“It’s only for a few minutes. Dewey is coming back from running some errands, and Amy’s watching Nicole.”
A loud crash makes me jump and I hear the strumming of a guitar. “Be careful, James,” she yells. “Don’t worry. He knows what to do. Axel gives him lessons.”
“Give me a second. I’m going to change.”
“Perfect. I’ll plug him in and he’ll be busy for hours.” I nod at her back as she marches into the other room. James Dean is not bad for a kid.
“Not that one, Mommy, that one.” His sweet voice makes me smile. And then I want to cry because Axel gives James Dean lessons. I pull on some dance pants but decide to leave the Dicks shirt on. Making my way back to the other room, I stop and watch Eve listen to her son play, his cute hands strumming away.
“He’s amazing.” I sit next to her. She smells like coconut and the beach. Her long tan legs are stretched out and I look over at her.
“I’m sorry about your brother.”
She turns and smiles. “Benny’s been dead to me for years. I know everyone was so concerned about how I would respond, but when he left my dad and me to pay his debt…” She looks at her son then back to me. “I’m fine. That’s why I’m here. I wanted to apologize to you. I hope he didn’t hurt you.”
“It all happened so fast. Charlie was amazing.” I get up to grab a bottled water. “Do you want anything?” I yell over James, who’s strumming the same thing over and over again, but he seems to be into it.
“Sure.” I grab two bottles out of the refrigerator and a banana and sit back down on the floor with them.
“You think he’ll be a rocker or a Disciple?”
She laughs as his blond head bops to the music. He’s terrible, but he’s four, so there’s that.
“A Disciple for sure.”
I bite my lip because I’m ready to cry. James Dean’s cuteness is the icing on the cake. Someone knocks on the door and Eve hops up.
“That’s Dewey. Come on, baby. Mommy needs to talk to Antoinette.” She grabs ahold of his hand and he instantly pulls away and starts playing again.
“No way. Uncle Axel says when the music talks, you need to listen.” His small hand keeps strumming and the whole room is vibrating.
She rolls her eyes as she passes me. “Well, then when Uncle Axel comes home, you be sure to get him to jam with you for hours.” She opens the door to a smiling Dewey.
“Oh, nice. Concert time.” He barrels in and sits next to me, looking at James as if he’s a musical genius.
“Okay.” Eve motions for me to follow her. “Antoinette, let’s talk in the bedroom. Dewey, watch James.”
“Shh, he’s creating.” He frowns at her then at me. I stand and we head into the bedroom. She shuts the door behind her.
Eve looks around the room. Everything is clean and in its place other than the bed, which I haven’t made yet.
“I forgot how anal Axel is.” She smiles and flops down at the end of the bed.
“Here sit and cry. I can tell you’re ready to burst.” Her blue eyes reflect sympathy and that’s all it takes. Sitting next to her, I tell her everything. I’m crying so hard I don’t even know if she can understand me, but she rubs my back and listens, and I love her for that. Finally, when I have nothing left, I stop, and we sit and listen to James Dean and Dewey who seems to be banging on a drum of some sort.
“Well, okay. So, first we need to take a pregnancy test.” I try to say no, but she stops me with her hand. “You need to know and he needs to know.” She brushes the hair off my shoulder.
“If I am, I’ll have to get an abortion. I mean, he wants me gone.”
I cover my face with my hands. “Oh my God. I can’t be pregnant. He’ll think I’m trying to trap him.” I’m kind of insulting her but too drained to care.
“Sorry. But it’s true. I did not try to get pregnant.” I put my hands on my chest. “I’m twenty. I don’t want to be pregnant. How would we survive? We’d be homeless.” I jump up and start to pace.
“Stop it. First of all, let me get a test. As for the rest, it will work itself out. And Axel does not want you gone. He’s just… Axel.” She stands, rubs my arms, and leaves.
I sit back down at the end of his large bed, thankful that James Dean and Dewey are at it, having fun, because I need to get out of here.
“I can’t do this. I have to go.” I jump up and run to his closet to drag my large suitcase out.
It figures he’s got it in the back, stacked nicely in between a keyboard and the wall.
“Shit.” I spin around as Eve opens the closet. She cocks her head and again, I wish I was her. She’s fearless and beautiful and not pregnant.
“Pee.” She hands me the test. “And you’re not running.”
“Eve.” I grab her hands. “Did you even hear me? I told him I loved him. He said that I need to take the dance gig. He doesn’t want me. I need to go.”
I must look crazy because she simply smiles and nods. “You need to pull yourself together.” She smirks. “Trust me. He wants you.”
Clearly she’s team Axel. Where’s Cindy when I need her?
“If I pee and if it says positive, you have to promise you will not tell anyone.” I stand straight. “This is my body and my life.” Eve has her life and is happy. Not all of us get that.
“Of course.” She looks insulted.
I take a deep breath. “Fine.” I walk past her and straight for the bathroom where I quickly pee. I don’t look at it as I wash my hands. After brushing my hair and splashing some water on my face, I call for Eve.
“Well?” She takes in my appearance.
“I haven’t looked.” I brush my teeth as my mind starts to function. It’s time for me to leave. I’ll call Bella. I’ll accept the backup dance gig, see if I can stay the night at Cindy’s—
“It’s positive.” She breathes out like this is a miracle. And my heart stops and then starts racing.
It’s positive.
I’m pregnant.
“Okay.” I spit and rinse. Glancing up at myself in the mirror, I hardly recognize the girl who blinks back at me. Somewhere along the line, I’ve changed. I’m not the same. Toni is gone and Antoinette blinks back at me. I reach up to touch my lips, which are swollen from his mouth, and notice the way my eyes are finally alive. I may be sad, even heartbroken, but no matter what happens, I have Axel to thank.
He woke me up and I’ll never let myself sleepwalk through life again.
“Oh my God. Antoinette.” Eve’s eyes are filled with tears. “A baby. Axel’s going to be a dad.” She sniffs, and I don’t want to have to remind her, but I need to because she’s already walking to her purse, probably to call Blade.
“Eve, we can’t tell him. We can’t tell anyone, remember? You promised.”
She turns and nods. “I know.”
She keeps walking and I panic. That’s it? That’s never it with Eve.
“Wait.”
She turns as she opens the door leading to James Dean and Dewey.
“Time to go,” she sings, and it dawns on me that I might be screwed.
AXEL
After two hours of telling the same story over and over to the fucking Feds, I’m finally leaving. I guess they figured if they kept me long enough, I’d slip up. I never slip up.
Putting my sunglasses on, I get on my bike and weigh whether to go back to the clubhouse or stop by and have a couple of shots and see old Davey. The traffic is moving and I’m up over the hill in no time. I need sleep… need to stop thinking about her. The whole time I was waiting for the Feds my mind kept wandering back to last night. I can’t seem to shake it. She’s in my blood.
I pull into the alley and park my bike. If I get fucked up, I can always crash in his shithole office. I’ve done it before.
Walking into the dark wood and green-leather-seated bar, I look around at all his regulars who haven’t left in the thirty years he’s been open. He rode with Blade’s dad. He bought land and has become weal
thy. He also owns one of my favorite dive bars.
This is exactly what I need. A couple of shots, play some pool, get my head on straight.
I step up to the bartender. She’s attractive. Red hair, big tits, and short shorts. Her eyes go straight to my tattoos.
“Hey, I know you.” She wipes her hands on the bar towel hanging out of her back pocket. Her breasts bounce as she props a booted foot on top of the ice bucket. “You’re a Disciple, right?”
“Is Davey here?” I sit down on one of the stools, ignoring the two suits sitting at the end of the bar.
“In the kitchen, darlin’.” She smiles and my mind instantly hears Antoinette snapping about how she hates being called darlin’. I rub my forehead, craving a cigarette.
“Give me a double Jameson. And tell him Axel’s here to see his old ass.” She grins as she pours way more than a double and leans over to hand it to me.
“That’s on the house.” She knocks on the shiny wood and sashays back to the kitchen. I watch her, trying not to judge, but her legs are too short, her breasts too large.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
Fucking Antoinette is what’s wrong with me. I take a deep swig and stand to go out and smoke. I’ll check my messages and text Blade that I might not make it back today. I already filled him in on everything earlier anyway.
I wander out the front door and light up. A couple of girls are smoking also. Both smile and start to whisper. All I want is peace, no drama, no women, just booze and maybe some pool.
I frown at the first message. It’s from Rhys. I push on the voice mail message.
“Brother. Fuck you, man.” I hear him drink from the bottle and continue. I’d love to judge him, but I’m drowning myself with a bottle because of my own shit.
“You send me this… fucking masterpiece and expect me to do it justice?” More mumbling then, “It’s gonna be out, and I gave you credit. It’s the best song I’ve laid down in years, man. ‘Untouched’ is coming.” He slurs some more and an incoming text tells me he sent me a copy of it.
I text Blade before I listen to it. Frankly I forgot I even sent it to Granger with all the shit going on. I’m about ready to play it when Blade calls.
“What?” I snarl, because if he mentions her…
“Where are you?”
“A bar.”
“Axel, don’t be a dick.”
“Christ, I’m at Davey’s.” Taking a drag from the cigarette, I decide to stay here all day and get fucked up. Maybe that can fix the ache in my heart.
“Blade?” The line is dead.
“Perfect.” I snort, causing the girls to think that’s their opportunity to come over.
“You look so familiar,” the brunette says, blowing smoke from the cigarette at me. It’s my biggest pet peeve. I’m a smoker. I love it. But when you’re so rude and fucking self-absorbed that you can’t get your disgusting breath out of my face…
I smile. “Excuse me.”
She looks shocked along with the friend who hides behind her. The way I’m dressed, they have no idea I’m a Disciple. I stare at them and the friend grabs the brunette’s hand and pulls her back inside.
I look at my phone then, curious to see what Granger did with it. He’s the musical genius. I can write the song, but he can lay down the music he hears in his head.
I hit play and his gravelly, soulful voice starts out with, “Fuck you.”
Then a slow keyboard melody builds, and he takes my words and brings them to life.
It’s by far his best in a long while. The Stuffed Muffins have been in disarray, dealing with fame, and putting out some real sellout shit lately. They probably think they can pull it off now because I never would have allowed it.
Actually, I wouldn’t have allowed them to release half the crap they’re successful for let alone play it.
It’s why I left. Being a rock star was not what I wanted. I loved the music, but not the life.
That was all Granger. He was born for it.
It’s why he had to say Fuck you at the beginning. I take a last inhale as I snuff out the cigarette and text to Granger: It’s good.
Granger will understand. He won’t text back. I pocket my phone, hearing it in my head, the words and music a perfect match.
I’m undone by her eyes, her lips, and her smell. She’s all mine.
Untouched.
Touched by me.
Closing my eyes, I lean back on the concrete building. My words tumble out of my lips as I say, “Touched by me.”
I knew it then. It’s why I wrote it. My subconscious needed to say what I couldn’t face: I wrote a love song about my ethereal princess and I sent it to my childhood friend to immortalize her.
A dark shadow falls on me. I open my eyes to Blade standing in front of me, blocking the sun. When I look behind him, I see my family rolling in.
Raising an eyebrow, I say, “Should we tell Davey to call in more help?” I smirk as Edge steps to Blade’s side, fists clenched, his blue eyes dead serious like he’s going to enjoy this.
“All right.” I nod, looking at them. “We’re doing this.” Adrenaline pulses through me and I push myself off the wall. This is exactly what I need.
“You guys came to beat some sense into me?”
Blade throws back his head and laughs, grabbing Edge’s shoulders. “I think he might have already figured it out, brother.”
Edge ignores him and tosses his hand off his shoulder. “Like hell. I’ve been waiting for this fucking moment since I was twelve.” His blue eyes narrow on me and I smile because he’s right. I motion for him to come on.
“You have indeed. And I’m man enough to acknowledge it. Come on, brother, give me all you got.”
I take off my shirt. I fucking love fighting. Edge is right, though. He has been waiting. I’ve been talking the talk since we all were kids. I laughed at them, pitied them, fucking made fun of them, Edge especially… and here I am.
Pussy whipped like them. Yeah, if anyone deserves a beating, it’s me.
I stretch my arms to the side and crack my neck as I look around at all my brothers. They move back to give us room. “Wait, no David?”
“Yeah. Charlie said that he can only come out to visit you in the hospital. Otherwise he’s busy helping her order a new kitchen for the diner.” Blade lights up a cigarette. “Although”—he points at me—“Charlie asked me to let you know that she’s ordering nothing but the top of the line. Asshole.” He steps back, his hands motioning for Edge to carry on.
“Fair enough. Although I don’t know why I’m stuck with the bill. Ryder was there also.”
Ryder looks up from his phone. “Kick his ass, Edge.”
I don’t even get to respond because Edge is not fucking around.
“This is for Dolly.” The first punch knocks the air out of me, and the pain makes me remember why I always fight drunk.
“For Eve, Charlie.”
One after one, I take it until I know what he’s gonna say.
“And this one is for Antoinette, you dumb motherfucker.” I smile as the blood drips into my mouth, and he hits me in the eyes.
“You done?”
Edge pants and I can tell he’s far from it.
“You can’t have all the fun. Don’t forget I’m the one who saved your ass.” I get one good punch right at his nose. I feel the cartilage move along with a satisfying crack. Blood drips down his lips and hits the ground. Or maybe it’s my own?
I grab him. “I love you, man.”
“Dick.” He spits but hugs me. “I love you, brother. Be happy, man. You deserve it.”
Blade and Ryder walk to us handing us bar towels as we all walk into the dark bar. Davey greets us, his eyes alive, even though he’s pushing eighty.
“God damn. It’s good to see you, brothers.” He turns to everyone who’s not a Disciple. “This is a private party. Bar closed to the public. Let’s get fucked up.”
“Rip. You got my medicine?” I call over my s
houlder as Blade dumps my ass in a chair.
“Fuck, man.” I open and close my mouth. “I’m getting too old for this shit.”
Edge snorts and lays his head on the back of the booth, a bag of ice on his nose.
Rip hands me a packed pipe and I light up as Ryder brings over bottles. The sound system blasts Kiss’s “Lick it Up.”
Blade swings a chair around, straddles it, and hands me a bottle of Jameson. The strippers and old ladies filter in and I look at Blade.
“Buck up, brother. You’ve got a long night ahead of you.” He grins as if he knows something I don’t but should.
I don’t bother asking. I can barely lift my arms. The sting of Jameson makes my busted lip throb. He’ll tell me when he’s ready. I take another swig of Jameson, letting it take away all my pain.
ANTOINETTE
I’m just closing my large suitcase when I scream at the sound of my phone ringing. To say I’m on edge is a joke. I’m freakin’ losing it. Ever since Eve left, I’ve been waiting like a crazy person for Axel to call, walk in, anything. That was hours ago, so finally I decided to take things into my own hands.
Clearly I need to get out of here. I called Bella and told her I’m coming and that I might be pregnant, because that sounds better than I am pregnant.
She wasn’t thrilled, to say the least, but told me we can get it taken care of when I land in New York.
Then I threw myself onto the bed and cried. The truth is, I can barely think of surviving a day without him. How will I survive getting an abortion?
So, I did what any sane person would do. I called Bella back, telling her I can’t go through with any of it and then proceeded to pack.
Why? What I’m doing is anyone’s guess, but what I know for sure is I’m not flying to New York to dance, and Axel deserves to know. He can think whatever he wants about me, but at least I can live with myself.
I’m now showered and have done my hair, put on makeup, and eaten dinner. The sound of my phone ringing makes me take a deep breath. “Oh God.” I swallow back my bile as I try to stay positive.
“Hello.” I look at the number but don’t recognize it. Considering I just got this phone, it could be anyone. Axel changes my phone once a week.
Ignite (The Disciples Book 4) Page 27