The Novels of Lisa Alther

by Lisa Alther

  She met Arthur, an orderly at the hospital. He was proud and ambitious, very much like Buddy. Unlike Buddy, he would never end up in prison, and he might even end up where he wanted to go, which was to medical school. He took her to restaurants, and to shows at the Apollo. Once they went to a musical on Broadway, and she started thinking again about bringing Donny to New York. He was a bright boy, had always done well at school. Outside Pine Woods there were alternatives to yard work and janitorial jobs. She couldn’t bear the idea of his jaunty strut becoming a shuffle. She watched it happen to the boys who took her to dances at the Masonic Hall and made love to her under the willows by the river. She asked Arthur to go with her to Pine Woods to persuade Donny to return to New York. Arthur laughed and replied, “Oh yeah, they’d just love me down there, baby.”

  As she entered Pine Woods, as she drove past the school and the shopping street, as she watched the old people on their porches and the children in the courtyard, she was swept with nostalgia. She stopped the car and picked up a photo of Arthur from the seat. She studied it under the streetlight—bushy greying hair, sardonic smile, fierce eyes.

  She drove up to the curb in front of her mother’s apartment. Through the dusk she saw a tall thin young man in a grey sweatsuit stand up from the porch rocker and look at her. She jumped out, ran to him, and threw her arms around him. He inclined his cheek so she could peck it, then backed off.

  “All right,” Sally was saying. “Hands below the waist, but outside the clothes. And that’s final.”

  Jed, who was lying on her in the cave, with a hand under each buttock pulling her hips toward his, nodded.

  “Do you promise?” she demanded, pushing him off and sitting up. Her bare breasts glowed in the light from the flashlight.

  “I promise,” he panted.

  “You promised the last time, too.”

  “This time I mean it. I swear to God I do.” He ran his hand up her thigh and stroked her slacks where the legs joined.

  She ignored him. “I got so excited tonight thinking about the Plantation Ball. You are gonna go with me, aren’t you, darling?”

  “Is that the thing where you got to rent a tux?”

  “Yes, you look so gorgeous in a dinner jacket, Jed. I drool just thinking about it.”

  “Aw, shit, I don’t wanna wear no tux.” He lay with his hands behind his head, looking with satisfaction at his chest muscles.

  “Please, Jed.”

  “Naw, I ain’t going. I don’t like dances where you got to wear a tux. If I was to go, we’d have to do those waltz lessons and everything.”

  “All right. I’ll just ask somebody else.” She reached for her bra.

  “You do that,” he said with a lazy grin. “And I’ll ask me somebody else down here to do what I like.”

  “You do that,” she said, standing up and pulling on her shirt.

  “In fact I already have.”

  “Have what?” she asked with indifference, combing her hair.

  “Asked me somebody down here to do what I like.”

  “And what is it you like?”

  “You know what I like, baby.”

  “Lifting weights?”

  “Yeah. Lifting weights. That’s what Betty Boobs and me done down here last Saturday after you and me had us our fight.”

  She looked at him. “You’re lying.”

  “I ain’t lying.” He grinned.

  She laughed. Then she screamed, “You brought that … whore down here and … ?”

  He smiled. “Honey, a man’s got to have him some action. If you don’t want it, fine. But don’t expect me to wait around for you, jerking off.”

  “I don’t expect anything from you, Jed Tatro! Ohh, I hate you!” She stamped her feet and shook her fists. Then she started sobbing. Jed grinned and jumped up and held her, while she pounded his chest. “I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!”

  “… Oh, Jed, I love, you,” she wailed, holding her mouth up to receive his. They kissed and she clung to him. He pulled her hips against his, and she could feel his erection throbbing.

  “Jed, can’t you see I’m scared?”

  “They ain’t nothing to be scared of.”

  “Nothing for you. I’m the one who’ll get pregnant.”

  “You won’t get pregnant, Sally. That’s why I’ve got these things.” He held up a box of Trojan Enz.

  She looked at him, outraged. “Why do you have those dreadful things down here? We had a deal, Jed. No activity below the waist. And here you went right ahead and brought those horrible things. I can’t trust you at all—or ever again.”

  “I brought them so you won’t get yourself pregnant some night, you fucking l’il cock tease!”

  “Cock tease? Cock tease? I don’t want anything to do with your stupid cock! I wish you didn’t even have it! It’s caused nothing but trouble ever since I found out you had one!”

  “All right. Fine. You’re not interested in my cock. Well, Betty Boobs is. She’s crazy about it. Can’t get enough. So you go find someone else for your stupid Plantation Ball, some fairy who likes wearing a tux and who won’t try to do all these nasty filthy dirty things to you. And I’ll screw Betty till my balls turn inside out. And we’ll all be happy!”

  “I think you’re repulsive.” She studied her fingernails.

  “And I think you’re an ice maiden,”

  “Who cares what you think anyway?”

  “You used to.” His shoulders sagged.

  Sally rushed to him and lifted the tears from his cheeks with her tongue.

  “Do you really think I’m cold?” she asked, rubbing her thigh against his erection.

  “I think you the hottest ticket I’ve ever seen,” he murmured, nibbling her neck. “You’re scared. But I think you going to get over it. Cause they ain’t nothing to be scared about.”

  Kathryn walked up the Princes’ sidewalk between the rows of boxwood to the front porch. She hesitated. She could go around to the kitchen door, as she always had when she worked here. Or she could knock on the front door. She veered off the sidewalk. She was back in Newland now, and all her old patterns were taking over. But she wasn’t the same woman she’d been when she used to go around back. She returned to the sidewalk, marched up it, and knocked with the huge brass knocker.

  A tall young woman with an attractive anxious face opened the door. Could it be Emily? She was standing there, staring. Kathryn realized she’d made the wrong decision. If this lanky teenager was Emily, she was probably claimed by Newland now, and was appalled to find her former maid demanding entrance through the front door.

  But it was too late, so she stuck out her hand. “Hello, Emily.”

  “Kathryn?” Emily took the hand. She’d been sitting in the den, practicing Sousa marches on her flute and trying to decide why the minstrel show wasn’t funny last night. There had been knocking on the front door. Standing there was a handsome Negro woman in an expensive-looking suit, stockings, and high heels. It had taken intense scrutiny of the high cheekbones to understand that this was Kathryn—whom she had never before seen in anything but grey uniform dresses with white collars.

  As they shook hands and smiled awkwardly, Emily found herself reaching with her other arm for an embrace. As she did so, she was seized with anxiety. Kathryn hadn’t called her “Miss Emily.” Was a hug now inappropriate? But her body had its own notions, and it recognized this body that had cuddled it in infancy and comforted it in childhood.

  Kathryn responded with reluctance. She was no longer to be regarded as a mammy. And yet they’d been such lively little creatures. They’d had no notion of what went on in the adult world. Did they now? She and Emily hugged.

  “Come in.” Emily stepped back. She hesitated in the hall. Guests were normally ushered into the living room. Kathryn, however, had never been in the living room except to clean it. She’d always relaxed in the kitchen and the den.

  Resolutely Emily led her toward the living room and waited for her to sit on one o
f the Empire sofas, while Kathryn waited for Emily to sit. Finally, perching on a sofa, Emily said, “Please sit.”

  They studied each other, smiling. Kathryn was remembering a serious little girl, earnest about everything. Tall for her age, and worried for her age, just as she looked now. She’d shrunk from caresses. Unlike Sally, who had been a dancing sunbeam, always climbing up on your lap for kisses, hugs, and silly songs. It had been hard to believe they were sisters.

  “What’s old Sal up to?”

  “Well, she’s a cheerleader at school and belongs to a lot of clubs and stuff. She spends a lot of time with Jed. Guess they’re going steady.”

  “Jed? Little Jed Tatro?”

  “Yes, but he’s not so little anymore.” Emily laughed. “In fact he’s practically Charles Atlas. He lifts weights every day and plays tackle on the football team.”

  “Well, I declare,” giggled Kathryn. “That child was so puny I never thought he’d survive childhood. Just goes to show you. What about Raymond? He still smarting off?”

  “Yeah, I guess so.”

  “That child used to be so clever. Remember how he used to insist that the refrigerator cars on trains were full of corpses?”

  Emily looked blank, then struggled to reclaim the memory. It was an expression Kathryn had often seen on the faces of whites in Newland. They had no way to reconcile the warmth they shared with Negroes as children with the attitudes that set in as the world claimed them. So they simply cut themselves off from their childhoods.

  Emily realized she should offer Kathryn something to eat or drink. Tea? Or was that too fancy, something her mother would serve the Altar Guild? “Would you like something to drink, a Coke or something?”

  “Sure. That would taste good. But I’ll get it.” Each stood, poised to get the other a Coke.

  “Sit down. I’ll get them. It’s my house,” Emily finally said, laughing nervously.

  Kathryn laughed. “That’s right. I almost forgot.” Anxiety showed on both faces.

  As Emily opened Cokes, she tried to figure out what relationship those men in blackened faces last night bore to the woman sitting in her living room.

  Sally burst through the back door.

  “Kathryn’s here,” Emily informed her.

  “Kathryn! You’re kidding? Where?”

  “In the living room.”

  “The living room?”

  “Oh, shut up.”

  “What did I say?”

  She shrugged and bounced through the hall and into the living room, where she hurled herself into Kathryn’s arms and wept, while Kathryn laughed.

  As Emily walked in, Sally was saying, “… and he’s just the cutest thing, Kathryn. All these muscles and things. I just wish you could see him!”

  “How’s Donny these days?” Emily asked, hoping to turn off her sister’s mouth.

  “Oh, he’s all right. But I don’t think he approves of me right now.”

  “Why not?”

  “Well, I guess he wants me to be the same mama I was when I left. But I’ve changed. In ways he doesn’t care for. I keep trying to point out that he’s changed too.”

  “That’s silly,” Sally announced.

  “Well, I think he’s just never forgiven me for leaving in the first place.”

  “None of us have,” Sally assured her. “That was just terrible, Kathryn. Running off to New York City without even saying good-bye.”

  Kathryn frowned. “Well, I had my reasons.” Emily blushed at the put-down Sally failed to notice.

  “I got to be going,” Kathryn announced. “Donny’s waiting in the car.”

  “You should have brought him in,” Sally said. “Well, he thought you should have a chance to see me alone. And anyway, he said he had some thinking to do.”

  As she walked down the sidewalk, she thought about what different futures were in store for the Prince girls versus her Donny. Their daddy had money. They could go wherever they wanted, do whatever they pleased. She didn’t have Mr. Prince’s money. And even if she had, Donny didn’t have much choice. Because she’d been realizing since she’d been home that New York City wasn’t that much of an improvement on Pine Woods. She and Arthur still took their orders from white people—the doctors and head nurses. The only difference was that white people in Newland were more relaxed and pleasant about issuing their orders. Downtown this morning she’d run into Mrs. Tatro Sr. on the street.

  “Why, Kathryn honey, I just don’t know how I get from one day to the next without you! I could have just killed that horrible man for taking you away from me.” They were so charming, these people. They’d have you cleaning their toilet bowls in minutes, and thanking them for the privilege.

  “That’s real nice of you, Mrs. Tatro. But I been doing just fine up in New York City. It’s worked out real good.”

  Mrs. Tatro looked at her with surprise. She was breaking the rules by not grinning and exclaiming, “Well, Miz Tatro, I misses my white folks something terrible, I surely does.”

  “You’d better come on back home now, hear? Where folks care whether you live or die or not. What you want to stay up at New York City for, without you have to?” This came out as a gentle command rather than a question. Ignore it at your peril. If charm failed, coercion followed. Besides, it was true: A Negro could go to a lot more places in New York City, but nobody cared if you lay dying in the street. Another thing, she’d been watching Donny since her arrival. He had a grave self-confidence from knowing his surroundings, from being known as Ruby’s grandson, from making good grades and having lots of friends and being a basketball star. She wasn’t sure anymore that New York City was a good idea.

  She shook herself. Pine Woods was tightening its grip. She’d better get back to New York right quick.

  She sighed and said to Donny as he started up her car, “Well, they sure have grown up.”

  “Yeah, I saw Emily the other day. I like to not recognized her.”

  “I dee-clare! All my chilluns is growed up on me!” She laughed and scrubbed her knuckles on Donny’s head. He ducked irritably.

  “I been thinking, Mama. I believe I bout decided to go back up at New York City with you, like you say.” He wasn’t really sure this was what he wanted, with his whole life down here. But he wanted to call her bluff. She frowned. “Well, I don’t know, Donny …” “Well, I wouldn’t want to interfere with your life none.”

  “It’s not that. It’s a question of what would be best for you.”

  “Ha! When has it ever been a question of what was best for me?” She gave him a pained look.

  “You feel like running off to New York City, so you just up and run off to New York City.”

  She sighed. “Donny, honey, you know I didn’t have no choice about that”

  “I don’t know no such thing.” He glared at her. “You could have gone, or you could have stayed until you figured out how to take me with you.”

  She looked at him, surprised. “Donny, I had to clear out of this town from one minute to the next. You know that.” “What you talking bout—one minute to the next?” She stared at him. “You don’t know why I left, do you? Mama didn’t tell you like I told her to.” “Tell me what?”

  “Why, that old witch! Donny, honey, I hit a white man over the head with a brick.” He glanced at her. “Who?” “Mr. Blanton over at the brick company.” “How come?”

  “He wanted me to … be his girlfriend.” She smiled at her uncharacteristic delicacy.

  “So why didn’t you just say no?” They were carefully avoiding each other’s eyes.

  “I did.”

  “And then he …”

  “Tried to.”

  Donny gripped the steering wheel. After a minute he announced, “I’m gon cut that man all to pieces.”

  Kathryn laughed. “Sorry, but you missed your chance. He had him a heart attack early this year. That’s why I’m down here now.”

  Donny trembled.

  “I thought you understood this. Grandmaw wa
s supposed to tell you. You must have been hating me all this time.” The significance of this gap in Donny’s information was dawning on her. She slid over and put her arm around his shoulders. “Aw Donny, baby, I’m so sorry. I didn’t just up and leave you. Hasn’t a night gone by I didn’t think about you, and wonder how you was doing, and want to send for you. I just couldn’t see any other way to manage things.”

  “Grandmaw said you’d gone to New York City to learn to be a nurse. She made me quit my job over at the brick plant. I couldn’t never figure it out. Said you was gon earn money for us, but here she was making me give up what I was earning.” He beat the steering wheel with a fist. “That white son of a bitch! That pink pig of a bastard!”

  After supper Donny went off in the Galaxy, leaving Kathryn and Ruby facing each other in the armchairs in the living room. Kathryn cleared her throat. “Mama, how come you never told Donny about Blanton like I asked you to?”

  Ruby spat tobacco juice across the room into the coal scuttle. Tightening her head cloth, she crossed her legs at the knees and swung one tennis-shoed foot. “I told that child what I thought he was old enough to hear.”

  “But Mama, I asked you to tell him the whole thing.”

  “Honey, you was out of your head that night. You said a lot of things no one woulda held you to.”

  “Mama,” Kathryn said, struggling to remain calm. “Donny thought until this afternoon that I went up to New York just for fun, or to earn us more money or something.”

  “I told that child how it like to killed you to leave him, but that you’d be writing letters and would be back afore long. I told him how we didn’t have much money, and how things would go easier once you was a nurse.”

  “That may be what you told him, but what he heard was that I’d run out on him.”

  Ruby stretched her neck and munched her tobacco. “You told that child the entire story this afternoon?”

  “He’s not a child and he should have been told four years ago!”