“What are you doing?” Graham’s voice is horse from not speaking, a lump clearly forming in his throat.
I pull back the covers on my bed. “I don’t know about you, but I’m going to bed. Get in,” I demand with confidence.
“Excuse me?” Graham lets out a small laugh in confusion.
“Do you need sweatpants or something? I’m sure my brother left some behind.” I watch as his expression changes with his realization.
“I can sleep in my clothes.” Graham kicks off his shoes and pulls off his jacket keeping his confused stare on me the entire time. I watch his eyes take me in, getting wider as they reach my bare legs. I forgot I changed out of my sweats.
To show that I’m being serious, I smile up at him. “Do you usually sleep in your clothes?” He shakes his head. “Okay then what do you sleep in?” My eyes burn into him waiting for an answer.
“Boxer briefs,” he flashes a mischievous grin almost challenging me to feel uncomfortable.
“Okay then,” I climb into bed and turn off the bedside light. “Go for it. My bathroom is right through that door and if you want to brush your teeth I’m sure there’s an extra one in the drawer.” My room falls silent. I can feel Graham standing in the same spot.
“You want me to stay here…with you, in your bed?” I can hear his smile through his words as he speaks.
What’s my answer? I don’t know how to answer his question. Do I want him to stay with me or was it because of what his dad did to him? That’s a loaded question that I’m not ready to explore just yet. “You can stay with me if you want to Graham. You are more than welcome here with me.” That part is at least the truth.
“I can sleep on the couch,” Graham offers sweetly.
“If I asked you to sleep on the couch you would with no complaint?” I ask already knowing the answer.
“Of course I would. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”
“There’s that guy I keep telling you about,” I smile at him even with it being too dark for him to actually see. “Go brush your teeth and come to bed. It’s late.”
I see the light flick on in my bathroom and hear a few drawers on my vanity opening and closing. The water ran for a little while then shortly turned off. Graham flicks off the light closing the door behind him. I have never had a boy spend the night in my bed. Now I am feeling nervous. Maybe this is a mistake.
I feel Graham before I hear him. His hand presses down on the mattress directly next to my chest and before I can control my breathing he’s above me. I’m sure the movements faster than it seems in my twisted head. His breath is hitting against my neck as he maneuvers his body over mine. Graham’s leg brushes against mine as he slides in next to me. Just like before, I don’t shy away from his touch.
“Kennedy?” Graham whispers. I turn to face him even though I can’t see him. This causes my leg to jet up in between his again.
“Yeah,” I whisper still trying to control my breathing. He makes me nervous. I feel myself wanting to get closer to him. It’s not a feeling I am prepared for. I take the chance to defy all my reasoning reaching up to brush my hand across his now perfectly bruised face.
Graham lets out a sigh as my hand moves down his face to his jawline. A shiver runs through his body. I have just as much as an effect on him as he has on me. “Thank you for not asking me any questions. I’m just not ready to talk about it,” his voice is low, nearly a whisper.
“You’re fine. Just get some sleep.” I refuse to turn away from him. Not sure as to what time it is, I’m having trouble falling asleep. Being worried about the boy lying next to me in my bed should have been exhausting, but I find myself listening to him breath waiting for a hint that he had let exhaustion succumb him.
I turned over and face my clock to see that it’s already three in the morning. My alarm will be going off in a couple of hours. I’m not prepared to face the daylight. I carefully shimmy my body away from Graham’s. In response his arm wraps around my waist and pulls me even closer putting my back directly against his bare chest. His hand reaches up grabbing my only hand available and squeezes it tightly into his own.
Thinking he’s asleep I make another attempt to move inch by inch away from Graham. As I do so he strengthens his hold around my waist pulling me back against his chest once again.
“Get some sleep Kennedy. Try not to think too hard. I can hear the wheels turning in that pretty head of yours,” he whispers into my ear. He’s close enough that I can feel his deep breaths against my neck through my hair. A shock spreads through my body at the comfort I feel in his arms.
I never do fall asleep. I know he had though. Graham is right, the wheels turned all night until the morning. The sunrise broke through my sheer curtains. Trying to move as little as possible in fear of waking a sleeping Graham was nearly impossible. His arm drapes over my waist still. I roll over to face him as slowly as humanly possible. Secretly I’m trying to admire him while he’s still in his deep slumber. His eyes shoot open the minute I adjust under his grasp.
This was the closest I have been to him. I admire the bronzy gold hint to his pupils as the light reflects off of them from the morning sun. Just as I had last night, I reach my hand up and gently trace the outline of the bruise that now plagues his beautiful face with the unwarranted imperfection.
I am aware of Graham’s hand that is now resting on my lower hip right above where my tank top rides up exposing a splinter of skin. His skin against mine makes my stomach flip over a few times. I can’t take my eyes off of him in fear that when I do he will come to a realization, a realization that I was hoping he would never find.
“About last night…” Graham breaks the silence.
“I know what you are going to say,” disappointment hangs in my voice. I don’t even bother to try to hide it.
“I don’t think you do Kennedy. If you did then you wouldn’t be looking at me like that.” He closes his eyes trying to concentrate on what he’s trying to say.
“How am I looking at you?” My hand moves away from the side of Graham’s face and moves down onto his chest where it lays lifeless.
“Like you’re afraid that I regret any of it…coming here. If you’d pay attention you’d know that the only thing that I regret is not doing this last night.” Graham’s hand moves off of my waist and without dropping contact with my skin makes the journey up to my face intertwining his fingers into my messy wavy hair.
Before I can protest, before I can even think about it his perfect lips are mashing into mine eagerly exploring every inch of my mouth giving me by far the best kiss that I can ever imagine. Graham finds his way over the top of me nestling between my shaky legs. His tongue skims my bottom lip asking for permission to enter. I part them in eager response. My heart began to race and I can feel it beating against my chest as if it needs an escape. As the kiss deepens I feel our legs mingle together. When our lips finally separate it’s only for a short second. I’m surprised that his breaths are as shallow as mine.
The kiss continued feverishly and with that I am comfortably secure in the arms of a boy whose world is much darker than I imagine is possible, whose secrets dig far deeper than what I have dreamed up in my own head, and whose life may not be as perfect as he has led us all to believe. None of that matters because from last night to this morning everything has changed.
Chapter Twenty-Two
-Graham-
My initial plan, the simple plan that I swore by, was to stay away from Kennedy as if she is the carrier of a new bubonic plague. It seemed like the right thing to do until now. Explaining to her last night that I’m not this nice guy that she convinced herself I am and that I’m not worth befriending was awkward. She refuses to admit to the truth no matter what I say. I know it is only a matter of time till I screw up. I always screw everything up. Something as easy as this can’t last forever. I have already managed to disturb her life enough and the last thing I want is to make things more complicated for her. Everything about me scr
eams complicated.
All that self-loathing aside, I don’t regret what I had done last night lying in bed with her or the kiss we just shared. It is something that had to happen. I could see it in her eyes as she brushed her slender fingers down my face and onto my chest that she needed it just as badly as I had. Her lips are the nearest thing to perfection. I knew they would be. I can’t seem to force my eyes away from them when she’s in front of me. The pull and attraction towards her isn’t something to be easily explained. The affection just was there…ever present without waver.
As she’s still below me looking up at me with wondrous eyes, I’m trying not to put my full weight on her. I can’t muscle up an excuse to not be in this moment with her. It’s new, something to strive for. Something worth doing, even if it would screw everything else up.
Through ragged breaths she parts her lips from mine. “Graham…” she whimpers making me stand at half mass. From just saying my name? Christ. I tuck a few strands of hair behind her ear and she shutters under my touch. To know that I do that to her makes me want her even more. I push the thought back.
“Kennedy,” I whisper lower than necessary.
“We should probably get ready for school.” We both glanced over at her alarm clock as it continues to beep in reminder that we need to get up. We must have been too wrapped up in each other to notice it go off. I carefully roll over onto my back lying beside her unsure of where we are supposed to go from here. I stare up at the ceiling trying not to kick myself for what had just happened.
Kennedy’s nothing like the other girls I have wasted time with in the past. She’s unsure of herself somehow even with how bright and beautiful she is. That’s what’s so damn endearing about her. I can’t just turn my back on her and I don’t understand why I’m allowing myself to be entranced by her innocence. What is with this girl that has me all worked up?
Most girls got the boot in the morning if they were lucky enough to make it through the night. As I watch Kennedy sit up in bed stretching her back I notice every muscle contort with her movement. The motions are rhythmic. She clearly has the body of a dancer, but luckily still has that appealing curve that makes your eyes wander a tad bit too long on her hips and chest.
Kennedy goes into the bathroom shutting the door behind her without looking back at me as I lay in her bed. After a few minutes the shower turns on. There’s a hint of a humming coming from the other side of the door just loud enough to hear through the stream of water. I’m racking my brain about what that kiss meant when her cellphone starts beeping on her nightstand. I pick it up. It was an obvious invasion of her privacy and none of my business. I look at the message screen to see a missed text from Craig.
Son of a bitch.
I don’t read it quickly pushing the button on the side to black out the screen. I have a good feeling I know what it’s about. I turn the door knob of the bathroom without knocking. The door swings open to a very wet Kennedy wrapping a towel around her body just in time. I was seconds too late from seeing her entire body in all its glory. I swallow hard as she looks straight ahead staring at herself in the mirror before turning her attention to me punishingly slow. She knows I’m standing here, but doesn’t shy away like I assume she will, how she should have.
“Umm…I probably knock next time, huh? That was stupid of me, but your phone went off and I thought that it might have been important,” I explain extending my hand for Kennedy to grab the phone from me. She comes up a few feet short forcing her to step out of the tub to make several short strides until she’s directly in front of me. Our chests are close enough to each other that every time she takes a breath in and out it bumps against mine.
The only thing that stands between Kennedy and I is a miniscule towel that barely skims the top of her thighs. Anyone would have expected a girl like her to shy away from standing in front of anyone, especially someone like me, with dripping wet hair that’s clinging to her damp skin. The moisture causes a dew to plaster every inch of her pale skin. I have to fight back the urge to bend down and kiss the pool of water that gathers at her collarbone.
Instead I cast my hand down her arm picking up the remnants of her shower on my finger. Standing this close to her I can smell her body-wash or maybe it’s her shampoo. It infiltrates my senses and forces me to take slow deep breaths to try to memorize it. It’s sweet and has a hint of coconut and vanilla, something that I don’t ever want to forget. Not sure if she has noticed what I’m doing, but she tilts her head up towards me exposing her neck. It’s an invitation, if I have ever seen one before.
I panic. Go ahead, call me an idiot. I know the opportunity I just let slip through my fingers. Most guys would have already had her splayed out on the bathroom rug screaming their name. I was once one of those guys. In fact, I’m pretty sure I am still one of those guys. If it would have been anyone else but her I suppose this moment would have happened completely different.
Frozen in the same spot, I kiss Kennedy on the forehead breaking the trance we are in. “You better check that,” I nod towards the phone in reminder. And that’s how I leave Kennedy standing in the bathroom alone with her cellphone with a waiting text from Craig.
Did I seriously just kiss her on her forehead? For fuck sakes, we were practically mauling each other this morning in her bed and now I downgrade her to a brotherly kiss on the head. I’m an idiot. I’m the biggest kind of fucking idiot.
It’s no surprise that Craig had texted Kennedy this morning to see if she needed a ride to school. She told him no without giving him any type of explanation. I don’t understand why. She could have easily told him that I was the one that was picking her up. She chose to keep it a secret, to keep me a secret. Would I keep her a secret too if the roles were reversed? Maybe she’s more into Craig than what I originally thought.
The ride to school is driven in silence. Neither of us says a word to each other. I don’t know what to say. We allow the music to fill the small space in my car instead. Kennedy makes it easy, making her that much more intriguing. I don’t think it’s necessary to say anything when she’s around. There’s a comfort that radiates off her. I’m in more trouble than I think when it comes to having Kennedy hanging around.
There’s plenty that Kennedy and I can discuss. I practically rejected her in her bathroom this morning, that’s how she feels about it. I can tell by the way she looked at me as we ate breakfast. She felt discarded. I didn’t give her any reason to feel differently. Feeling her eyes on me while I’m driving isn’t easy. Knowing I had done the right thing by her helped me get through being in such close proximity.
My mind flicks to the night before, the way Craig eyeballed Kennedy and rubbed her leg under the table at the restaurant. Perhaps I’m thinking too deep into our little “situation” that we both had participated in willfully. Maybe that moment this morning was just a fluke, a temporary moment between two people who clearly shouldn’t have let it escalate that far. It’s pure sexual attraction, that’s all. I’m the man-whore who sleeps with my fair share of girls and she’s the sweet virgin who happens to have killer legs to pair up with all that innocence.
I pull into my normal parking spot luckily to find everyone is already inside the school. Explaining arriving at school together wasn’t something that Kennedy or I would be able to do. It’s something I’m sure Kennedy wants to avoid by her lack of an explanation to Craig.
“About this morning, Graham…” her voice trails off as if she’s in deep thought. As if she struggles trying to piece the words together. I don’t let her stammer along at what I know is bound to come. I’ll put us both out of our misery.
“I know what you’re going to say and you’re right. It was a mistake. Last night made me flustered and vulnerable. I played on those emotions and ran straight to you. It wasn’t fair,” I lie opening my driver’s side door before getting out. I bend down to peer in at Kennedy who sits still in her seat staring towards the school. “And I’m sorry for everything. I shouldn’t have al
lowed myself to get so comfortable with you just because you showed me a tiny hint of empathy.” I admit not knowing if I believed it myself. I take that back, I know I’m full of shit.
Kennedy steps out of my car pulling her crutches from my back seat. Peering over the top of the car she looks my face over a couple of times allowing her eyes to rest on my bruised eye. “It was…a mistake,” she whispers lightly. I’m not sure if she means for me to hear that, or if she’s telling herself.
I close my car door making my way into the school knowing that Kennedy’s lagging behind. I peek back towards her. I think I see sadness in her eyes. Without the courage to slow my pace and fall in line with her I continue with my long strides. Putting distance in between us is the only thing I know to do if I want to keep my hands to myself. I’m not exactly sure if that’s even what I want. I know that nothing good can come from Kennedy and me. We’d end up hating each other. I’d just hurt her more than I already have.
In the end it doesn’t matter anyways. As soon as Kennedy sees Craig her eyes light up with a smile as he runs over to her placing his arm around her shoulder to greet her. She doesn’t shy away from him. I guess that’s my answer. It all was a mistake.
I was the one to utter those words just before coming into school. I can’t be upset now with the way she laughs along with all of the things Craig says when I see them standing by his locker. It’s not that they are trying to throw it in my face. Besides Kennedy, Craig has no idea what happened this morning. He has no reason to back off. She’s fair game.
Opening my locker and throwing my bag in a little too roughly causes unwanted attention. Craig glances over at my outburst. “Dude, what happened to your eye?” he observes the brutal black and purple bruise on my face.
When Our Worlds Collide Page 13