The Mitfords

by Charlotte Mosley

  Andrew turned up in Venice & said the Baby (Wat Hugh) is disappointingly white after all. I also saw a friend of yours, one of those wourm Americans I can’t care for (I only like the Wrightsman3 type of tough brute really). She is called perhaps Lindsay or Kinloss or Graham,4 one of those Scotch names, & says she owns Newsweek. She was on Charlie Wrightsman’s yacht &, a man having failed, I sat next her at dinner. She loves you, but she’s so wourm I guess she kinda loves the whole human race.

  Do write

  Much love, Soo

  What is the Baby’s name? Is it sweet? Is Dinky pleased with it?

  22 August 1967 Oakland

  Darling Soo,

  Yr. letter made me shriek, as usual; esp. Kay Graham being wourm. She is actually noted for being a freezing terrifier by the people who work for her; although not by me, because I knew her best when she was young and v. nice. Sorry you loathed her.

  The Babe’s name is James Robert, called Lumumba by some and Jamie by others. P. Toynbee said ‘I bet it will look exactly like your mother only pitch black.’ But on 2nd thoughts he said ‘Won’t you be disappointed if it’s pure white?’

  Much love, Susan

  Darling Soo

  That’s it-keep Koko as a fugitive from justice1-I see him as a canine Anne Frank; he must keep a diary. I thought you had a garden-surely he need never go out again? If he must absolutely have an occasional baby one can pick them up by the hundreds outside shops where their maters leave them for hours, presumably in the hopes of getting rid of them. That is, they do here & probably there as well. Satyrs sometimes oblige & then for days there is nothing else on the wireless.

  The Love-In was a huge success until somebody set fire to it-the furious father, probably. But Bedford had hired a lot of tough ex-policemen to make sure there was no promiscuity so what was the point, one asks oneself?

  Heywood Hill went to a dinner where there were four couples whose children had married pitchers.2 He says all the talk was: ‘He’s SO clever’ ‘She’s SO sweet’.

  Well Susan what a world.

  Love from Soo

  Dear Miss

  Feeling sure that I’ve got a dormouse in the garden (needle teeth getting at pears & apples on the tree) I looked it up in Ency. Brit. ‘Before retiring it becomes very fat. Treated as a delicacy on the Continent’. I looked up in Larousse-alas the accent is on the word delicacy & the whole article devoted to how one can catch them. There are two ways. You can bait a trap with gingerbread, of which they are passionately fond, or (hold everything) you can make a snug little nest & catch them while asleep. Honks said Debo will never come again if you tell her that. In fact I may have to leave-but where for? Certainly not a land where they course hares. Meanwhile I’m off to buy some gingerbread as an innocent offering.

  If I go to Blighty about the 17th Nov. for a fortnight, a few days in London to stock up with Pot I thought, could you have me to stay at Chatsworth? I am very much interested in Shetland ponies & would like to visit a few studs. Wife has invited me for the Sussex Shetland Club ball-will you ask her what date it is?

  Do you know who comes next week? WOOMLINGS. She dos. Of course she won’t say which day, oh no no, but she is giving me the treat of bringing the dogs. Wondair-oi doi.1

  Much love, N

  Darling Debo:

  We’ve got Robert Skidelsky here, he has come from Japan right across by trans-Siberian with stops in Moscow & Berlin, having had his hols in Hong Kong, so it’s talk talk talk (like Kitty Burke).1 Yesterday he & Naunce & I went for a vast walk in the Versailles park & Marché Commun2 was mentioned & Naunce said ‘Oh yes I hope & pray they don’t get in’ (the English) ‘imagine if we’ (the French) ‘have to have them hanging round our necks, probably it wd mean huge new taxes’. Robert was quite at sea (!) & couldn’t make out who had got to pay huge new taxes because it didn’t dawn that it was poor old England being referred to in such an unkind & unfeeling manner, or that ‘we’ meant France. All accompanied by shrieks of course (don’t tell anyone). You know at Birdie’s most extreme moments of Germanophilia I can’t imagine her saying even in fun anything so strange. I’m not sure how much Robert took in, at that moment we reached Trianon & I made him press his nose on the window to see down the long gallery & this was a diversion.

  Naunce was so very nice & cheerful & funny & marvellous in every other way & Robert noticed such improvement in her spirits (made by new house I’m certain) BUT of course that was the side that used to exasperate Wid, & no wonder. Isn’t she curious to the last degree.

  Max was mentioned in S. Times colour supplement on motor racing, it said he hoped to give up the Bar to be a professional, he is very cross because he says it damages his prospects at the Bar, he talked to his Dad for ages on the telephone, & Dad said just ask S. Times to deny that he’s giving up the Bar. So we shall see if it does, next Sunday. He won his race day before yesterday, last of the season thank heavens.3

  All love darling, Honks

  Dear Miss

  I say we’ve found the second hedgehog which I thought had been chased away. No-he’s been with us all along unseen unsung, in an only fairly cosy nest in the unused green house. So I’ve made him more comfortable. But I’m slightly off hedgehogs since reading that their brain development is very low-only a shallow groove between the lobes. (How is Sophy’s groove?) I liked to think of a brilliant genius scuttling about my garden & dreaming clever dreams all day & propounding extravagant theories as to how the milk gets to him in an apparently cow-less suburb. Nothing’s ever as nice as one thinks & here I am, landed with two halfwits.

  That’s all. Shall I see you in London? No don’t start getting cross I’ve got your letter somewhere & will look. I’m very old & scared you see.

  N

  Darling Debo:

  K’s publisher1 is here & we are in the throes, which threaten to go on (re-writing etc.) for months yet, it is most tahring. He told us at dinner that his father shared a room at Marlborough with Michael Bowles2 & knew of his love for me (aged ten) & one day a mad man called Lord Redesdale burst in with a horse whip & he was hunting for Michael Bowles so Mr Mitchell asked him to wait & he rushed & found Mike & told him to HIDE, thus saving a life. Debo, I believe it is true. How amazing that this Mr Mitchell was a witness of it, he told his son & it suddenly came back to him when he heard the son was coming to stay with us. Can you imagine aged Sophy’s age.

  All love darling, Honks

  Darling Debo:

  So lovely to have a chat just now & I feel I didn’t nearly thank enough for asking us, it would have been sublime to go up next weekend. Poor old Kit is a bit up-to-the-eyes, & there is the endless struggle not to be turned into Sir Chips Mosley or Sir Oswald Chipsley.1

  Henry Williamson2 just phoned to say a chapter of Sir O’s book he had been given to read is really marvellous, I’m so glad this happened today when all has been rather horrid for Kit (not only the telly3 but struggles with publisher). Although Henry’s own books are deadly, I think he’s quite a good judge & in the past has always been very unflattering about Kit’s writings. So ’tis cheering & I’m longing for Kit to wake up so that I can tell him (it’s 10.10 A.M. & he’s still in the land of dreams, Naunce always says he’s like a débutante). As to the telly, while it was on, I couldn’t stop trembling & my teeth were chattering, what an odd thing the body is & very worrying when it does things one doesn’t wish it to. I was on a sofa with Max & was terrified he would notice. Don’t tell anyone. Kit himself seemed quite unmoved, heavens I was glad to hear his key in the door. Robert Skidelsky telephoned immediately to say they’d all watched, at Nuffield. He said Kit gave an impression of great force & nothing to use it on.

  He (Robert) hopes to get Kit on a programme about his book on the 1929 government.4 If he succeeds, that, with the Frost ghoulery, will mean the 30-year boycott is over. Frost alone doesn’t mean that & in fact I think it might hinder the Robert Ski programme more than help it. We shall see. The George Brown story was in E. Stan
dard last night.5

  All love darling, Honks

  Darling Debo:

  The saga of Andrew & that silly old Lady1 is beyond all, when I was watching Panorama I thought about her the whole time but you see I imagined her being at Constantia [Fenwick]’s, otherwise I should have TREMBLED, but I thought at Constantia’s very likely it would be engulfed by dinner. The idea of seeing it with Andrew didn’t cross me mind. She is really awful. I told you what she said to Skidelsky. One can’t understand it. I slightly wish I’d been with you all because I wd have remarked

  1. the French are absolutely dreading the barriers coming down & having to compete on equal terms with Germans in heavy industry

  2. the French peasants are in revolt, in Brittany, Vendée & the wine growing districts of the south

  3. the franc is out of line with any other currency which is disastrous for the tourist trade

  4. the civil servants teachers etc are on the verge of striking about their wages

  All above only the worst things. I love the French & I love France but to pretend it is a marvellously run modern country is rrrubbish. The General gives it the blessing of stable government, which is much better than nothing, but one hears only grumbling if one lives there. Oh yes a fifth thing is the Bourse, shares very low & yields weeny.

  But what amazes about Naunce is the sort of gloating attitude she adopts if something goes wrong in England. It reminds me in a way of her attitude to Muv & Farve, for ex the other day we were talking about the Mike Bowles incident & she said ‘But don’t you remember how really NASTY they both were?’ Well, they were a bit exaggerated but NOT nasty. She must have got some sort of deep wounds inside which now make her lash out at England as she formerly did at Muv (on the Island for instance). Yet she is so kind & really good in so many ways, even to me, though she has got a very strange attitude to me as you know. Poor Debba, it is so really unfair that YOU should have the brunt but of course one just always does. The super unfairness is that you agree entirely with Andrew, yet you are the one he attacks. I go through just that with Kit & as you know Naunce was banned for years but luckily no more.

  All love darling, Honks

  Get on

  Sorry about lack of letters, it is the London rush as suddenly it’s time for another meal having done God knows what in between same.

  Just had lunch with Geoffrey [Gilmour], Honks & the Abdys-Geoffrey’s lunch-& I was Honks’s husband. Twas in the Aperitif & she was wearing a Mellon Bequest1 (the black coat with the mink) & lo & behold Paul Mellon came in. When I told her who it was, she complained all through lunch that he was eyeing her and her coat & she was terrified it might be snatched from her back.

  Since you left the plague has broken out at three farms ON OUR BOUNDARY. Every time I come in I expect the dreaded message.

  I had dinner with Ann Fleming one night, all the loved ones were there, [Robert] Kee, [Lucian] Freud, Bacon2 & a marvellous old thing called Edward Rice.3 There was much talk of sex & Bacon said he preferred a boiled egg-I WORSHIP that man.

  The girl Andrew took a fancy to called Joanna Kilmartin4 was there & after a bit she came up & said she had to ask someone if I was me because when we had last met she had a great impression of colour-blue eyes etc. etc. Then long pause ‘And now … well I had to ask if it was you’. I said ‘I know, Anno Domini does that, all faded, ah me, woe woe etc’. CHEEKY MONKEY.

  Abdy is a card isn’t he. Dread evening tonight, dinner dance at St Stephen’s Club. Must go & get dressed for same.

  Much love, 9

  Dear Miss

  Oh the misery of yr adjacent foot & mouth.

  Sophy’s Hols I here wish to indulge in the favourite occupation of the childless: advice to young mothers. If this little girl is never allowed to be bored or given a moment for reflection, she will grow into a great extrovert dullard. Don’t hustle her round Europe in search of pleasure-let her be-she can muse in an attic as children always have or wander with James1 in the silent woods (screamingly funny if he kidnaps her & demands a huge ransom I must admit) or go with hot pies to old ladies in cottages. Ask Wife if she doesn’t agree.

  You are NOT repeat NOT faded. You look as smashing as ever when in full fig. But I think you might try a few feminine wiles like a darker fond de teint,2 a little soupçon of hair dye & perhaps clothes of brighter hue-specially pink which blues the eyes. Eschew grey. That pink Mellon (from good old charity times long past) was specially good I thought. Screamed at Honks being caught in the act.

  Woomling came. Of course no notice-ambled in & shared my luncheon. Had I known oh what heavy loot I would have loaded on her car.3 Nevair.

  Raymond [Mortimer] got on my nerves. I don’t know which is more annoying-those like Aunt Ween for whom nothing is right or the Rip van With-Its who rejoice in the idea of drugs, dirt & divorce.

  That’s all for now. I wish the Bonny Season was over-the posts are disrupted & I don’t dare send for books to the London Library. Also some vandal has covered all the streets with fairy lights. HEEDEEOS.

  Best love, N

  That disgusting HEART4 I can’t look at the papers what would Muv have said?

  Get on

  What WOULD Wid & Lady R have said re torn out hearts. I wish the wireless would stow it.

  Yes, Lady, grooms are my life and now I’m 47 I’ve gone back to my childhood & I know that all that sort of thing is what I like best. Sorry Lady, but it’s the truth. I’ve done all the other things & they were very nice & now I prefer to commune with an insect1 on a bale of hay.

  Thick snow here, it’s a damned nuisance.

  Much love, 9

  Deborah driving her Shetland stallion Florestan, by the cascade at Chatsworth, 1966.

  Dear Miss

  I say this is grievous news about you reverting to type-half one’s fun in life vanishes at a blow. However I daresay it won’t last, you are a rare flibbertigibbet & taker up of temporary attractions & re dropper of same. I always felt those insects were a bad egg, how right I was.

  Yes I die for Wid & Muv re hearts. They are even a greater bore than the insects. (I’m having My Heart’s in the Highlands, or better might be HEARTLESS, tattooed on my forehead in case some elderly dentist should take a fancy to it.) When I told Marie they were starting a second one she said ‘I do hope not at dinner time’, because she knows how I can’t eat with the sight of those pipes leading from the nose before my eyes. Oh no no-deesgosting.

  Much love, Lady

  Darling Soo

  Thanks for the young mother1 who seems much darker than of yore how odd.

  Susan can you get over our Socialist Govt? Of course one knew they wld make everything uncomfortable but could one have guessed they would egg on horrible Johnson over Viet Nam AND refuse to allow poor black people, about to be tortured to death by other black people, to take refuge in the green unpleasant land? Thank God one has left. I went over in Nov. & hardly kept my temper at a single meal. I begin to think Socialism is another word for utter wobbles & it will have to be communism or nothing. But after I am dead, I hope, because Susan it’s not really made for me. Did I tell you about the Day in the Life of a Soviet Writer on télé? I won’t enlarge but it was not the kind of day I like.

  Our General is worried-he thinks the Americans will start chucking about the big stuff & then we shall all be made unwell by horrid rays. Do go to Mexico soon. The idea is Hanoi then San Fran & then Moscow. The Americans here are baying like hungry dogs.

  I’m working away, telephone cut off & the whole organisation keyed, but don’t seem to make much progress.2 How I loathe the start of a book. In Aug. I go to Germany to look at the sites & arrange for the illustrations-mostly in your part of Germany.3 One hopes travelling will be easier than usual with you & Bob in Mexico, if you see what I mean. Oh dear I long for you. Every time I look at the bookcases I think of you. I must give you something to produce ditto result-with disapproving shake of head.

  Colonel dined with the Bentincks (Dutch Amb) & on
one table was a book by me & on another was a book by you, & Col said ‘C’est un festival Mitford’.

  The Spring is here in all its full horror & icy bitterness. But this little house is very snug.

  Much love, Sooze

  Dear Miss

  I think Honks is a dreadful worry-she hardly ever looks well & those headaches, &, as you say the drug, are fearfully pulling down. It was a great mistake in my view not to go to Africa where she hardly has any headaches & comes back looking marvellous. But all now is subordinated to this book1-oh how I wonder what it’s like. If it did well it would be a tonic no doubt to them both.

  Decca says she is writing a book on Dr Spook2-sounds like a sort of thrilling Vampire but turns out to be some old conchie. Did you see the joke vampire film?3 I adored it-it cleverly manages to be both funny & TERRIFYING.

  Ha! A letter saying some North Vietnamiens will be in Paris on Sunday & will I be sure to go & meet them-Vanessa Redgrave4 is flying up from Rome (you bet she is). No, I will not. You may disapprove of people being set fire to without wanting to meet them.

  I hope you’re having this heavenly weather.

  Best love dear little thing, N

  Dear Miss

  Honks says you have written my article for me & so wittily.1 Well I’ve got ‘honour yr partner’ ‘hostess’ & five or six others perhaps, all incorporated, & I wonder if there is more to come? No matter if not but I shall wait a few days to see. It’s only promised for 1 May. It’s quite telling I think already.

  I lunched with Ann [Fleming] & Ld Goodman2 yesterday. She looked very pretty but not well-the very pretty son3 was there. Ld G, whose body I honour, is bright as a button isn’t he. I did enjoy myself. Do tell her, as I know she looms, what a treat it was. He said he thought I was exactly like you which shows what a monument of tact he must be & he also said he honoured the General’s body but that may have also come from a desire to please. Anyway he did please.