” He said with an apologetic shrug. His innocent smile pulled at her heartstrings so intimately that she couldn’t help but melt under its gaze.

  “It’s perfect Holden,” she murmured, sauntering toward him and grabbing the wine glasses from him so he could use two hands to open the wine.

  “Do you bring all the girls up here, Mr. Suave?” she joked, trying to lighten the intensity of the moment.

  He laughed softly, pouring them each a glass. “Nope, Clementine, I’m proud to say you’re the first,” he answered with a confident smile before walking away from her, over toward the edge of the building. A first…

  She ended up a few feet away from him, giving her mind and body some space from him. The tall chain-linked fence rose from the edge of the roof and she ran her fingers against it’s the harsh grooves. Its presence allowed her to feel safe standing at the edge without completely blocking her view of the city.

  “This is probably the coolest thing I’ve done in a while, Holden. I guess right after... or maybe before, jumping off the Lamar Bridge,” she spoke playfully, giving him a soft wink.

  “Well it would appear that there’s a common denominator between those two events…” he mused sensuously. What do I say to that? Her gaze stayed fixed on him, watching his beautifully strong features as he tipped his wine glass back and took a sip.

  They meandered around the roof, taking in the views from every angle and pointing out various landmarks they both recognized. Addison spent half an hour looking over the campus of the school she’d attended for the past four years. It was surreal to take in the aerial view of paths she’d hiked in her daily travels. Holden gave her space every now and then, walking to his own section of the roof. She couldn’t help but wonder about what was going through his mind in those moments. He seemed so composed and lost in his own thoughts; it only served to peak her interests more. She wanted him to stay by her; she wanted to feel that familiar pull he incited from her body.

  He finally spoke from across the roof.

  “My friend positioned the telescope toward Vega for us before he left. He promised it’d be visible during early fall,” Holden assured her through the cool night air. She watched him stalk over and with each confident step her heart beat rose accordingly. In the shadows of the night, his eyes seemed even more piercing. She took the last sip of her wine, using the glass to shield her rosy blush and just as she dropped it from her red-tinged lips Holden was there, deftly capturing the empty glass in his hand. He didn’t offer any further explanation as he led her toward the large dome, but she didn’t mind. She trusted the feel of his hand on the small of her back.

  She’d almost forgotten that the view wasn’t the only reason they trekked up to the roof.

  “We actually get to go inside that thing?” she asked excitedly.

  They stepped through the small opening and she began taking in their dim surroundings. The space within the dome was taken up mostly by a telescope, a small desk, and a stool, but they could both fit inside if they positioned themselves side by side.

  The whole machine looked foreign to Addison and she vowed to keep her hands to herself for fear of breaking something more expensive than her entire college tuition. Holden sat in the chair behind what looked to be a small eyepiece protruding off the end of the telescope. On either side of the eyepiece were small switches and buttons lit with reds and yellows. Steer clear of those, Addison.

  “He told me to focus using the two black knobs on the far right of the control panel, after unlocking the bronze switch,” Holden advised, pushing what looked to be the bronze switch until it made a soft click. He turned toward her and offered a “here goes nothing” shrug before lowering his face and hovering his eyes slightly above the eyepiece. He began twisting the black knobs just as if he were trying to focus a microscope.

  Addison took the opportunity to study his profile. She loved the concentration that played across his face as he slowly worked the black knobs forward and back, and she could easily imagine him performing surgery with those same hands... or maybe using them on me instead. She was vividly imagining the thought just as he spoke, causing a deep blush to invade her cheeks. Thank god he doesn’t know what I’m thinking.

  “Ah, I think I found it. Jon said it’d be drifting but this definitely looks like the brightest star out there,” he declared, looking through the eyepiece for a few more seconds before pulling his head back and standing to switch spots with her.

  “Your turn.”

  “Alright, but if I break anything, I’m definitely pinning it on you.” They had to awkwardly shuffle around each other and a small, nervous giggle escaped her. She sidled by him and took the seat, placing her eyes where Holden’s had just been. She began searching the expanse of blackness through the eyepiece before she heard him speak close to her ear. She jumped slightly, not realizing how close he had stepped. At least he had the decency not to laugh as she kept her focus on the stars trying to ignore his intoxicating scent so close to her...

  “I had to turn these quite a bit,” he said, gently placing her hand over the first of the two black knobs, “Our eyesight shouldn’t be that far off though, unless you wear contacts,” he said as he helped her turn the knob a bit to the left. Is his instructing touch supposed to feel quite so exhilarating?

  She saw the star come into focus on her field of vision but decided to hold off on telling Holden for fear that he’d remove his hand from hers. She enjoyed this new closeness. If she turned her head to the right, their lips would almost touch and she couldn’t help but smile at the thought. Just one more... second...

  “I found it Holden,” she confessed, her conscience finally winning out, “I can’t believe how bright it is compared to the others.”

  Looking through the telescope was like looking up at the night sky when she’d gone camping, only sharper. The telescope brought each star into absolute focus and Addison found herself completely entranced. She scanned as much of the sky as she could, pushing the eyepiece to the left and right. She let herself marvel at her view of the universe, knowing this was the chance of a lifetime. The sky danced above her and the view was so engulfing she felt like she could reach out and touch each individual stars.

  Oh, I should probably let him have another turn. She reluctantly pulled her face away and began to turn before realizing what was happening. All at once, she felt Holden’s hands on her shoulders, gently twisting the stool around so that she faced him. She looked up into his warm eyes just as he bent down over her. His intoxicating scent enveloped her senses. He set his hands down on either side of the eyepiece station, pinning Addison between him and the desk. He searched her eyes with an intensity she hadn’t seen before. What is he looking for? As if hearing her thought, he glanced down at her lips and she concentrated on each inhale and exhale they made in unison.

&
nbsp; She scoured his lips wondering what they’d taste like. They were so close, she could’ve reached out and licked them if she had more courage, or insanity. She knew they were about to cross from friends into something more, and she laughed internally at the idea that the two of them could have ever been just friends. He wasn’t asking for her permission, he was going to take what he wanted. He lowered his head down excruciating slow, making Addison want to scream in need. His eyes flickered up to hers as a sultry, tantalizing smirk spread across his face. He knows what he’s doing to me... he’s trying to drive me crazy.

  Addison chose, in that moment, to play Holden’s game. She licked her lips gently, enjoying his sharp intake of breath as she closed her eyes. She looked as if she were surrendering to him, waiting for him to seal his lips to hers. Instead, she surprised him by ducking under his arms and walking to the door of the dome.

  She turned back with an innocent look on her face, her lips curling into a little smirk of her own. Her blonde hair had fallen slightly in front of her face and she knew she looked like the tease she was being, but it just felt so good. Holden was the kind of guy who didn’t pursue women; they pursued him – but not this time. She looked back at him still hunched over the table, visibly flustered. He cocked an eyebrow and shot her his trademark grin.

  “Let’s go check out more of the skyline, Casanova.” She smiled before turning around.

  She walked back over to the chain-link fence, thinking how that had been the best almost-first-kiss she’d ever had. Her entire body responded to Holden and she couldn’t imagine what it would be like when they did finally touch.

  Holden followed her out of the dome a few moments later. His eyes narrowed playfully at her with a newfound respect as he took her hand and led her over back to their things.

  “C’mon miss, I have to get these keys back to my friend before you do me in,” he teased, grabbing his bag and leading them down the ladder.

  That night Addison got home and checked her emails. A couple of them were updates from the UT Alumni Association, one was from her dad – he loved sending her emails with simple messages that never failed to make her day. The last email, however, was from a small University in North Carolina she had applied to months ago. She had been accepted into their PA program.

  She read through the email a few times before sitting back in her desk chair, a mix of emotions coursing through her. She couldn’t believe she’d been accepted, she couldn’t believe she’d be going to North Carolina. In that moment Holden’s face flashed through her head and her stomach dropped. She’d leave for North Carolina in a little over two months. The program started at the beginning of the year. That meant she’d only have a short time left with Holden. She cursed herself for not being happier about the acceptance. She’d worked so hard for her dreams, she knew how proud everyone would be of her, but she couldn’t shake the dreadful feeling of leaving Holden behind. She picked up her phone to text him, but decided she’d wait to give him the news. He knew she was applying, so he had to know she’d be leaving soon anyway.

  Chapter 8

  From that night on, Holden and Addison were inseparable. When they both weren’t working they were getting to know each other, texting and teasing until they both felt completely comfortable with one another. He would pick her up on Saturday mornings and they would go to the downtown Austin Farmer’s Market. They would sift through the freshly grown produce and hand-crafted items, always ending up with coffee and croissants from a French pastry chef that set up shop at the market.

  They took the kayak out a few more times, although never early enough to jump off the bridge again. But they’d pass under it and give each other knowing glances at the memories of that first morning. They always met on neutral territory, neither of them inviting the other into their homes. They rode bikes down to Barton Springs, one of the biggest spring-fed pools in Texas. They’d go at night, when the pool had “Free Swim” starting at 9:00pm. They’d have to bike and get as warm as possible in the Texas heat because the freezing temperature of the pool was almost unbearable, even in summer. Addison would watch Holden show off on the diving board, knowing how much he secretly loved it. That was thing about Holden, no matter what they did, he seemed to have already mastered it, biking, kayaking, and flipping off diving boards. Addison laughed as she sat across the pool with her toes dipped into the icy water. That boy must have had a competitive childhood. She thought as she watched him surface and swim over to her.

  They always had something to chat about and if they didn’t they’d play the Favorite game, trying to find out small details about one another. Addison had learned that his favorite sport was basketball; his favorite candy was Reese’s pieces, not Reese’s cups. His favorite color was green; he had smiled looking into her eyes for that answer. Addison learned that his family was wealthy from old money and lived in the nicest part of Houston. She wasn’t all that surprised when he finally owned up to that fact, he somehow had the confidence and ease that come along with wealth. She smiled, though, at the thought that that was where his upbringing ended. He didn’t seem to live a glamorous life here in Austin, other than his car… and house, but she still hadn’t met anyone as down to earth as Holden was. Now... being humble was definitely something the boy could work on. But she didn’t want him to, his personality intrigued her and she enjoyed being with every part of him.

  Addison told him about her normal upbringing in a suburb of Houston, how close she was with her mom, and the interesting stories about growing up with two older brothers. Addison felt like she knew more about Holden after being friends with him for a few weeks than she did about some of her friends she’d known for years.

  Neither one of them made another move since she ducked under his arm at the telescope. At first Addison hadn’t worried, knowing he would try again soon, but as the weeks passed she began to wonder if she had wounded his pride a little too much that night.

  Addison kept waiting for the right time to tell Holden about leaving for North Carolina. The idea would always pop into her head when they were out having fun, and she’d never want to ruin the moment. That’s what she told herself on the surface, not wanting to comprehend the real fear that he might not be as sad about it as she was. It was a couple weeks before she had to be in North Carolina for orientation and she was leaving tomorrow to go back to Houston to see her family during the holidays. She’d leave for North Carolina from there. That meant she only had a few precious hours left with Holden. She hadn’t meant to keep it all a secret from him. The days just passed so quickly and the moment never presented itself. Mmmhmm, sure.

  Addison walked up to Alicia’s desk and waited for her friend to finish talking to a patient.

  “You have a good day too, Mrs. Jones,” Alicia spoke, smiling as the woman opened the door to leave their office.

  “Need something Addison?” Alicia asked, as she saw her approach.

  “Alicia, withholding information is different than lying right?” Addison asked, fiddling with a chart to avoid eye contact.

  “What are you talking about? And why do you sound like a 90s sitcom? Is this about work?” Alicia asked with a bemused smile.

  “Not exactly, it’s about me leaving for North Carolina...”

  “Oh, well you’ve put in your two weeks here and everyone knows today’s your last day, which I can’t think about or I’ll get way too sad for the middle of a work day,” Alicia continued, checking her work emails, “so what’s the problem?”

  “I have, maybe... not told Holden that I’m leaving yet.” Addison murmured, unable to meet her friend’s eyes.

  “What? You guys have been together almost every day the past two months and you haven’t told him?” She accused, keeping her voice down.

  “Alicia, I know! Crap, I just don’t want this, whatever it is, to end. The first guy who has completely knocked me on my ass I’m so in love with him and I’m moving! I’m leaving, and he’s staying here, and he’s never even kissed me and p
robably thinks I’m like his kid sister.” Addison knew she was rambling but she needed to vent to someone other than her mom. Alicia knew how much time Addison had spent with Holden and how attached she’d become.

  “You. Are. Gorgeous my friend. If he’s too dumb to realize that then you’ll meet someone in North Carolina, I promise.”

  “So I don’t have to tell him right?”

  “No, you crazy person, you still have to tell him. Imagine if he were leaving in two weeks and hadn’t told you yet?”

  Addison just nodded, dreading the task before her.

  “You’re right… We’re going to do yoga tonight, I’ll tell him then.”

  “Do you think you really love him?” Alicia asked softly.

  Addison met her friend’s gaze, feeling tears fighting their way to the surface.

  “Hopelessly…”

  After weeks of asking him to try a yoga class with her, Addison had finally worn down Holden’s resistance. He’d picked her up at her apartment after work, and they were driving over to the studio as Addison looked out the window unable to focus on Holden’s stories about his day. I leave in 24 hours, and I’m going to a freaking yoga class with the guy. He doesn’t even know. I can’t believe I’ve let it go this long. She was so lost in her own thought she’d apparently missed a question Holden had asked.

  “You there, Clementine?” He offered a concerned glance, his kind brown eyes scanning her for a moment before looking back at the road.

  “Yeah, Holden... actually there’s something we have to talk about...” She began, not realizing they had just pulled into a parking spot in front of the studio. She had decided to take him to a candlelight class. The instructors heated the room to allow their muscles to relax and stretch out, and they turned the lights off allowing candlelight to guide them in their yoga practice. She just hoped he would like it. Not like it matters, I leave tomorrow…