“Goodnight,” I kiss the back of her head.
God, I hope I don’t hurt this girl. She’s too close to perfect to dent.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
-Kennedy-
Today sucks.
It’s his fault. I’m blaming this all on him.
I can’t concentrate when he’s this close to me and god dammit, he is distracting.
Something happened last night, something that I can’t tell anyone about, even my best friend. Now I’m being forced to pretend as if everything is perfectly normal. As if this said thing didn’t occur when it’s all I can think about as Graham sits across from me at the lunch table watching every move I make. My eyes keep grazing across his firm chest, the same chest that was slammed up against me this morning as I got ready for school.
Quit grinning at me like you know what you do to me.
This is a freaking disaster.
This whole anonymous thing is my idea. I suggested it knowing that it would be the best thing for “us”. Secretly I was hoping that Graham would eventually protest---demanded that we announce to the world that he adores me and all that other sort of romantic crap that only happens in movies and books. Things like that don’t happen to girls like me. It’s not my reality.
He knew just as well as I did that if word got out that we were…getting to know each other seems to be the only appropriate way to explain our situation, that we would get ripped to shreds. Someone will find a way to ruin it before it even got started making it more complicated than is necessary. The thing is that I’m not under any illusion that I fit in with Graham’s group of friends. When I was spending time with Craig I felt the same way. It didn’t matter who my best friend is or what guy is beside me I will still be out of place, lost in between the crowds.
Lying to Violet is the hardest part. She knows most of the gory details of him staying at my house. She’s not an idiot. She knows something is going on. She just thinks that Graham is keeping his distance. I reiterated this exact thing to her this morning when she came and picked me up from school. I had to forcefully remove Graham from my living room in order not to get caught in the act. He begged for me to ride to school with him today. After explaining how that will look he reluctantly understood, but not before pinning me against the kitchen counter. I could get used to kissing him.
“Kennedy? Kennedy? Did you not hear what I just said?” Violet’s voice rings through my ears drawing me out of my little daydream of Graham.
I’m completely enamored with that boy. I can at least admit to that. It has everything to do with his smile and the way his eyes light up when he truly thinks something is funny. When he’s frustrated, he runs his hand over the top of his head and down his face. He’s gorgeous to the point that at times it hurts to look at him. He is the God damn sun for crying out loud.
“Oops, zoning out. Sorry, what’s going on?” I look across to Violet who’s giving me her ‘what the hell is wrong with you’ look. I just shrug trying to brush it off as nothing. I don’t think a lunch table full of Graham’s friends is the most appropriate spot to announce that Graham stayed the night for the second time and this time there was a lot more than good conversation.
“Do you want to ride with me to the game tonight?”
“Actually, I can’t. I told Mr. Cook that I’d take some extra photos for the newspaper. I’m going to head to the field early,” I explain. Graham’s head jerks up catching my attention. He smiles at me. I know what he’s thinking because I was thinking the same thing when I agreed to go. We can’t spend much time together while we are around all of his friends. This will allow us to be a smidge closer to each other than what we are willing to allow right now.
“Have fun with that,” Violet rolls her eyes at me jokingly. She doesn’t understand my need to participate in school groups like newspaper or debate. She’s a social butterfly to her core. She can’t find time for anything that didn’t involve the opposite sex.
I feel Craig’s arm reach around my shoulders. “Trust me, she will,” he says suggestively to everyone who is willing to listen gaining a few snickers. It’s irritating to have some horny teenage boy assume that he’s going to be the reason behind your supposed fun. It’s worth it to see Graham tense up across the table from me as Craig fawns all over me. I can tell that his shoulders are tight through his shirt and he is clearly gritting his teeth against each other sending death glares straight at Craig. No one notices this odd behavior. No one is watching as closely as I am.
I wiggle Craig’s arm off of me sliding down the bench to try to prove a silent point to Graham. Craig isn’t thrilled with my distance, but he quickly recovers. I don’t want the lines to get crossed for Craig. I notice the way Graham’s shoulders slump down in a relaxed manner as he is back to talking to Dan about their game tonight.
Tonight’s game is all anyone is talking about. They are going up against one of our rivals. Our school has a lot of them according to what Graham told me last night. The way Graham talks about baseball is infectious. It’s hard to rip my eyes away from him as he gets more excited about pitching tonight.
I’m forced back to the worst kind of reality when Amanda waltzes in the cafeteria wearing one of Graham’s baseball t-shirts that has his name and number on the back in bold lettering. It’s clearly two or more sizes too big making it apparent who it originally belonged to. She made do by tying it up in the back causing it to ride up exposing a considerate amount of her tanned stomach. Several guys at the table hoot and holler in her direction making rather disgusting remarks to Graham about “his girl” as they so clearly put it.
My stomach feels as if it’s up in my throat. This should have been expected. Through everything I forget that Graham has a regular arrangement with Amanda. I try not to think about it suppressing the thoughts that are now haunting my mind. Graham’s the most popular sought after guy in our school and I’m me. I can’t hold a torch to someone like Amanda who puts it all out there for the taking. It’s well known that Graham has taken his fair share of her.
“Looks like Amanda’s coming to make good on your deal,” Craig smirks at Graham reaching out to give him a fist bump. Graham looks instantly uncomfortable, but slowly puts his fist against Craig’s. He glances down the table sympathetically but discreetly watching me. Silently I know he’s apologizing for what is about to happen. I don’t think I’m ready for this.
I lean across the table towards Violet to make sure no one hears me. “What’s Craig talking about?” I ask her. I can hear the panic in my voice.
“Apparently, at the beginning of the season Amanda made an agreement with Graham that they would hook up before each of his games. I guess it’s sort of became a twisted good luck charm for him. Kind of disgusting if you ask me,” Violet looks at me sympathetically knowing very well that I have admitted liking Graham just the night before. “Sorry.” She mouths.
It’s like a car accident making it impossible to look away. Amanda struts over to Graham, then like real whore sits down on his lap. Oh God! Seriously? I can’t compete with that. I can tell he’s tense as she runs her hand over his head messing with the ends of his hair where it curls up just a tad in the back. Technically Graham and I aren’t anything. I’m not under the impression that one night fooling around would turn into an everlasting thing. I’m not that naive. He’s Graham Black for crying out loud.
Amanda’s lips move down to Graham’s ear. She’s whispering something to him, something to do with laying down on any piece of the earth that he chose more than likely. Not being able to stand watching the scene, I get up from the table and throw my tray of food into the garbage before slamming it down.
This is my entire fault. Getting involved with someone like Graham is only going to lead to disappointment. Guys like him don’t bat eyelashes at girls like me. It seems that ever since he showed a hint of interest that the whole lot of them started noticing me. Its unwanted attention and I’d prefer for it to go back to the way it was before k
nowing what I know now. Before I danced on that stage, before the accident, and before that stupid party everything was normal. No one noticed me and I’m beginning to realize that I prefer that life better than this one.
This one is full of jealousy and heartache. That’s how I feel when Amanda is near Graham. Pure jealousy is evident, perhaps a hint of rage. I want nothing more than to reach across the table and yank her off of his lap by her perfect straight blonde hair. I can’t because of some dumbass idea that I put out into the universe. Graham agreed to it though. Why would he agree with me? He’s clearly just as agitated by the way Craig paws all over me, so why put himself through the torture? Unless he’s enjoying being able to have all the girls fall at his feet knowing that I’m still going to be there. Jackass.
“Asshole,” I utter under my breath slamming the rubber bottom on my crutch against a locker.
“Who are you yelling at?” the voice behind me makes me jump. I can recognize his voice in a crowded room. It’s the familiar masculine and roughness to it that gives him away.
“Just leave me alone, Graham,” I beg him purposefully avoiding looking in his eyes. I know once he sees the hurt on my face then he will know exactly what I have been thinking.
“What just happened didn’t mean…” he trails off lost in the thought before I cut him off.
“You don’t need to explain it to me. I should have expected it. I should have seen it coming.” I slowly make my way back to my locker with him close on my heels.
“Excuse me?” Graham grabs my arm gently to force me to slow down. I continue to avoid eye contact with him until he gently grabs my chin giving me no other choice. “What do you mean you should have expected this from me?”
“Amanda and you are made for each other. Go have fun and do what you’ve always done, Graham. You don’t owe me anything.” The words come out before I have a chance to filter them. I’ve been telling him that since the accident. It’s became my defense mechanism to fending off letting Graham fully in.
Graham looks down at me running his hands down onto my shoulders and the length of my arms before speaking. He looks frustrated as he grits his teeth and moves his hands off of my arms. “Wow! It’s nice to know that it only took one day. Hell, not even one day for you to jump to a conclusion about me,” Graham rubs his hand over his face. “It wasn’t the outside that would have destroyed us Kennedy. Our only obstacle was you and your doubt about me as a person. That’s all and nothing else. Let’s not confuse the truth.”
We stood in the middle of the hallway staring at each other. Everything he’s saying is true. I know it now by the way he’s looking at me. I can see the hurt in his eyes and I don’t know how to make it better. I’m not even sure if I meant what I said. It seemed like I needed to protect my heart before he dug further in.
Setting him up for failure is what I had done. Everything in my body and heart tells me to believe in him and trust that he is the guy who I want him to be. My head tells me to run in the opposite direction of wherever he is. I don’t want to be vulnerable to someone who could easily ruin me. Graham’s that guy, the kind that doesn’t even understand the effect he has over people.
“You’re right,” I respond shaking my head looking down at my shoes.
“That’s the thing though, Kennedy. I don’t want to be right about this. I want you to look me in my eyes and see that guy that you keep talking about. I know that guys in here,” Graham points at his chest. “Don’t turn your back on me before you even give me a chance to prove it.”
The hallway slowly fills with students who are oblivious to what is conspiring between Graham and me rushing to make it to their next class. Several people brush up against us. Neither of us shifts from where our feet are planted.
“I don’t know what to tell you, Graham. I’m not sure that I can do this,” I begin to explain. “I just…I’m me and you’re you. There’s a reason why we haven’t crossed paths until now. How can we expect this to work?”
Graham and I watch each other both contemplating what I have said. His eyes are down casted while mine stay locked on his face trying to see some glimpse if there is any hope left. When he looks up at me, his eyes give me my answer.
“I don’t know, Kennedy. I really don’t,” Graham forces the words out and turns his back leaving me standing alone in the crowded hallway. I feel more alone than I have in a long time. He doesn’t bother looking back before he walks away to blend in with the rest of the students.
The rest of the school day goes by in a blur. During Government, Graham stays busy chit chatting with a few of the baseball players at the back of the room while I spend most of the hour and a half trying to force myself to keep my head facing forward. I break down twice and casually turn my head to peer back to where he’s sitting. He catches me both times, but I can’t read what his eyes are trying to tell me.
I want to run back to him and jump in his lap and apologize for what I said and for doubting him for one single second. I think we both understood that it’s too late. I went too far and now Graham’s sitting just a few rows away but it feels as if there could be oceans between us.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
-Graham-
“Hi Kennedy, you’re here to take some photos?” Coach shouts out in the middle of his pregame speech. I search the green in front of the dugout wondering where she is hiding.
“Only if it’s okay with you,” she says sweetly from the outside of the dugout somewhere. You can always hear her smile through her voice. I know better than anyone after the way she bulldozed me in the hallway today that her sweetness can run out.
“Good luck capturing anything worth using. These boys may be good at baseball, but they aren’t anything worth writing home about. ” This makes her laugh making my desire to run out to her and kiss her like I just had this morning before school. Those moments seem too far away now. Almost as if they never happened. I screwed it all up more than what she’s aware of. Typical Graham, always messing things up and for what…
Kennedy turns the corner towards the dugout where we’re all sitting along the bench. She has the camera up to her eye snapping photo after photo. She looks beautiful. The sun’s shining down on her long brown hair making it shimmer in the light. I can’t keep my eyes off of her. I wasn’t trying to hide my fascination. She has changed out of what she was wearing this morning into a pair of jeans and a simple teal tank top. The color makes her eyes stand out amongst everyone else.
“Graham Black, quit ogling that poor girl and get on the field,” Coach shouts at me before throwing my mitt into my lap. I glance up to see all of my teammates already warming up. Kennedy’s smiling at her camera screen. Just her smile lightens my mood. And to think you screwed it all up with her.
I run out of the dugout to stand directly up against Kennedy’s back while she snaps a few shots of the players that are on the field like I’m supposed to be. She’s aware of how close I am by the way she stiffens up.
“You look beautiful,” I whisper in her ear. She doesn’t say anything. She turns to face me allowing her expression to say it all. Everything is eventually going to be okay. After what I did this afternoon I highly doubt that.
I barely make it to the mound when Mark and Craig step in front of me stopping me dead in my tracks. “You ready for tonight?” Mark asks with a sly grin.
“What’s tonight?” I ask knowing fully well what they are referring to, yet another party at Craig’s. It’s the same thing every weekend. Keeping my gaze locked on Kennedy as she walks around the field snapping shot after shot, I am caught by my best friends. Craig’s tossing a baseball in the air playing catch with himself while Mark’s intently watching me as if I’ve lost my mind.
“She’s hot, right?” Craig marvels at his obvious attraction to my girl. This is him staking his claim on her.
“She’s gorgeous,” I answer honestly. Mark looks at me sideways in surprise. Craig’s eyebrows singe together threatened by the compliment.
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br /> “I’m thinking that tonight’s the night. Girls always fall for the Craig Daniel’s charm. What would make this chick any different?” Craig asks but Mark and I both know it’s a rhetorical question. Craig jogs over towards Kennedy leaving Mark and me on the mound.
Before he was out of ear shot Mark mutters under his breath low enough for what was only supposed to be for my ears, “Because she’s actually smart unlike all the others.” This makes us both laugh, but Craig doesn’t find the humor in the jab as he glares at the two of us flipping us the bird behind his back. Heaven forbid he lets Kennedy see him being crude. Such a con artist.
“I’ve seen you watching her, you know?” Mark speaks up as he tosses the ball in the air towards me.
“Who?” I ask already knowing who he is referring to. I can’t stop myself from looking back towards her. She was standing near the dugout talking to Coach now. Coach must have run off Craig because he’s in the outfield where he belongs.
“Kennedy Conrad.” Mark points back at where she is standing laughing at something Coach is saying to her. “Is there something going on there?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I answer as coolly as possible shaking my head in denial, trying not to be too obvious.
“Don’t let Craig see you. You know how he gets when he stakes his territory and he clearly thinks she’s his for the taking,” Mark pats me on the back then walked behind home plate. I thought about what Mark was implying before I start practicing. Craig barely knows Kennedy, but Mark is right about one thing. Craig thinks that Kennedy is his to have, but he is sadly mistaken. I may have messed up royally, but I’m not willing to back down even for my best friend.
“Mark?” I shout to get his attention before he gets too far away. He turns jogging back to me.
“What’s up, man?” he quirks an eyebrow at me. I’m not sure if I should bring her back up. I just need to talk to someone about her. It’s killing me.
When Our Worlds Collide Page 17