Undisclosed Desire (The Complete Box Set

by Falon Gold

  He pulls the inner chair out for me. “Sit, and I’ll get you something to eat. Preferential treatment will get me ahead of the line.”

  “Or you’ll start whining that you are white and adopted?”

  He shrugs arrogantly. “That, or I’ll remind everyone that I have a starving, pregnant lady to take care of.”

  Mounting giggles make me toss my head back to release them. “No shame, Blake.”

  “Nope. Be right back.”

  I spy on his departure openly, couldn’t have looked away if I wanted to. His gait is long. Back straight. Head held high. Inner strength evident in the way he conveys himself.

  Lord, that man has swag.

  Out of all the girls in the world, why did he choose me? There’s no wonder why my body keeps choosing him back. He’s the full package, handsome, hardworking, and more than capable in the bedroom, but with imperfections that may become deal breakers. I won’t know if they are until I know everything there is to know about him.

  And that’s your problem. You don’t know enough yet.

  That’s the kink in my chain. While I’m working it out, I’m holding back, jerking us around, and hurting us even when I know what I want. Blake, always him, even if he has a million obstacles around him. I just need to know what course to plot. Is that too much to ask?

  True to his word, he acquires two overloaded platters and makes his way back to me in no time. I hide a grin. No matter where we’re at, he takes care of my creature comforts first. He halts before me, setting down the plates loaded down with baked fish, seafood, barbequed ribs, and steamed vegetables.

  “We’re sharing,” he mentions before taking the seat beside me.

  “I would hope so. This is too much even for someone who’s eating for two.”

  “For four.” He pats his stomach then scoots closer to me, always a big eater.

  Our own little bubble starts to grow around us, permeated with exclusiveness from everyone else.

  Intimacy.

  I inhale it, summoning recollections of taking breaks together at work that left the world behind, or we shut it out completely when he visited me at my home on my days off.

  Fuck!

  Blake is adept at creating this environment, and it tramples the guards around my heart no matter what I resurrect them out of, or when.

  I clear my throat and try to disengage from him by eyeing the food and sucking up less of the sensuality impregnating the invisible closed-off section.

  “This is more like for six, Blake.”

  “Leftovers, Astrid,” he says patronizingly with a crooked grin. “Ever heard of them?”

  “Yes, but I have a feeling there aren’t going to be any.”

  He filches a rib and takes a big bite. “Probably not. Eat up. Mama O puts her foot in everything she cooks, and we have a growing boy who will love her for it.”

  “And he’s sitting between us right now, mashing my left lung,” I complain. The baby squirms against my rib cage, which will be sore tomorrow if he does that enough times.

  Blake cocks an eyebrow, pride flickering in his bright blues. “So he knows his daddy’s voice already, huh?” Arrogant as hell, but I’ve given him something to be pleased about again. That’s a plus after being a killjoy repeatedly.

  I smirk and spoon baked salmon and asparagus into my mouth. “I’m surprised you didn’t deny he’s yours.” I don’t know the dynamics of Blake’s bond with his blood family, but working in Arrow takes me into homes of people that live for gossip. The Powers are millionaires that don’t have one-black girl or mixed heritage member in their lineage, and don’t want any. The circuit court’s Judge Adrian is sleeping with his secretary, allegedly. The list goes on and on.

  “Astrid, you’re not scheming and manipulative like that.”

  “How do you know?”

  Blake’s jaw fills out as his tongue scrapes the inside of it. “Because I know you, woman.”

  “So, why did you think you couldn’t confide in me about your issues?”

  Heaviness pushes into bubble. Blake turns to me, while chewing slowly.

  “I didn’t want you to face what everyone would think if I told you that you and Malisa could pass for sisters. She’s a big part of my life, and certain people with sensitive information can connect the dots about my feelings for her at one point and you. I don’t know who all has that information, but Malisa once said I’m destined to end up in my own handcuffs, and I will if someone approaches you with some bullshit about your resemblance.”

  Connect the dots, huh?

  My eyes fall to the table, appetite waning. I lay my spoon beside the plate, slowly. “So do you still have a thing for your sister? Even remotely?”

  His answer could qualify as a deal breaker and more heartache rolled into one, but I want to know the basic details anyway.

  Chapter Eight

  Blake

  “Had a thing, as a teenager,” I respond quickly, while looking directly in her eyes, giving her access to my soul. Should’ve done it long ago. “For about a week. Never acted on it. Don’t think I missed out on anything, but I’m not blind to her inner beauty, what makes her a good woman, and her faults. She has plenty of them, but she’s the type of woman I knew I wanted in my life even as a boy, so I used her as a mirror to hold other women up to when I started dating. Hadn’t met one that measured up before you. I just didn’t expect to find a woman that not only carries herself like Malisa and works as damn hard as she does, but looks so damn much like her too, which doesn’t matter as long as there’s a good heart beneath the looks. Speaking of hearts, you almost gave mine an attack when I first saw you. There was never a moment I confused you with her. Your differences from her fucked with my mind and body big time. I knew you were going to be a distraction the moment I saw you, and I was right. The council wouldn’t send you back to Harrison and I got stuck with falling in love with you.”

  She snorts and picks her spoon back up, and begins to shake her head. “I never knew that.”

  I take a deep breath, glad to see that I only killed her ability to eat temporarily. “It never dawned on me that I’d create a whole other set of problems with you by keeping my own counsel either. Yes, I should’ve told you everything at the beginning of our relationship, how much I wanted to protect you… from everything. I fell in love with you almost fucking immediately. All I had to do was look at you to know where I was headed, head over damn heels. Obviously, my hindsight is much better than my vision. I didn’t keep quiet about us just because of Malisa and my parents though. I didn’t want to hurt your career either. It means so much to you, so it means that much to me, too. Now, why did you just up and leave me? I haven’t gotten a good day’s sleep since, even after I drove to your parents to make sure you were okay and safe.”

  Her mouth falls open.

  I can’t help wallowing in the shock waves running rampant in her face, and proving her wrong about something; she was never just a convenient fuck for me. “Yes, Astrid. I knew where were you, but I’m not a stalker. Well, not much of one anyway. I only drove to Harrison a few times in the first week you left… like every day, and parked down the street in a rental car. Didn’t feel like even a tenth of a man until I saw you sitting on the screen porch with your mother sipping coffee in the cold mornings. Then I stopped myself from going to Harrison. It was either that or beg you to come back home. I still had crap hanging like an executioner’s sword over my head, so I let you be until I could break out from under it all.”

  A heavy exhalation leaves her. Her neck starts to work overtime, as if she’s having to consume her emotions. “You were coming for me,” she finally says breathlessly.

  My muscles burn with fierce compulsion to haul her into my lap so I can hold her, give her solace until everything is better. Instead, I wait for the sign that it’s okay to, my chest aching with the suppressed yearning to comfort. “I was coming for you. Was reaching the end of my rope when you appeared out of thin air today. You like do
ing that, I think, taking me by surprise. But the best one was today. I needed you the most today… this should be our reception.” The last sentence falls out of my mouth before I can stop it.

  Predictably, she looks out over the guests in front of her. “I would’ve helped you with whatever you needed, Blake. I wanted to, but you excluded me from some much, so I wasn’t sure if you were going to want the baby. I couldn’t bring myself to get an abortion. I thought there was nothing else left for me to do but quit my job and Arrow.”

  “And me. I’m glad you didn’t get an abortion.”

  “And you,” she says softly, regretfully. “Me too.”

  “I get why you ran though.”

  “You do?” Her head wrenches in my direction, staggered at my empathy, and that just isn’t right. She should expect me to see her side of things. I’m a sheriff for God’s sake. My job is to see everyone’s perspective, even if I don’t agree. Most times I don’t, or I wouldn’t need to be called in to referee a situation that’s gotten completely out of hand by the time I arrive.

  “Yes, I understand. I didn’t give you a reason to stay, or encourage you to confide in me either. But your parents are good people and thank God they are. They took care of you when I couldn’t.”

  “I do love my parents. They’re just as understanding as you are and thought I was making rash decisions about…well, everything. Those mornings you saw me, my mother was trying to convince to tell you what was going on, but I wanted you too much, Blake. Can’t think straight around you. I needed you. Too much, I think, not my parents, and needing would have erased my sound judgment.” I’ll never know how much it took for her to admit that, but I appreciate every effort it cost her.

  “You can never need me too much, Astrid, and I should’ve been there.” She didn’t trust what we had enough to believe I would. “The next time you’re feeling any type of way about anything, talk to me.”

  She clears her throat again, and nods. “So, what about your parents?”

  The riblet turns to sawdust in my mouth. I set it back down gently on the plate. “They’re snakes in couture clothing and expensive shoes that want me to give up the life I’ve made and take over theirs. I’ve given them a hard no once, but my father had a stroke three years ago and pleaded with me to leave the military and come back here so we could be a family. It was a ruse. He wanted me closer so he can work even harder on me, and I don’t know what the right decision is to make concerning them, so I avoid them.”

  Astrid’s features crumple up in her face.

  Shit! She’s mad.

  “Blake, how blind can you be? You’ve already decided. You just don’t want to hurt your parents with your decision. I can see your father now going on about his health and your mother looking pitiful behind him… or beside him. Wherever the hell she stands, manipulating people. It’s a horrible thing to do to anyone, especially their son, and I’m sorry you’re going through that.”

  Well, damn, she’s right; I have decided, or I’d have taken the crown from my parents by now. I grab the napkin, destroying it by washing the BBQ sauce off.

  “We’re going through it, Astrid, and I’m sorry for the both of us. I guess you can say I’m legally blind when it comes to my folks, but it’s much easier for you to see what’s going on with us when you’re standing on the outside looking in, isn’t it?

  She swallows. “That’s where you wanted me to be.”

  “For good reason. The circle my blood family moves in doesn’t take well to outsiders just like Pops said. Sure, you’ll get invited into their homes to throw your money at their charities, but they don’t ever really let anyone in unless you’re Italian born or have wealth. You’re more than enough for me just as you are. I don’t know what I’d do if they hurt you for being who you are.”

  The situation hasn’t even occurred yet, and anger is boiling within me. I take a swig from my wineglass, needing hard liquor to take the edge off, and sneak a look at Astrid. She’s openly staring at me, with an amused look on her face. It draws me in. My pissiness diminishes.

  “So you kept me on the outside because you didn’t want them to reject me? As if I won’t make them regret it.”

  “When you put it like that, it does seem like the dumbest move to make keeping you from them, but hell no I didn’t want them to reject you. Why would I subject you to that, even if you have a rather damn smart mouth when you choose to use it?”

  She tilts her head to the side in a silent ‘touché’ comeback then spears through a vegetable with her fork. “You got a point about your mother. She would hate me by the time I gave her a piece of my mind. What about the Owens? You didn’t introduce me to them either.”

  “They would accept you… after some covert operations on Mama O’s part.”

  Astrid starts to beat her neck with the soft side of her fist, as if there’s food blocking her digestion. I thump her in the back lightly. Scientifically, it doesn’t help a choking victim, but it’s justification for… we all know what I’m doing.

  Then she sips from her water glass. “Covert?”

  “Yes, covert. Mama O’s a former criminal with trust issues; she doesn’t trust you until she’s tried you. There are no limits to how she’ll do it, and I thought your resemblance to Malisa would raise questions that she wouldn’t hesitate to interrogate me about. She has a blank stare that’s like looking into an abyss that looks back into you, until you give it what it wants. The truth!”

  The deep, husky note of Astrid’s laughter rings out. “I like this family. You did good finding a substitute for the creatures that hatched you, Blake.”

  Praise for me. Insults for my parents. That’s a new level we’ve broken through, and we’re pulling closer even if Astrid isn’t aware of it yet. I revel in that, too.

  “The Owens like you too, as you can tell. No one’s interrupted our meal yet, probably because the Owens won’t let them, and yes, my mother resembles a dragon. She dies her hair black and wears way too damn much makeup. I don’t care if she likes you or not. You’re mine. I’m yours. She can live with it or live without us. Her choice. Doesn’t matter which she chooses. We’ll be fine with or without any of the Powers. That’s my promise to you and baby Blake, Astrid. If I ever break it, I better be breathing my last breath.”

  Her eyes close. Her hand twitches on the table. A single tear slips from the corner of her eye. She twists her face away from me. I know an emotional breakdown coming when I see one. Whether she wants me to console her or not, she needs it, and I’m going to provide it. She can cast me away afterwards.

  “Come here, sweetheart.” I lean towards her. She’s already rotating around and raising her arms, dropping them on my shoulders and burying her nose in my neck. I cradle her in my arms. “I’m here for you, love, even when the sun stops shining, and the stars have fallen from the sky. You got me, and won’t ever feel alone in anything.”

  Her fingers grip my hair as if she doesn’t want to ever let go. Being permitted near her and having her look to me for support is an unexpected gift. Her red-hot blaze sears my throat and nose. Suddenly, I need a best man again.

  I cart Astrid’s chair closer instead, entomb my face in her hair until the feeling passes and she’s not sniffling anymore. The sandwiched baby tumbles around inside her, kicking me in the abdomen as well as Astrid. Joy and awe bring the baking sensation right back in my nostrils.

  “Shit!”

  Nope, no formal wedding for me. I should be making the guests cry.

  “Okay now, love?” I ask, sounding strangled.

  She nods her head as she lifts her red-tinged orbs to my matching ones. “Sorry about that. You still get to me when nothing else does, and you found a new way to do it.” With my words.

  Thank God.

  “That’s a compliment, you know? And you can have a breakdown whenever you want to.”

  She sniffles and smacks me lightly on the chest. “You’re not supposed to encourage a pregnant woman to cry, jackass.” N
ame-calling now, just like my sister. Another level conquered.

  Astrid’s attention gets torn away by something behind me before the chinking of a glass being struck echoes over the prattle of the party. She sits back, her hand landing on my thigh.

  “Apollo’s about to steal your job,” she informs, while looking over my shoulder.

  I link her fingers with mine on my leg, clutching them, fully taking advantage of the moment. “Eat, Astrid. Everything may be closed when we leave and I don’t want you going hungry before I can get you groceries in the morning.”

  “I—”

  “Hmmm,” I hum and incline my chin, cutting her off.

  She rolls her eyes then rocks forward over her plate, with a small smile on her face. I pivot my head in the groom’s direction, a giant over Malisa with her head canted up to him who’s holding a microphone.

  Please don’t let this take all night, I pray to any heavenly being that’s listening.

  “If I can have everyone’s attention. It’s time for the best man’s speech.” He peeps down at his wife before returning his gaze to the crowd. “First, I’d like to thank Blake and Astrid for stepping in at the last minute to be bridesmaid and best man for us.”

  “I’d like to know why we got stuck with the penguin suits when there was supposed to be no wedding party!” I yell out, feeling more like myself, mischievous.

  “Because I wanted you all dressed properly, ass hat,” Malisa answers, giving everyone something to gurgle about. “Uncle Tommy would’ve worn his chef hat and apron. Uncle Luke would’ve stunk up the event with the smell of horse manure in his work clothes. You would’ve came in your sheriff’s uniform, Blake.”

  “In other words, you didn’t trust us,” I shoot back, then stuff a riblet in my mouth.

  “Hell no,” she stresses with attitude and the roll of her neck.

  Apollo sighs. “Blake, are you going to let me give the speech or what?”