I swing my legs around until my feet hit the ground. “Nothing’s wrong. It’s just…” I try to explain before Craig interrupts me.
“I thought you were into it. I know you want me, Kennedy. Quit fighting it. Haven’t you been fighting back for long enough?” It sounds like a question, but it’s more of a statement. He isn’t taking no for an answer. To him all of the flirting, harmless touching meant something different. Boys like him have expectations. Craig brushes my hair over to one side kissing the back of my neck making his way back up to my lips turning my head slightly to face him. A slight panic rose up in my chest. I don’t think that Craig would hurt me, but I’ve always had a good intuition about guys and people in general. Something’s definitely off with him tonight.
I make an attempt to stand up. Having a broken leg didn’t play in my favor. Before I can utter another word in protest Craig pulls my arm hard until I fall back onto the bed. There’s a look in his eye, a primal and merciless stare that makes my stomach jump into my throat the second we lock eyes. He pins me beneath him holding both of my wrists down with his full strength above my head. A sharp pain shoots through them as I try to fight to release his hold. I can smell the alcohol as he breathes down on my neck. I fight back the bile that’s begging to rise up in my throat.
“Don’t fight it. If it was Graham on you right now, you’d have those pretty little legs spread wide open for him,” Craig whispers in my ear with an anger that makes my heart race in fear. It’s the type of tone a girl wishes she never has to hear while being overpowered by someone. What does Graham have to do with this? How does he even know about Graham?
Craig must see the confusion in my eyes. “Oh you’re probably wondering how I know about you and Graham. It was a wild guess that you just confirmed. I’ve seen the way you two look at each other when you think no one can see. Everyone looks at him like he is some saint and he isn’t. None of us are,” he barks in my ear with pure disdain.
This is the moment that it’s going to happen. Every girl’s worst nightmare is unfolding in front of my eyes and I can’t do anything. I go to open my mouth to shout, but nothing comes out. I can hear myself crying out for help. It’s lost somewhere, dangling in the air not being able to find its release. It’s then that I realize Craig’s hand is trapping my cry for help from escaping. I’m alone.
Craig trails kisses along my neck while the hand that isn’t covering my mouth explores the length of my body. I push against his chest with everything I have. No matter how much I push and scratch my strength’s no match for his. He has broad shoulders and strong arms that are stopping me from gaining the leverage I need to escape this hell. It’s hopeless. I’m feeling hopeless.
I hear the familiar sound of a zipper being lowered and quickly shut my eyes to endure whatever pain and force Craig is intending to use against me. Tears betray me as I try to stay strong. They fall down my cheeks through my clenched eyelids landing on Craig’s sheets. Craig forces his knee to spread my legs further apart as I try to clench them together as my last effort at defense. I lose that battle. I manage to weasel one of my hands away from him as I fight against his chest.
“Quit fighting it, Ken. You’ll like it I promise,” Craig whispers in my ear.
“Don’t call me Ken,” I manage to force out even though I know he probably can’t hear me. I don’t want him to taint that along with my body.
Reaching above my head I find a shelf full of trophies knocking them down in hopes to gain someone’s attention. Someone has to hear the plastic hitting against the walls. I close my eyes and pray not even sure if I believe in anything in this moment fighting against Craig’s strength refusing to let him do what he wants to me.
The next thing I know there’s the sound of wood cracking throughout the room. I close my eyes out of fear of meeting Craig’s stare. Even with the loud banging I hear to my left, I can’t force myself to open my eyes to see what’s happening around me. There’s a stirring in the room right before I feel the pressure above me dissipate. Craig’s body isn’t on me anymore. I can breathe.
There’s shouting with a horrifying cracking of bone hitting bone. My breaths are becoming harder and harder to push out of my lungs as I replay Craig trying to steal what was never rightfully his. I lay there not fighting, feeling numb as more and more tears make their decent from my cheek down onto the pillow that will forever be stained with the fear and pain I feel.
Kennedy, get up. Just get up before he comes back. GET YOUR ASS OFF OF THE BED NOW.
Now is when you fight.
I don’t know what’s happening around me. I’m laying here vulnerable waiting for Craig to finish me off only to discard me as if it doesn’t matter how he’s treating a defenseless girl who has no strength to fight back. The noise in my ears is ringing deafening loud---a combination of me crying, catching my breath, and the glass shattering somewhere in the room.
“If you ever so much as look in her direction again I swear to god I will fucking kill you,” a strong familiar voice shouts loud enough to make me cower into a ball on the bed. The voice is muffled as if it’s far enough away, but I know it’s coming from inside the room. I will my legs to move, to get out of there. The only thing I want is to escape my nightmare.
Soft hands reach down scooping me up off of the bed. I flinch at the initial contact until I realize I’m no longer lying in that bed. I curl into my savior’s chest listening to his heart beat using him as a guide to get my breathing under control. His scent penetrates my senses letting me know that everything’s going to be okay. I’m safe now.
I wrap my arms around his neck as the tears fall harder.
“Ken, listen to me. I’m right here with you. You’re safe now. Try to take a deep breath for me, baby,” Graham’s voice whispers in my ear on repeat until we make it outside into the cool of the night. The sharp air runs over my body causing goose bumps to jump up on every last inch of my body. I curl in deeper to Graham’s chest looking for refuge.
A car door opens and I’m placed down onto a smooth leather seat. I reach for the familiar hand refusing to let go. “Please…” I panic not wanting any distance between us.
“I’m not going anywhere. I promise. I just want to get some heat pumping into the car to warm you up. I promise, Ken,” Graham brushes his hand along my tear soaked cheek. He looks devastated as he walks around to the front of the car pushing the keys in his ignition. The heat quickly forces through the car as he turns the knob. It only takes a few seconds. The lack of contact with him makes it unbearable. I need him near me.
“Graham…” I push out in a whisper. He slams the driver’s side door to run over to slide in next to me in the back seat.
His arms quickly wrap around me sheltering me from everything that has happened. “Look at me,” Graham demands in the lowest of whispers.
I do what he asks as he looks me over. Every inch of my skin is investigated thoroughly. I know what he’s doing---looking for any marks or proof of what has happened. As his eyes make there decent up my legs slowly landing on my wrist I can hear his audible gasp. With no need to look at what he’s seeing I continue to look in his eyes waiting for anything to shine through. Only pure rage is there quickly replaced with guilt.
“That son of a bitch,” he punches the back of the seat in front of him making me jump in surprise. Graham quickly panics knowing that his reaction to my bruises scared me. “Oh god, Kennedy, come here. I’m so sorry. The last thing you need is me losing my shit in front of you.” He pulls me into his side tucking me underneath his arm placing comforting kisses on the top of my head.
“I tried to scream. I did but I didn’t think anyone would hear me. I thought that I was alone up there. I swear…I tried to scream,” I confess pushing myself away from him so he can see the seriousness in my eyes as they well up with another storm of tears. I felt the need to explain myself as to how hard I had tried to fight. I don’t want Graham to think that I’m weak or that I went down without a fight.
“I know baby. None of that matters. You’re safe now,” Graham pulls me into his side where I fit perfectly again. He reaches into his pocket to grab his cellphone. “I’m calling 911, Kennedy. You need to report him…you have to report what he’s done.”
“No…no…we can’t. Nothing even happened,” I protest.
“Kennedy, it doesn’t matter if he finished the job. The whole point is what his intentions were,” Graham tries explaining but I refuse to hear anything he is saying.
“How’d you know I was in there anyways?” I ask changing the subject.
“I never left. You just didn’t see me. I didn’t like seeing how much you were drinking. I stuck around to make sure you would be okay. I knew I was the last person you wanted around, but I couldn’t leave. I saw Craig taking you upstairs. I followed you up and just sat outside the room just in case. I just didn’t want to leave you alone with him,” Graham confesses. I had a feeling there is more to it than what he’s putting on. His eyes are torn. I can see how worried he is for me. He wants me to report his best friend, but I don’t see the point. I’m embarrassed and what could they possibly do? I went up there with him willingly.
My smile is forced. “Graham, thank you,” I point towards the house. “…for that.”
“You don’t need to thank me. It should have never happened Kennedy and if it wasn’t for what I had done with Amanda then it wouldn’t have. That…that was my fault.” Graham slinks his body forward resting his head in his hands.
Just like everything else he’s going to put this all on his shoulders just as he had with the car accident. He may have played a part in these two misfortunes, but I’m not willing to let him take the full brunt of the fall.
“Listen to me. This is not your fault. If I hadn’t been hell bent on making you jealous then I wouldn’t have ended up in Craig’s arms and he wouldn’t have tried to…he wouldn’t have…” I can’t get the words out to finish the thought without picturing Craig’s massive body on top of mine. Graham can feel the tension in my body. He reaches over intertwining his fingers with mine before kissing the backside of my hand. I can feel his hand shaking next to mine.
“I got to you in time Kennedy and promise that no one will ever hurt you like that again,” Graham’s eyes are pleading with me to grasp what he was trying to say. He doesn’t need to say it out loud. I looked up to him through my tear soaked eyelashes. He looks down at our hands breaking the eye contact. Before he does I swear I see wetness in his eyes.
“Can you take me home?” I whisper. He nods before jumping out of the car.
Graham’s tentative to my unsteady state of mind as he helps me to the front seat. The entire ride back to my house is spent watching Graham holding onto my hand with a tenderness that surprises me. He guides my hand to his mouth allowing his lips to linger on the back for several seconds. My mind wants to focus on what Craig’s intentions were tonight when my heart wants to fly with Graham’s sweet attention. Words can’t explain how thankful I am for how sweet he’s being with me. Every moment he breaks the contact I can feel an ache in my chest pulling me towards him causing me to let out an audible groan. He’s making me feel safe when I know I should feel scared to death.
We pull into the drive way. Graham turns to look at me. “Kennedy, are you okay?” he asks softly.
“I will be. I’m not right now though,” I wipe a few tears away as they fall. It’s hard to explain how I feel. I’m numb, but at the same time being close to Graham makes me feel everything.
Graham quickly rushes over to my side of the car opening the door. He bends down cradling me in his arms, although unnecessary---very sweet. We reach the front door as he grabs my set of keys from my grasp that I dug out of my purse on the ride here. The house is dark. I insist Graham put me down. I flick on a few lights to give the rooms some life. I don’t want it to be dark tonight.
In a trance I find my way down the hallway into my bedroom as if my body’s on auto pilot---making deliberate moves in fear of breaking down. I can feel Graham following close behind me. When I turn around he leans his weight against the door frame of my room as I sit idle on the edge of my bed.
Tonight isn’t supposed to be like this. Things like this aren’t supposed to happen to girls like me. Things like this change people. I can already feel a part of me dying as I sit here staring into an oblivion unsure of what’s going on around me. A part of me is gone…that much I can feel and I’m not sure if I will ever get her back again. I feel unsafe in my own skin for the first time in my life. Knowing what to do next seems like too much of a chore.
I can see Graham moving around my room in a blur. I feel his arm reaching around my waist hoisting me up. I follow him into the bathroom as he leads, bending down to turn the shower on. There’s no stopping him when he starts to peel off my clothes. My shirt’s pulled up gently over my head and my skirt and underwear fell to the ground into the pile. Graham eases his hands around my back to undo my bra. There isn’t anything sexual about him undressing me. He’s merely taking care of me in the only way he thinks will be helpful. He somehow knows just what I need---to wash it all away.
I point out my cast cover and he helps slide it on before guiding me into the shower. He follows behind me still wearing his jeans and grey t-shirt. I lean my head against the hard tile letting the hot water lap over my back. Graham hands stay strongly on my hips bearing most of my weight as I sob uncontrollably.
I feel everything washing down the drain. Well, as much that can be washed away. You always hear that girls who have been assaulted feel dirty the only thing they want to do is shower. This isn’t any different. Although Craig didn’t succeed, I still feel disgusting---dirty, used up. My skin’s crawling remembering the way he touched me. I can smell him on my skin still. The shower slowly covers that feeling until it disappears or at least fades the best it can. It doesn’t drown out the sound of Craig’s zipper lowering. Unfortunately, that keeps playing over in my head.
Chapter Thirty
-Graham-
Tonight makes having an abusive father seem like a walk in a park. I’ll admit that treating girl’s right isn’t my strong suit, but what Craig has done to Kennedy is unforgiveable. I know Craig…he’ll have an excuse for what happened. That he drank too much or that she was into it but I saw the look on Kennedy’s face when I stormed into that room.
She was lying on that bed curled into a ball looking smaller than I have ever seen her trying to melt into the sheets. Kennedy was attempting in the only way she knew possible to disappear. No one should ever make someone feel how small she looked.
I feel my heart leave my chest and fall to the floor when I see the tears running down her cheeks. She has ownership of everything. She has my heart and I didn’t realize it until it is too late. Until I allowed her to run off with Craig. I pushed her into his arms and now I’m trying to pick up the pieces of my mistakes. I don’t know what to do, dammit. How do you fix something like this? I’m too young for all of this. This isn’t supposed to be happening.
Kennedy turns her body around to face me, but she doesn’t look up. She silently looks down at her feet letting the water cascade around her slim body. She’s silent for a while. I wasn’t expecting her to say anything. She needs time. No amount of talking will make this night easier. When she’s ready to talk I’ll be here I silently promise.
The look on her face is something I’ll never forget---a look that will haunt me until my last breath. Her eyes are swollen from crying. She’s broken and heavy, utterly broken. I want nothing more than to drive back to Craig’s and finish what I had started. If I could take all of the pain and anguish from her body and put it into mine, I would. I’d give anything to stop any pain from getting to Kennedy. That will be the only way I can get the pounding ache in my chest to leave.
I brush her long wet hair from her face pulling her chin up towards me. “How about we get you to bed?” I whisper. She nods in agreement as I reach behind her to turn the faucet
off leaving her standing there naked in front of me. I’d be lying if I didn’t appreciate her body. I’m only human, okay. Every move I make is calculated to ensure she’s comfortable. Having her feel nervous around me isn’t a burden I want her to bare. I want her to feel a comfort around me. She doesn’t need some horny teenage boy (me) man handling her after she was nearly…she was nearly…
I can’t even say it without wanting to throw up.
I grab a towel from the cabinet that’s next to the shower wrapping her shivering body with the material. The jolts could be from being wet and cold or from being in shock. She steps out of the shower with my assistance allowing her eyes to scan down the length of my body. I look down to see water dripping from my clothes onto the bathroom floor. I rip every last piece of clothing as quickly as possible wrapping a matching towel around my waist.
Kennedy’s eyes scan over my chest. Something changes beneath the clear blue of her irises. Although she still looks dazed and disoriented there’s a hint of the uninhibited girl I met in this bathroom just days before. Her gaze is blazing into my chest as her breaths start to shallow. Unabashedly running her eyes up and down my body, taking her time to appreciate and take in every inch.
“Come on,” I reach a hand out to her trying not to crack a smile knowing damn well what she was just thinking about. She holds on tightly to my outreached hand. I pull back the covers on her bed helping her ease into the soft mattress before turning around to head back into the bathroom.
“Where are you going?” Kennedy’s whisper sounds urgent as if being separated from me caused her irreversible pain. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t thrilled feeling needed by her.
When Our Worlds Collide Page 19