When it’s just him and I out to dinner or hanging out at my house I sometimes forget that he is who he is. Graham doesn’t understand what it has been like for me. The girls still turn their noses up to me glaring whenever I walk by. They make sure that he isn’t around to see it or at least have his back turned. After it was known that we aren’t just a fling, all of the girl’s advances got stronger. It seems that they all are having a hard time accepting us as a couple, so they think it’s their responsibility to tempt Graham.
I make a decision through everything. I think I made the decision in the parking lot that night as I held onto Graham in fear that he would disappear. It should have never been up for debate. It only was because I’m a coward. At least I was a coward. Not anymore. Doubting Graham is no longer an option. I may get hurt, or I may live happily ever after. I know it’s a long shot since we are still in high school. I know how unlikely our love is to last. I do know that whatever happens between us will be worth it no matter the outcome. Graham is and will always be the first person I ever loved and loving him patiently is the only way I know how to make this work.
We spend most of our time together when Graham isn’t busy with practice. He even introduced me to his mom. I don’t think he had any intentions of doing so, but when we ran into her at the grocery store one night I suppose he didn’t have any other option. She’s just as beautiful as I expected with dark brown hair cut into a stylish bob. I now know where Graham gets his breathtaking eyes. She was polite and polished which I know is only an act. I know what happens when no one’s looking. It’s hard to stand in front of her acting like everything I know about their family is to be perfection.
When we get into Graham’s car he stays silent as we make our way back to my house. His radio’s turned down to the lowest of whispers. I hum along to the songs looking out the window. I’ve learned Graham’s silence isn’t necessarily a good thing. Sometimes it’s the worst kind of thing.
“Are you going to say something?” I ask reaching over grabbing ahold of his hand. If he pulls away then I will know that my fears are true.
“About what?” Graham questions as if nothing is bothering him. His fingers latch onto mine. I let out the breath that I’m holding.
“I know that you didn’t want to introduce me to your mother and I understand why.”
Graham pulls his car over on the side of the road throwing it into park. I turn to face him, but he keeps his eyes on the front window. He doesn’t even bother to look at me when he speaks.
“Is that what you think, that I didn’t want you to meet my mother?” Graham keeps his hand linked with mine. Still a good sign.
“Isn’t that why you’re upset?” I ask trying to act like I’m not completely devastated at his dismissal. Is he ashamed of me? Am I not good enough for him to introduce me to his mom?
He finally turns to look me in the eyes. “Kennedy, I’ve been wanting you to meet her, it’s just hard. I’ve been afraid of bringing you over to the house because of my dad. I’m sorry if I gave you the impression that I didn’t want you to meet her,” Graham explains patiently. He runs his free hand through my hair stopping at the nape of my neck.
Naturally I lean into his touch as he pulls me closer to him connecting his lips with mine. “I don’t want to know your father, Graham. I’m not sure that I could be around him knowing what he is doing to you.”
“He hasn’t done anything since the night I showed up at your house,” Graham lies. I know he’s lying. I think before saying anything because I don’t want to argue with him. Going with my first instinct, it’s better to argue with him than to not say anything at all.
“Graham, don’t lie to me. I think I know you better than anyone else. I’ve noticed the way you wince when I hug you too tightly or the unexplainable bruises and the cut lip last week. I’m not stupid so don’t act as if I am,” I argue beginning to get angry. I just want him to trust me enough to be honest. There would be no judgment from me. None of this is his fault.
“It’s really none of your business. You don’t understand why I let it happen. You don’t understand anything about it. Let’s not pretend that you do. You have parents that would do anything for you, so please don’t pretend that you can possibly imagine what it’s like for me.” Graham pops the car into drive finishing the drive back to my house. I stay silent not knowing what to say or what to do. It isn’t lost on me the way he releases his grip on my hand turning the radio up in defiance.
“Graham…” I reach for his arm before he can get out of the car. He turns to face me with sadness in his eyes. “It’s just that I worry about you. I know that you can handle it on your own. I just…I worry about you.”
Graham watches me for a few seconds before saying anything. He brushes the loose hair from my face tucking it behind my ear. Cupping my face in his palms he leans in giving me the sweetest kiss imaginable.
“I know you do and I love you for it, but I’m fine. It’s been this way for long enough.”
I let the topic go once again. Arguing with Graham isn’t something I want to do for the rest of my night. He likes to close people out when he’s angry. I don’t want him to do that with me. When we get inside my parents are sitting at the kitchen table getting ready for dinner. Apparently they changed their mind about going out tonight.
“Oh Graham, I didn’t know you were going to be here. Are you staying for dinner?” My mother asks getting up to grab an extra plate. Graham looks to me for the answer. I nod at him. A little disagreement isn’t going to screw up the rest of the evening.
“Yes ma’am, if that’s okay with you,” Graham answers politely just like he always does with my parents.
“You’re always welcome here. You know that.” She smiles over at him.
My mother is becoming rather fond of Graham. She had her speculations after asking around about him. Somehow he managed to prove himself to her and my father even after everything they had heard. It wasn’t pretty when they demanded answers from me. I had to admit to his undesirable reputation.
Dinner is easy with simple conversations, nothing too heavy. This is what Graham and I need after our disagreement in the car today. As I watch him from across the table at how energetic he is talking to my father about baseball and other “manly” things I can’t stop my mind from wandering to what dinner is like at his house. Did his father bother to ask him how his day was before he smacks him across the head? Can they even make it through dinner without arguing?
I’m a million miles away and Graham notices. He smiles at me reassuringly.
Graham has the world at his fingertips. He has a future that’s full of promise. He’s being hindered by his own father, the one who is supposed to support him and love him unconditionally. His father is putting such doubt inside his head without Graham even noticing the hold he has over him.
After we help wash and dry the dishes from dinner I drag Graham to my bedroom to watch a movie. He sits down on the middle of my bed as I climb to straddle his lap. I want to say something to him and I hope maybe he won’t try moving away from me if I have him in a distracting position. He skims his fingertips along my bare thighs as my mesh running shorts ride up my legs. I just look down at him in awe.
“What are you thinking about, baby?” Graham breaks the silence. God, I love it when he calls me baby. I lean down to kiss him, like really kiss him. Once I say what’s on my chest, I know that I probably won’t get another chance tonight. He returns the gesture in just as much urgency. I love how he reacts to the smallest of things.
“I’m going to say something and you can’t get mad at me. I just need to say it, okay? I know you aren’t going to like it,” I explain. “I really don’t care though.”
Graham pushes up sitting his back against my headboard. I stay still in his lap afraid to move. “Okay,” he smiles reassuringly.
“What if at some point your dad kills you or your mother? I know that it’s not my spot to say anything to you, but I kind of fee
l like I’ve earned a right to be worried about you. It kind of is my problem because I love you and I’m afraid. I’m pretty sure that I’ve only seen the lighter side of all of this. At some point I’m afraid that I’m going to be around to see the worst part,” I brush my hand up his arms onto his neck as I continue.
Tears are welling up in my eyes attempting to deceive me. It’s the last thing I want. I don’t want Graham to think that he isn’t capable of taking care of himself. Graham cuts me off before I can say anything else.
“You’re right. You have only been around to see the easy stuff. I can take a punch here or a slap in the head there. It’s been worse, but I don’t think that it will ever get bad enough for him to get that out of control,” Graham explains brushing a tear from my cheek. “I don’t want you to have to worry about me.”
“It’s your secret to tell and I get why you don’t want the whole town knowing, but haven’t you ever thought about telling someone? Anyone?”
“I’ve thought about it, but I’m going to be going off to college soon. It won’t matter then.”
“Where does that leave your mom then? I know the reason why you don’t fight back is because of her. You take everything on your shoulders. It’s admirable, but she’ll be left alone soon.”
“You don’t think I haven’t thought about that. I have, but…” he lets the thought trail off.
“Just know that if you ever need anything or need to tell someone else besides me that I’m more than happy to stand by your side. That’s all I need you to know.” I smile at him hoping that this will be the end of the conversation.
He should let someone else in about the abuse. It sounds bad and selfish, but it’s a lot for me to carry around too. When Violet asks me about the split lip or any other wound he may show up to school with I don’t know what to tell her, so I don’t say anything. It’s becoming a burden, a burden I’m willing to take on because I love him. I think we both know that at some point it will become too much.
Chapter Forty-Four
-Graham-
The next night, we are lying in Kennedy’s bed pretending that she isn’t secretly checking me over for bruises.
“Will you quit doing that? I know what you are doing and I don’t like it,” I sit up forcing Kennedy to sit up along with me.
Kennedy’s straddling my lap. She does this because she knows my mind goes hazy whenever she’s this close to my dick. She’s sly, that one. Her parents are out to a movie, so we have a few hours to ourselves. Of course, we intended on using the time differently but once Kennedy shoves my shirt over my head I know what she’s doing. It’s the way she runs her hands over my ribs to see if I’d give a reaction. I love her for it, but it’s sort of hard to get into being with her when she’s more into giving me a check-up instead of getting me up.
“I’m sorry,” she apologizes forcing a smile.
Kennedy has been making a habit of checking me over for any signs of my father’s wrath. It’s been a few weeks since she made her fears known in her bedroom. Her inspections are driven from a place of love. There’s no way to be upset with her for that.
I put my shirt back on pushing her off of my lap. I jump off the bed to grab a movie showing her the cover to The Proposal knowing it’s one of her favorites. The girl has a thing for chick flicks. She nods in agreement and grabs her blanket from the foot of the bed to cover up. I climb in next to her once I put the movie in wrapping my arm around her letting her cuddle in next to me.
“I love you,” Kennedy whispers.
“I loved you too, baby,” shaking my head and laughing I kiss the top of her head as she melts into me.
“Did you ever think you’d be saying that a few months ago?” She looks up at me with the sweetest smile that nearly melts my heart. This girl makes me such a pussy.
“Not at all,” I answer honestly.
Kennedy sits up abruptly sitting back on her shins watching me for a few moments. “Sometimes I can’t help but be happy that you hit me with your car that night,” she shrugs her shoulders as if she should be ashamed of that revelation.
Opening my arms to have her fall back into them where she belongs I have a hard time stopping the smile that forms on my lips. “I feel like a dead beat fuck up for saying it, but me too, Ken.”
We spend the rest of the night watching movies until her parents come home with pizza. We meet them in the living room once we hear the garage door opening. They know I’m here. Kennedy wouldn’t be dishonest with them, but we like to give them the illusion that we aren’t up to no good. We usually are though.
I never thought sex could get much better than that first time with Kennedy, but it seems that fucking girls doesn’t compare to what Kennedy and I are doing with each other.
“Isn’t the scout coming to see you this Friday?” Mr. Conrad asks putting the boxes on the table. He always asks me about baseball. It’s nice to have an adult invested into my future like he and Mrs. Conrad have seemed to be.
“Yes sir,” I answered feeling suddenly nervous.
“I’ve seen you play ball, son. You don’t have a god damn thing to be nervous about.” Mr. Conrad obviously can read me just as well as his gorgeous daughter.
Son? Hmm…
I like the way that sounds.
“Thank you, sir.”
“How will your mother and father like you being away from home once you graduate? I’m sure baseball is time consuming in college,” Mrs. Conrad asks innocently. Kennedy’s head springs up at her mother’s question. The look on her face says it all. We have never discussed my family with her parents. It’s unchartered territory.
“My father travels a lot. I’m sure he won’t even notice I’m gone. As for my mother, she’ll be the one that misses me. We are really close, so…” I smile reassuringly at them both.
“Kennedy, are you okay? Your face is white as a ghost,” Mr. Conrad observes just as I turned to look at her. He’s right. She looks like she’s going to be sick.
“Yeah, just got a little lightheaded is all,” Kennedy explains brushing it off as nothing.
“Okay well, don’t forget you have your appointment tomorrow to schedule your surgery,” Mrs. Conrad points out.
The weeks that have followed the accident I’ve been sure to go with Kennedy to her doctor’s appointments. They explained to her that dancing wasn’t in the near future. Although it could take some time it couldn’t be written completely off of her list as long as she works hard to get back to where she was. She still needs surgery. They are hoping that it will correct the damage without having to go back in to do any second procedure. I remember the day that her doctor told her the news. She looked devastated. Any hope she had drained from her eyes.
After that first appointment, Kennedy and I walked out to my car in silence.
“Graham…” she leaned over the center console to gain my full attention. I averted her gaze focusing on the people walking in and out of the office building.
“Sorry,” I jolted back to reality from the sound of her voice.
“You were dozing off there, babe.”
“I’m sorry. I was just thinking.”
“I could tell. You mind filling me in on where that pretty little head of yours was running to. By the look on your face I’d say it’s easy to assume that it’s not pleasant.” Kennedy gave me a warm smile knowing that it was just what I needed.
I took in and released a long breath trying to calm my nerves. “Kennedy, one day you’re going to dance again and I’ll be in the front row to watch. The night that I saw you dancing for the first time had to be the moment that I realized that you weren’t who you thought you were. You were so beautiful. You moved with a purpose and now you can’t because of me. You can’t do the one thing that you love because I’m an asshole and made one decision that changed your life.”
There was a thickness in my throat as the truth fell out. “I could have easily killed you that night and I’m the one that has to live with that.”
>
Kennedy reached and held my face in between her two small hands. I never forgot that night. It wasn’t something I’d ever forget. It was the night that Kennedy took a chance on me without knowing who I was. She gave me a future and here I am losing my shit in front of her.
“You listen to me. I mean really listen to me because I’m not going to repeat myself again. Once I say what I have to say the subject is closed, you got me?” Kennedy pointed a finger at me patiently waiting for an answer. I nodded in agreement. “That night changed my life. Yes, I am afraid that dancing might not be my first choice but none of that matters. Not anymore.”
“Are you even listening to yourself, Ken? How can you say that it doesn’t matter?” Her nonchalant attitude about her future was beginning to piss me straight the hell off.
“It’s not the end of the world. If I had a choice, of course I would go to college and dance my ass off, but not if it meant that I didn’t have you.”
“That’s insane.”
“I would get hit by a hundred cars if it meant that I could have you. It sounds reckless, but you and I have always been reckless,” she confesses.
“Don’t say that.” I argued irritated with how she perceived the situation. I would do anything to take back that night if it meant that Kennedy could do what she loves.
“Graham, you and I were never supposed to be together but here we are somehow. We come from two different worlds but life brought us together. I will never regret the events that brought you to me. Now stop blaming yourself, but take responsibility for bringing us together. That’s what you did.”
“I think at some point if the accident never happened that we would have passed into each other’s lives anyways. I think that you were meant to be mine. When I’m with you it feels right. It feels as if I’m doing the best damn thing that I ever done.” I leaned over and kissed her as if it might be the last time.
When Our Worlds Collide Page 29