by Kris Nacole
I shook my head. “No, I’m fine.”
I walked to the patio door, and Chesney shivered as the wind blew around her. She rubbed her arms and then pulled her dress down closer to her knees.
She glanced over her shoulder, and we locked eyes. Neither of us smiled or moved. We just stared at each other. Looking into her eyes made me forget how to breathe. Her eyes were now gentle, and something had changed in her. We were having a full conversation with our eyes. We both knew what we’d shared years ago was still there.
She finally grinned, making me smile. I longed for the one thing I’d never wanted with anyone else. A future.
Shit. I’m still in love with this woman.
“You ready?” he asked, holding out a hand to help me up.
“Sure am,” I smiled, taking his hand.
“Do you want to ride with me or want me to follow you?” he asked as we walked along the sidewalk.
I shrugged. “I can ride with you, I guess. It’s not that far. There’s no sense in taking two cars.”
My breath caught as he touched the small of my back as we sauntered to where he’d parked. His touch, no matter how small, made me feel like more of a woman than I’d ever felt with anyone else.
“Did you get a new truck?” I asked as we approached a brand new, shiny, black truck.
He nodded slightly. “Yep, I only get to drive it until I go back overseas though.”
“Nice.” I’d always been a sucker for big trucks and still was. I’d take a truck over a sports car any day.
He opened up the door, and I stepped up, gently placing my sunflower on the seat behind me.
“Where to?” he asked as the engine roared to life.
I grinned. “You’re not afraid to get this thing dirty are you?” I rubbed the sleek, new dashboard.
He turned his head to look at me and smirked. “You know me better than that. What’s the point of having a truck if you can’t get it dirty?”
I directed him to my favorite place where I’d always go for peace and quiet. The entrance was a little dirt road hidden by a lot of trees and brush. Not a lot of people knew about it, which was why I loved it. At the end of the road, there was an overlook with the most beautiful view of the lake, the mountains in the background. It looked like a painting. The moon was out and shone brightly as the reflection of the moonlight and mountains gently rippled through the water.
Zane turned the truck around so that the rear was facing the view.
“I’ve got something for you,” he said, sliding a CD into his player.
Right away, I knew what it was. “Zane! Our mixed CD we made together,” I laughed. “Wow. Brings back memories.” I took a moment to listen to the crooning voice playing crisply through the speakers.
Zane rolled down all the windows and turned the volume up, so we could hear it outside. “Come on.” He motioned for me to get out. “Dance with me,” he said, walking around to my side and holding out his hand.
As I took his hand, he gently pulled me against his chest. The moon was our spotlight, our bodies swaying to the soft sounds of Firehouse’s “Love of a Lifetime”.
He hugged me to him. “God, I’ve missed this. I’ve missed you,” he whispered.
“It’s our song. You remembered.” A small smile crossed my lips, and a tear rolled softly down my cheek. All these years, and we were still ‘us’. I’d never had a man pay attention to things like this. It meant a lot that Zane did.
“I’d never forget anything about you. Don’t you get it?” He gently pushed me back to look at him, and it was as if we were back in England. All these feelings came rushing back. My body tingled from my head to my toes. I had no control over what he was doing to me physically and emotionally.
The part of my heart I’d worked so hard to seal was ripped back open in a matter of minutes.
I’m still in love with him.
“Come on,” he said, taking my hand and leading me to the back of the truck.
He pulled a couple blankets out of his diamond plate toolbox, and draped them over the bed of his truck. Jumping up on the tailgate, he reached down and helped me up.
I sat down on the edge of the tailgate and stared out over the breathtaking view. The darkness made everything look so mysterious in the distance. The moon was so bright that the reflections in the water were hypnotizing.
Zane sat down next to me and wrapped his jacket around my shoulders to shield me from the cool breeze. I nervously started swinging my legs back and forth trying to think of what to say next.
“Thank you,” I said, pulling his jacket close and breathing in his manly scent.
“No problem.” He smiled at me then glanced back out at the water.
I scanned the darkening skies above the water. “It’s so beautiful,” I sighed.
“You sure are,” he breathed, so many feelings wrapped in those words.
My cheeks warmed at his compliment. I bit my lower lip, trying not to blush.
“Well, now, are you blushing, again?” he asked, leaning into me, nudging me gently with his shoulder.
“Definitely,” I said seductively, nudging him back.
He laughed, and I looked out over the water, trying to calm my hormones. It was so easy to flirt with Zane. In a matter of hours, we’d fallen back into old habits. Only, I didn’t know how long it would last.
When my eyes met his again, he had a serious look on his face. I could tell something was on his mind.
“Chesney,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I know you’re going through a divorce, and I would never want to put you in a position you aren’t comfortable with. If you do want to talk about it though, I’m here.” He gave me a soothing smile.
I blew out a breath. “Thank you. That means a lot,” I said, turning my body toward him. “Actually, I’m so damn tired of making decisions based on what others feel is right. I wanna feel free to do whatever I wanna do. My marriage was over a long freakin’ time ago. I wish I’d had the strength to stand up to him and leave sooner.” I was feeling more empowered than ever.
There’s that spark I’ve been missing. Zane is my spark. He’s the reason I feel so empowered.
“I’m really glad you’re here, Zane.” I gave him a smile and lay my head on his shoulder.
There was no sound other than nature, the crooning of the music, and the sound of our even breathing.
“I’m glad I’m here, too, Chesney. You have no idea,” he said, turning to kiss the top of my head.
I WAS STILL WONDERING WHAT Chesney was keeping from me. I knew for sure she was hiding something. I could feel it.
I’d tried talking to her friends in England, and they wouldn’t tell me anything about where she’d gone, or why she wasn’t there when I’d returned. Thank goodness for Heather. She actually listened to me explain why I’d wanted to see Chesney and finally agreed to tell me where to find her. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to find her at the fair, but I was thankful I did.
I lay my head on top of hers. She smelled so sweet like honeysuckle and vanilla. I’d have to shake whatever this was out of her eventually, but for now, I just wanted to enjoy being next to her, having her in my arms again.
“Will I be able to see you again after tonight?” I was anxious to see where this was going to go.
For the first time in a while, I answered with my heart and didn’t fight it. “I hope so.”
Pulling my head off Zane’s shoulder, I looked over and noticed his eyes were filled with hope. I felt that hope, too. Then my eyes dropped to his inviting lips. I wanted to feel them against mine. Without realizing it, I slowly licked my lips and timidly bit my bottom lip.
Zane shifted and blew out a breath. “Chesney, dammit, you know what that does to me. Nothing has changed after all these years.” He chuckled and slowly traced my bottom lip with his thumb, caressing my cheek with his hand.
I was so mesmerized by him that I couldn’t even speak. I sat there struggling with whether or not I should j
ust kiss him. Instead, I kissed the pad of his thumb and shivered as I thought about the night on the camping trip. Edging closer to him, I knew I should’ve gotten up and walked away or had him take me back to my car. Well, my head knew, but my heart was conflicted.
He tucked a piece of hair behind my ear and brought his other hand up and cradled my face, instantly exciting me. His touch was light yet thrilling. Between the chemistry surrounding us, the delicious scent of his cologne lingering in the air, and the feeling of his hands on my skin, my head started to spin. Both of my hands were gripping the edge of the tailgate, but I wanted to reach up and grab him, wrap my arms around him, and kiss him passionately.
“I need you to see something.” He pulled a crumpled piece of paper from his wallet and handed it to me.
My eyes widened as I opened it. “You still have this?”
I could see my faded writing. It was the note I’d left in his deployment bag many years ago.
I love you, Zane, I always will. Please stay safe. Love, your Firefly
I blinked through tears as I read those words over and over again. The fact that he’d kept that small piece of paper all these years meant everything to me. More than he’d ever know.
“Of course, I still have it. I’ve carried it in my wallet every day since the day I found it. It has gone with me on every deployment. That piece of paper, Chesney, and the memories of us are what have kept me going over there.”
He opened another area of his wallet and said, “That’s not all I’ve kept. I never had the chance to show this to you, but I’d always hoped I’d eventually be able to,” he said, handing me a faded and tattered photo.
I brought my hand to my chest, and my eyes widened in disbelief. It was a photo of me from our trip to London. The one he’d snapped on our way to the Eye. It was dark, and I was gazing up in awe at the Tower as we listened to Big Ben chime. The glow from the tower was magical. My eyes lit up with excitement, and I looked genuinely happy. Memories of that night came rushing back.
“Zane,” I whispered. “I don’t even know what to say. I can’t believe you’ve kept these for so many years.”
He smiled warmly at me and pointed to the photo. “That’s my favorite picture of you. I call it my good luck charm. It’s also gone with me everywhere since the day I’d had it developed. I’d often look at it and wonder how you were doing and if you were thinking of me too.”
Of course I did. All the time.
He ran a hand through my hair. “I’m going to apologize ahead of time, but I can’t help it. I really want to kiss you right now. I’ve imagined kissing you again for years.” A fire flickered in his eyes, and he looked like he was being tortured.
He took my face in his hands, again. He leaned in, and I could feel his warm breath against my skin. An involuntary gasp escaped my lips. “Chesney, please let me kiss you,” he whispered, our lips almost touching.
My heart raced with anticipation.
“Okay,” I whispered, giving in to what my heart wanted and not caring about anything else in the world.
Before I could even form another word or thought, his lips desperately pressed against mine. He lingered there for a moment as if trying to savor the feeling. His lips moved against mine with his tongue plunging between my lips, tasting me. His hand dove into my hair, grabbing a handful, igniting a fire deep inside of me. He crushed his mouth to mine even harder as I reached up and slid my fingers through his hair to pull his mouth tighter against mine.
My body melted against his.
I slid my hands down and gripped his arms, needing to feel every part of him against me. His lips weren’t enough. My core was aching with need. I traced his arms and back with my hands, finally wrapping my arms around him, pulling him closer.
His hands dropped down to my neck and back, leaving trails of goosebumps wherever he touched.
I broke the kiss long enough to pull his shirt off. I could feel his muscles flex as my fingers grazed his sides. I touched his face tenderly, feeling the stubble as I ran my fingers along his strong jaw.
He took my hand and kissed my palm. The wind whirled around us, and I shivered, falling into him for cover. My hair blew around my face again, so he brushed it back and then kissed the sensitive spot below my ear, making me moan.
Pulling my legs up onto the tailgate, I scooted myself up further into the truck bed, tugging him with me. He lay me down and propped himself up with his elbow. He wrapped his other arm around my waist and pulled me closer.
Reaching down, he pulled my leg over his. His hand trailed up my thigh and slipped under the silky fabric of my dress. A hunger surged through me. I needed more. The touch of his warm hands on my cool skin sent another burst of heat straight to my core. I shuddered in response, and he groaned. I leaned my head back, surrendering to his lips.
I fumbled with his belt nervously. My hands shook as I pulled it loose and quickly pushed his pants down his hips. I needed to feel him again. To connect with him on a level that made me more powerful than I’d ever been. I needed to feel free and whole again.
He rolled on top of me and left hot, moist kisses down my jaw and then continued to my neck and breasts. I sat up so he could take my sweater off and pull my dress straps down my arms. I fell back against the truck, arched my back, and moaned as he explored my body with his mouth.
He groaned in response as I lifted my hips to grind against him.
He looked at me for permission. I didn’t even have to answer with words. The heat in my eyes told him all he needed to know. In one swift movement, he entered me. Filling me. Making me squirm and moan in response. His eyes were intense, and there was a recognizable fire in them I had seen before. I wrapped my legs around his waist and let myself be in the moment and truly feel him.
This is it. The feeling I’d been missing. Zane was the missing piece to my heart. Being with him, again, solidified that.
For the first time in years, I wasn’t worried about anything or anyone else. I was letting my body, mind, and soul become one with his. I could feel everything he felt—love, desire, passion, and the need to be closer than we’d ever been before.
That moment, on the back of his truck, defined a lot for us both.
Zane collapsed on top of me, both of us breathing heavily and reveling in what had happened. His bare skin against mine mixed with the chilled mountain air made me shiver. This moment was euphoric—something I’d been longing for.
He reached over, grabbed a nearby blanket, and draped it over us. He chuckled nervously and paused for a moment to look into my eyes.
“I love you, Chesney,” he blurted, catching me off guard. “Dammit I’m still in love with you. So much it hurts. I don’t even know how to handle this right now. I want you to tell me it isn’t too late for us.” He closed his eyes and dropped his head. I knew that wasn’t easy for him.
I blinked at him. My throat tightened with emotion, so I swallowed hard, trying to comprehend what he was saying.
He continued, “I never expected this to happen tonight.” He let out a breath and stroked my cheek as he spoke. “I don’t regret it though; I’m glad it happened. All I’ve had to get me through so far have been memories. I’ve thought about our last kiss in England and replayed it over and over in my mind. The way your lips felt against mine, the way you tasted like the sweetest honey. The moan coming from your throat as I kissed you goodnight.”
My body tingled as I listened to him. I’d longed to hear those words, again, for so many years.
He loves me. He’s still in love with me. But, I have to tell him the truth. I can’t keep it in any longer.
“Zane, I…” I started when he cut me off.
“Hang on before I lose my nerve. I’m not finished,” he replied.
Still a little controlling, I see.
“Okay,” I managed. I almost didn’t recognize my own voice. It sounded so weak.
His gaze was intense. “It killed me knowing you wouldn’t be there when I got back. I
was young and dumb back then, only thinking about myself. I screwed up.” There was such regret in his voice, and I felt for him.
I propped myself up on my elbow and turned to face him.
He continued, “If you decide to give us a second chance, I promise to prove to you that I’ve changed, and I can be the man you deserve.”
My head was spinning as I tried to comprehend what all he’d said. This was all too much. Remembering the past, knowing what I was keeping from him, and wondering if there was maybe a future between us, all the while trying to tame the emotional and physical high I was on.
He went on carefully, “I know there are still hurt feelings there, but when we kiss, I can feel that you still care for me, too.” He swallowed hard, his eyes begging me as he said, “I don’t deserve another chance, I know that, but I’m here now. Let me prove to you that I can be the man to fight for you.”
He was right. I couldn’t deny I never stopped loving him. A part of me had always held out hope that he’d come back into my life at some point.
“You did feel it, Zane. I’ve never been able to hide my feelings from you. I’m still completely in love with you; there’s no denying that. I loved you then, and I love you now,” I said, trying to catch my breath as relief rained down over me. I hadn’t realized I’d been holding those feelings in for so long. It was refreshing to be able to admit it out loud.
He let out a breath he’d been holding and smiled. He pulled me to his chest and held me tightly in his arms as I sobbed into his shirt. He rocked gently as he held me, and I heard him whisper, “You’re such a beautiful soul, Chesney. I couldn’t have wished for anyone better to love than you.”
Nothing about my soul was beautiful. If he only knew what I’d been keeping from him, I’m sure his perception of me would change.
Finally calming my nerves, I pulled back to look at him. “I’m not really sure where this will go, but I love you more than enough to want to find out.”
The depths of his crystal blue eyes stared into mine, making love to my soul. He looked at me with pure adoration. The soft hum of the music, as well as the wind dancing around us, made the moment even more intense.