When Our Worlds Collide

by Iler, Lindsey

  “He’s the one who do this.” I whisper, the words catching in my throat. “Fuck!” My arms reach out knocking over the empty bottles that litter the kitchen island. They fall to the floor with the glass breaking all around my feet.

  “What do you mean?” Dan raises an eyebrow at me.

  “He attacked her before. I got to her in time before anything happened. I wasn’t there tonight because I was pissed at her over something so stupid. I was mad at her for trying to protect me. She was just protecting me.” I lean my forehead against the kitchen cabinet closest to me.

  Dan lets out a long breath. He goes to the pantry coming out with a broom. He sweeps up my mess tossing it all into the garbage beside me. I stand there watching him, not knowing what to do.

  “That poor girl is going to need you. Get your ass to that hospital. I’ll be there as soon as my parents get back. Make sure Violet’s not alone,” Dan says with assurance. It’s typical of him. He’s a giant of a guy, but has the heart of a saint.

  “She’s not going to want to see me.” I turn to look at him scared shitless of the truth.

  “The fact that you believe that just shows how fucking stupid you really are. Now go,” he pats me on the back shoving me towards the front door.

  I know I can’t drive. I have been drinking too much. It doesn’t matter how sober I think I am after seeing her. Driving isn’t an option. I call a cab standing outside waiting for it to show. Time stands still as I wait. After standing out front for almost ten minutes the yellow cab finally shows up.

  “I need to get to Vanderbilt Hospital and quick,” I asked the driver as I jump in the back seat.

  “If you’re going to puke, try doing it out the window, kid,” he requests. I roll my eyes. Getting sick is the last thing on my mind. I just need to get to Kennedy. I needed to see her to make sure she would be alright. I know she never will be. How could she be?

  The ride takes more than twenty minutes. I can tell the driver is hauling ass for my benefit. I must look like the mess that I feel. I throw a hundred dollar bill in the front seat telling him to keep the change. I didn’t want to waste any time waiting for him to count out change for me.

  I storm the front door of the emergency room frantically looking around for any sign of Violet or Kennedy’s parents. They would have been called. They had to be around here somewhere.

  “Graham…” Violet shouts grabbing my attention. I look over the room again. I see her sitting slouched down in a chair looking helpless. I approach her to see her eyes rimmed in red and her face blotchy from crying.

  “Is she okay?” I stand in front of Violet waiting for an answer. She flies off of her chair and into my arms stretching her arms around my neck. She begins to cry again. “Please tell me she’s going to be okay.” I sit Violet back down beside me holding her hand. I know how I feel, but Kennedy’s Violet’s best friend, her sister.

  “Graham, he beat the shit out of her. He…” Violet lets the thought break off before finishing. She doesn’t need to say the words out loud for me to understand.

  “Fuck,” I utter under my breath resting my head in my hands. I’m far from religious. Even with that I found myself praying. Praying to any spiritual thing out there in the universe that can somehow pull some strings to insure that Kennedy will be okay. She has to be okay. If she’s not okay then I’m never going to be okay.

  I don’t know how long Violet and I have been sitting in the waiting room when she abruptly stands from her chair releasing her hold on my hand. I don’t budge. I don’t want to face whoever she’s talking to.

  Someone sits down in Violet’s abandoned seat putting a hand on my shoulder. Whoever it is, they don’t say anything. I’m to blame for this, just like I’m to blame for everything else. The car accident, Craig’s first attack, and now this is on my hands. Ever since I came into Kennedy’s life nothing good has happened for her.

  “I know what you are doing and you can’t,” a soft voice whispers. I look beside me to see Kennedy’s mother rubbing her hand over my back. “You can’t blame yourself for what happened to her. Just like she can’t blame herself for what happens to you. Things happen. Sometimes they are good and sometimes they are…horrific.” Mrs. Conrad brushes away a few tears from her cheeks.

  I look at her to see how scared she looks. She’s fearful for her daughter, the type of person she’ll be after the attack. The way she’ll look at the world knowing how hateful it can be to the kindest of people.

  I stand pulling her into a hug. The hug might have been for my benefit or for hers. I don’t think it really mattered. It just seems like the right thing to do.

  “I’m so…sorry,” I apologize pulling away from her to pace the length of the empty waiting room. It’s just Kennedy’s parents, Violet, and I in here. They all watch me.

  “Graham, she’s going to be okay. Maybe not right away, but at some point she’ll be okay. She’s going to need you,” Mr. Conrad explains sitting down in the seat that I occupied only minutes before. He’s watching me. I can’t hold it in anymore. I fall to my knees and ball. I mean I really let it all out. I don’t think I’ve ever cried like this.

  “She has to be okay,” I say through the sobs to anyone willing to listen as I sit in the middle of the room clenching at my stomach.

  “She will be, sweetie,” Mrs. Conrad explains again.

  “I’m going to fucking kill him. I warned him…” I say out loud not really caring who’s listening to me as I get up and pace the waiting room again. “I’m going to fucking kill him.”

  Mr. Conrad stands stepping in front of me stopping my assault on the carpet. “I think that’s the last thing Kennedy needs right now,” he pats me on the shoulder. How could he be so calm and keeping such a level head about this?

  The four of us sit in the waiting room for god knows how long until a doctor comes out to talk to Kennedy’s parents. They step aside leaving Violet and I alone again. Dan races through the doors wrapping Violet in a hug. He kisses her on the head repeatedly telling her that everything’s going to be just fine. I wish I believed him.

  “Graham, if you want to see Kennedy you can go back to her,” Mrs. Conrad says with a pained smile. “I need to warn you that she looks bad. Don’t be alarmed when you first see her for the first time.” Mrs. Conrad grabs my hand squeezing it with reassurance. My legs feel numb. They don’t want to move.

  “She’d want to see you whether you believe it or not,” Dan says while still holding tight to Violet.

  I take a few steps towards the waiting doctor that’s standing in the door way to the emergency room. He gives me a sympathetic practiced smile. This can’t be easy on the staff. No one wants to see anyone hurt the way Kennedy has been tonight. I can imagine it’s especially hard the younger they are.

  I follow him until he points to a shut door. He tells me that it’s okay to go in. He must see the fear in my eyes. He nods his head with some form of understanding of what I’m going through. I stand frozen for a few minutes until I build up enough courage to walk in. I grab the door handle to slide the door open. There’s a curtain blocking me from seeing her, but I can hear her. Her soft sweet voice is strained with a rasp that fills the room as she talks with a nurse.

  I don’t think I can do this.

  The nurse, a petite middle aged lady with dark brown hair pulled into a ponytail, flings the curtain open exposing Kennedy. She’s sitting up in her bed halfway. She’s taking a sip of water through a straw. I stand watching her until she looks up to see me. Recognition passes through her eyes. She already knows what I’m thinking. Knowing Kennedy she won’t go easy on me.

  “You can come in, you know. Don’t have to stand in the hallway looking all distraught,” Kennedy forces a smile. It doesn’t quite make it to her eyes. Just like typical Kennedy, she’s more worried about how I feel than how she’s doing. I don’t deserve her.

  You’re just now figuring this out?

  Jackass.

  Closing the distance bet
ween us I make my way towards the side of her bed. Grabbing the chair sitting beside the bed to take a seat, I reach for her hand. Not being able to stop myself I place my head down onto our mingled hands before I start to cry.

  I wasn’t positive how I would feel when I saw her, but now I know.

  I love her.

  To see what he did to her makes me murderous. I’d gladly spend the rest of my life behind bars for the tenth of revenge that Craig deserves.

  “Say something,” I say softly. Kennedy reaches over rubbing her hand over my head. She plays with my hair just like she used to when I’m upset. My head tilts up. I look at her shaking my head. “I should be comforting you, not the other way around.”

  “What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours, Graham?” Kennedy asks still holding my hand. She already knows the answer. She always knows what I’m thinking and feeling before I even know myself.

  “You already know, babe.”

  She smiles at me. This one’s real and makes it to her eyes.

  Thank the lord. I thought I’d never see that again.

  “I want to hear the words from you. Assuming’s never a good thing to do.”

  I rub my hand over my face trying to buy myself a few moments to get my thoughts together. I don’t know what I plan on saying to her. I look up to see her face and I instantly know what I need to do. I know what I need to say to make this all better.

  “This is my fault and before you interrupt me and argue with me, let me finish. This is my fault because I couldn’t see past my own problems to realize that what you did for me was for my own good. You did something that I didn’t have enough courage to do. You stood up for me when I couldn’t. That speaks volume about you. You have such a big heart, Ken. Sometimes it’s unbearable at the immensity of it. You don’t deserve the things that have happened to you this year. I think we both can agree that those things would have never happened if I wasn’t in your life,” I explain calmly wiping a tear from my cheek.

  I’m too busy looking at my hands, too worried that I will talk myself out of this if I dare to look in her eyes. She has tears rolling down her face when I make the mistake of looking up. I think she knows what’s coming.

  I continue with a sigh. “It all started with the accident, an accident that should have never happened and only did because I was being reckless. I thought I was invincible because I’m Graham Black. All-star baseball player. That night I learned that I wasn’t. The things and the people that I love aren’t either and it seems that all of my choices and my actions have only caused you pain. I can’t live with myself knowing that I did this to you. I know that you’d be better off without me. That’s what I’m going to give you.”

  Kennedy rubs her eyes of the loose tears sniffling. I know I’m breaking her heart. I’m breaking mine. She has a lot going on and the last thing she needs is me coming in and turning her world upside down again. I need to do it now. If I don’t I know that being near her any longer will make it impossible. I’ll change my mind and I can’t afford to have that happen. Ruining Kennedy’s life isn’t something that I’m willing to do. I’ve already done enough.

  “Graham…” Kennedy’s voice is stern and full of confusion.

  “I love you, Kennedy. I always have ever since I saw you dance. I should have known that I wasn’t going to be good for you then, but my feelings won out. I couldn’t stand to not be around you. I was selfish to take you. You saw the real me, the one that’s worthy of a girl like you. I don’t want to be the type of guy that repeatedly hurts the person he loves, so I’m not going to be that guy.” I stand from the chair leaning over to kiss her. Her lips cut and there’s a few stitches that rub against mine.

  When I turn to leave the room, I hear Kennedy whisper my name like a prayer. Not knowing whether I should leave without looking back or turn to face her one more time before leaving. The latter wins and she’s thankful. Her frown turns into a smile. It’s a faint one, but it’s there.

  “Graham, I know why you are saying the things you are and you’re going to do the things you do. You need to know something. Nothing in my life has been your fault. All the good times outweigh the bad and all of the good times are consumed by you,” Kennedy brushes away another tear as I stand motionless staring into her bottomless blue eyes. “You changed me in the best way possible. You may not believe that and I’m not expecting you to, but I will never take back the things that happened. They brought you to me. You are exactly who I believe you are. One day you will realize that.”

  “I don’t think so,” I brush off my tears that are falling rapidly now.

  “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I am. I’ve been right before when it comes to you. I hope to God you find him in there and that I’ll be able to meet him again. He’s in there, Graham. You just have to look for him,” Kennedy turns her head looking away from me as if it’s too painful to watch me walk away from her.

  Walking out of the room, I leave the door open. I slam against the tiled wall outside her room. As I fall to the floor I cry. I cry because I’m not going to be that guy that she believes me to be. I can’t be him anymore, not when I know what that guy did to the girl sitting in that room. I ruined the one person I have ever loved, the one person who ever took a chance to see the real me, the girl who found redeeming qualities when she dug deep enough.

  I don’t know how long I sit outside her room listening to her cry. Nurses come and go. Her parents walk by, each of them padding me on the back in comfort. That’s when I get up from the ground, brush off my jeans and walk out into the waiting room.

  Dan’s still sitting with Violet rubbing comforting circles on her back. They both stand when they see me. I force a smile at them. I can tell Violet wants to say something. Just as soon as she opens her mouth she closes it. A realization crosses her eyes and I know that she knows. She knows what I did in that hospital room. She knows that I just walked out on her best friend when she probably needs me the most. She slowly shakes her head then buries her head in Dan’s chest.

  It’s the only way I know how to make this all okay. Kennedy is going to heal. Those bruises will heal with time just like mine have. I think we both know deep down it’s never going to be the same. I can’t look at her knowing that every painful thing in her life is a result of me.

  I’m not strong enough to love her the way she deserves. I believe that you’re allowed to love someone, but still know in your heart that you can’t be with that person. That’s how I feel about Kennedy. I’m young. I’m naïve, some would say, but I can see the special inside of her. She’s a rare one who somehow is timid and sarcastic and overwhelmingly beautiful to the point that it hurts to just be in her presence.

  I know I love her more than anyone else will ever be capable of. I’m also smart enough to know that I’m not good enough for the level of grace that she holds in her heart.

  Our relationship will be bruised with all of our misfortune. Some wounds just don’t heal.

  -ACKNOWLEDGMENT-

  A giant thank you to my husband, Bryan, who has stood by my side and been my biggest supporter. Thank you for always making me laugh even when I want to cry. With you by my side, I know that anything is possible. Also, one day I will buy you that Velcro wall that you’ve been talking about. I promise.

  Even though they won’t be reading this for hopefully many many many years, I need to say thank you to my children for dealing with the scatterbrained version of myself that I tend to turn into while I’m being pulled into a different world. I hope one day that you know the importance of sacrifice like Graham and Kennedy, but more importantly please allow yourself to fall in love even with the knowledge that you may end up hurt in the end. You never know where life may take you.

  Thank you to my family for dealing with my nonsense, believing me when I say “It’s almost done” even though we all knew I was going to read it one more time. A big thank you to my sister, Katie, who was the first person to ever read When Our Worlds Collide and fo
r always knowing when I need a little bit of encouragement. Thank you to my Mom and Dad for instilling the importance of passion in me. You are the reason why I finished When Our Worlds Collide by showing me that hard work always pays off in the end. I love you all more than you can know and appreciate everything you do for me and our family.

  A GIANT thank you to Christa Holland from Paper and Sage Design for making my first cover design such a blessing. Your work is amazing and what you came up with for Graham’s and Kennedy’s story is beyond my wildest dreams. A big virtual hug to you. I can’t wait to work with you again in the near future.

  Thank you to my beta readers, the ones who read the first drafts and the last drafts and everything in between. Holly, Krystina, Bethany, and Katie thank you so much for all of your words of encouragement and excitement for Graham’s and Kennedy’s story. Every time you said “I need to know what happens next” meant the world to me. I promise that there will be more to come from them. Their story is far from being over.

  Thank you to anyone who takes a chance on a debut writer. I’m in love with my characters and I hope you find something to love in them too.

  -About the author-

  Lindsey Iler lives in Michigan where she spends all of her time with her husband and children. Being a stay-at-home mom is the biggest blessing she has ever been awarded, but writing is what her dreams are made of. When she isn’t writing, she can be found with her nose in a book falling in love with characters that seem all too real to her.

  -Connect with Lindsey-

  E-mail: LindseyIlerBooks@gmail.com

  Facebook: www.facebook.com/LindseyIlerBooks

  Goodreads: www.goodreads.com/lindseyilerbooks

  Twitter: @Lindseyiler