Dead and Stinkin'

by Stephen Hewett

  The biggest of the three men approached Ed smiling and said, “Damn! I ain’t fuck sumthin so pretty since my grimy-ass wife. C’mon baby, don’t make this hard on yourself.”

  “Yeah cutie, just breakdown like a twelve gauge shotgun and run that nice ass,” another horny homo-thug said.

  He blew a kiss at Ed’s mug. Ed had not taken off his clothes or work boots yet, and sprang into action immediately, kicking the closest potential rapist in the balls.

  “Oh fuck, I’ll kill you bitch,” the man groaned, sinking to the floor.

  Their fearless leader had been dropped by their prey and the other two men looked at each other for strength.

  “What’s going on in there?”

  The voice of a correction officer making his rounds caused the men to turn around. Two officers entered the shower room and saw the big man on the floor moaning. They mistakenly figured that he was a rape victim and pressed their deuces for assistance. In seconds, the shower room was swarmed with correction officers. Ed was handcuff and leg chains.

  He was given six months in the hole for his part in the shower room drama, along with loss of his phone and commissary privileges. When he got out of the hole, Ed was moved to a different cell block. On arriving at his new home he let out a loud laugh. In the cell was a notorious transvestite named Peaches, wearing a pair of extra tight briefs and dancing. The transvestite saw Ed’s reflection in the mirror. He stopped shaking his ass and turned around.

  “Oh my God, what good did I do in my life to deserve your fine ass for a cellie?” he asked, licking his lips.

  Ed got along well with Peaches. The transvestite did all the cleaning and laundry. Ed had no more trouble in Elmira after the news got around about how he dropped his would-be rapist. The notoriety it gave made him received a lot of jailhouse props. He adjusted to his new home rather quickly.

  One night Ed and Peaches were in their cell playing Casino. Peaches asked Ed out of the blue, “I hear you were a pimp in the world and they called you Ed Lover, is that true?” Ed just looked at Peaches and ignored his cellmate. Peaches sighed loudly then repeated, “Ed, I’m asking you a question, were you a pimp?”

  Ed put down his cards and answered, “What does it matter Peaches? Shit, okay, yeah, I was a pimp, so what?”

  Peaches’ eyes lit up at the confirmation. He smiled and said, “Because I choose you, Ed Lover, I want you to be my daddy.”

  Ed Lover calculating mind went into overdrive. He knew that transvestite prostitution was big business in most state jails. With his background in marketing flesh he could turn the whole C-block into a five tier whore stroll.

  The plan went into effect with Peaches acting as his only breadwinner. Soon Peaches recruited many of the already veteran prostitutes to join Ed’s stable. Ed Lover had once again set himself up as a full-fledged, ‘bout-his-business pimp. During a staff meeting Ed, Peaches, and four of his workers in drag were having a discussion about health coverage.

  “Cuz I can’t tell who got the monster up in here, so there should be precautions and coverage is absolutely necessary,” a transvestite said.

  “Wingate on a visit,” the voice on the intercom squawked.

  Their conversation was disrupted by the incoming message. Ed was puzzled. Who in the hell was visiting him after all this time? He wondered walking in front of the guard, thinking. In his two-and-a-half years in jail this was his first visit.

  He was shocked when he arrived at the visiting room. It was his parents, Paul and Mary Wingate. Ed hadn’t seen his parents since the day he copped out in court. They wrote him several letters but he stopped replying a long time ago. At the table, the three of them sat down, elbow to elbow in silence. A few awkward moments went by before Mary Wingate finally broke the silence.

  “Hello, son, how have you been?”

  Ed looked at his parents suspiciously for a couple seconds, stalling for time while he thought of what to say. He removed his hand from the table before speaking.

  “I’m cool, Ma. Just counting down these last few months… What brings you two up here, after all this time?”

  Paul Wingate shifted uncomfortably in his seat then looked at his wife. She looked sad when stared back at him and Edward felt his heart shuddering. Her voice wavered when she spoke.

  “Edward, we came here to tell you something. We planned on telling you years ago, but ah… I guess we just couldn’t find the right way to say it.”

  Ed attentively sat up in his chair, putting his hands back on the table, and glanced at both of them.

  “Tell me what, Ma? Dad what’s this all about? Please tell me.”

  Tears filled his mother’s eyes and rolled down her cheeks. Ed reached out and held her hand and said, “Mother, it can’t be all that bad. Just drop it on… I mean just tell me what it is, please.”

  Mary Wingate looked into Edward’s eyes and disclosed her deep secret. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to hear it but Edward was attentive and scared.

  “Edward, my son, your father and I adopted you when you were just an infant. We’re not your biological parents. I’m sorry, dear,” she cried.

  Edward Wingate sat frozen for a few minutes. In a split second he had lost his identity and his parents. After the shock of the news wore off, Ed began questioning the Wingates regarding his biological parents.

  “So you don’t know where they are or even who?”

  “We told you all we know…” Mr. Wingate’s voice trailed.

  Edward stared at them realizing he no longer knew who he was. The ignorance made him angry but it was no use blaming the Wingates. Mary was still crying and Paul sat solemnly. The situation was stalemate. It slowly dawned on Edward that this would be last he saw of them.

  They could not give him all the answers he needed, but they had told him all they knew. After the visit Ed kissed and hugged his adopted parents for the last time. He forgave them for not telling him sooner and thanked them for loving him all those years.

  Ed had read a lot of books dealing with forgiveness, letting go of disappointments, and moving on while incarcerated. This was Edward Wingate’s perfect opportunity to put in practice what he had been reading. Later back in his cell Ed’s head hit the pillow of his bunk. He sat up but couldn’t shake the feeling. His mind couldn’t stop thinking. Damn adopted!

  Chapter 06

  Edward Wingate got into more altercations and drama during his incarceration. His rebellious behavior brought him further hardship. He lost every minute of his earned good time, and had to serve out his entire three year sentence.

  After his release Edward resided at a transitional housing facility in the northeast section of the Bronx. One of the stipulations of his parole was that he could not contact with the woman who was involved in his assault case. He had to obtain lawful employment and, because of his drug history, submit to periodic random drug testing. Thursday morning found Edward at an appointment with his parole officer, Miss Jackson.

  “Good morning, Mr. Wingate. And how’s everything going?”

  Michele Jackson was a fairly new parole officer. She graduated from John Jay College in New York City and took the parole officer’s test right after her graduation. She was a young, attractive, and educated, black law enforcement officer. Most of the parolees Edward spoke with told him she was hard on them. This was her first meeting with Edward Wingate.

  “Everything’s going pretty smooth. I’m gainfully employed. I’m drug free, happily single and HIV negative. It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas,” Edward sang,

  “That’s good. I see you’re in a good mood, sir. And that’s a positive sign. Did you bring your pay stubs with you, if you have that would be a marvelous beginning,” Miss Jackson declared.

  “Miss Jackson, anything for you,” Edward smiled.

  Licking his lips, he leaned over the table and handed Miss Jackson his paystubs. She took them. Edward held her hand longer than he had to. Miss Jackson blushed and her smile came easily.

 
; “Everything looks okay, Mr. Wingate. Just maintain your job and if you have any police contact, please inform me immediately,” Miss Jackson said, shuffling through papers, and deliberately not making eye contact with Edward, she added, “Okay sir, that’s all. Do you have any questions for me?”

  Edward looked deeply into his parole officer’s eyes and said seductively, “You said if I had an emergency, I could call you any time day or night. Does that offer still stand?”

  Swallowing hard Miss Jackson replied, “Yes Ed, ah, ah… I mean, Mr. Wingate, it does.”

  Grabbing her hand to shake it, Edward quickly raised it up to his lips and softly kissed her hand.

  “I might just be having an emergency sooner than you think. Take care, Miss Jackson.”

  “You do likewise,” the enchanted parole officer said.

  She watched his swagger as Edward Wingate closed the door of Miss Jackson’s office. Miss Jackson was finished. She was feeling her new parolee didn’t want to stop not even to save her life. Miss Jackson plopped down in her chair and immediately put her hands inside her panties. She was instantly saturated with her own juices. Smiling, she uttered under breath, “Hot-damn! Whew! Mr. Wingate, Mr. Wingate!”

  She knew all the visits would happen with no problems. Incarceration shaped Edward into a ruggedly handsome man. Michele Jackson couldn’t resist his advances and would sometimes encourage them with a wink or a smile. She didn’t do anything to hide the fact that she continuously harbored sexual fantasies about him.

  Michele knew it was unprofessional, but couldn’t control herself. Ever since Edward Wingate had been assigned to her caseload, the parole officer started mixing business with pleasure. Soon she started to enjoy his bedroom company. It was during these forays that she would often overhear him sleep talking. At first Michele dismissed his behavior, but eventually he was becoming more belligerent in the episodes. One night they had torrid sex and they both went to sleep. She awoke to hear Edward loudly shouting while still asleep.

  “Who are you? I can’t see your face…”

  His eyes were shut and he was fast asleep. Michele felt she had to intercede.

  “Ed, Ed, wake up, baby. You were having another nightmare,” Michele said, shaking Edward out of another troubling dream.

  When she was sure he was alright, Michele went to get him a glass of water. She walked out the bedroom leaving Ed sitting up in bed. He started thinking about all the nightmares he had throughout his life. Now that he knew about his adoption, Ed was convinced his dreams were linked to his biological parents.

  Ed went about laying pipe to the total satisfaction of his bedroom partner. Michele Jackson left for work with a glow on her face. Ed took a shower thinking about the decision he had to make regarding finding his biological parents. If he could find them then he could obtain the answers to the question about his adoption. He knew this would end his tormented nights. There wasn’t much information to go on, but the name of the adoption agency was known. Once Edward was dressed that was the first place he began in his search.

  “I’m sorry Mr. Wingate, but I’m afraid we cannot disclose that information. All our files are strictly confidential.”

  Edward went to the agency and even though he gave the names of his adopted parents, all that did was to get the supervisor to call the director. She gave him the negative response. After arguing with the director of the adoption agency for what seemed like hours, Edward walked out in disgust. With the knowledge that his files were in the office he planned on coming back.

  For weeks he went back only to receive the same response. Fed up, Ed decided to do what he had to. On the Christmas Eve of the year of his release from prison, he committed his second felony while still on parole. At the agency’s annual Christmas party, while staff was in the main dining room celebrating the holidays, Ed slipped undetected in the director’s office. It was breaking and entering but he had to see his files.

  Larry and Jaqesha Anderson last known address 4270 Avenue D, N.Y. Edward tried to see the name of the borough, unfortunately what looked like coffee stains had spoiled his view of his parents’ address, but he knew it was in New York.

  Ed had a prostitute from the lower east side who used to talk about how her boys on Avenue D had the bomb dope back in the days. That was his destination.

  It was during a blizzard on a Sunday morning. Ed got dressed and boarded the number 2 train at Gun Hill Road station, heading downtown. He always liked to ride the last car on the train.

  Because of the weather, the train was damn near empty. In the last car were two drunks along with a middle-aged Hispanic woman, wearing a short skirt with leather jacket. As the train left the station, Ed sat down and closed his eyes. When he opened his eyes, he was in a tunnel and the only passengers left were the woman and himself. She kept glancing Ed’s way, all the while adjusting herself in her seat.

  The lady got up and walked over to the seat in front of Ed train as the pulled out of 149th and Grand Concourse. She had her back to him and was looking at a train map and also looking at Ed through his reflection in the glass window.

  Ed smiled when she bent over putting her face closer to the map as if she was near-sighted. She wasn’t wearing any panties and that made Ed laugh. The woman heard his laughter and turned around.

  “What’s funny, Papi?”

  Ed shook his head and said, “Nada, Señorita, I was just wondering how you were going to prevent that sweet pussy of yours from catching a cold?”

  The lady smiled at Ed’s humor and moved closer to him.

  “I don’t know, Papi, you have any ideas?”

  Ed smiled. “Well, they say sushi should be served chilled. Maybe you got the right idea. Let’s talk about it.”

  Ed glanced in both directions. The adjacent cars were vacant. He smiled while unzipping his pants.

  “Ay caramba!” the woman shouted when she saw his long hard penis.

  With no other word, the woman started sucking Ed’s dick like a veteran. She had his whole shaft in her mouth and was going for his balls. Ed had been given head from hundreds of women, but this experienced woman was doing work. Ed was about to come when the train pulled into the station. Before it came to a complete stop Ed discharged his entire load into her mouth. The extremely talented head-blower just casually got up off her knees, smiled at Ed and walked off the train with a bellyful of his babies. Ed was fully spent. He smiled, drifting off to sleep.

  “Yo homeboy, yo wake up!”

  The loud voice startled Edward. Yawning, Ed slowly opened his eyes. Three men were standing over him, looking down at him with mean intentions. One of them sat down next to him.

  “What you got, G? I know you got some dough for us,” he said.

  Edward was nervous. He could see a gun protruding from under one of the men’s jackets. Ed worked up enough courage to address the men.

  “Pardon me, gentlemen. No disrespect intended, but my monetary units are extremely limited and I really cannot contribute to your cause. I’m sorry.”

  The men stared at each with perplex exuding from their faces. Then they busted out laughing so hard they had to grab each other from falling over.

  “Aw shit, we’re robbing Bryant fucking Gumbel!” the man who appeared to be the leader said while laughing.

  “Hey, Bryant, do you have any Grey Poupon?” one of his sidekicks added.

  The men continued amusing themselves some more. Then suddenly they got serious.

  “Well, Bryant, you really gave us a great laugh kid. We needed that in this fucking blizzard, homeboy, plus you got heart, cuz. I like you, homeboy, so this might be your lucky day.”

  “I’m sorry, sir, but I seem to be at a loss to your meaning,” Ed said, staring at the man talking.

  “See, that’s the shit I’m talking about,” the man laughed. “You’re just cooler than a fan baby. So check this out, if you can solve this little riddle I throw at you, baby boy, you’re free to walk outta here.”

  The other
men started laughing, knowing what riddle their leader was talking about. This was not the first time a potential victim was given this chance. It was their version of Russian roulette. Ed knew if he solved the riddle he would probably be free. If it was wrong he could count on being robbed.

  “You ready for this one?” The leader of the stickup crew asked.

  “By all means, sir, proceed,” Edward smiled.

  The men all smiled at Ed’s show of confidence.

  “Okay my educated brother, here goes. What’s the only living thing on this planet that crawls on all fours in the morning? Walks upright on two legs during midday, then on three legs during the late hours?”

  “Yeah, Bryant Gumbel, let’s see your smartass get that, playboy,” the robber seated next to Ed shouted.

  Ed closed his eyes for a few seconds thinking. Then he slowly opened his eyes smiling. “The answer, gentlemen, is Man.”

  The smiles on the men’s faces quickly vanished. “Oh shit he got—”

  Cutting off his boy the leader who recited the poem said, “Okay brain, now you finish it up or you lose baby.”

  “Well gentlemen, you see when a human being is first born, as an infant, it crawls around on all fours, meaning its hands and knees. Then when it reaches a certain age and throughout its middle aged years, it walks erect and upright on two legs. Now as the person gets older, they often need the aid of a cane or crutch to assist in their movement, two legs plus a cane makes three.”

  It was again Ed’s turn to smile. The men looked at each other and smiled, then told Ed, “Yous a bad mother fucker, Bryant. Yo, baby, you free to roll, no charge.”

  The men then walked toward the next car to look for easier, less educated prey.

  “Pardon me, gentlemen, I’m going to Avenue D. What would be the best stop to get off?”

  The leader of the pack turned and told Ed. “Yo, get off at 14 street and walk east toward the river. Can’t miss it, baby. Peace, Bryant.”

  Chapter 07

  After Edward got off the number 2 train at 14th Street, he walked into a candy store for a pack of gum and to get directions to Avenue D. When he got the directions, Edward started heading east. With each passing block, his anticipation and anxiety grew, and he started to imagine what his biological parents would look like. Edward turned right on Avenue D and started looking for the address he got from his file at the adoption agency. At 12th and Avenue D he still hadn’t found the building. In fact the numbers seemed to be way off. He walked two more blocks and no sight of the address. Edward stood on the corner of 10th Street and Avenue D and looked up and down the block. That is when he noticed a middle-age man standing next to a shopping cart staring at him smiling.