“Ugh…I…” trying to come up with an excuse isn’t easy. I almost forgot about my face with everything that had happened this morning with Kennedy. No one knows what my family is like. I intend on keeping it that way. Kennedy eyes advert before catching me in her gaze.
“Umm…that’s actually my fault,” she interrupts. Craig and I both look back at her waiting for her to continue. I can’t wait to hear where this is going. “Last night after we finished at the pizza place I was helping Graham with some homework assignments and I accidently elbowed him in the face.” Craig takes the chance to move his stare between the two of us and quickly figures he believes the lie that Kennedy has told him.
Craig swings around putting his hand on Kennedy’s hip dangerously close to her ass. I shudder at the gesture. “Damn girl. Remind me not to mess with you,” Craig jokes tucking a strand of loose hair behind her ear. It was just earlier this morning that I was the one touching her like that. Kennedy must feel my eyes on her.
Kennedy turns her attention towards me letting her eyes linger on me long enough for me to know that she is unsure, unsure of everything.
“I’ll see you guys later,” I half ass a wave in their direction storming off like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum.
The entire day is spent avoiding Kennedy’s inviting glances. She sits directly across from me in the cafeteria beside Craig. It bothers me the way she’s flirting with him. I keep reminding myself that I don’t have any sort of claim on her. I thought that she had looked at me this morning in a way that was only reserved for me. I am clearly wrong once again. Amanda comes up behind me and plants a kiss on my cheek, but I move away from it.
“Damn Graham, what happened to your face?” Amanda grabs my chin forcing me to look in her direction.
“My girl here clocked him last night,” Craig chimes in a little too proudly at the way he tries to claim Kennedy publically. Kennedy and I simultaneously freeze in our seats locking eyes.
“What!” Amanda shrieks looking between the two of us. Everyone is unaware of the unease between Kennedy and me.
“She accidently elbowed me when we were working on homework. It’s not a big deal,” I explain trying to keep the original story straight. Amanda attempts to run her hand across the bruise and I move away from her touch again before standing up from the table. I need to get away from everyone and quick.
I’m officially turning into an emotional girl. I need to get laid or something. This is getting to be ridiculous.
Reaching my locker, there is footsteps coming up behind me. Well, not exactly footsteps but the familiar clicking of a pair of crutches. A sound I am all too familiar with, a sound that is becoming to be music to my ears.
I don’t turn around, but she speaks up anyways, “Are you okay?”
“Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?” I offer as I turn around to see Kennedy’s face full of worry.
“You seemed upset earlier and then in the cafeteria you seemed…” she grabs my hand in hers. “You just seemed…”
I jerk my hand away. “Seemed like what? Hurt? Embarrassed? Jealous because all of those would fit perfectly in this whole situation,” I snap at her while pointing between the two of us. It’s hard to admit that Kennedy’s making me feel the way she is. “I’m sorry. It’s just…”
She cut me off. “Why are you being like this? I’m trying to understand you, but you’re impossible. You say you want us to be friends, but then last night happened then this morning happened too,” Kennedy’s voice begins to rise. “You were the one that said it was a mistake. Not the other way around, Graham. I’m tired of justifying this side of you that you are so desperate to show me.”
“It’s who I am, Kennedy. It’s just that simple.”
“I don’t want to believe that, so how about when you find the guy who showed up at my house last night vulnerable, the one who held me as if his life depended on it, then kissed me this morning, come and find me,” she turns on me. I reach for her to turn her back around. She snaps around with fire behind her eyes. “I don’t like this person, the one who keeps pulling me in then pushing me away. I can’t be this guy’s friend.” Kennedy’s eyes begin to water and I know she’s fighting everything to keep it together.
“Is that what we are…friends? You can honestly look at me and say that we are friends because I don’t think that’s all that is here.” I take a step closer to her. Her expression looks shocked. I can’t believe I just said that out loud. I had barely admitted to myself let alone anyone else.
Kennedy plays with a strand of hair that had fallen in her eyes. “I think that all depends on you. If you can find that guy that I seem to like so damn much then come and find me but until then I’m not going to sit back and endure this on/off shit that you’ve been throwing at me at every turn. You either do or you don’t, Graham. It’s just that easy. You either do. Or. You. Don’t.”
My feet won’t move. I just stand cemented to the tile in the hallway. What I’m doing to her isn’t fair. I tried fighting the way I felt when she was around then fought back the horrible feeling I had when she wasn’t. I make excuses for my behavior saying that she deserves something better than me. I can’t be a good friend to her because of who I am, but still she stands there looking at me as if there is something special about me, something worthwhile.
Chapter Twenty-Three
-Kennedy-
It’s Thursday and I can’t be more relieved that there’s only one more day until the weekend. It’s a lot easier to avoid Graham when I don’t have to dodge him in the hallways. When I’m in the seclusion of my bedroom I can make believe that I don’t see his eyes on me every day and convince myself that the things he said to me in the hallway didn’t totally ruin me.
It’s been exhausting all week to stop myself from looking back at him in Government. Keeping my eyes off of him in the hallway and the cafeteria when he’s surrounded by his band of followers seems to be a full time job these days. We haven’t talked since the day he stormed out of the cafeteria. Every day the bruise seems to be healing a little more than the day before though. It keeps me wondering if that is the worst it’s ever been. Worrying about Graham isn’t my responsibility. In spite of myself, I keep wishing that it was.
Graham never bothered to explain what happened that night before he came knocking on my door. I have my own theories. My mind can fill in a few blanks that he left behind. It wasn’t something I could ever begin to understand. To be honest, I don’t want to. What happened to him was far too dark for me to comprehend. Any punishment I’ve known is child’s play compared to the fear I saw on his face as he stood on my porch helpless that night.
Craig and I started hanging out more even though I know he has a reputation. I never have been the type of person who judged someone before the opportunity to get to know them. Secretly, I enjoyed having the attention from someone like Craig. I saw the way girls looked at him. As shallow as it may be, it made me feel like I belonged when I was near him.
Craig drove me to school every day, always willing to carry my bag. Every morning we were met in the parking lot by his group of friends. Violet usually dragged me away, while Graham glared holes into the side of Craig’s head and forced back a smile towards me. It is as if the two of us are torturing ourselves. I caught Graham on more than one occasion stealing glances when he thought no one was paying attention and I know I was doing the same thing. We kept our distance though. I think we both understand why. It was just easier that way. It made more sense, made things less complicated. We didn’t know how to navigate through all the newness of things. Leaving a giant gap between us makes the decision easy for us.
After spending the past few days with Craig, Violet’s getting antsy and demands that we have a girl’s night spending too much money at the mall then going to dinner. I let her drag me into practically every store in the mall looking for the perfect dress for prom. It was just around the corner. The whole ritual makes me nervous. I’ve never been to a dan
ce. No one’s ever bothered to ask me.
“What about this one?” Violet springs from the fitting room modeling an extremely short sequin dress. It truly looks amazing on her and the green brings out her eyes perfectly.
“I really like it,” I state feeling distracted.
“Are you shitting me? Kennedy, you like it? That’s not exactly the lack luster impression I want with my prom dress.” Her hands are on her hips glaring down at me in the chair that I’m sitting in.
“So far it’s my favorite. You’re going with Dan, right?” I know bringing him up in conversation will distract her from my less than enthusiastic response to her dress.
“Of course,” Violet’s obnoxious grin gave her away.
“What’s going on with you two anyways?” I stand looking over a table that’s sitting outside of the fitting room. I pull a light blue infinity scarf over my head looking in the mirror to grimace at the color before placing it back into the table. I look back at her waiting for a response. Even though I already know the answer she’s going to give me, I asked hoping she’d be honest for once.
I know that they hook up in a regular basis. That little fact is common knowledge. Their situation goes much further than that though. She just isn’t willing to admit it. I don’t think either of them wants to admit it. Everyone around them who’s not blind can tell they are into each other. They steal playful glances in front of whoever’s around and he is constantly finding a reason to brush up against her. They are cute with each other.
“We have sex and that’s all it is,” Violet tries to convince me or perhaps she’s trying to convince herself as well in the process.
“Whatever you say,” I laugh at her obvious denial.
Violet walks into the fitting room to change out of what would hopefully be “the” dress. She continues to talk to me the entire time. “What about you and Craig? I’ve seen you guys at lunch.” She steps out in her own clothes looking me up and down with question. “The boy practically walks behind you like a love sick puppy falling at your every word. It’s sort of adorable. I’ve never seen him like that with anyone.”
I suppose something is going on between us. Being sure I wanted anything to go any further was where I was having the trouble. We’ve kissed a few times since his party, but I never let it go further than that. I kind of get the idea that Craig wants it to go faster than I’m ready for. He tends to get agitated when I stop his journey a little too far south. He never says anything out loud in the moment. It’s a feeling I get. Something about him makes me nervous. I just can’t seem to put my finger on whatever is causing my discomfort with him.
I must have been in deep thought when Violet interrupted me. “Earth to Kennedy. Did you even hear what I said?” she waved her hand in front of my face.
“I’m sorry. My mind was just wandering. What did you ask?” I walked around the table of scarves again picking up a pink floral print one.
“What’s going on with you and Craig? I heard he was planning on asking you to prom.”
“Ugh…I don’t know. I like hanging out with him, but if I’m being honest I don’t understand him. I’m obviously not his type. On top of that, something happened the other day that made me sort of… uneasy.” The thought trailed off as I remember the look in his eye the other day in his bedroom.
“What happened?” Violet saddles up next to me eager to hear the gossip.
“It’s just we were hanging out at his house the other night. He started to kiss me and when it was getting too intense for me I pushed him off. He got this predatory look in his eyes. They were just off somehow, you know what I mean?”
“It’s probably because he’s used to girls dropping their panties at his every word. He seems into you. I mean, I have never personally seen him actively pursue a girl. That’s gotta be worth something.”
“I don’t see it going anywhere. Not now that…” I stop myself before I say too much. The look on Violet’s face proves that she caught on. Maybe I wanted her to.
“Now that what?” she asks with a raised eyebrow. Her curiosity is peeked.
And I can’t be more thrilled. I can’t keep it a secret anymore. It’s been killing me to not tell Violet what has been going on with me. We never keep anything from each other.
“If I tell you, do you promise not to tell anyone? Like this cannot be repeated, even to Dan. You have to swear, Violet,” I stick out my pinky for her to swear on it and she quickly comes to my side to make the childish pact.
“I swear on all my shoes, even the Jimmy Choos mom bought me for my birthday.” This is the best kind of promise she can make to insure me she is being serious.
I tell her everything. Well almost everything, I left out the whole Graham running me over when he was drunk and him showing up to my house with the black eye. I allow her to think that I accidently elbowed him still. Those secrets will go to my grave with me.
Now thinking about it, the whole story doesn’t add up without those bits of information. Violet doesn’t seem to question it either way. I tell her about how jealous he seemed to get at the pizza parlor when Craig touched me and how he came up with a lie to be able to drive me home. I told her how he held me all night and then the way he kissed me the next morning. Then even though it’s completely embarrassing I explained what happened in the bathroom, but instead of taking advantage of the situation he gave me a brotherly kiss on the forehead. That was a hard part to relive. Being kissed on the forehead is a sweet gesture if it comes from your boyfriend, not the boy that was making out with you a few minutes before.
Violet stares at me with a shocked expression snapping me out of my day dream. “Are we talking about the same Graham? Graham Black, right?” Violet looks back at me with confusion. She’s trying to understand with her eyes wide with wonder as if I just told her unicorns actually exist.
“Trust me, I know how this sounds,” I say as we make our way through the mall. I’m carrying most of Violet’s bags. The girl has a serious shopping problem. 65% of this will be donated with tags still on it by the end of the season.
Neither of us say anything else until we are sitting in our booth at the restaurant. The silence only makes my mind wander to Graham. I wonder what he’s doing right now. I kick myself for even allowing him to take up space in my head.
Violet stares at her menu. Every few minutes she looks up at me as if she’s contemplating what I told her then quickly scans her eyes over the menu that she knows by heart. All Graham is known to be is arrogant and manipulative. The guy I just described is sweet, gentle, and understanding.
“Are you going to say anything? You know what you are getting. You get the same damn thing every time,” I demand an answer from her, anxious as to what she’s going to say. Her opinion means a lot to me. I need her to be on board. On board for what? I’m not sure.
Violet bites her lip trying to hold back what she wants to say. “Okay…umm…” she stutters out.
“Just spit it out please. You’re making me nervous.” I sit patiently tapping my foot on the floor. It’s a nervous tick that I think I inherited from my mother. She always does it when she has to tell my Dad bad news.
“Just give me a minute to think about it,” she says with a knowing look on her face. I could see the truth tidal wave through her eyes. “Holy shit, Kennedy. You totally like him.”
BINGO, there’s my best friend.
“It’s more complicated than that,” I begin to explain. “Something happened that sort of pushed us together and I’m not going to tell you about it, so please respect that. We just kept saying that we would try to be friends and it was okay for a little while, for like a day actually. It really worked, but I kept finding myself wanting to be near him more. It’s like something’s pulling us together and it’s out of my control. I know how stupid that sounds to you, but it’s how I feel. I almost thought he felt it too.”
“Dude, he stayed the night at your house? Where were your parents?” Violet shrieks making her e
yes widen in excitement. She’s bouncing around on her side of the booth like a child.
“Out of everything I just said you are focusing on him staying the night, really? You can’t be serious.”
“Okay, what’s going on now?” Violet’s curious nature takes hold making it impossible for her to stay focused on one question.
“Absolutely nothing. He hasn’t even talked to me since Monday. I told him to quit playing games with me and we haven’t spoken a word since.”
“Are you nuts? That’s Graham Black like future major league baseball player and you just told him to kick rocks,” Violet yells. The couple behind us turns to glare at us. “Girls would give their right tit to have a few minutes and you got to spend the whole night sleeping next to him. That’s unheard of, Ken. Like seriously legendary. I think I should ask for your autograph.”
“Quit being ridiculous and will you please quiet down? I know who he is, but that doesn’t give him a free pass to be a dick.”
“Fair enough and what’s with the cursing by the way? I mean I like the fire, but it’s not like you at all.” Violet laughs. “Now, are you going to go to the baseball game tomorrow?”
“I don’t think I should. Craig asked me to go. I’m just thinking that I should keep my distance from him for now.”
“You’ll say you’ll go for Craig, but in reality you will have your eyes on the pitcher’s mound the entire time. This should be interesting.” Violet rolls her eyes in the over the top way she can only do. “How is it possible that two of the hottest guys in school are trying to get in your pants?”
“I told you already. Someone must have drugged the water supply because it doesn’t make any sense.” We both laugh. We knew it was the truth.
Our waitress comes by the table to take our orders shortly after. Violet being the friend that she is drops the subject immediately. The rest of the meal is filled with conversations about Dan. She still claims that they are just “friends”. It’s cute how her face lights up when she talks about him. I know that there’s more to them, she just isn’t willing to admit it yet. Violet simply hooking up with someone looked different than this. If she’s intrigued by someone she will fall at their feet for a week solid, but it never lasts longer than that. Apparently she and Dan have been at it for almost two months which is impressive for her normal standards for a healthy relationship.
When Our Worlds Collide Page 14