“Baby, I’m just grabbing my cell phone out of the bathroom. I’ll be right back. I promise,” I explain smiling softly at her.
Kennedy sits straight up in bed giving me a halfhearted smile. “Please stay with me tonight.”
“Where else would I go?” I walk into the bathroom to grab my phone. I leaned my hands against the vanity counter bending my head down before looking up into the mirror. I take several deep breaths to try to get my shit together before I head back out to Kennedy. I find Kennedy already asleep. She deserves an easy slumber. I sit on the edge of the bed to brush the wet hair out of her face spending a few minutes to admire every line and bend of her angelic face. She has the daintiest nose I’ve ever seen. It fits perfectly on her. There’s peacefulness to her as she sleeps. It’s the only way I ever want to see her.
Kennedy shudders in her sleep as she starts muttering something under her breath. I don’t know what she’s saying until I lean forward and hear her whisper, “I don’t know why, but I think I might love you.” It’s eerily quiet that I barely recognize the words.
Moving is becoming a chore. I don’t want to disturb her sleep, but I don’t know what else to do. There’s something between her and I. Maybe there always has been. Pinpointing it is the problem. Whenever she’s around there’s this magnetic pull between us. It’s like when she walks into a room, even if my back’s turned, I can feel her presence.
Perhaps what I’m feeling is love, but how can you be sure that you love someone? Everything between us has happened so quickly. I’m afraid that we aren’t ready. I don’t know if I’m ready, but when I look down at this girl who has the biggest heart and the kindest soul I wonder if it’s possible for me to love her. I’ve never been in love. Loving Kennedy would be easy.
I ease my way over the top of Kennedy’s small frame tucking myself into the bed next to her. She subconsciously moves herself into me until she’s perfectly tucked into the crook of my body. Her body seems too far in tuned with mine even as she sleeps. Her breaths fall into perfect harmony with mine and that’s when I know.
Her warmth radiates through her body onto my skin causing my voice to break as the words escape my mouth before my mind can try to protest. “I think I just might love you back, Kennedy,” I whisper into her neck praying that when we wake up everything will be a little less terrifying.
Chapter Thirty-One
-Kennedy-
I can smell the tiniest hint of his cologne as my body slowly breaks from its slumber. Like always it’s that hypnotizing hint of sandalwood with the undertones of what can only be described as Graham. I want to remember this morning, the way he smells and his warm skin against mine, until I get to experience it all over again.
Graham’s arms still have a comforting hold on my waist. Making slow movements to insure I don’t wake him. He deserves a few more hours of sleep after how well he took care of me last night. If it had been anyone else besides Graham I would have minded the extra attention and the knowing glances. With him, I feel different.
I have come to adore the boy who fights for me when I can’t stand up on my own. When I feel my weakest he holds me up in his arms and allows me to break down without a blink of an eye. There’s a security in his arms as if he could stop any force that tries to cause me any harm. I love Graham despite all of his vices, mistakes, and history because of the guy that he is now. I’m not going to allow the guy he used to be impact the way I feel in this moment with him.
Did I say I love Graham?
“I can feel you looking at me, Ken,” Graham says accusingly still not opening his eyes to look at me. I’ve been caught and he knows it. I brush the underside of my hand down his cheek keeping it still on his strong jawline rubbing my lone thumb in a small circle without saying anything. “That feels good.” His eyes pop open suddenly.
A small smile forms on my face quickly falling. It’s the look in his eyes that give him away. Something’s wrong. I know what’s bothering him by the way his hand squeezes my lower hip in frustration and forcefully closing his eyes as if trying to erase a memory.
“I’m going to be okay, Graham,” I emphasize trying to alleviate some of that pain that’s running through his perfect eyes. He can’t draw his stare away from the bruises on my wrists that will be a constant reminder of last night until they heal.
“I’m going to kill him,” his voice full of a hatred that scares me. His anger radiates off of him in waves.
“No you’re not.” I close the gap in between his body and mine so that we are practically intertwined even more. I mentally take a note to remember to breath. My newfound confidence is making me feel more in control.
Every muscle in his chest and abdomen tighten against my chest. The warmth of his skin against mine causes my breathing to labor. Last night Graham had put me into bed with nothing but a towel wrapped around me. The knowledge that only a thin piece of cotton separates me and Graham puts my hormones into overdrive.
“And give me one good reason why I shouldn’t,” Graham raises an eyebrow at me knowing that I don’t have a good enough answer to stop him from burying Craig under the pitcher’s mound at the high school.
“Because if you kill him then you won’t be able to do this anymore,” I grab the back of Graham’s neck pulling him closer to me until my lips are colliding into his. It’s the type of kiss you tell your grandchildren about in hopes that they will find that much joy in being connected with another human being at least once in their lifetime. Our hands are all over each other as the kiss deepens. His lips erase every poisoning touch Craig had stamped down on my skin. He’s slowly helping me forget.
When Graham kisses me I feel my body going into some sort of shock, but when he touches me it feels life altering as if my body will never stop burning in need of just another simple brush of a finger. Graham latches on to my hips swinging me up on top of him so that I’m straddling his waist. He must have gone to bed in a towel too. I can feel the familiar cotton loop material resting against my thighs as I hold up my own towel around my chest to hide what is bare beneath.
Graham releases me from our kiss by putting his hand just below my neck. His hands are gentle, far gentler that I knew they were capable of. I sit up in response to his touch looking down at him with hooded eyes. Without thinking I reach down to brush my fingers through his thick hair as if this is second nature. His hair is soft under my grasp. I watch the way his eyes almost glaze over in response to my touch. One side of his smile moves up farther than the other in the most captivating smile.
This is the exact moment that I realize that I just don’t think that I love Graham, but I know that I do. He looks up at me through his eye lashes stealing every last part of my heart from me trusting him not to break it. I know that there’s a possibility that he will.
Graham bites down lazily on his bottom lip before rubbing both his hands up and down my ribcage, downward towards my hips then making a return visit back using the same agonizing path.
“Do you trust me, Kennedy?” intensity burns in Graham’s eyes as he speaks.
“Of course I do,” I smile down at him as he slowly moves his hands towards the front of my towel. “What are you doing?” The fear evident in my shaky voice.
“You’re going to have to trust me, okay?”
“Okay…” my voice trails off as I watch his eyes as if they hold the secrets I’m looking for. My voice is full of apprehension. I don’t dare break eye contact in fear of losing everything I want, but don’t know that I need. I can feel his hands lingering on the front of my towel with deliberate and gentle gestures.
Graham has one strong hand on my hip that’s holding me in place. He’s thinking that I will shy away from his touch. He doesn’t understand that I’m not capable of moving even if I wanted to. I feel physically drawn to him. Breaking any contact will only be cruel self-inflicted torture. His available hand falls just above my breasts where he allows his pinky to linger low enough to rub in between the fabric of the t
owel that separates us.
To try to explain how it feels to have Graham looking up at me the way he is in this moment isn’t possible. Stringing together enough words to express how he makes me feel is hopeless. No one could understand the exchange our eyes are having with each other. Reassurance from my end that I accept anything that’s going to happen next and his is pure attentiveness. Every simple and complex move he makes is to make sure I feel at ease in his arms.
The Graham that I’m experiencing isn’t the one that anyone knows or can even dream up. To most he’s harsh and too cocky for his own good. The one that I get the honor to know is soft and genuine. He puts my needs before his own and makes it a priority to ensure my complete comfort. I like that not everyone knows this side of him as if it’s meant for only me.
I shut my eyes for a split second taking a much needed deep breathe trying to calm my nerves. As I open them again with a new understanding of what I want, I watch his hand move to where the towel’s tucked in holding it in place. Just one finger is all it takes to unravel the towel from around me leaving me exposed under his watchful eyes.
I don’t have any time to feel self-conscious before he looks up at me in the way he had when he first woke up this morning. It’s not possible to feel anything but beautiful when someone like Graham looks at you with such wonder. Before I can move an inch, Graham flips me over onto my back holding his body above me trying to keep as much weight off of me as possible. His eyes lock on mine not allowing them to drop from mine. As if he was to look away for a split second that I would disappear out from under him. He gently pushes the stray hairs out of my face.
The soft kisses start in the spot just behind my ear causing a shutter to roll through my body. It’s a physical jolt that doesn’t go unnoticed by Graham by the way his smile grows as his lips trace a trail along one collarbone onto the other not allowing himself to miss a single inch of skin. I shut my eyes in satisfaction as he makes his way onto the same spot that causes the uncontrollable shudders.
I can’t stop it before it happens as the feeling rolls through my body again ending at the end of my toes.
“You’ll drive me crazy with that, baby,” Graham whispers between laying kisses down my right arm placing one on each of my fingers. I know I should feel embarrassed to be completely exposed to someone like Graham who’s been with more girls than I like to imagine. I can never measure up to what he’s already had.
“Graham…” I half-heartedly attempt to stop his trail when his lips land on my hip. He looks up at me as I watch him possessively laying his declaration on my bare skin.
“You deserve to be admired and protected. I let you down and I’m going to take as much time as I need to prove to you that you are and will always be worthy of claiming,” he pauses to plant a few kisses along my stomach just below my belly button. Hauntingly close to the top of my panties.
I can only nod my head at him, trying to speak is going to be impossible. Graham’s words are honest and I know what he’s wanting and I’d be lying if I don’t want the same thing. There doesn’t need to be candles and rose petals scattered all over the floor and bed for it to be magical. As I feel Graham’s lips reach the shallow dwelling between my breasts I know then that the surroundings aren’t what will make this worthwhile for me. It’s the person who’s taking his time to try to erase every unwanted touch that had tried to be unrightfully claimed last night.
I know Graham’s actions aren’t solely based on Craig’s attack last night. I know that it plays in the back of his mind none the less. The way he looks at me last night and now this morning could move mountains if it meant that the hurt and torment would be wiped away for me to never return. The guy who’s above me is someone worth claiming just as much as he believes I am.
Without caring what happens tomorrow or the next day or even an hour from now I make a decision that I won’t be able to take back. It won’t matter though. When I look back on this day I’ll know that I allowed myself to feel something, something that is worth striving for until the end of time.
Chapter Thirty-Two
-Graham-
A simple look is all it takes. The slow movement in Kennedy’s head nodding at me in silent encouragement. The silence between us suddenly feels deafening. I know what it means to her. Hell, I know now what it means to me. Being someone’s choice means everything.
Until Kennedy, I have never thought about the significance of how important and consequential this type of decision is. It’s like giving a gift that you know that you’ll never be able to get back whether you regret letting it go or not. Once it’s gone there is no turning back. There are no do overs in this part of life.
As my lips move back to Kennedy’s I think long and hard about what this means. I prolong what I know is going to happen by kissing her, sliding my tongue along her lips gaining access after running a hot trail along her jawline. I know she wants the same thing as her hands wander down my back landing on my hips as my mouth finds hers again as if it has a mind of its own.
Regret isn’t something I will feel with Kennedy. I can never regret anything that happens with her. I’m worried she’ll find regret with me. I don’t want to be the one who steals her innocence only to have her realize that she handed it over to the wrong guy too soon. I want her to revel in it for the rest of her life. I want her to be able to say without a shadow of doubt that she will never regret giving up her virginity to me. I never seemed to care before, never took it into consideration all of the other times when girls gave it away without a second thought. With Kennedy, I feel…it’s just different with her. I’m beginning to realize that I’m different with her.
Kennedy’s hands are eager as they move from my hips guiding themselves to where my erection is rested against her thigh. I strategically keep most of my weight off of her for this reason. Losing your virginity is a big enough deal as it stands alone. She’s inexperienced in this department. To put it lightly---I don’t want to freak her the fuck out.
Kennedy’s eyes widened as she grazes her hand along my shaft. A sweet, but mischievous smile crosses her face as she unhooks the towel from around my waist pulling it from under the comforter tossing it on the floor beside the bed. Her heavy breathing and sparkling eyes are telling me that it’s okay. Her eyes shine with trust. As I look down at her I can’t imagine her looking any more beautiful.
I run both hands through Kennedy’s hair as she kisses me on the tip of my nose. There’s an understanding between us. I know that after this everything’s going to change. I’m no longer that guy that I used to be. For once I’m okay with it all, as long as Kennedy is by my side. What anyone has to say doesn’t matter. They can say what they want. Fuck em’. Took me long enough to realize this.
Kennedy’s it. We’re only in high school, but I know that no matter what happens she’s the grand finale, the final pitch, the last and final breathe. How could I have ignored it for this long?
Because you’re a fucking idiot, obviously.
I gently push one knee between Kennedy’s legs to part them just enough to make room for me taking my time. She eagerly lets them fall to the side. This isn’t going to be like any of the other girls. It deserves to be drawn out and significant. She deserves every touch to be full of adoration that only someone you love is capable of.
You’re a god damn poet. Who knew?
“Do you have a condom?” I whisper into her ear allowing a bit more weight to push onto her. A part of me is hoping she won’t to prolong us sleeping with each other. Making no mistakes when it comes to Kennedy is imperative. I only want to do right by her.
“In my nightstand,” she answers through rapid out of control breaths. I look at her sideways knowing that she isn’t the type of girl that just keeps condoms in her nightstand for her long line of suitors. She shrugs her shoulders in a small movement looking up at me with an innocent smirk. I don’t need an answer from her. I reach over to grab the foil wrapper from the drawer. I rip the material with
my teeth rolling the latex on. Kennedy watches on with an eager fascination that only makes me want her more.
I move my body in between her legs getting comfortable. “Are you okay?” I ask watching her face for any change or discomfort.
“I’m perfect, Graham,” she smiles up at me with anticipation brushing my hair back with the softest touch. I’ll never get used to hearing her say my name.
I feel her heat as I inch closer and closer. It only causes me to grow harder. I have never felt this frightened and eager before sex. With Kennedy everything feels real and raw. It feels new. Feeling more worried for her enjoyment is far different compared to my usual in and out routine I practiced in the past with other girls.
I kiss Kennedy softly before trailing my hand down to her center where I find her wet in anticipation. I sink one then two fingers into her core. She’s panting as I move them in and out slowly whispering my name several times. I can feel her getting closer. I don’t want her to come until I’m inside her. I slip my fingers out positioning myself towards her entrance teasing her. I push lightly barely entering her. I hear her moan in satisfaction. I’m dying to thrust fully into her. I stop myself knowing that she won’t be able to handle it being her first time.
I still my movements to insure she’s comfortable. I don’t want to end up hurting her.
“You need to move Graham,” she speaks through her clenched teeth. I begin to pull out knowing that it is too soon. I should have known better. Kennedy’s eyes pop open and before I know what she’s doing she’s lifting her hips up and wrapping her legs around my waist. “What are you doing?” she asks sweetly with a smile.
“I don’t want to hurt you. You told me to move,” I say honestly. I can feel my dick twitching beginning to get harder inside the shallowest part of her.
“That’s sweet and all, but I’m under no impression that sex isn’t going to hurt just a little bit. I’m okay, honestly, I don’t want you to stop. I just meant you need…you have to keep going.”
When Our Worlds Collide Page 20