My Addiction

by Cassie Ryan

  She would have to order out for Chinese food and get to work as soon as she got out of the shower.

  She glanced down at her trusty companion. She’d get to work after she made sure Rusty was squared away. Some things were definitely more important than work.

  She wondered if after leaving here, Dex had gone home and fallen back into bed like she had. It wasn’t as if either of them had gotten very much sleep last night.

  Warmth filled her chest and the wide smile was back, stretching her tender cheeks and chin.

  It was probably a very good thing she didn’t know where Dex was staying, or she would be tempted to go and see if she could talk herself into his bed.

  Her instinctive denial over appearing so needy began to rise, and she shoved it aside with a laugh. For Dex, she might risk being thought of as weak if it meant sleeping next to him for the day, and maybe waking for another night of amazing sex.

  She shook her head at her musings. “Get moving, Kate,” she admonished herself as she set Rusty gently on the floor.

  “Come on, buddy. Let’s get you taken care of, and then I promise I’ll make it up to you as soon as I get out of the shower.”

  —

  Dex paced Brent Weston’s office at Club Desire. After fighting L.A. rush-hour traffic for two hours, and then driving for six hours straight following a night of very little sleep, he’d had enough of sitting for a while.

  “Dex, you’re going to wear a hole in my carpet.”

  He glanced up to meet Brent’s amused gaze.

  Brent was his longtime friend and the founder of Club Desire. Brent had met Jason Tanner last year when Brent’s new wife, Sandra, had nearly been murdered by a serial killer who preyed on women in the fetish lifestyle.

  “Sorry, Brent. I’ve been sitting all day. Just trying to get the blood moving again.”

  Brent raised one dark brow and pinned him with the deep blue gaze that all the women raved about. “From your general look of happy exhaustion, I’d say your blood should be moving just fine, but I could be wrong.” Brent’s smug smile showed he knew he was right.

  “Since you know me too well for me to get away with a lie anyway, I won’t even bother. How much did Jason tell you?”

  The sound of the elevator doors opening behind him made Dex turn. Even though he had been around from the time the foundation for Club Desire was being laid, it always made him laugh that Brent had designed one of the secure elevators to open straight into his office on the fourth floor.

  Jason Tanner stepped off the elevator, followed closely by Jake, Club Desire’s main manager and security specialist.

  Dex greeted each man in turn, shaking hands with them.

  Brent waved everyone toward seats.

  Jake demurred, saying he had only escorted Jason upstairs and he had things to do.

  Jason settled on the leather love seat, and Dex sank into a comfortable armchair nearby.

  Brent flashed them both a smug smile before he followed Jake to the elevator. “I’ll leave you two to catch up. I promised my wife some undivided attention.” The elevator doors softly closed, leaving Dex and Jason the office to themselves.

  Jason smiled. “You made good time. I’m glad you’re here. Last night was a rough one.”

  Dex ran a hand over his stubbled jaw. He had come straight here, as requested, but he would have preferred a shower and a shave first, although he didn’t mind keeping Kate’s scent on him for as long as possible.

  “After our phone call I figured you wanted me here as soon as I could manage it, so I made it here as fast as I could without breaking the sound barrier.”

  Jason leaned back against the soft leather love seat and rested his interlaced fingers over his trim stomach. A man in his forties, he was still fit. “All right. The reason I yanked you back here so quickly is that after all hell broke loose last night, we had an informant call in a tip in exchange for immunity.” He took a deep breath and then let it out in a slow sigh. “She insists she had nothing to do with the larger plot other than to pass on some information that she overheard. When we pulled her in for an interview, all we got out of her before she shut down tight was that she overheard Ed Ralston sharing the fact that you were FBI with Senator Balkins and two other individuals that she couldn’t see. She also didn’t recognize their voices.

  “The Fibbees in L.A. ham-handed her interrogation, and she finally said she wouldn’t talk to anyone but you, other than to say the men she overheard said they would have to move up their timetable. That, coupled with the massive action across the nation last night, made me rethink our deployment in L.A.”

  Dex blew out a long breath. All of the planning and work they had done on his cover, and Ralston had been the one to talk. “I’m not surprised about Ralston. Like you said, he was always very interested in making sure he did everything he could to prove to us he should be ruled out as having any involvement. You mentioned something about information getting around that I had only told Kate?”

  Jason nodded. “Apparently, in the VIP lounge Kate asked you if you were a PI for your night job?”

  Dex frowned. “Wait, how does anyone besides Kate know that was said?”

  Tanner tipped his head. “The informant overheard it, and mistakenly thought you were a private investigator.”

  “Opal.”

  Jason nodded. “But she says she didn’t tell anyone that part. She swears she found out you were FBI before she could tell anyone about what she had overheard in the VIP lounge.”

  “All right. So why isn’t that the end of it?”

  “After Stanton’s body was found, the investigative team went through his computer searching for clues. An email was found referencing your arrival at The Dungeon, and the fact that you were a PI.” He scrubbed a hand through his hair. “Before you ask, we’ve already checked the booth and surrounding area in the VIP lounge for bugs. It looks like the only possible way for that to get out was through Kate Fretwell.”

  Icy shock sliced deep into Dex’s chest, and he shook his head as he tried to think of some other explanation. “Let me talk to Opal. She may be lying.”

  “I figured you would want to check it out for yourself. She’s on her way to Phoenix. Two agents are bringing her. They should be here in about an hour. They were getting her set up in a secure location first.” Jason rested his forearms on the desk and pinned Dex with an intense gaze. “Have you spoken to Kathryne Fretwell since you left her place this morning?”

  Dex shook his head, his chest tight at the necessity of keeping Kate in the dark about leaving town. “You asked me to wait until I made it back here. I just got back, and wanted to touch base before I contacted her.”

  Even though it nearly killed me to keep her in the dark like this.

  Jason gave a single nod. “You should contact her to at least let her know you were called away suddenly, and that you aren’t sure when or if you’ll be back in L.A. From all the nudges we planted, she might come to Phoenix to check out Club Desire, where we’ll have several people in a position to gain her confidence and see what she knows.”

  Jason held up his hand before Dex could object.

  “Not that I think you weren’t able to do that, but we obviously aren’t able to contain the situation in L.A., and since Brent and Sandra, as well as some of the others here, have worked with us successfully in the past, I think everyone here can both protect and befriend Miss Fretwell. That will allow us to get to the bottom of any information she may or may not have.”

  Dex nodded.

  Part of him would love to have Kate come to Club Desire so they could continue what they had begun. The other part of him wanted her to stay away, purely because he had lost objectivity when it came to her.

  “Dex, what’s going on?” Tanner rubbed his stubbled chin between his forefinger and thumb, a testament to the long night he had spent working. There had been only a handful of times Dex had seen his boss anything but clean-shaven.

  “Dex, you’re the la
st person I worried about getting emotionally involved with suspects. It’s just so illogical that your brain can’t compute doing it. I knew sending you in as a Dom might be problematic, but from talking with you beforehand, you’ve always seemed to be able to compartmentalize sex and emotions in your normal Dom activities.”

  Dex forced himself to meet his boss’s penetrating gaze, not bothering to try to explain the dynamics of the D/s lifestyle. He was emotionally involved with all of his subs, just not the way Jason was talking about. “Kate isn’t like anyone I’ve ever met. If I’d met her outside of a case, I think she would’ve gotten past my shields just as easily. I don’t think she’s knowingly involved in any wrongdoing, but I’m doing my best to find out one way or the other.” He unclenched his jaw. At least he was honestly able to say that was true.

  “And if it turns out she is involved, I’ll do everything necessary to make sure she pays to the fullest extent of the law.” His chest squeezed like a ten-ton weight had fallen on him. He knew he would do what had to be done, but it might rip him apart in the process.

  Tanner frowned. “I know you, and I want to believe that, but there’s a reason becoming emotionally involved with a suspect is taboo. It makes it very easy to turn a blind eye to things that are glaringly obvious.”

  He shifted in his chair. “Dex. I’m putting Merrick on to work with Miss Fretwell. Because of her interaction with you and her involvement in the incident with Mark Stanton before his death, she might be in danger as well.”

  He watched Dex carefully as he spoke, and Dex did his best not to move or give off any clues of any type, although he knew it was an impossible task with Jason Tanner.

  “If she comes to Phoenix and Club Desire, we’ll deal with that when we need to,” Jason continued. “We don’t want to alienate her, since you’ve already built a rapport, but we need a backup with a clear head, and I think Merrick is it.”

  Dex ground his teeth at the thought of anyone else protecting Kate. Or even approaching her as a Dominant. But bone-deep fear washed through him at the thought of her in danger because of her association with him.

  It took him several long moments to speak, and Jason let the heavy silence sit between them. “Understood,” Dex said finally, biting back the desire to punch something. Some time in the practice dojo was in order if he was going to be able to function effectively for the rest of this case.

  Jason ran a hand through his hair. “I know you’ll do what’s right, either way. But for right now, you look like hell. Why don’t you go get food, a shower, and a nap? I’ll call you when the informant is in Phoenix and ready to talk.”

  Dex smiled. “Thanks, Jason. Your faith in me means a lot.”

  Chapter 19

  Kate saved the project she was working on and her phone pinged, alerting her to a new text message.

  Her heartbeat kicked up a notch as she reached for it, hoping the text would be from Dex. As the hours had slipped by, she reasoned that after last night he was taking the day to rest and recover, and could even still be asleep. Something she would most likely be doing if she didn’t have these projects to get done for Merestone.

  He said he would contact her later, and there was no reason to think he wouldn’t.

  When she saw Dex’s name on the notifications screen, waves of elation filled her chest, and a wide smile stretched her tender lips. She hugged the phone to her chest until impatience to see the message cut through her excitement.

  Kate, I’ve been recalled by my boss on urgent business. I’m leaving right away. Not sure when I’ll be back. I’m sorry I can’t say goodbye in person.

  Dex

  Disappointment followed by hot pain lanced through her chest as the meaning of the words on the screen sank in.

  He’d left.

  She closed her eyes tight as the tears welled and then rolled down her cheeks.

  A rush of anger followed the pain like a burning wave, and she bolted to her feet.

  She had allowed herself to care for him.

  More than care for him, if she was honest.

  She had read more into last night and into his protective treatment of her than was there.

  Stupid girl!

  She had repeatedly warned herself about falling into this trap, but Dex had somehow gotten past her defenses and made her believe he felt the same.

  But, her inner voice accused, he never said anything to that effect, and he never made any promises he didn’t keep. Any pain now is your own fault for building this into something more than it is.

  A sigh broke from her.

  She brushed at the tears impatiently and pressed a hand to her chest where the pain still throbbed.

  Knowing all of that was true didn’t stop the pain.

  Rusty head-butted her ankle.

  She scooped him up and cuddled him to her chest. After a few moments, he turned to face her and licked her salty cheek. The rough tongue reminded her of all the times the tabby had done the same after she’d had a good cry.

  “Rusty, it’s time we move on. L.A. isn’t the place for us, and your owner needs to start being the independent woman she likes to think she is.” She hugged him tighter, and he tucked his head under her chin.

  “I only have one more project to do, and I can do that anytime over the next three days. Let’s get packed up and head to the house Grandma Hatcher left me in Phoenix. I said I was going to go check out Club Desire. Let’s do it.”

  She stopped as Dex’s words came back to her about there being a waiting list for new members, and his offer to get her a meeting with the owner.

  She shook her head. She didn’t need Dex for that. If she had never met him, and she chose to visit another dungeon, she would have tackled it head on.

  The fact that she had met him…and he’d broken her heart…shouldn’t change that one bit.

  Anger sliced through her again, and she blew out a harsh breath that ruffled Rusty’s fur.

  All right, so she had to be honest with herself. She had fallen in love with Dex. Or at least who she thought he was. And his abrupt parting and bare-bones message had hurt her.

  He hadn’t lied to her. She always knew he could be recalled suddenly, but a call, or even some expression of regret or a sentence that he would miss her or wanted to see her when things calmed down, would have shown her he returned at least some of her feelings.

  Stupid girl! Get moving.

  It took only two hours to pack up what she and Rusty would need and load it into the car for the five- to six-hour drive to Phoenix.

  She placed a quick call to the company that maintained the Phoenix property while no one was in residence, to open up the house and have it ready for her. Then she dropped by her building manager’s place on the way out, to let the woman know she would be gone for an indefinite amount of time and that she had set the alarm.

  As soon as she pulled the cat carrier out of the storage area, Rusty bolted, and she spent the next twenty minutes coaxing him out with treats and promises of tuna and a new house to play in.

  Finally, what seemed like hours later, she pulled away from her penthouse and drove toward Phoenix and a new chapter of her life.

  —

  Even after a shower and four hours of sleep, Dex’s muscles still burned from the hard workout in the dojo he’d done following the meeting with his boss earlier. He had hoped the exertion would ease some of the frustration filling his chest, but it had only increased it. Now his mind was clear, which only made it harder not to see the glaring truth.

  He’d tried to reason with himself, but all the logic in the world didn’t change the outcome. He’d known Kate only a short time, and she was a suspect in a case involving international terrorist activities.

  It was time to admit the truth. He was in love with her.

  Once he had allowed himself to admit that, he had kicked his workout into overdrive.

  In fact, he was surprised he hadn’t broken the Wing Chun dummy that he and Brent both used for their ma
rtial arts training here at Club Desire.

  Kate was unlike anyone he had ever met. He could see why she had slipped past his defenses so easily.

  He shook his head. Before he met her, Dex would have struggled to understand how any agent could let himself fall in love with a suspect.

  Now he knew. And it didn’t change anything about what he had to do.

  The door opened, and he glanced up to see Opal, the waitress from The Dungeon, followed closely by an agent he had met only a handful of times on previous cases.

  He stood, wanting to set the tone for the interrogation. “Opal, please come in. Have a seat.” He kept his voice as neutral as he could, and gestured to a chair across from him at the small table.

  He had commandeered one of the conference rooms on the fifth floor for this meeting, glad nothing else had been scheduled up here today. Tomorrow a group was coming in to work out the details for holding a reenactment of a slave girl auction, which would then turn into an orgy down on Basement 4.

  Brent would meet with them for several hours going over rules, details, and contracts, before the event could be scheduled. But those meetings were usually loud and boisterous, and the tomblike quiet up here when the floor was empty worked much better for Dex’s purposes.

  “Thank you, Benson,” Dex said, gesturing to the other agent. “I’ll call you when she’s ready to leave.”

  The agent nodded and left, pulling the door closed behind him.

  Opal fidgeted, looking both nervous and uncomfortable. He had to put her at ease, or he wouldn’t get much farther than the other agents had.

  “Would you like something to eat or drink?”

  She nibbled her bottom lip, her gaze fixed on the table in front of her.

  “Opal,” he said, using the command voice he used while in Dom mode.

  Her gaze snapped to his. “Yes, sir.”

  So Opal did have some sub training somewhere in her past. Or had at least partnered with a Dominant. “This doesn’t have to be unpleasant. We can just talk.” He smiled at her and waited a few long moments while she kept his gaze but sat stiffly in her chair.