by Kris Nacole
Erik: He did what?
Me: Yeah, that’s what I thought, too. At first I wasn’t sure if I should feel flattered or creeped out. It was really weird seeing him, Erik…He has a week before he goes back overseas to finish out his current deployment. He’s here on R&R. I’m not sure what I should do. He gave me his number and wants me to call him. Oh, and I left Chase… I’m not legally divorced yet, but it’s being expedited. Everything should be finalized in a few days.
Erik: You finally left Chase? I’m sorry, Ches. I wish I could be there for you, but I’m glad you’re no longer with that prick. You deserve better. Listen, I know I’m not the best when it comes to romance. Well, I don’t do romance at all, but I can tell you one thing. I saw the way Zane used to look at you when you’d walk into a room. When you were around, that man was on cloud nine. Stop worrying so much dammit and just jump his bones…I mean, follow your heart. Ha! As for your douchebag soon-to-be ex-husband, you’re free of him now. He treated you like shit, Chesney. You deserve to be happy with someone who loves you.
Me: ^ And that is why I love you so much. I’m so thankful you’re still in my life. I don’t know what I’d do without my best friends.
Erik: You’re stuck with me, babe. I’m like annoying peanut butter that sticks to the roof of your mouth. I’m not going anywhere.
Me: Haha thanks for the laugh. I needed it.
Erik was still my Erik. Making me laugh even when I didn’t feel like laughing. I was thankful for him.
Erik: Anytime. So what happened exactly when you talked to him? And how did he find you?
Me: It’s a long story. I’m mentally drained. Can I message you tomorrow?
Erik: Of course, g’night, darlin’ (said in my sexiest Southern accent).
Me: lol, you’ll never master my accent. Goodnight, Erik! <3 Talk soon!
Erik: *Pain to my heart* Ha! Yes, talk soon. Be cautious.
I closed the laptop and went to get ready for bed. Erik’s words stayed with me for a while.
I walked from the bathroom back to the living room and couldn’t find Jess.
I wasn’t sure if it was the bottle of wine I’d just downed or the backbone I’d just grown, but I picked up the phone and typed out a text to Zane.
My answer is yes. Like a sunflower, on my darkest days, I stand tall to find the sunlight, putting the darkness behind me. I was putting my own darkness behind me and praying he was my light.
I pushed send and then quickly threw my phone down on the table. He’d know exactly what that meant.
I can’t believe I just did that.
It was nice to finally take some advice and feel something again. When I thought of how Zane made me feel, one word came to mind—alive. Goodbye to the soul-sucking life with Chase.
Why was I so worried about Chase when he obviously wasn’t worried about me? He’d proven that many times already. I’d already filed for divorce and was only waiting for everything to be processed. Heather’s little video had given him the push to throw his money around and get the divorce expedited. The sooner it was over, the better.
Jess came back into the room with some pillows and blankets for me.
“Alright, here you go. We’ll talk more tomorrow,” she said, handing me some clothes to sleep in.
I smiled at her. “Goodnight, Jess. Thanks again for everything. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
She smiled. “Well, luckily, you won’t have to find out.” She winked then turned off the lights and headed upstairs to her bedroom.
I had just put my head on the pillow when I noticed my screen light up with a text from Zane—there are those butterflies again. Picking up my phone, I unlocked the screen and opened it.
Zane: I’m the happiest man in the world. Tomorrow may rain, so today I’ll choose to stretch up high and follow the sun.
Me: You remembered.
Zane: Of course I remember. I’m guessing by your text that you read my sunflower post online?
Me: Yeah…
Zane: I meant every word of it, Chesney. You can set the pace, just tell me what you need from me.
Me: I wanna meet up with you by myself. I’d like to keep in touch while you’re finishing your deployment and get to know each other again. I want a fresh start for us. I also have a lot to take care of before we can move forward.
I stopped typing. There’s also something I had to talk to him about, which could change everything. He could hate me, and then none of this would matter.
I continued typing, once you get back, we can evaluate our relationship and see if we both feel the same. Deal?
It felt good to have a plan in place for once. Now to follow through and hope he’d forgive me when I told him the truth about why I’d left England.
Zane: Deal. Whatever you need.
Me: Okay. Goodnight, Zane.
Zane: Goodnight. Sweet dreams.
Placing the phone back on the table beside of me, I settled down on the couch into the soft pillows and blankets Jess had given me and drifted off to sleep.
Since Chesney had accepted my friend request, I was way too curious not to pursue her profile.
Scrolling down her page, I saw a photo of her with her daughter laughing as she swung her around in the air. It made me smile, seeing her as a mother. I’d often thought about what may have happened if we’d stayed together. What our kids would look like, if we’d had any.
Kids. Something I never thought I’d want, until Chesney.
Scrolling down a little further, there was another picture of Chesney with a young boy who looked to be a little older than her daughter. He had her smile and the brightest blue eyes. He had a few missing teeth but was grinning. He was a very handsome young man.
As I stared at the photo a little longer, something felt so familiar about him. Maybe I had seen him with her at the fair and didn’t realize he was her son.
Chesney was a mother. Wow. I wasn’t sure why I was torturing myself by looking at these photos. All they did was remind me of what I could’ve had with her. It hurt to know that she had kids by another man. She’d moved on with her life and made a family.
Even though I wanted to give us another try, what if it was too late? What if we’d both changed too much over the years to rekindle what we’d once had?
Shit. If it did work out, I’d be a step-father to two kids. Was I ready for that? The realization hit me like a ton of bricks.
After breakfast the kids and I said our goodbyes to Jess and headed back to my mom’s house. I’d made plans to see Zane later that evening since everything had started to sink in, and I wasn’t in so much shock about him being here.
As I was getting ready, my phone vibrated on the bathroom counter. I excitedly picked it up, expecting to see Zane’s name on the screen.
Nope, not Zane. Chase.
I groaned. What the hell does he want?
Chase: I signed the damn papers. My lawyer said the divorce will be finalized in a few days. I hope you’re happy. You have no idea how much money I had to throw his way to get this done so quickly.
I shook my head. It was exactly like him to make me feel bad about him losing money. Bastard. He’d never change. I was relieved knowing I’d never have to go back to him.
Me: Maybe if you would’ve made your family a priority and didn’t have your pants around your ankles so often, you wouldn’t be in this predicament.
Chase: I want the video you took as soon as the divorce is final. Something like that could destroy my reputation.
Again, surprise, surprise, he was thinking about himself.
Me: We wouldn’t want that now, would we? You should’ve thought about that before…
Chase: Are you going to take me to court for child support? I don’t need my name sliding across a judge’s desk right now with everything I have going on at work.
My face heated and my heart raced. Child support? He couldn’t even ask how the kids are doing. He only wanted to make sure I wouldn’t take him to co
urt for child support. Such an ass.
Me: Nice to see you have your priorities straight still. The kids are doing wonderful, btw. Thanks for asking. Oh, and no. I will never contact you for anything. I can promise you that…goodbye, Chase.
What he didn’t know was that I was smart enough to start putting money away in my own savings account. I started moving the money a few years ago. He’d never noticed because he was always spending so much money. He’d never kept track of his spending, which helped me a lot. The kids and I had enough money to not have to worry for a while.
Chase: C-ya.
Ugggghhhh! That man!
Stomping into the bedroom, I threw my phone on the bed so hard that it bounced up, hitting the wall. He didn’t even ask how the kids were doing. Never even mentioned wanting to ever see them again. How could a father do that to innocent children? We were better off without him, as bad as that sounded.
Taking a moment to calm myself, I went to finish getting ready for my dinner with Zane.
I’d told him that I’d meet him at a quiet little bistro downtown on Main Street. The kids were staying with Nana, so they were more than happy.
After kissing the kids goodbye, I headed out the door to meet Zane.
It was a sunny but chilly evening. The leaves on the trees were not as vibrant as they were before and started to fall from the trees. Breathing in the fresh autumn mountain air helped me remember how much I loved this time of year.
My stomach flip-flopped as I pulled into a parking spot by the bistro. Zane was already there, sitting on the patio with his back to me. He looked nervous as he glanced at his watch and then rubbed his hands across the thighs of his jeans.
Taking a deep breath, I stepped out of the car and stared at him from afar. I looked down at my black dress and heels to make sure I looked okay. Even after his heartfelt words to me last night, I was suddenly feeling self-conscious. And cold. Why did I wear a dress when it’s so chilly out? I pulled my sweater out of the back seat and quickly put it on. That should help a little.
It’s now or never, Chesney. Get it together.
After a last minute pep-talk, I walked up behind him and placed my hand on his shoulder.
“Hi,” I said as he turned around, startled.
His eyes widened as he took me in, and he quickly stood to greet me. “Chesney, you look incredible,” he breathed out. Then he grabbed a sunflower off the table and handed it to me. He planted a gentle kiss on my cheek, making my breath hitch.
Walking to the other side of the small table, he pulled a chair out for me. Ever the gentleman that he’d always been. Opening doors and pulling out chairs.
“Thank you, so do you.” I took my seat and sniffed my flower. “Thank you for the sunflower. It’s beautiful.”
“It sure is,” he said, smiling down at me, making me blush.
For a second, I admired how truly sumptuous he was. Last night at the fair, it had been so dark I really couldn’t see him as clearly as I could now. Even after all these years, he still looked the same. My body had changed a lot since having kids, but his body was still as delectable as ever.
Watching him as he sat down, I couldn’t help but notice how sharp the masculine lines of his jaw and cheekbones were. His smooth, olive skin looked even darker since we’d last seen each other.
There was a moment of silence before either of us spoke.
“I don’t even know where to start, to be honest,” he said, shaking his head and putting his hands up on the table.
I swallowed hard, my heart hammered in my chest, and I started to feel nauseous as I realized the secret I’d been keeping for so many years was going to have to come out soon.
“What’s wrong, Chesney? Are you okay?” he asked, leaning forward across the table. “You’re as white as a ghost.”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I lied, faking a smile.
It wasn’t the time. I couldn’t do it. Not here.
“So, tell me what’s been going on with you since you left England,” he said as the waitress came up to take our order.
I was thankful for the distraction. “I’d like a sweet tea please, no lemon,” I said to the waitress and rolled my eyes as she turned to Zane and blushed. Not that I blamed her.
“And for you, sir?” she asked, tossing her blond hair extensions over her shoulder and chewing on the end of her pen.
Oh for goodness sakes. Give me a break, lady.
“I’ll have the same,” he said, his eyes glued to me.
“Coming right up,” she giggled, and then turned to walk away.
“I saw that, Chesney,” he chuckled. “Did you really just roll your eyes at her?”
It was easy to see why women turned to putty around this man. His charm and good looks made him the perfect catch.
“That woman would’ve sat down in your lap if you’d let her,” I laughed.
He grinned. “I’ve missed your laugh.”
The waitress returned and set our drinks down on the table in front of us. Neither one of us broke eye contact nor said a word as she scoffed away, obviously annoyed by the lack of attention.
My body warmed at his comment. “I’ve missed laughing,” I simply said.
He narrowed his eyes playfully and grinned. “My…are you blushing, Ms. Ward?” Zane asked in his entertaining attempt at a Southern accent, making me laugh again.
It had been a while since someone had called me by Ward. It would be nice to finally have my name back—officially.
“Maybe.” I glanced down at my crossed legs and smoothed my dress down my thighs.
“Technically, I’m not Ms. Ward anymore. I’ll be back to it soon, though.” I really wished my divorce was already finalized.
He looked down and cleared his throat. “That’s right. I’m sorry about your marriage,” he said softly, but I was pretty sure he was just saying that to be nice.
Just then the waitress returned for our order.
“I’ll have the chicken salad croissant please,” I said, handing her my menu.
“I’ll have the gyro, please, no onions,” Zane said, handing her his menu as well.
Once she left and was out of earshot, I took a sip of my sweet tea and continued our conversation filling him in on some of the details of my failed marriage, even the cheating which I was still bitter about. As great as it felt to be free of him, the betrayal still hurt. Zane understood the pain I was feeling because his ex had done the same. It was refreshing to talk to him about it. It wasn’t awkward like I thought it would be.
After our food arrived, we talked and laughed for hours about our lives and what had happened since I’d left England. He was still stationed there, after extending. But he was getting out after his deployment, so he could help his dad with his business and become a partner. I wasn’t sure how I managed it, but I was able to skirt around the reason I’d truly left England. I tried to keep him talking about himself as much as I could.
After a lull, I said what had been on my mind since he’d told me about the letter last night. “I have to say, I’m sorry I didn’t leave any contact information behind for you when I left.”
He took a drink of his sweet tea and hesitated to answer. “Honestly, Chesney, I wasn’t expecting you to. I screwed up. I really did. Back then I was a mess. I didn’t know what I really wanted. I was too afraid to let my guard down and didn’t realize what I was losing by being an ass and not fighting for us.” He stilled for a moment, and then he frowned with his eyebrows knitted. “Why did you leave England, though, and not finish out your tour?”
The question caught me off guard, and I nearly choked on my sweet tea. I shifted in my chair, grabbed my napkin out of my lap, and brought it to my mouth.
I have to tell him. I need to tell him.
I silently cringed. “I’ll tell you everything, but for right now, let’s get out of here. I have somewhere I wanna take you.”
What was I doing exactly?
I wasn’t really sure what I was doing when i
t came to Zane. Nothing was ever planned with him, it just happened. Some things never change.
He looked at me, perplexed, but said, “Sure, let’s go.”
Deep down I knew he could tell something was wrong. Part of me hated myself for keeping such a life-altering secret from him for so many years, but the truth was, I wasn’t even sure how to tell him something so big. He’d been the one who never wanted to commit. Telling him the truth would’ve made him hate and resent me. Not only that, but he was deployed for goodness sakes. I couldn’t tell him while he was deployed and risk getting him so distracted that he didn’t come back alive. No way. I did the right thing…Or maybe not.
Something was off with Chesney. Everything was great during dinner, and then, all of a sudden, she seemed nervous.
Looking at her, sitting across the table from me, was a real eye-opener. I’d forgotten how easily things flowed when we were together. Or so I thought. Everything was going great until I asked her about why she’d left England early. Nobody just goes home in the military. You have to have a good reason to get out earlier than your contract end date. Still, I didn’t wanna push her.
I picked up the check and stood from the table. “I’ll be right back.”
She looked up with glazed eyes. The softness in them from earlier had disappeared. She smiled slightly, but her smile didn’t match her eyes. “Okay. I’ll be here.”
After paying the bill, I turned and saw her sitting under the soft glow of the patio lights. She looked beautiful as she sat there twirling a lock of her brown hair around her finger.
She was smart, witty, beautiful, and humble. She didn’t spend hours primping like the other women I’d dated because she didn’t need to. She had this natural beauty I’d grown to admire. The funny thing was, she never knew how beautiful she truly was. She could walk into a room and have every man staring at her without even noticing. That’s what I’d loved so much about her.
“Excuse me, sir,” a voice echoed behind me. “Did you need something else?” A waitress stood looking at me, probably wondering why I was standing in the middle of the restaurant staring outside.