Fallen (The Guardian Series Book 2)

by A. J. Messenger

  I laugh and push his arm and he gives me a kiss.

  I arrive at the Bing’s house and see Molly’s BMW in the driveway. Ugh. Why is she always here? Before I can even ring the doorbell the front door opens and Molly is standing there. “You’re here, finally,” she says with bored irritation.

  My eyes flick to my watch and back up at her. “It’s 7:55. Your mom told me to get here at eight,” I say.

  “Whatever,” she says. “She left early. I’ve been watching the brat since five. I gave him dinner. He’s watching TV.” She turns away and walks upstairs.

  I walk into the family room and spot Charlie with Batman underwear on his head along with a Viking helmet and a foam sword in one hand and a vanilla milkshake from McDonald’s in the other. He’s standing in a half empty box of pepperoni pizza on the floor and I see what I can only describe as a ginormously-sized Slurpee cup with remnants of its previous bright cherry color contents on the end table. He turns and sees me and yells out, “Declan!” with a big smile on his face and runs over. Then he stops himself short of hugging me, remembering he’s in disguise. He stares at me, sticking out the sword in front of him. “Have you seen that silly boy, Charlie?” he asks.

  I can’t help but laugh. I crouch down to his level and shake my head innocently. “No, I haven’t seen Charlie. But I hope to. I’m looking for him. Who are you?”

  He starts to answer and then he stops and gets a sick look on his face. “Declan?” he says quietly, sounding worried.

  “Yes?” I say with concern. “What’s wrong, honey?”

  He gets an uncomfortable look on his face. “I think I have to go number three.”

  “Number three? What’s numbe—”

  He drops the milkshake and heaves forward, vomiting on me with a projectile force I wouldn’t have thought possible for a five-year-old.

  Thanks, Molly.

  Chapter Thirteen

  I awake early the next morning from a fitful night plagued at first by memories of cleaning up Charlie and me, (and helping the poor kid feel better after several more bouts of throwing up) and then, when I finally managed to fall asleep, by horrid nightmares of Avestan. He was chasing me and everywhere he went people would fall in line behind him, joining him. Finn and Liz, and even my mom, were following him as he made his way toward me, relentless and vile. The chase replayed several times, and at the end, when he had me cornered, Avestan would outstretch his hand and I’d accept it. Every time.

  I drag myself out of bed, exhausted, and tug on my running clothes. Then I quickly go to the bathroom, brush my teeth, and gather my hair into a long ponytail with the elastic band I keep on my wrist. I stare into the mirror for a minute, blue eyes looking bleary, and say the words I always repeat to myself on mornings like this. “You want to go for a run. You don’t want to go back to bed. You’ll thank me later.” My inner drill sergeant has a much more forceful way of putting it, but I don’t wake her today—I’m way too tired.

  As I walk back into my room to put on my running shoes, I hear my phone chime on my nightstand. I pick it up and see a text from Alexander.

  Already at the beach. I’ll meet you here.

  Lately he’s been running with me in the mornings, I guess he left early. I shrug and tap in a reply.

  K see you soon.

  I planned to take it slow but once I’m out the door I push myself, hard. I don’t know if I’m running toward Alexander or running away from the images of Avestan in my nightmares last night, but running to my limit forces me to focus only on the moment. My toes spring off the pavement over and over as my ponytail swishes rhythmically at the back of my head. It’s a cool morning, overcast, and the waves are pounding the sand with ferocious savagery as I arrive and peer out over the beach. I spot Alexander near the water’s edge and I wave to him before I make my way down the cliffs. When I reach the bottom, I take off my shoes and socks and scrunch my toes in the cool, rough sand the way I love. Alexander sees me but doesn’t wave. He just stands there, waiting for me by the water. It’s odd and I can’t shake a feeling of foreboding as I make my way closer.

  When I reach him I see that he’s dripping wet. My eyes trail over his sculpted chest and abs to his board shorts hanging low on his hips and I notice an angry-looking abrasion on his left side. When I meet his eyes again I see that he looks tired. Exhausted even. Like me.

  “Have you been swimming?” I ask.

  He nods.

  “How long have you been here?”

  “A while.”

  “What happened?” I ask, gesturing to his side with concern.

  He looks down at the abrasion. “Must have got tossed in a wave.”

  “Aren’t you going to heal it?”

  He shakes his head. “Later.”

  “Alexander, what’s going on?”

  A long stretch of silence hangs in the air between us and I feel myself becoming faint when he still doesn’t answer. Why is he being so distant?

  Finally, he looks at me and the words that he speaks are so unexpected, so unthinkable, that they don’t register at first.

  “Declan, I’m sorry, but we can’t be together. I have to leave.”

  My heart falls through my center and I’m having trouble feeling the bottoms of my legs. “What?” I try to speak but the word emerges as a rush of air. I can’t breathe.

  “It’s the only way,” he says with grim finality.

  I don’t answer. I can’t answer.

  “I’m sorry, Declan, but I have to.”

  “Why?” I whisper.

  “Leaving was always the answer. I didn’t want to face it.”

  I watch those beautiful lips that can turn so easily into an irresistible smile and I can’t connect that image with the ugly, unimaginable words they’re forming now. “What about the plan?”

  “It didn’t work. Now I see that this is the only way.”

  “You talked to Avestan?” I ask.

  He nods. “I found him last night.”

  “Did you get the information you needed?”

  He turns and looks out over the ocean, silently. “It wasn’t what I expected,” he says finally. He meets my eyes. “So I have to leave. I’m sorry.”

  “You’re sorry?”

  “It’s the only way,” he says, his mouth pressed in a firm line. “I’m sorry.”

  “This can’t be happening. I won’t accept it. For how long?”

  “I’m sorry, Declan, I-”

  “If you apologize one more time I’m going to scream.”

  I search his eyes and I can see his pain is real but I remind myself that he’s the one making this choice. He’s the one tearing us apart.

  “I came up with excuses for waiting,” he says, “because I wanted more time with you. I always want more time with you …”

  He holds my gaze and his image shifts out of focus as my eyes become glassy. I squint tight, twice, trying to shut out what’s happening.

  “I was fooling myself that it could be any other way,” he continues. “If I was a true guardian to you I would have left San Mar before Avestan came back. I’m sorry, I—”

  “Stop!” I shout, putting my hands over my ears to close out the madness. “Stop,” I say again, almost a whisper this time. “Please. Just. Stop.”

  We stare into each other’s pain-soaked eyes for long minutes as the sound of the waves breaking on shore beside us fills the air.

  Eventually Alexander turns and stares out to sea. “Did I ever tell you he was called Devin?” he says as he breaks the silence. “When he was my brother, in our last mortal life …”

  I don’t answer. Picturing Avestan as a regular person named Devin—and a brother to Alexander—is impossible to reconcile with the evil he emanates now.

  “He was tough,” Alexander continues. “When we played together we’d both get knocked about but he never wanted to stop … not until he won. I could feel how desperately he wanted to be the bigger one. The stronger one.”

  I don’t re
ply as he continues to stare out over the ocean. “We were good mates,” he says quietly. “I would have given my life for him. But when he started listening to the wrong voices I didn’t see it … I missed it.”

  I stare at the firm line of Alexander’s profile as the icy surf laps at our feet. Something about his expression takes me out of my anger for a moment. “You miss him,” I say quietly.

  He doesn’t say anything as he stares out to sea.

  After several minutes I break the silence. “Can I ask you something?”

  He looks at me and nods.

  “When we left Nusquam you bent down and whispered something in Avestan’s ear when he was lying on the ground. Did I imagine that?”

  “No.”

  “Is it private, what you said?” I ask.

  He releases a heavy sigh in every sense of the word. “I told him what you just said to me: I miss my little brother.” He turns and meets my eyes. “But Devin no longer exists. All the good bits and pieces were crushed a long time ago … and now I understand why.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “He told me who his Maker is,” Alexander says flatly.

  “His what?”

  “His Maker. The dark angel who turned him. All dark guardians have one.”

  Something about this news has my stomach churning in a knot.

  “Why did you want to know who his Maker is?”

  “Because if you can destroy the Maker, you destroy the whole line.”

  I remain silent as I absorb this information.

  “Dark angels are forbidden to reveal their Makers but he played into my hands and couldn’t resist telling me,” he continues.

  “Why?”

  “Because of who it is,” he says. Something in his tone knots my stomach again.

  “Who is it?”

  He shakes his head. “Someone who can’t be destroyed.” His voice is flat and his words radiate finality. I decide not to probe any further for now.

  We’re silent as another wave crashes and I search his eyes. “That’s why you have to leave?”

  “Avestan wants his revenge.”

  “On both of us,” I say.

  Alexander shakes his head. “No. On me. He needs to prove he’s more powerful than me. He wants to win. If I leave, it will draw him away … and you’ll be safe.”

  “But you’d have to stay away forever.”

  He meets my eyes. “That’s the wrinkle.”

  I feel lightheaded as I realize what he’s saying. “No,” I say. “No, no, no … I won’t let you! How could you say that? There has to be another way.”

  He takes my hands. “Declan, I love you,” he says fiercely. “Avestan can see it when we’re together. He’ll destroy everything I love. So I have to change that perception, by leaving.”

  “Perception? So this is pretend?” My relief is nearly matched by the rawness I feel for him letting my emotions whipsaw so sharply. “But he’ll suspect.”

  “The one thing I know is I can’t defeat him here, where I’m worried about him doing you harm again. I have to draw him away so it’s a clean fight … between me and him … alone.”

  “What if he doesn’t follow you?

  “When someone wants something bad enough they can’t resist. He wants to defeat me. He can’t do that if I’m not here. Plus, I’ll go to a corner of the world where the balance of energy has tipped,” Alexander says. “Evil draws evil. And I can do some good in places where guardians are fighting to restore the balance.”

  His plan is running through my mind and all I can think is that there has to be another way. “He killed you, Alexander. You were lifeless in my arms,” my voice turns hoarse and tears spring to my eyes at the memory of holding him on the beach after we left Nusquam. “What if you can’t defeat him? I won’t let you do this.”

  “I’m stronger, Declan. I just have to take the fight away from here. Good wins out.”

  “You know that’s not always true,” I cry. “There has to be another way.”

  “It’s the only way to end this.”

  “What if you don’t win? And I’m not there to bring you back?”

  “If it comes to that,” he says, looking into my eyes, “I’ll make sure he dies with me.”

  The tone of Alexander’s voice and the expression on his face makes my legs nearly buckle beneath me.

  I can tell he won’t be dissuaded.

  Chapter Fourteen

  “Dies with you?” I ask, trying to keep my voice steady. “What are you saying?”

  “Two guardians can merge and transform,” Alexander replies. “Avestan wouldn’t be able to hurt you after I’m gone.”

  “Do you think I care what happens to me if you’re gone? What do you mean you’d merge and transform? Into what?”

  “Our energy would continue, but not as we are now. He’d be gone. But I would, too.”

  “How is that different from when he tried to kill you before?”

  “Before, I would have started over, in some capacity. When you merge, you’re gone. You don’t come back.”

  “Can a dark guardian do that to you?”

  “They could,” he says, “but they don’t. They don’t like to sacrifice themselves. We do it to them. As a last resort.”

  “So all the guardians could rid the world of dark guardians that way?”

  He shakes his head. “Wherever there’s light, there will always be shadow, too. And there has to be a connection between the two guardians who merge—in strength and energy and intent. The dark guardians resist … and if it doesn’t work …” He shakes his head again. “I can’t explain it all. I’m sorry.”

  “You’d be gone forever if you did this?”

  “In this form. But so would Avestan. It’s the best outcome. If it comes to that.”

  “Best for whom?”

  “It would only be a last resort.”

  “You can’t do this,” I cry, my chest tight with emotion. “How could you even consider sacrificing yourself?”

  “I would do anything to look after you and protect you. But I promise you I’ll fight like hell so it doesn’t come to that. It’s selfish, but I don’t want to leave forever. I don’t want to be apart from you.”

  “How is that selfish?” I take his hands and meet his eyes, pleading with him to understand what I’m saying. “Alexander, please tell me you won’t ever destroy Avestan in that way.”

  He holds my gaze as the wind whips my hair but he doesn’t answer.

  “Why can’t we just stay as we are now?” I ask.

  “Looking over our shoulders? Constantly vigilant with me worried about you and your family and friends? Avestan won’t ever give up. He’s back now and this has to end. I have to end it.”

  “How long will you go for?”

  “As long as it takes for Avestan to follow me and for me to defeat him. Edwin and Alenna and the other guardians will protect you while I’m gone but Avestan is the greatest threat. Once he’s gone you’ll be safe. It’s personal with him.”

  “When were you planning on leaving?” I ask quietly.

  “Straight away. I want you out of danger.”

  “What about our plan?” I ask.

  “This is the plan.”

  “No, I mean our plan.”

  The expression in his eyes shifts as he understands. “I didn’t think you’d want to … now that you know I’m leaving.”

  I meet his eyes. “Alexander, I don’t want you to go,” I say, tears escaping. “And I’m angry with you for telling me like this.” I stare into his eyes, my heart breaking. “But if you have to, I want us to connect in that way before you leave … because I’m so afraid you won’t come back.” I choke back a sob on the last few words and my chest heaves as the cavalcade of sobs finally erupts.

  He wraps his arms around me. “Oh babe, I’ll be back,” he says, stroking my hair as my head lies against his heart and I add my tears to the salty ocean remnants on his warm, hard chest. “I promise that no mat
ter what happens somehow I’ll find a way to come back.”

  He holds me close and I surrender into his tranquil energy and the aura of soothing heat emanating from his body. Gradually I feel the white light in my core awakening as our energies meld into one. My breathing slows, and the tears fade, and I pull back and look up into his eyes. “Tell me your plan. For us.”

  “And spoil it?”

  “If you don’t tell me, I worry I won’t ever know.”

  He touches my cheek. “You really want this?”

  “Yes,” I say softly, diving into the deep pools of his eyes.

  “Let’s move up the timeline then. I can put off leaving for one more day. I think we’ve waited long enough.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Alexander has been texting me all day since we left the beach this morning. Little messages here and there. Some are instructions for tonight. Others are sweet notes about how he’s been thinking about me and how much he’s looking forward to tonight. Our latest back and forth round has involved some NSFW descriptions of where he wants to kiss me first and how it will progress from there. By the time my shift at Fields and Morris is nearly over at ten to three, I can barely concentrate.

  “I’m leaving early today,” I say to Justin as I add the file box I just finished to the stack on the “completed” wall.

  “No kidding,” Justin says, “I think you left a few hours ago.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “All that giggling and texting,” he says. “Did you actually scan anything today?”

  I smile. “Very funny. I did four boxes.”

  “Hot date with the sweet boyfriend?” he asks.

  I blush. “Yes. I’m going home early to get ready.”

  “Lucky guy,” he says as he picks up another set of documents and feeds them into the scanner.

  Justin and I spend most of our time joking and ribbing each other but every once in a while he forgets the sarcasm and throws down a compliment with sincerity and it catches me off guard. He’s a cute guy—blonde hair, blue eyes, very fit, with that whole hot-surfer thing going on. He’s had three different girls pick him up from work in only the last four weeks. If he wasn’t such a player and I wasn’t head over heels in love with Alexander, I might take a second look at him. As it is, he’s a good friend. He’s funny and nice and he helps make the time fly by.