“I always thought that I was hampering your style and your friends weren’t appreciative of me hanging around. When I wasn’t around you, I was in my room listening to music and thinking about you. You were the strongest person I knew and when you broke up with a boyfriend I wanted to find them and wring their neck for being so foolish to let you go. You took it in stride, but I suspected behind closed doors was where you shed the thick skin.” I did find it necessary to grieve for each one and he wasn’t wrong about the false façade of bravery.
“I came to a crossroads where I decided to let no one get close enough to break my heart again. There was always this wall and some guys could feel my hesitation in getting too close. The only man I trusted was you and then you left me to pursue other endeavors. You have no idea how hard it was to see you leave with that duffel bag over your shoulder.” I was proud of him for his dedication and his need to give back to his country.
Hindsight was 2020 and had I known the reason why I didn’t want him to leave was that I secretly harbored feelings then I may have made the mistake of giving him an ultimatum.
“I thought something was wrong and you were different after James. He treated you like garbage and made you walk behind him in the shadows. He always had to be the center of attention and your sense of style was restricted. When you were with him you looked like a schoolmarm. When he left you for another conquest it was the best thing for you. You bounced back, but there was this spark missing and a fire extinguished from your eyes.” We were traipsing through the woods and definitely not on our way to grandmother’s house.
“I shut myself off from the rest of the world and the only one who was able to reach me was you. You never tried to fix things and when I needed to vent you were there. Being the strong silent type worked for you and I think I used you as a measuring stick against all others.” I was happy when I heard his voice on the phone and when I got a confirmation that I had mail on the internet. It was the highlight of my day and hearing from him put a smile on my face.
We both had this dark humor which we relied on as a defense mechanism. I was glad things had escalated between us even with the violence that came with his return.
“The one thing you should know is that you’re stronger than you give yourself credit for. I always put you in the spotlight and I became the wind beneath your wings.”
He was always there with a kind word and his opinion mattered to me. He was instrumental in the direction I was taking my life.
“Bailey, you gave me the courage to pursue my dreams and I don’t know how I can repay you for that. Being a teacher is going to give me a purpose which I learned from you is very important. I want to give back to the next generation and to help them forge a path of their own.”
My heart was a battlefield riddled with bodies in the wake of my indifference. With Bailey, I was able to suspend my disbelief about there never being a happily ever after for me.
“Wearing the armor wasn’t easy to see by others, but I could understand how you needed to protect yourself. You probably meant no disrespect, but you were mistaken in that guys are oblivious. There are a few very rare cases where guys can read between the lines.”
His mind had been shattered, but he was putting himself together one piece at a time.
“I’m not the only one that has trouble getting close to someone. I understand better the reason why and I’m sorry that I made it impossible for you to find someone to settle down with. You were only 21 when you left and still had the baby boy naiveté, but I don’t see the same little boy inside. No doubt, he’s there and there are moments where you let your guard down long enough for me to see how vulnerable you are.”
This was getting personal and I was quite surprised by how easily he was opening up about his feelings.
“I look back at the man I was and I will never see him in the mirror again. I’ve changed and civilian life isn’t easy for a man like me. I have that hunger for battle, but I know of one place that will give me that brief taste of bloodlust in my mouth. Others from military backgrounds use paintball to give them an outlet. I’m thinking I might want to do the same thing.”
He was at least giving it some thought and that part of him needed some way to unleash the burden of the faces he saw in his dreams.
“I want you to do whatever it is that you think you need to. Breaking away from the past isn’t easy and sometimes you need to embrace what has already happened. I’m still not happy and you know by now that I can handle just about anything. I don’t think that I would have approved of your methods, but I would have stood by you through thick and thin. I want you to think about that the next time you believe it’s better to protect me from these things.”
My emotions were frayed and I was walking the tightrope looking down at the abyss and knowing there was no safety net.
“The past has this funny way of lifting its ugly head when you least expect it. It doesn’t matter how far you run and it will always catch up. I came home looking for stability and what I found was more than I bargained for.”
He grabbed my hand and grazed the back of my hand with his thumb leaving no doubt about his feelings. He was simply irresistible and there was no way that I could stay mad at him for any length of time.
It had to be the dimples and the way that he could give me feelings I had never felt before. There was no telling what the future held, but I couldn’t breathe thinking that he would be lost to me in the blink of an eye.
“I can feel your pain and the truth is irrefutable. You need to work on yourself and I will be there in whatever capacity you need.”
We came to this clearing and I saw the smoking crater left behind by his trap. I put my hand up to my mouth in shock at seeing bits and pieces of a body everywhere. I gripped his hand in a death lock not wanting to let go, but there was no way that I could close my eyes to how death placed its clammy hand on another victim.
Chapter Thirteen
I was a little breathless, but Bailey was all about business. He searched this man’s clothing which was scattered into the wind in pieces. He was using a pen to look through the wreckage until I saw a telltale smirk on his face.
“We may have just gotten our first break.” He showed me the prize and I wasn’t sure what I was looking at and then it dawned on me this was a good way to keep tabs on our enemy. The radio was still intact thrown clear by the explosion which seemed like a miraculous feat in itself.
“I know what you’re thinking and I’m not sure that I fully agree. It’s getting easier to predict your movements and thinking like you scares me.” He didn’t appear to be listening and he was checking the radio signals trying to find the one they were using to communicate.
“It has a four digit code, but we were lucky to catch him while he was still unaware of any danger. I found their signal and it’s only a matter of listening to determine their location. I would leave you here, but I don’t want any possibility of them using you as leverage against me. I know it’s not a favorable decision, but I’m going to ask you nicely to stay with me.” The silence that nature afforded me was broken by voices coming from the static on the radio.
“Jensen, I’m here at the cabin and there’s no sign of them anywhere within the vicinity. I can only hope you’re having better luck downstream in collecting their bodies. I can’t seem to reach Lester and I want you to use the GPS to track him down.” I looked at the bits and pieces of flesh and blood painting a grisly portrait in an otherwise idyllic atmosphere.
Paradise was rendered into a war zone and there was no escaping the sight of something so psychologically damaging.
“Robert and I will find him and it’s probably nothing to worry about. He’s only one man and we have the advantage of boxing him in. Coming here was obviously meant to bring us to him, but we’ve been in tougher situations than this and we’ve always come home.”
The man on the radio didn’t understand and it only took one bullet with his name on it to find him. It w
as what every soldier feared was going to be their epitaph.
“We will get the jump on him and his last breath will be captured for posterity. I admit, I do feel like it’s unfair for us to have the numbers, but we are being paid quite well to get the job done. He’s a soldier like us, but he must have known what he was getting himself into when he joined up. We don’t even know who’s paying us and everything is being done through an anonymous server we set up.”
The moniker on the radio confirmed these men were from a private security firm.
“Chelsea, we’re going to use this radio and I think you know there can be no witnesses. I don’t feel very good about killing them and they are only doing what they were ordered to do like good soldiers. I can’t take the chance of leaving one alive and I won’t risk our lives on a stupid code of ethics.”
I didn’t want to see him doing what came naturally and I had to wonder if the love I felt for him would be jaded. I wanted to lie in his arms of steel and to avoid the unnecessary debris of yet another broken heart.
“I know what you have to do, but I would be foolish if I didn’t say it hurts me to see you this way. Need I remind you they are human beings?” He had separated that notion with the act of killing. They were nothing more than an inconvenience and a victim of circumstance.
“This is neither the place nor the time to get into a morality debate. I need to get into the right frame of mind and I can’t have you whispering discouraging words to distract me. I feel like I’m back on the field of battle where my men are depending on me to get them home safely. They always looked to me and their loyalty comes because they know I will do whatever it takes to the extreme.”
The carnage left behind after the explosion convinced me of the sincerity of his words.
“It can’t be easy taking someone’s life and when it becomes nothing more than an exercise is when you will lose your soul. Please, tell me it’s not easy for you and that you wear the burden like an anchor around your neck.”
I didn’t want him to feel that kind of pain, but I had to know there was a true heart beating underneath his chiseled chest.
“I carry their lives never to be forgotten for their sacrifices. I don’t know their names, but their faces are forever tattooed on my brain. I wake up screaming, falling to the floor and crawling around until I realize there’s no danger. Some testify they need this adrenaline rush and I’m afraid that I might be one of the many. I need to earn forgiveness and to atone for the sins against humanity. My faith was shaken, but I’ve never lost it.”
It was nice to hear, but he had a long road ahead of him which wasn’t going to be easy. I had to convince him that another tour of duty was not in his best interest, but I wasn’t sure how receptive he was going to be to my interference in his life.
I touched his shoulder and he leaned his head against me shuddering against the weight of the world weighing him down. It was hard to see the cold and distant look in his eyes.
“Whatever happens, I will be there and you can use me as a lifeline to pull you back from the abyss. The darkness is not your friend and you need to surround yourself in the light.” I could not be the one to save him, but I could be there in body and spirit. This was his trial and he was going to have to face down his demons.
“I have something more to live for than killing.” It wasn’t so much the quantity, but the quality of what he said that touched me profoundly.
“I won’t let you get lost in the cracks of society and this next chapter of your life will include me.” The radio was silent and he placed the one he had gingerly behind a rock.
He was locked and loaded with a rifle strung over his shoulder.
We moved away from the ghastly scene most likely going to stun those who entered the firing range. I stayed quiet as a church mouse, watching intently as he put the rifle up to his eye and began to calibrate the targeting mechanism. I had found some healing plants and made a poultice for his shoulder.
His breathing slowed down and his attention was drawn to every little noise in the area. The muzzle moved and scanned the area. I began to understand the method to his madness and the trap he had laid was made primarily because of a strategic mindset. It was wide open and anyone caught inside the circle was going to find themselves in his crosshairs.
I put my hand on his shoulder to remind him of the human equation wanting to make him second guess himself. It was a reassuring gesture of good faith and a symbol of strength he could hold onto when he finally had to take the shot. I didn’t want it to come to that.
Two men dressed in camouflage were standing outside the perimeter and one more step would be their final undoing. I thought for sure Bailey was going to take the shot when one of the men went a little closer, but he was waiting to kill two birds with one stone.
They were using hand movements without saying a word. It was a language only soldiers could understand. They moved seamlessly and glancing in every direction with one using a scope which made Bailey push on my shoulder until we were out of sight.
“We found the radio and what’s left of Lester.” This one man was talking loud enough to be heard and it made him a sitting duck for what Bailey was about to do.
“Get out of there right now…it’s an ambush!”
Bailey became still and he took aim with no emotion. Two shots rang out in succession muffled by the silencer at the end of the rifle. There was the subsequent spraying of blood from the two quick shots between their eyes. Bailey slung the gun over his shoulder again and ran to the twitching bodies.
I jumped when he fired two more shots to make sure the job was done. He checked their pulse and dragged them to a pile of discarded branches. He covered them and then he retrieved the radio with the one man on the other end who knew what Bailey’s intentions were.
Bailey lifted the radio to his mouth and was about to speak but then he thought better of it. He took a moment and I could tell he was trying to remain impartial without showing any weakness. He was trained to be one of the best snipers, but I knew what I’d said about humanity was causing him to waver.
“I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but your men are never going to be answering you. This doesn’t have to go any further and you could walk away from all of this. There will be other jobs and you just need to learn to pick your battles. Don’t make the mistake of wanting to avenge your friends and it will be the last mistake you ever make.” He let go of the button and the static was almost as deafening as silence.
The silence was broken by a man hell bent to see Bailey 6-feet under. “I appreciate that we are both soldiers, but my men knew what kind of man I am. You know my answer and we are going to finish this. If you are an honorable man then you will do the right thing by coming here to the cabin to face me. You have my word as a fellow soldier that I won’t take the coward’s way out by taking you from behind.”
Bailey had made it through hell only to come home to find hell followed him. Fate was a fickle mistress and there was always a quid pro quo when it came to balancing out good and evil.
“I will be there and it won’t hurt my feelings if you change your mind and disappear.” The man he was talking to was the only one left unless of course, he had reinforcements outside the area waiting to be called in depending on things going according to plan.
“I’m not going anywhere and this ends with one of us dead at the other’s hand. There’s no way of getting around it no matter how much there is a small part that would rather stand back and let you handle your business. I’ll even give you proper incentive. I have the calling card of the man who was responsible for coming after you like this. It’s only a number, but with your resources, I’m sure you can bring him to swift justice.”
There was no way Bailey was going to turn down an offer like that without kicking himself first. He was about to say something to me, but I cut him off at the path with my finger to his lips to silence any objection.
“Don’t even say it and you would have to knock
me completely out cold to stop me from coming with you.”
He could feel that I was serious and could hear the conviction in my words. He shrugged his shoulders and then he moved silently and quickly amongst the trees. I kept up with him knowing full well that he was never going to slow down.
Chapter Fourteen
He wasn’t taking the man at face value and he surveyed the area to make sure there weren’t any surprises. The man was standing impatiently at the front door to the cabin and it was obvious there was no way that he was going to back down and admit defeat.
Bailey took a few steps forward and the man abruptly made eye contact with him. It was a stalemate and the only way to break it was with bloodshed.
“As soldiers, we all know that retirement comes with a bullet. Those unlucky enough to find paradise in their twilight years are left broken inside. They crave the excitement and they want nothing more than for somebody from their past to come gunning for them.” Bailey nodded his head in recognition to the claim this man was making.
“I’m a survivor and you had the misfortune of making me that soldier all over again. I didn’t want any of this, but it’s inevitable for someone to avenge those who have fallen by my hand. I suggest we do this by the numbers like they would in the Wild West. Back to back, taking 10 paces and then we turn and fire to see which one of us is left standing.”
It was insane and I tried to interject only to be shut down by Bailey’s hand in the air.
“I’ve always had a fascination with westerns growing up, but I never thought that I would live to see the day that I was involved in a showdown. You’re a man after my own heart, Bailey Lincoln. I admire your handiwork and I read your dossier except for those parts redacted. I’m sure there’s a story behind many of your missions and it would be interesting to sit down and compare notes. Let’s do this and I promise not to make you suffer.”
Single Dad’s Plaything: A Single Dad First Time Billionaire Romance Page 35